The What Waiters Really Think Of You Awards 2009

Liz says:

07:58am | 15/09/09

Good idea and don’t forget those who drink too much and abuse the staff, those who don’t bother to find out how to pronounce the name of the place and all those too stuck in their food ways to try something new and want special service to cater to their tastes.
Oh and the people who apologise for the fact we live in a food culture!

Peter Thornton says:

08:04am | 15/09/09

Well that’s a start, but no list of waitstaff grievances is complete without a list of sure stiffs (i.e. for those of you unaware of this most rudimentary of hospitality terms: people who don’t tip). Now before I go any further, spare me your reasons why you don’t tip. I’ve heard the best of them, which are probably far better than yours.

1 teachers - prole-ish teachers usually only eat out en masse and tabulate the exact cost of their meal to within half a bite of garlic bread.

2 accountants - no surprises there…

3 public servants -  upset that they can’t order a cup of tea and a biscuit to dunk in it - the highest form of eating known to Government employees - your typical public servant become increasingly agitated when faced with the need to make a reasonably quick decision on what they want to eat. However that agitation is mild compared to the subsequent contemplation of the bill, which is where their practiced art of shirking responsibility really shines through.

4 celebrities (dread term) I have seen a minor actor from an Australian television drama ask a restaurant owner when presented with a bill, “Hey, Angelo, what’s this about?”

5 North Shore matrons (anywhere North of Roseville) when charged corkage they usually demand the corks to donate to the school fundraiser.

Best tippers: well in days gone by the best tippers were always the colourful racing identities. It’s probably still the case.

Tim says:

09:31am | 15/09/09

Classic Nola.  So so true.  Ha.  You’re a hoot.

AFR says:

09:38am | 15/09/09

Peter, with your attitude, little wonder why so many people don’t tip. Only last night I had to deal with the common curse in Australia that is sh_t service in the hospitailty industry.

Keith says:

09:51am | 15/09/09

It’s about time some Basil Fawlty tactics were introduced into waiters rule book, you know, a clip over the head for complaining, pull the soup away during the slurp,  start clearing the table during dessert, that sort of thing. That’ll learn ‘em.

Tim says:

09:53am | 15/09/09

Peter Thornton, the best tippers?

American sailors. By far.

I once poured a 10oz beer for a visiting sailor, he gave me a $20 note and said “keep the change.” And I don’t even have boobs!

Albie says:

10:01am | 15/09/09

Add the patronising award for those that address wait staff on a first name basis (if it’s one of those places with name badges). That used to annoy the hell out of me. Sure, I’ve got my name pinned to my front, but that’s for identification purposes, we don’t know each other so please DO NOT address me as if we’re best friends!

RT says:

10:30am | 15/09/09

So, Albie, what name do you deign to allow unworthy visitors to the establishment you work in to call you, if not by that on the badge pinned to your front? ‘Garcon’, perhaps? ‘Hey you’?  Peter Thornton, you too. Your contempt for the patrons of the industry you earn your living from is showing. Perhaps another calling suits you better. Garbage collectors don’t have much interface with their clients, maybe that’s where you both should go.

regina says:

10:59am | 15/09/09

oh dear. so it’s true then. i knew it all along!

i’m clearly not worthy of eating out in sydney restaurants. or if i do, i should take a seat quietly, order politely, eat approvingly then leave a ginormous tip to show my gratitude for the privilege of partaking in the hallowed dining-out experience.

goodness, i’d hate to inadvertently upset waiting staff with petty demands such as wiping down tables or bringing me a glass of water. perhaps i’ll just stay home and eat cheese toasties instead.

oh and have i told you the story about the time a waiter set fire to my dress while lighting a candle at our table then blamed me because he said my breasts got in his way?  silly me for not strapping them down before leaving home!

iansand says:

11:05am | 15/09/09

RT@10:30 I suspect “Sir” or “Ma’am” would be satisfactory.

Jade says:

11:13am | 15/09/09

WOW!! great list. That is my life (well part time life)!

The Service is NEVER good Award goes to the ones who come in big groups, one really narky one storms up to the kitchen/bar demanding their order to be taken. Upon going out the the table only one person is ready to order and the waiter is forced to wait AAGES while they make up their mind, because if you say you’ll come back the narky one gets angry.

The Most Outstanding Lack of Basic Food Knowledge Award goes to, people with allergies who don’t tell you (similar to vegetarians) who complain that there’s garlic in their mayonnaise (the menu said aioli).

I also think the ones who walk in, in the winter, leave the door wide open making everyone else cold. Then when they are seated in the way of the door, they ask to be moved some where warmer.

And addition to the inattentive parents: who scowl at the waitress for carrying a tray of hot drinks near them - when the kids are the ones who climbed out from under the table to get in the way.

I think guests need to remember that waiters are people too, and don’t deserve to be treated like second class citizens. For goodness sake, half of us are students and going on to bigger and better things than what the guests are anyways.

S says:

11:18am | 15/09/09

Nola, what about the ones that want to re-write the menu? If you don’t like something in the dish order something else on the menu. Its not subway.

Bugalug says:

11:19am | 15/09/09

Tipping, Peter correct me if I am wrong, is a gratuity for good service, something that is missing in Australian, not just in restaurants but most customer service.  Why would you feel that a tip is needed when a waiter/ess is chewing gum, addresses your table ‘like… what do you guys want’ when clearly 50% of the table were not male.  It’s not hard to be polite, but I guess some of the problem would stem from employers not training their staff.  I even had one staff member ask ‘so where’s my tip?’ at the end of one meal.  The food was great, but the service was poor so I wanted to tip the chef but not the surly waiter.  Again, how hard is is to be polite and speak properly?

nic says:

11:26am | 15/09/09

“and don’t listen properly when the specials are recited”

The attitude says it all really. Are people customers to be served or in a schoolroom?

Waiters, especially those in Sydney need to get over themselves.

RT says:

11:42am | 15/09/09

ianssand - Like hell I’ll call any counter-jumper ‘sir’ or ma’am’. Mate, perhaps. This is Australia.

Andrew says:

12:04pm | 15/09/09

The arrogant customer award goes to those tools that don’t ackowledge the wait persons arrival at your table, the pouring of your wine, or the arrival of your food… a curt nod and smile will do… you don’t even have to stop talking!

I would like to note what a difference polite service makes: some friends and I had a few things go wrong a couple of weeks ago… we had the wrong food brought to our table, coffee cups and sludge dropped behind us (we were next to the barista) and then a glass fell off the bar shattering glass around one of our parties legs. The food was still nice and the service lovely, we were just unlucky… But due to their obvious remorse at any mistake, and a free desert (we didn’t ask for anything), we left happy, and left a reasonable tip.

Rowdy says:

12:37pm | 15/09/09

Tipping??? My ass….you have to provide great service to get a tip out of me. Why would I pay you extra for something I am already paying you for in the meal price? You guys get paid well enough. I tip handsomely when I am in the USA, but they get minimum wage of about $3.00/hour. When I eat out on a Sat night or a Sunday, you guys are already on time-and-a-half….what’s that…about $17/hr before tax? Topping up my wine, serving me before I starve to death, beverages arriving PRIOR to the meal…..entree arriving prior to the main course…..a glass of water on arrival to acknowledge that you know we’re here…..knowledge of the things you are serving…..polite, courteous and CLEAN, TIDY AND WELL GROOMED..if I get all these, then I may tip. If not, you already get paid once for NOT doing this in the meal price….there is no way I’ll pay twice for you not doing your job. Oh…and if you don’t like it, get another job…

Jape says:

12:48pm | 15/09/09

Lordy,

So many of you people have such terrible times I’m surprised you don’t all stay home. I have eaten in a fair range of Melbourne restaurants and only very rarely had anything to complain about. Maybe if you’re armed and dangerous (whether waiter or diner) you’ll just find trouble.

Peter Thornton says:

01:01pm | 15/09/09

‘A glass of water on arrival’? Sure, why not bring your own food too? I mean, restaurants exist purely for you to languish in and act got up. Sorry, Rowdy, but you’re not superior to you past.

Anyway, if you’re eating in places that pays staff what you assume they are being paid, you might need to make the numbered flag the counterhand gave you a little more noticeable…

naff!

Rowdy says:

01:15pm | 15/09/09

Peter…..it is common practice for wait staff that, to avoid appearing to ignore CUSTOMERS (you know the ones…those annoying people in the middle of the room without which you don’t get paid), you give them a glass of water when you seat them at the table. It is a demonstratory way of saying ” Welcome…we know you have arrived…we will be over shortly to take your order..” If you don’t know that, you shouldn’t be in the industry….and is probably the reason you get jilted by so many customers. Oh and restaurants do exist for me to languish in…and to eat what I order….after all, I AM paying for the privilege…don’t trip over mate, that chip on your shoulder could break your foot!

Tim says:

02:05pm | 15/09/09

Seems to be two distinctly different arguments going on here:

1. Rude, surly, inefficient waitstaff have no business being in the industry at all and ruin the dining experience for decent customers.

2. Rude, surly, arrogant, patronising customers should never be allowed anywhere near a restaurant because they make life unnecessarily difficult for hardworking waitstaff.

And, you’re both absolutely correct.

JD says:

02:20pm | 15/09/09

I don’t tip either. I don’t need an excuse not to, tipping is a US custom. Stop watching movies and expecting life to be just like that.

You get paid plenty here in Aus. You don’t work for me, you work for your employer. So do your job, do it to the best of your ability and if you don’t think you’re getting a fair cut, ask for a raise. In return for doing your job, I promise I’ll be as polite and as knowledgable as I can about the food I’m eating. However, since you’re the expert, feel free to treat me with utter contempt when I ask questions about it because I “should know”.

It’s just easier to cook at home.

S says:

02:21pm | 15/09/09

Tim, it is glorious to watch when group 1 meet group 2.

Nuggs says:

02:39pm | 15/09/09

Having done a brief stint working as a waiter, i think i have a reasonable grasp of both sides of this. Yeah it’s not easy to try to guess what each table under you is about to do or what they might want. But then, i was being paid to do that. Yeah, i also got the few arrogant pricks who thought they could ride roughshood over me, but hey thats cool, i only had to put up with their attitude for an hour or so, they had to live like that.
But as a customer, you do see the appreciation from the waitstaff, when you are polite to them. They go that bit extra for the polite customers. Maybe some of you should give it a try…

David Boccabella says:

02:42pm | 15/09/09

I generally find as a customer that a smile and a note of the name tag can work wonders.  We all like to feel that we have done a great job, even if it is at the end of the day, and the noisy crowd on table 4 thinks that they are royalty impersonified.
So a simple “Thank You <insert name here>” when your food is brought can make a long evening go a little faster.
Some people expect perfection (which is as much as a state as mind as ‘normality’), both which is an illusion when dealing with people. And when their illusions are tarnished they can behave like spoiled brats.
At the end of the day - I am human, the waiter is human and even the chef is human (In Ramsey’s case I might make an execption :>) and so to quote “To err is human - forgiving is divine”.

papachango says:

03:01pm | 15/09/09

What a pack of bloody whingers you all are - both diners and waiters!

@Tim - I don’t agree. I worked as a waiter for about 4 years during and after uni, and I’ve eaten out lots in the last 20 years too. Yes you occasionally get shockers (both diners and waitstaff) but mostly people are reasonable and there are no issues.

tamz says:

03:16pm | 15/09/09

I’m a pretty good waiter, I get a good wage and great tips. But, If a table of customers with such a sense of entitlement and disdain as the commenters here were seated in my section at work? Yeah, I’d ignore you too.

I’m a human with feelings: of course I’ll serve my other lovely customers before I submit myself to the ordeal that is serving your grumpy dinner party. There’s a give and a take. Smile with us and crack a joke, help us to enjoy serving you, and you’ll be amazed at how good your waiters will become.

iansand says:

03:25pm | 15/09/09

While we are having a general vent, can I throw in my pet hate - waiters who join in with their customers conversations?

Beau Brummell says:

03:59pm | 15/09/09

Peter Thornton - your hostile attitude may explain your lack of tips.  I believe wait staff are employed under an Award with conditions - unlike overseas where tips are expected to make up the difference and low pay is factored into meal prices. Until things change, I will retain the right to tip for exceptional service only.

iansand says:

04:03pm | 15/09/09

Sorry tamz@3:16, your comment suggests that you are not a pretty good waiter.  How dare you povide service only to those who you like.  Unprofessional arrogance.

papachango says:

04:08pm | 15/09/09

One thing I will say, stop putting my napkin on my lap, I can do it myself thankyou. I’ll probably get up in a couple of minutes anyway.

However, this is more directed at restaurant owners and function managers; I was forced to do it myself when working in the industry. I tried telling management that it was a silly idea and most customers hated it, but ‘that’s the way we do good service’ was the standard response.

Another one for management (waiters are just doing what they’re told) I’m really not fussed about having them top up my wine glass - just leave the bottle on the table thanks. Apart from a few top end places, they never get it right, either topping it up every five seconds to sell another bottle, or hardly ever refilling if it’s an all-inclusive price.

AFR says:

04:17pm | 15/09/09

Actually, many wait staff, particularly in Asian places, are NOT being paid the award. $10 per hour is fairly common, as is flat rates for shifts (that’s why they stare as you when you linger around well past the posted closing time ). How else do you think you get your Pad Thai for $9.90?

Michael says:

06:31pm | 15/09/09

lol Tipping? if a waiter asked me for a tip i’d probably die laughing, keep that slave labour system in the country built by slaves, America.
I doubt i’ll visit another restaurant once all the old fools in my family die out, I think its pretty stupid to pay someone to cook for you, its not exactly hard to do.

jhamiltonwa says:

06:48pm | 15/09/09

“I think guests need to remember that waiters are people too, and don’t deserve to be treated like second class citizens.”

Excellent point, but then alas we find out in the next sentence your real attitude is the very opposite ...

“For goodness sake, half of us are students and going on to bigger and better things than what the guests are anyways. “

That’s the problem with right there. Leave your PhD candidature/Law degree etc at home when you come to work at the restaurant. It’s the “I only do this to pay the rent, and actually doing my job is so demeaning I’m going to be surly and unhelpful” that is demeaning to professional wait staff.

We all have to serve somebody and when I’m in your restaurant that somebody is me. Take comfort that the next day I’m at work serving somebody else, soneone who doesn’t care how fabulously clever and middle class I am.

Peter Thornton says:

08:26pm | 15/09/09

I really ought to declare my detachment here: i am [no longer] a waiter. However when I was a waiter, year after year, I more money than my sister, who is [still] a teacher.

For me, being a waiter was brilliant fun. Money every day (cash, too) girls every night (glamours, too) and constantly meeting interesting, talented, lovely and staggeringly successful people.

For me waiting tables meant hard work: promptness, grooming, knowledge and being comfortable in one’s own skin were as much a part of the job as carving ducks, spooning Beluga from an ice sculpted Sturgeon or preparing crepe suzettes, steak tartare, etc.  All prepared table side with the minimum of fuss or pretentiousness. Yes, that is - or in my case: was - when waiting becomes brilliant, brilliant fun.

However I am inclined to agree with Michael above regarding the ease of preparing meals at home. It’s not hard indeed.

As for that minimum wage scribble: bewdy on you, love. You’re really keeping the dream alive.

CJ says:

10:08pm | 15/09/09

Peter, I’m a teacher. I make 75,000 a year gross, get all my weekends off, every night off, and 11 weeks paid holidays (not to be boastful, but that’s how it is—I’m very happy with my conditions, as you can probably tell).
To make a much as a teacher, a waiter would have to be working enormously long hours, all weekends, with few holidays. Or at least, that’s how it would seem.
An old mate of mine is a waiter, and I can’t see him making any kind of living if he worked 8.30am-4pm, 205 days a year, no weekends, no festive season.
By Heaven, you must have put in some hours!

tamz says:

12:41am | 16/09/09

@iansand

I challenge you to submit yourself to any client/customer/patron who treats you with so much contempt. In this thread alone, waiters been called ‘counter-jumpers’, we’ve been compared to garbage collectors, sworn at, YELLED at, and we’ve had all kind of generalistic insults thrown at us.

Customers like these get perfectly adequate service from me: water at the table, food correct and on time, and a ‘have-a-nice-day’ as they leave. I’ll make sure they have nothing to complain about, but neither will I go out of my way to make them happy.

Meanwhile, a customer who smiles at me, who asks for service instead of demanding it,  who asks me how my day was - basically, someone who treats me as a person instead of a servant - will get exemplary service.

These customers make my day, and I will go out of my way to make their day in return. I’ll get you the table with the view, I’ll bring you fresh cake from the oven, I’ll make you a picture-perfect coffee, I’ve even shared my own lunch with a regular who arrived 5 mins after the kitchen closed.

I don’t even care if you tip or not… most good waiters just like to do nice things for nice customers. Try it: you might be surprised.

Peter Thornton says:

06:28am | 16/09/09

CJ, how often do you perform beyond the expectations your salary asks? If you’re all chalk’n'talk and don’t really give a tinker’s cuss about your students, are you not as indifferent to providing good standards of service as that of inefficient waitstaff? If so, don’t you deserve as much contempt? You obviously love the time off teaching allows. That’s understandable, I’ve never had a bad holiday myself. However my point, perhaps expressed badly, was that customers often get the type of service they deserve.

There was a general rule of thumb in most of the dining rooms I worked: the more successful the customer, the easier they are to look after. Why? Well, maybe it’s because they had nothing to prove. I’m not in the habit of being indiscreet, but most of most of the places I worked had a clientele. However they weren’t elitist or old boys clubs. Some of my most joyful memories are of the older retired customers who’d regularly put aside a few bucks for an occasional knees-up in a swish eatery. I wouldn’t (and didn’t) expect a tip, although one was always offered.

I grew up in French’s Forest, CJ. In a working class home when the suburb was working class and when that description meant to work, among other things. Believe me, everyone was far better off for it too.

I seldom eat out these days. I sometimes visit a few restaurants to chat with ex-colleagues, but the poor quality of food and abhorrent practices of most waitstaff disgusts me so much I choose ‘no, thank you’. Besides, my life today is very busy with several exciting activities.

Finally, CJ. There was a time when 75G (pre tax? Good Lord!) might have been considered a fairish wage. And as most of my reminiscing stems from the halcyon days of the 80s, I am pleased you too are strolling down the primrose path of cherished memories.