Get your exclamation marks at the ready – Naomi Robson’s new online love and relationships internet show went live this morning and it’s offering some tired and hackneyed advice on a website near you!

There are some odd assignments on The Punch but so far none has been as left-field as getting up at the crack of dawn on a Monday to listen to Naomi Robson talking about sex. But tally-ho.

The Naomi Show clips open with the sound of an audience golf-clapping politely, followed by some whoops building to a cheer. Then Robson’s on screen, staring into the camera with that customary, hyper-professional glare that makes you believe she’d be delivering those lines even if, striding to her seat seconds beforehand, she trod on a puppy.

Her panel of blokes, she announces, are “here to answer girls’ burning questions about guys and relationships”. Promising. Maybe we’re in for a holier-than-thou, accusatory Today Tonight style-monstering? “Why DO you insist on tormenting women by not responding to text messages? Where is your decency?”

Sadly, no such luck. She continues: “Today we’re tackling the… ” (cue hair flick, eyelid bat, voice pitch rising, smile on lips) “… delicate topic of what not to say after sex”.

Meet the new Naomi. Not asking the tough questions, but the delicate ones.

Just as it loves cats and businesses with double-entendre names, the internet loves Naomi Robson. Videos of her can do hundreds of thousands of views; news about her is always in the most-read lists.

But that’s about the scandalous, risqué Naomi Robson – the judgmental bitch who swears off camera and who looks like any moment she’s just a modicum of impatience away from throwing an interview subject to the ground and sticking a stiletto into their head while giving them a stern lecture.

We’re familiar with Robson’s real character from the various out-takes from her time on Today Tonight when she’s cracking jokes about “Mr and Mrs Jarse and their son Hugh”. She has a hearty laugh and a strong sense of humour.

That’s not the woman hosting this program.

As for the content, the discussion about what not to say after sex starts from a low, ribald cliché. First idea of something not to say: “What’s your name?” And so we descend into a ribald conversation in which three blokes joke about the joys of falling asleep after sex.

(In one excruciating moment Robson canvasses opinion on whether “What are you thinking?” is a good question to ask after sex.)

In another video offering advice on how to approach women, Robson asks one of her interview subjects to elaborate on a suggestion that men are acting on a primal desire to be hunters.

“What do you mean – there are some guys out there who might not understand what that means, so can you extrapolate it out a bit more?”

Actor Tottie Goldsmith is forced to expand on the theory of evolution. “It’s such a DNA, primal, male desire that if you take that away from them, if women are throwing themselves at them and they don’t have that place to go to express their … hunter and gatherer … thing … they’ll get frustrated.”

Look, it’s early days and as mentioned above Robson has proved in the past she can perform internet alchemy. Perhaps when there are some real human stories explored on the show and on the website it will be able to grow beyond what it is at the moment: a bagful of tired clichés.

But personal advice shows are about having a strong moral compass, being direct and firm in your views on right and wrong. Think Oprah, Ricky Lake, and Ellen. Even Jerry Springer, despite the chaos of the show, always had a strong, well-thought out quiet moral message to share at the end.

Robson has more character than the frothy everywoman she’s trying to be at the moment. It could work if she builds on that. I’d like it to – the internet is a better place when there’s some classic Robson going around.

Here’s a reminder of the good stuff.

Follow me on Twitter: @colgo

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12 comments

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    • Bex says:

      09:46am | 08/02/10

      Sorry, but that is atrocious. I knew it would be and yet strangely felt compelled to watch the entire 4mins31…sigh.
      Her eyelids flutter in the opening seconds and she looks a bit strained when introducing the show theme: proof, I think, that she is completely uncomfortable talking about these sorts of topics.
      My favourite? when she says “throe” of sex. What, only one throe Nay-Nay?

    • Jesse Perez says:

      11:38am | 08/02/10

      Note to old-world media trying to create new-world media. No one will go this website. It sucks harder than a Godfrey’s price blowout. Colgo is dead on here. The reason people on the internet like Naomi Robson is because of the blooper tape. That’s it. Maybe the lizard. The idea that you can just create content that sucks, build a website that sucks, and then stacks of people will come is pure fantasy.

    • dancan says:

      11:47am | 08/02/10

      You know I never liked Naomi until I watched that out takes video just then.  Now I actually like her, though I still hate the show.

    • Lyndon says:

      11:53am | 08/02/10

      interesting angle though. internet tv show. i wonder if there is a goal to being picked up by a late night free to air digital chanel. like chanel 7two or something…. pretty tragic, good idea, wrong host and guests….

      also its a dot com. not a dot com dot au…. is she hoping to go global? us talk show here she comes?

    • James says:

      12:05pm | 08/02/10

      Thank Deity, I thought you were introducing her as a columnist.

    • dan bailey says:

      12:45pm | 08/02/10

      I love the laugh, she is hilarious. Ballsy gal. We miss you on commercial TV.  Come on 7, get her back on. Just make sure it’s a role where we can hear that laugh of hers.

    • chris says:

      12:46pm | 08/02/10

      Oh sweet Jesus. It’s like Hannibal Lecter doing a cookery show.

    • Romli065 says:

      04:12pm | 08/02/10

      Rubbish.

    • marley says:

      06:59pm | 08/02/10

      Who is Naomi Robson and why should I care?

    • Blast from the past. says:

      06:58am | 09/02/10

      I wonder what her thoughts are on Afl Footballers?

    • Chas says:

      09:39am | 09/02/10

      She must have a view on golfers as well…

    • Anthony says:

      12:49pm | 09/02/10

      Hahaha I remember the song The Chaser did about her. Surely there’s a better person than her to have their own webshow.

 

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