Where is the Naomi Robson we love to click on?
Get your exclamation marks at the ready – Naomi Robson’s new online love and relationships internet show went live this morning and it’s offering some tired and hackneyed advice on a website near you!
There are some odd assignments on The Punch but so far none has been as left-field as getting up at the crack of dawn on a Monday to listen to Naomi Robson talking about sex. But tally-ho.
The Naomi Show clips open with the sound of an audience golf-clapping politely, followed by some whoops building to a cheer. Then Robson’s on screen, staring into the camera with that customary, hyper-professional glare that makes you believe she’d be delivering those lines even if, striding to her seat seconds beforehand, she trod on a puppy.
Her panel of blokes, she announces, are “here to answer girls’ burning questions about guys and relationships”. Promising. Maybe we’re in for a holier-than-thou, accusatory Today Tonight style-monstering? “Why DO you insist on tormenting women by not responding to text messages? Where is your decency?”
Sadly, no such luck. She continues: “Today we’re tackling the… ” (cue hair flick, eyelid bat, voice pitch rising, smile on lips) “… delicate topic of what not to say after sex”.
Meet the new Naomi. Not asking the tough questions, but the delicate ones.
Just as it loves cats and businesses with double-entendre names, the internet loves Naomi Robson. Videos of her can do hundreds of thousands of views; news about her is always in the most-read lists.
But that’s about the scandalous, risqué Naomi Robson – the judgmental bitch who swears off camera and who looks like any moment she’s just a modicum of impatience away from throwing an interview subject to the ground and sticking a stiletto into their head while giving them a stern lecture.
We’re familiar with Robson’s real character from the various out-takes from her time on Today Tonight when she’s cracking jokes about “Mr and Mrs Jarse and their son Hugh”. She has a hearty laugh and a strong sense of humour.
That’s not the woman hosting this program.
As for the content, the discussion about what not to say after sex starts from a low, ribald cliché. First idea of something not to say: “What’s your name?” And so we descend into a ribald conversation in which three blokes joke about the joys of falling asleep after sex.
(In one excruciating moment Robson canvasses opinion on whether “What are you thinking?” is a good question to ask after sex.)
In another video offering advice on how to approach women, Robson asks one of her interview subjects to elaborate on a suggestion that men are acting on a primal desire to be hunters.
“What do you mean – there are some guys out there who might not understand what that means, so can you extrapolate it out a bit more?”
Actor Tottie Goldsmith is forced to expand on the theory of evolution. “It’s such a DNA, primal, male desire that if you take that away from them, if women are throwing themselves at them and they don’t have that place to go to express their … hunter and gatherer … thing … they’ll get frustrated.”
Look, it’s early days and as mentioned above Robson has proved in the past she can perform internet alchemy. Perhaps when there are some real human stories explored on the show and on the website it will be able to grow beyond what it is at the moment: a bagful of tired clichés.
But personal advice shows are about having a strong moral compass, being direct and firm in your views on right and wrong. Think Oprah, Ricky Lake, and Ellen. Even Jerry Springer, despite the chaos of the show, always had a strong, well-thought out quiet moral message to share at the end.
Robson has more character than the frothy everywoman she’s trying to be at the moment. It could work if she builds on that. I’d like it to – the internet is a better place when there’s some classic Robson going around.
Here’s a reminder of the good stuff.
Follow me on Twitter: @colgo
Get The Punch on Facebook
Read all about it
Up to the minute Twitter chatter
The latest and greatest
Good morning Punchers. After four years of excellent fun and great conversation, this is the final post…
I have had some close calls, one that involved what looked to me like an AK47 pointed my way, followed…
In a world in which there are still people who subscribe to the vile notion that certain victims of sexual…