Every year multitudes of young people line up to unleash their hidden talents at the auditions for the Australian Idol competition. As viewers we are entertained by the many – alas, too many – whose efforts fall well short of what may be objectively regarded as talent.
Most interesting is their surprised reactions to being rejected. They truly believe they have something special to offer and cannot fathom that the judges disagree.
How is it that in all the years prior no one around these people, family or friends, had shared reality with them, tapped them on their shoulder and suggested they may be better off pursuing another hobby?
This scenario is representative of the wider outlook and attitudes of young people today, and the younger they are the more this seems to prevail.
The mantra for modern parenting is self-esteem. In countless interviews with Australian mums and dads they insist the most important quality they wish to instill in their kids is a high level of self acceptance.
The rationale for this comes for two different angles. On the defensive side parents fear the implications of low self-esteem.
Their greatest concern for their kids is that they develop depression or an eating disorder. While the media and public domain are filled with discussion on obesity parents are more concerned with the opposite.
They turn a blind eye to the obesity debate worried that focussing on their children’s weight may have negative consequences on their self-image.
(Here, there is a clear contradiction, for while mums attempt to instill in their kids self-acceptance and loving their body, they themselves do not believe it for their own bodies, and their kids know it).
On the proactive side parents believe high self-esteem is necessary in order to succeed in today’s competitive society. When they were growing up success could be achieved by going through the ropes, getting an education and skills and entering the workforce.
Today’s society is all about self-reliance with success requiring an entrepreneurial spirit and the ability to showcase oneself. So they encourage their kids to do from the earliest.
From the youngest of age kids are encouraged to speak their minds and express opinions. Parents are loathe to simply say ‘no’. Rather they discuss and negotiate, urging their kids to put forward their viewpoint, express an opinion and feel they are being listened to.
The result of this focus on the individual and their talents will be felt acutely by our society in the years to come. The reality is that while everyone wants to be above average less than half the population can be.
Kids are being set up with the expectation for great achievement having been told over and over ‘you can do anything as long as you set your mind to it’. Well, no they can’t.
And when they discover this truth the disappointment will be great. For some it may too great.
We are already seeing this with Gen Y as they approach their late 20s. Their expectations are high and goals quite profound.
Their role models are the billionaires entrepreneurs who started Facebook, or actors and models plucked from obscurity by talent agents, not the millions of others who remain unknown or have failed.
On reaching their late 20s and realising they will not be millionaires by 30, not even close, many young people enter a third life crises. With the past decade of growth and prosperity giving way to uncertainty many will have their dreams shattered earlier.
By focusing on success and achievement we are, with the exception of the lucky and talented few, setting our kids up for failure, something we are not teaching them to cope with.
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