When an ex-premiership player gets Down Under
It’s Monday - what is Robbie Fowler thinking this morning?
It was a tough weekend for the former Liverpool star. North Queensland Fury’s marquee signing recovered from a hip injury just in time to lead his team out to a 5-1 thrashing at home by Central Coast Mariners.
Two League Cups, one FA Cup, one UEFA Cup, one UEFA Super Cup, 128 goals in 266 appearances for Liverpool… What do you think is on his mind when he wakes up in Townsville this morning?
A) “Dear diary… What went wrong? We passed well, we created chances, we had all the possession – but nothing went right and nothing went in. Was tempted to pick the ball up and run with it on Saturday. Thought it might have worked better.
“In the dressing room, one of the midfielder’s tripped over and nearly hit his head on the door, but he just missed the post. In the showers, I passed the soap to one of the defenders, but he was totally out of position, missed it and it went straight past him.
“After the match we went to the players’ lounge. I gave one of my strike partners the money for some drinks, but he came back off the bar with nothing. Got on the bus to go home, the goalie was driving. Shouldn’t have taken long – but he went the wrong way! I think something’s not right…”
B) “Dear diary… Ah, another beautiful sunny day. I can’t believe my luck. I opened the window and the sun burst through like some tropical flower, bursting forth with God’s love and blissful beatific love - and I am God!
“My team lost on the weekend but it doesn’t matter. 5-1? Pshaw! Nothing matters in this massive land of the great No Worry. The boys will have fun at training – I’ll cut up someone’s boots, switch someone’s locker around, perhaps but a bucket of water of a slightly ajar door - and we’ll all laugh heartily in the citrus-kissed Townsville sun and that’s what it’s all about; the love of life, the camaraderie of football.
“Why didn’t I come here sooner? All those wasted years in dreary Liverpool. At last… I’m home!”
C) “Dear diary… Where am I? I woke up this morning and the sky was blue, not grey. The air was hot and dry, not freezing and wet. The grass was brown, not green. The passes went to the other team, not outs. And the ball was in our net, not theirs.
“I’m trapped in alternate universe. I feel like Marty McFly, picked up by Doctor Who and dropped off on the Planet of the Apes.
“It sounds like they’re speaking English but I can’t understand it. It looks like television but I can’t watch it. It looks like cheese but it says it’s Coon. Where is this place? Why am I dressed in green? Where have my defensive players gone? I swear there were there and then… gone! Will I ever escape…?”
Goal of the week: The Mariners run rampant - just take your pick, but Pedj Bojic’s opener is a good start
Talking point of the week: Aurelio Vidmar saying he might go to Saudi Arabia to “chop his players heads off”. What is this bloke on?
What to say to sound like you know something about the A-League: Perth were just too physical for Sydney, and the Sky Blues aren’t the same side without Corica as their fulcrum in attack.
Game to watch this week: Melbourne Victory v Gold Coast United - champions take on the pretenders to the throne.
The EPL in a sentence: This morning, it’s all about five-goal man Jermaine Defoe. Simply outstanding.
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