Before our necks had even cooled, the latest foreign dignitaries to hit Australia have got us all hot under the collar again.

Freddo and M-Dog from up the road on their way to a barbie

Our Mary and her husband Prince Fred conquered Canberra yesterday, just as the Ba-rockstar President of the United States did last week and the Her Maj less than a month before.

Australians swoon when foreign royalty or might-as-well-be-royalty hit our shores. And over the past couple of months we’ve been swooning like 12-year-olds at a Justin Bieber concert.

Royal magic has been on tap for everyone: a stiff wave from the Queen for the oldies, Obama- and Karadasha-rama for the youngsters, shots of Mary and Frederick’s latest bub in Woman’s Day for middle-aged ladies at the hairdresser.

Our foreign VIP-mania says a lot about us as a country. It’s not, as many would argue, that we feel our culture is inferior to the rest of the world. It’s that it seems like we get left out of the global conversation unless we’ve got a Big Name here.

There is another reason. In Australia, public figures must be average. They’ve got to talk like the average person. They’ve got to act like the average person. If not, they get derided as elites, as out of touch, as ‘not like us’, as un-Australian.

So what we have is a landscape of public figures who are wholly unimpressive in their dress, in their words and sadly all-too-often, in their deeds.

This of course creates something of a void. A void we fill with foreigners. This doesn’t just happen with distinguished visiting dignitaries like Obama, the Queen and the Empress of All Things Both Super and Duper, Oprah Winfrey.

It manifests itself in the music we buy, the films we see, the TV we watch and the phrases that eke their way into our language.

In the latest ARIA singles charts there are only 3 Australian songs in the top 50, I don’t think an Australian film has made it big since Crocodile Dundee and your average under 30 on the streets these days says “yo” instead of “hello”.

All of this brings me to why we have a little old lady who lives in a big English castle as our head of state. 

We find it almost unthinkable to even contemplate that a single Australian could be above-average enough to sit at the world’s big kids table.

The irony is the Windsors, with all their foibles, are in many ways one of the most average families in Britain. Barack Obama for all his impressive bluster is just your average president. Oprah Winfrey has made a career out of being your average billionaire.

And what is Princess Mary if not your average Tassie chick who took few comportment lessons and struck it big at a Sydney pub during the 2000 Olympics?

The cultural cringe as we know it is over. We’re not throwing ourselves at demigods. In worshipping foreign “superstars”, we’re actually applauding those very average parts of ourselves that we value a lot. 

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28 comments

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    • S.L says:

      05:17am | 23/11/11

      I don’t think your dig at QE2 was warranted Daniel but I agree with the rest of your post.
      I’m no scholar of European Royalty but a guy (Prince Fred) bringing the “missus” home to visit the “outlaws” occasionally shows how normal they can be. Will the relationship between our two countries become closer when Fred and Mary are on the throne? Or when Prince Christian is King will he make the trip “home” to see the family?
      Atleast they make the effort more than our own royalty…......

    • acotrel says:

      05:39am | 23/11/11

      Another big chance for Tony to be seen hobnobbing with royalty !  wonder if he’ll curtsey this time ?

    • Nilbog says:

      07:54am | 23/11/11

      We’re still playing this record…?

    • Nilbog says:

      07:55am | 23/11/11

      We’re still playing this record…?

    • subotic says:

      08:09am | 23/11/11

      Tony who, acotrel?

      Soprano?
      Danza?
      ‘s Pizza?

      Enuff with the cheap Tony shot insert into every damn comment.
      You were much funnier without it.

      Getting worse than me with my guns….

    • Alf says:

      11:46am | 23/11/11

      I’m more surprised that Gillard wasn’t fawning all over them.

    • thatmosis says:

      06:16am | 23/11/11

      You may go weak at the knees for royalty and overseas loser Presidents but to me most are a waste of space and just an opportuntity for certain red headed claytons PM to get her ugly mug in the media. Apart from that they leave me cold and always cost the Australian tax payer more than they are worth. If they want to visit okay but pay for it themselves out of their public servants pay which is most cases is more than they are worth.

    • Tim says:

      06:59am | 23/11/11

      Shes not “our” Mary.
      She gave up her citizenship when she got married.

    • Jane2 says:

      02:45pm | 23/11/11

      So what, she still calls herself Australian.

      In many countries around the world to mary anyone, not just a monach, requires you to give up your native citizenship.

      Besides which, its what you are in your heart that is the most important. What is worse, someone who doesnt have citizenship to Australia but thinks of themselves as Australian or someone who does but thinks of themselves as Macedonian, Chinese etc etc (even if they were born here)

    • Tim says:

      05:51pm | 23/11/11

      Jane,
      The difference is all the idiots out there fawning over her as “our” Mary when she clearly isn’t.
      She was a chick who got married to a rich foreign dude. The End.

      She isn’t special, she isn’t important in any way, yet people (usually women), gush about her.

    • NESLIHAN KUROSAWA says:

      07:45am | 23/11/11

      Hi Daniel,

      Now, now!!  There is really no need to feel average & inferior to others, whether they all happen to be in the show business in Hollywood or members of the Royal Family!!  External factors such as money, fame, power & fortune do not make us who we really are!!  All those things do not impress me at all.  It is all about making a difference & contributions to our to the society!!

      Lets also remember where all come from & be proud of that very fact!! You teach others how to treat you!!  If you want people to respect & appreciate you, then your own attitude determines how they approach you, in the first place.  However, in our daily lives & circle of friends we all have to share similar interests &  hobbies!!  Put simply, we all have to be on the same frequency, even after all the negative things which might influence the way we think about others! The most difficult thing in life to deal with, is to have that unsettling feeling of not belonging!!

      As previously discussed, I have also valued knowledge & talent above everything else!!  If our financial status, diplomas & material possessions matter so much to the outside world!! And when we do not have these things, should we all feel less than a human being??  Absolutely NO!! 

      I have learned very early on in my life, that simply not to let others judge & influence my way of thinking!!  However, we almost & always have to try & adapt to my current situation & living environment!!  I have never considered myself less than others, just because!!  If you fail in life,  just try harder next time or even try twice as hard!  The biggest discovery of them all is really getting to know yourself as well as being kind to yourself!

      As you might have heard already, Mr Barrack Obama got into trouble for bowing in front of a Saudi King!!  If you ask me personally that kind of behavior can only show that you do have respect for others!  Nothing more or less!!  Best regards to your editors.

    • TChong says:

      09:17am | 23/11/11

      Neslihan
      Always like your posts- they are so full of Doris Day optimism and niceness.
      To disagree with you would be like kicking a puppy - an act that would bring both immediate, and long lasting shame and remorse.

    • David of the Grand Academy of Adelagado. says:

      08:18am | 23/11/11

      “Australians swoon when foreign royalty or might-as-well-be-royalty hit our shores. “

      Rubbish. I wouldn’t walk to the end of my driveway to watch the Queen drive by, and I think most Australians are the same. This ‘swooning’ myth is just media puff to fill papers and airtime. If you take away the dignitaries and the media pack ‘swooners’ are pretty thin on the ground.

    • StevenJ says:

      10:57am | 30/11/11

      totally agree, every people in the world are equal (we always mention that, even in the law right?) why bother treating or thinking the so call “royalty” special? just a person who need eat, speak, fart, sleep and die one day. Just the title is different, will they be clever than normal people, maybe, maybe not, they were born with the title and wealth? that is it.

    • Jane2 says:

      08:57am | 23/11/11

      As someone who works in Canberra, I personally love the fact that our politicians and VIPs move about town with no fuss. This town is chaotic enough to drive around, could you imagine what it would be like if roads where continually being closed so our PM or GG etc could get to their destination faster?

      One of my favourite memories of the Obama visit will be the fact that our GG got stuck in the traffic jam created by the Obama security. It clearly highlighted the extremes, one is treated with rock star status and one like an ordinary person, albiet with a bit more respect given.

      I personally would rather live in a country where political leaders are not treated like rock stars as I wouldnt want them to get used to it and want to to continue indefinately.

    • Eskimo says:

      11:03am | 23/11/11

      Mary Donaldson’s story could be summarised as “Land Rat marries well.”

    • Michael says:

      12:06pm | 23/11/11

      What is a land rat?

    • Yon Toad says:

      02:17pm | 23/11/11

      Who gives a rat’s?

    • Robert S McCormick says:

      01:37pm | 23/11/11

      If you think our politicians, socialites, social climbers & other non-entities are forelock-tugging, simpering, giggling, quivering with repressed sexual tension then you should see how the American behave!
      The security provided for Obama was absurd. No-one in Australia could be bothered to attack him or anyone else. We are all far too apathetic & are just as likely to hold up our middle finger as wave!
      But of course the Yanks have to behave like they did. Those clowns have to make out they are such big men & women. They have to make out that anyone, other than little, old weak0knned Julia, axtually gave a shit about Obama & his visit. I’ll bet that if he, or any President of any country - even a bankrupt one like the USA had the guts to simply book a flight here, land like any other tourist no-one would look twice at him or any other so-called VIP!
      They would probably have one hell of a good time, a few grogs, the odd BBQ, sightseeing & just being one of the mob.
      Our politicians & other self-styled grandees would hate it but who gives a toss about them anyway?
      These VIPs would probably get a far better & certainly more honest pictture, of Australia & Australians if they were left to fend for themselves.
      We would treat them just as we treat all visitors! We welcome them but take no crap from any of them.
      Who know Barack & Michelle might come with the children & like those 60,000 other tourists who come here & over-stay they might decide to do the same!
      After all we are constantly being told that the rest of the World regards Australia as the Best, Safest, Funnest, Country in that World, we believe them - else we would leave - so it would be an ideal place for them to come to.

    • Yon Toad says:

      02:16pm | 23/11/11

      If I thought I could get away with it I’d say, “Oh, for fuck’s sake!”.

    • Michelle Obabam says:

      02:51pm | 23/11/11

      You got away with it, honey!

    • TheRealDave says:

      03:40pm | 23/11/11

      Australia and Australians bloody embarras me at times…..this is one of them….she’s a bloody Tasmanian who sold real estate in Sydernee and now people are all gushing and fawning all over just the mention of her bloody name….

      Seriously…this country needs a massive kick up its arse…any half baked wanne be that steps off the plane is subject to a nationwide gawk fest. Get a life people. Its not just Mary, its all of them…the Kardashian skanks, any gay makevoer queen, people who came in the top 10 of some foreign ‘X Factor/Idol’ type show, z rate ‘actors’ at logies time….you’re embarrasing yourselves people!

    • youdy beaudy says:

      05:12pm | 23/11/11

      Now Daniel, naughty, naughty. The young woman you are lamblasting is an Australian, a Tasmanian from good Scottish stock. Now. she fell in love with a prince from a distant land and has gone on to marry and become a Princess, but not only a Princess but a Queen in waiting. So that success upsets you does it.?

      As far as her husband goes he is the son of a King and Queen and has to carry out Royal Duties such as coming to Australia and representing his country on the international stage which is his duty.

      I think they are a great young couple. They have good looks to boot and don’t seem to be caught up in the ego thing that is usually associated with importance. They have kids and the kids are good looking also. They have a nice little family just like all us aussies would like. So what is your problem daniel?.

      Give them a go for Gods sake. I mean, isn’t OZ the land of the fair go, or have they made a law against that as well as everything else we treasure these days. I say good luck to them both and their littlies and their families. This Royal family is a good Royal family and steady as a rock but we Aussies being as mean as we are will try to tear it down and find something wrong with it. It’s called, ” The tall poppy syndrome and i am sad that you are a member. ” You have to get out of that one if you want to be an unbiased Journalist. After they have read your article i’m sure of one thing. You will never be invited to the palace for tiffin.

    • stephen says:

      05:32pm | 23/11/11

      She’s a quite noble looking lady, and what’s mighty interesting is it took a Dane - and he looks and seems more like a rapscallion aussie than I do - to turn her into something presentable.
      They both seem funloving together ; apart, and I think she would have married a pilot, (or some such rabble.)

    • Tiger of Darwin says:

      05:53pm | 23/11/11

      Who cares about all these foriegners when we have our own royality right here in Australia? Not only do we have Michael Abbey-Hastings the rightful King of England but we also have Prince Leonard of the Hutt River Province who is a “self made Monarch”. Which in its self is almost an oxymoron.

    • Utedog says:

      06:28pm | 23/11/11

      Dont forget ’ King Kyle ’

    • youdy beaudy says:

      06:57pm | 23/11/11

      @Stephen and Tiger of Darwin. Hey you two, you need to get over yourselves. The Princess is an Australian not a Foreigner. She has to come home sometimes to see her family who live in Tasmania. This would probably be the primary intention for her return here.

      The Prince is her Husband. She like most women is loyal to her husband and his role. Jesus, it’s like every young girls fairy story. So her husband being a King in waiting has to follow the protocol of seeing the Prime Minister and serving his nation as its head. All you people are so moronic.But if the occasion arose where you were invited to attend some Royal function I know you would be the first in the door.

      They can’t help their positions as the Prince is born into it and she can’t help her position as she fell in love with the bloke and married him. She comes from a good family who would be well connected from their past ancestry i am sure.

      So, leave up on your problem. Yes, there are still Royal Families in the world and their role is difficult , while you have the freedom to yell, scream and criticize every bloody thing that is good and gracious in a world that is falling apart at the seams. These Young more fortunate people are not making criticisms of your ordinary life are they.?

    • The Citizen says:

      01:27pm | 10/02/12

      Mary is not an Australian. She no longer holds Australian Citizenship.

      Ask a Judge if Mary is an Australian and he/she would ask one simple question. “Is this person a holder of Australian Citizenship?”

      She may have been born in Australia but she is not currently an Australian.

      It’s a massive difference. I’m assuming you have one passport, if you had more than one you would understand the legality around this.

      Australia has no responsibility for this women anymore.

      She is now less Australian than the lanky Pommy bloke at work who last week became an Australian citizen. He’s paying tax and contibuting to this country. Mary isn’t.

 

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