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    • Spanner says:

      10:08am | 23/02/13

      Cheep…cheep…cheep. Is there anybody out there?

    • AJ in Perth says:

      11:36am | 24/02/13

      Spanner

      yes we are, over here!!!! ———>

      speaking for myself, it’s not that I haven’t tried (roughly 7.30pm WA time before I got busy) ...  but as I couldn’t comment here, I send in a comment on the Labor Laurie Oaks thread lamenting the woeful effort from the punch to be australia’s best conversation (not using these exact words however, so let’s just say, for once, I know why my comment didn’t go through ...)

      *adjusts cheap Target cape*  but at least it seems as if comments over here were “allowed” shortly after ....

    • pa_kelvin says:

      01:12pm | 24/02/13

      AJ .. Glad you took my advice and went to the sale… With all the hormones in me at the moment I’m off to Bra’s N Things…. smile

    • Mouse says:

      10:17am | 23/02/13

      Here you go AJ, just a couple to start.  I’m not feeling the best today so I may not be here much. Keep ‘em coming though, I will catch up! lol :o)

      What do you get if you cross a giant ape with a prisoner?
      King Kongvict.
      What do you get if you cross Bambi with a ghost?
      Bamboo.
      What do you get if you cross a flying insect with indigestion?
      A rumblebee.
      What do you get if you cross a giraffe and a dog?
      An animal that likes to chase low flying aeroplanes.
      What do you call a baby budgie?
      A budget.
      What do you call a woman who has a white face?
      Blanche.
      What do you get if you teach a deer to be a hairdresser?
      A styling mousse.
      What do you get if you cross a pig with a hedgehog?
      A porkupine.
      What do you call a prisoner’s pet budgie?
      A jail bird.
      What do you get if you cross a chicken with a skunk?
      A fowl smell.
      What do you get if you cross a sheep and a space ship ?
      Apollo neck woolly jumpers !
      What do you get if you cross a pig with a naked person ?
      Streaky bacon !
      What do you get if you cross a box of matches and a giant ?
      The big match !
      What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a skyscraper ?
      A high jumper!
      What do you get if you cross a road with a safari park ?
      Double yellow lions !
      What do you get if you cross an artist with a policeman ?
      A brush with the law !
      What do you get if you cross an overweight golfer and a pair of very tight trousers ?
      A hole in one !
      What do you get if you cross a plumber with a field of cow pats ?
      The poohed piper !
      What do you get if you cross an elephant and a bottle of whisky ?
      Trunk and disorderly !
      What do you get if you cross a flock of sheep and a radiator ?
      Central bleating !

    • sunny says:

      03:25pm | 23/02/13

      What’s the best time to go to the dentist?
      2:30 !

    • stephen says:

      03:32pm | 23/02/13

      What ‘yer get when yer cross a mouse with a Minister who knows the whereabouts of coal-seam gas deposits ?

      A rat who sings like a bird.

    • eek says:

      03:57pm | 23/02/13

      What do you get if you cross a mouse with a Triceratops?
      Enormous holes in the base boards.

      What do you get if you cross a mouse with a packet of washing powder?
      ..... bubble and squeak !

      What do you get if you cross a mouse with a greyhound?
      A very tired cat.

      What do you get if you cross a mouse with a bottle of olive oil?
      A squeak that oils itself!

      What do you get when you cross a mouse with a squid?
      An eektopus!

    • Barge Arse says:

      07:44am | 24/02/13

      When is the best time to fake an orgasm?

      When a Rottweiler is humping your leg.

    • Mouse says:

      10:10am | 24/02/13

      BargeArse, Ima mouse, if a rotty was humping my leg I’d be squashed!  lol :o)

    • AJ in Perth says:

      11:14am | 24/02/13

      hey mouse

      I hope you feel better soon!  and no probs, you take those 20 paces at your own pace! :o)

      these ones are just to cheer you up a whittle whit ...

      One day dad buys a lie detector robot.  Every time someone tells a lie, the robot b#tch slaps that person.
      That night over dinner, he asks his son: “So, where were you today?”
      “At school, dad.”
      With a WHAP!  the robot give the boy a good whack on the head.
      “Aahh, so you’re lying,” says dad.
      “Ok, ok!  I watched a dvd at home today!” says the son.
      “What kind of dvd?”
      “Toy Story 3, dad.”
      With another WHAP! the robot hits the boy again.
      “Ok, ok!” says the boy, close to tears, “it was porn.”
      “What!” says the dad, “when I was your age I didn’t even know there was porn!”
      WHAP! smacks the robot the dad on the head.
      With that, the mum laughs and says: “One can definitely see he’s your son!”
      WHAP! b#tch slaps the robot the mum over the head …

    • AJ in Perth says:

      11:18am | 24/02/13

      The tax office decides to audit gramps and sends him a notice to visit his local tax office.  The auditor wasn’t surprised at all when gramps rocked up with his lawyer.
      The auditor says: “Well sir, we’ve noticed that you have a very extravagant lifestyle, yet you don’t work and have no other sources of income and claim that you live from proceeds gained from gambling.  We just find that very hard to believe, given the lifestyle you’re maintaining.”
      “I’m really good at gambling,” says gramps, “and have no problem to give you a demonstration.”
      The auditor isn’t sure where this is going, but agrees anyway.
      Gramps says: “I bet you one thousand dollars, I can bite my own eye.”
      The auditor thinks about it for a moment and accepts.
      With that, gramps removes his one glass eye and bites it.  This really upsets the auditor.
      Gramps says: “I bet you two thousand dollars I can bite my other eye.”
      Obviously gramps isn’t blind, and the auditor accepts again.
      With that, gramps removes his dentures and bites his other eye.  The amazed auditor releases he has just lost three thousand dollars with grandpa’s lawyer as a witness, so needless to say, the auditor is starting to feel a bit nervous.
      Gramps look at him and asks: “What about double or nothing if I can stand on this side of your desk and pee in your wastepaper bin on the other side without as much as a drop landing on your desk.”
      The auditor is really suspicious about this, but looking at gramps he realises there is no way he can do it or trick him again, and agrees.
      Gramps get up, and with all the strength he has, he tries really really hard but he just can’t manage to hit the bin and soaks the whole desk with pee.
      The auditor jumps in the air with joy, realising he just managed to overturn a huge loss into a massive win.  With that, gramps’ lawyer starts moaning and groaning with his head in his hands.
      “Is everything ok?” asks the auditor.
      “No, it’s not,” says the lawyer, “this morning gramps informed me he was given a notice for a tax audit and he bet me twenty five thousand dollars that he would pee on your desk until it is completely soaked and you would be delighted about it!”

    • AJ in Perth says:

      11:54am | 24/02/13

      Mouse

      did someone mention “glum” during the week?!!!  hope you’re not feeling glum, but if you are, I hope this will cheer you up ...  *please sit down before you read on ...  I’m not widely known that I also like poetry, so it may come as a surprise!!!!*  this is by the way, my most favourite poem of all time!!!

      Glow Worm Poem

      I wish I was a glow worm
      A glow worm’s never glum
      ‘Cos how can you be grumpy
      When the sun shines out your bum!

    • Mouse says:

      01:33pm | 24/02/13

      eek, love ‘em! lol :oD

      sunny, wrong, there is no good time!  lol ;o)

      pa_k,  I am still laughing from the cats. The trouble is that I get stuck on that site for ages because I look at all the side links! owww, my sides hurt   :oD

      AJ, you are a great poet!  That will be a fav of mine now. I’m going to print it up and take it with me tomorrow to pin on the chemo room door.  If that doesn’t make some of them smile, I don’t know what will! LOL :oD
      Keeping in line with the cat theme…..
      One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door.
      She was a sorry sight.
      Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny, and hair all matted down..
      We felt sorry for her so we put her in a carrier and took her to the vet.
      We didn’t know what to call her so we named her ‘Pussycat.’
      The vet decided to keep her for a day or so.
      He said he would let us know when we could come and get her.
      My husband (the complainer) said, ‘OK, butdon’t forget to wash her, she stinks.’
      He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) that wanted the dirty cat, not him.
      My husband and my Vet don’t see eye to eye.
      The vet calls my husband ‘El-Cheap-O’, and my husband calls the vet ‘El-Charge-O’.
      They love to hate each other and constantly ‘snipe’ at one another,
      with my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion.
      The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor,
      who is located in the same building, next door to the vet.
      The GP’s waiting room and office was full of people waiting to see the doctor.
      A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he had obviously seen my husband arrive.
      He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, ‘Your wife’s pussy doesn’t stink any more.
      We washed and shaved it, and now she smells like a rose!
      Oh, and, by the way, I think she’s pregnant!
      God only knows who the father is!’
      Then he closed the door.
      The silence was deafening.

      Now THAT, my friends, is getting even!  hehehehe ;o)

    • pa_kelvin says:

      03:25pm | 24/02/13

      What do you call a worm with it’s head up it’s ar$e??
      A circle….

    • pa_kelvin says:

      04:59pm | 24/02/13

      Mouse .. Gotta love pussies… smile smile

    • Melanie says:

      11:04am | 23/02/13

      Christmas Island is the biggest money pit in Australian history. Never before has so much money been squandered, wasted, misdirected and lost in such a short period of time. Asylum seekers arrive almost daily, only to be churned through the system in two months or less, and sent to the mainland. The government couldn’t burn through money any faster if it tried. Two navy boats constantly on patrol; RAAF aircraft on patrol; teams of Customs and AFP officers permanently stationed on the island; empty hospitals manned by dozens of health professionals; SERCO spending millions a week; the list goes on. The waste is appalling, and I have certainly never seen anything like it in my life. When Labor says this year’s asylum seeker expenditure will be $2.2 billion, it should be emphasised that this is just the department of immigration’s costs - I would conservatively estimate Customs, Defence, AFP and the other associated departments costing at least $1 billion more, putting this year’s outlay to service the burgeoning asylum seeker industry at more than $3 billion.
       
      The true (economic) cost of Christmas Island may never be known. So Wayne Swan wants a post-election audit of election policies? Good. Let’s start with Labor’s decision to dismantle the Pacific Solution in 2007. Perhaps the Treasurer would like to explain, before September, how Labor’s ‘humane’ policy has led to a $10 - $20 billion black hole in just five years.

    • Concerned says:

      03:44pm | 23/02/13

      Can you imagine what that cost will blow out to should these clowns get voted back in?  With pretty much a free pass the way things stand now, we are quite likely to have 100,000 plus arrivals in three years under a Labor government.  And it concerns me that there are those on bridging visas living on Macquarie Uni campus, quite unbeknown to the students sharing the same accommodation.  While not alleging that any asylum seekers are guilty, the recent sexual assault on one young student certainly highlights the fact that students are living in close quarters with people who have arrived in Australia with no ID, who may or may not comply with any restrictions placed on their movement and are essentially potentially free to commit crimes in this country then disappear.

      Just think, 250,000 citizens paying $20k in tax in one year have had their taxes do nothing other than pay for the cost of those who can afford to pay a similar amount to people smugglers for their passage to Australia.  I have no idea how many more taxpayers are required to contribute 100% of their taxes to pay for the welfare costs of those given the benefit of refugee status.

      For the benefit of all taxpaying Australians, our border policies are in need of urgent revision.

    • tez says:

      04:36pm | 23/02/13

      So bring them here to sort them out,

    • ZSRenn says:

      11:14am | 23/02/13

      In forty years time will we have a lot of old ladies with tattoos and will trance be played in the elevators

    • marley says:

      02:04pm | 23/02/13

      @ZSRenn - to the first yes, to the second no, because there won’t be any elevators - either because we’ve figured out something better, or because we’re all living underground.

    • sunny says:

      02:43pm | 23/02/13

      And thrash metal - they’ll have to make more stable elevators because of all the geriatric head bangers rockin out to Anthrax between floors.

    • Alfie says:

      11:16am | 23/02/13

      Newspoll is due out early next week. I wonder if it will match up with the Neilsen poll?

      Howes will be busy minding Julia’s back from the “gutless pricks”.

    • Jamo says:

      01:51pm | 23/02/13

      Paul Howes, this smarmy mouthed union ‘heavy’ calling julia’s detractors gutless, that would be me. What do I think of him…....hmmmmmm, I think he’s a smug, Lilly livered, union pudding head who’d love to be a heavy but couldnt beat time with a stick He basically thinks most Australians are idiots. I’d love the meet the turd brain and tell him personally what I think of him. He’s an oxygen thief too

    • stephen says:

      03:29pm | 23/02/13

      She might go if the poll is bad and Howe gets from Shorten a free pass to the drive-in.

    • tez says:

      04:40pm | 23/02/13

      You are such a hatefull piece of work Jamo.

    • AdamC says:

      11:17am | 23/02/13

      I thought this was an interesting article at the Age

      http://www.theage.com.au/opinion/society-and-culture/whatever-happened-to-the-middle-class-20130222-2ewxi.html

      I see myself as almost stereotypically middle class. I also generally think that is a good thing. I would probably say the same about our income, that is, we are somewhere near the middle. However, if we are looking at pre-tax and pre-transfer income, I would probably have to concede we are in something of an upper middle category. We have a nice lifestyle, and do not have money worries, but we also control our spending and avoid taking on unnecessary debt.

      I also thought this comment from the article was telling:

      ‘’... if you just look at our social security payments and our family payments, Australia has the lowest middle-class welfare in the OECD … And if you look at the top 20 per cent of households, we give them a lower share of spending on social security than any other OECD country.’‘

      So much for the carping about middle class welfare in Australia ...

    • marley says:

      02:02pm | 23/02/13

      @AdamC - yes, an interesting article.  It seems though, to equate “middle class” with middle income, and I wonder if that was ever entirely true. To my mind, the middle class, at least in the past, was less about actual income than about how you earned it, how you were educated, what your status in society was. Although both my grandfathers owned small businesses, one, the English one with his upbringing in comfortable circumstances, his public (ie private) school education, his international travel, was regarded by everyone as middle class, whereas the other, who grew up in very tough times in Canada, with little education and a lifetime of hard physical work in a sawmill, homesteading on the Prairies, and then running a machine shop, was always thought of as working class.  Yet their incomes would have been comparable.

      I think that, as the article suggests, the terms don’t have much meaning any more.  We’re almost all middle class these days, regardless of income.

      That said, I’d be interested to see those OECD figures about the comparative amounts spent on welfare.  I think, though, for me the real issue is that the welfare money is being directed to the wrong places:  we’re funding too many people who ought to be sufficient, and not those who really need it. The NDIS should be a priority, not baby bonuses and family benefit B.

    • tez says:

      04:31pm | 23/02/13

      Oh for the days when class was consided a toffy pommy phenomenon and we ere only ever classified as the worker and the wealthy. There was no upper class in this town untill you lott thought you were far better than yourself.

    • expat says:

      04:40pm | 23/02/13

      I don’t think class can ever be purely based on income, it’s more complicated than that.

      Education and profession must still play a role in defining class, an electrician may be able to earn similar salary to a GP these days, but a GP should always carry the higher status of the two professions.
      The value of education is a big problem facing Australia, it’s a race to the bottom when the value of education is little or nothing. I’ve never seen a country like Australia in this regard, the almost contempt attitude towards education is unbelievable.

      The biggest difference is in the traits and values between the classes, people growing up in lower socioeconomic families are the ones who struggle with the most basic of finances.

      Despite the lefties best attempts there will always be some form of segregation of class and status, we can’t all be equal, life is not fair but that is just how it is.

    • OverIt says:

      09:02am | 24/02/13

      My neighbour who became a Tupperware dealer found, interestingly, that her highest sales came from the so-called working class areas, where she could rack up hundreds or even thousands of dollars in one night.  Whenever she did a party in one of the wealthier leafy suburbs she didn’t make nearly as much.  She discovered over time that those in the wealthier areas tended to spend their money on education, adding to super funds, insurances and other services rather than on material goods, whereas in the less well off areas, any money not needed for bills was spent on possessions.

    • Zac says:

      11:39am | 23/02/13

      I would say the supreme Atheist leader is kind, atleast he allows his foreign-red cultural relativists to talk.

      And all of Canberraistan said Hail Darwin!! Hail Darwin!!! Hail Darwin!!!!

    • Jamo says:

      08:32am | 24/02/13

      Yeah and Argo is very loose with the facts. Typical of the yanks to take all the credit for something that was 90% an achievement of Canada. Bit like all the other movies about how they won all the wars. For a large part of their history the yanks have made bucket loads selling arms, come in the back end of a war somewhere to tip the scales and take the credit.

    • fmb says:

      11:47am | 23/02/13

      I watched Lincoln yesterday expecting a great film but instead it was long and drawn out talk fest filled with Hollywood PC. If this gets the best movie at the Oscars it will be a joke especially having seen zero dark thirty which in my humble opinion leaves it for dead as entertainment and story and realism.

    • tez says:

      04:46pm | 23/02/13

      Argo was good/better

    • AJ in Perth says:

      11:42am | 24/02/13

      clearly you guys haven’t seen Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters ...

    • Sam says:

      12:21pm | 23/02/13

      The ‘Lame Duck’ nature of our current Federal Government set up has me worried.  The Greens have walked away and this leaves Labor stranded.  The space between now and the election is a vacuum in which nothing can be one or achieved.  The GG should call an election NOW to get our country moving again.  Otherwise we are sitting dead in the water until then.  Oh, and the gurrent mob get to run a wrecking ball through the system before the lose the election.  How quaint for us all.  This could get very ugly and costly. 

      SAVE US GG.

    • Mickey T says:

      01:57pm | 23/02/13

      “The GG should call an election NOW to get our country moving again”

      Sam - Our economy is the envy of other developed nations…please explain what you mean by…“moving again”

    • Jimmy the Bolt says:

      01:58pm | 23/02/13

      Who’s feeding people like Sam with this rubbish? And this bloke is actually serious!

      Meanwhile the country’s running as usual.  Parliament as usual. Business as usual. Public services as usual. Economy as usual, and pretty good too.

      “Nothing’s changed, every one panic!” eh. FFS get a grip, Sam. You’re post is total garbage.

    • tez says:

      04:44pm | 23/02/13

      Sam: You are just bloody stupid.

    • Achmed says:

      04:49pm | 23/02/13

      Sam - read the Constitution,  The GG can’t call an election, none of the circumsyances prescibed in the Constitution exist

    • Mickey T says:

      01:52pm | 23/02/13

      “Leading a major party is a tough business, and Gillard has shown no more toughness than a multitude of modern political leaders, some of whom continue to serve”

      ...including Tony Abbott.

    • Meh says:

      06:05pm | 23/02/13

      The Australian, eh? Who would’ve guessed?

    • Zac says:

      01:36pm | 23/02/13

      Asking Human Rights commission to guard our freedom of speech is like asking Obeid to take care of the treasury. I am very, very curious to find out HOW ideologues get into positions of power and authority in Human Rights, Uni’s, teachers union etc in the first place? I am sure George Brandis can take care of this.

      “The IPA’s Tim Wilson confronts Human Rights Commissioner Elizabeth Broderick over the refusal of her Human Rights Commission to defend our free speech - indeed, over it’s disgraceful attack on this fundamental freedom.

      Why was it silent when so many ordinary Australians rose up against the Gillard Government’s attempt to restrict our right to speak freely?”

      http://blogs.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/andrewbolt/index.php/dailytelegraph/comments/wilson_calls_out_a_human_rights_commissioner/

    • stephen says:

      02:46pm | 23/02/13

      Just turned the telly on for the last few minutes of ‘Invaders From Mars’, and I never seen so many bug-eyed monsters since Arbib grabbed his cheque and past out through the gallery ... that’s the press gallery, not the Parliamentary one.

      Sorry Tors.

      Brissy.
      Sat’day.
      Boring.

    • stephen says:

      02:58pm | 23/02/13

      I’m looking forward to the Islamic Peace Conference in Oz.
      And I’m already thinking up new words to describe it.

    • Mik says:

      09:11am | 24/02/13

      Hopefully they will address these issues before they become problems.
      http://www.nytimes.com/2013/02/24/world/europe/french-intervention-in-mali-raises-threat-of-domestic-terrorism-judge-says.html?ref=world&_r=0
      Where people are coming in from such different cultures, eg http://www.rawa.org, there has to be a guardianship into their new culture especially where there is the added burden of post traumatic stress disorder. It makes stewarding ones children difficult and the children become stranded mid-cultures.
      There are many fine muslim families in Australia but it is unlikely that one will hear about them in the media, so it is for us to make our own personal contacts so that the children of both groups have good cross modelling.
      The world is moving on and abusive practices of society, culture, religion and intergeneral custom have to go.

    • stephen says:

      01:20pm | 24/02/13

      I clicked on this, and I think that the situation defined, is also the definition of war, i.e. ‘if you hurt us, well hurt you back’.
      The definition of Islam, however, ( and whether or not you have read The Koran, which I have, actually) is ‘militant chiliasm’ and if you look this term up you will find that it refers, historically, to Communism and Fascism, and that the term is now, by common academic consensus, accurate as to Islam.

      I have some contact with very nice Muslim families too, but I am becoming estranged.
      They feel unwelcome, but when I point out that religion of all sorts, in Oz, at least, is an isolating factor, and that Christians, active Jews, Hillsongs, Scientologists and the like, also are isolated, they say that we should be something else and that we should be ‘believers’ ... their word.
      I do not know how welcoming we should be to a people who are unhappy here because they are unhappy with the people.

      (I think I have just defined unsuitability.)

    • stephen says:

      03:08pm | 23/02/13

      Leigh Nugent, Swimming Australia’s head coach, was under scrutiny 3 months ago after the London Olympics.
      His job was at stake, but higher authorities deemed him OK, and he kept his job.
      Now, after these latest allegations, some competitors have stated on the record, that most other swimmers knew of drug and alcohol consumption during The Games, most of the Coaches did, and the CEO was informed too.
      Considering this, why is this portly cove still responsible for our Olympic success ?
      (Or perhaps we should be asking this question to Kate Lundy, the Sports Minister, in relation to her job, too.)

    • Fed Up says:

      04:33pm | 23/02/13

      “Surely though we must force people, even poor people, to save so they don’t become a burden on the Age Pension”?...Adam Creighton

      The guy obviously has no sense of reality of what its like to be a low/fixed income earner.On the one hand he dislikes any increases in legislated Super, whilst on the other hand poor people should be forced to save for their Super.
      He dislikes legislated Super because by the time one collects, it wont be enough and people will still be reliant on the pension.
      Hello…and how much do you think poor people will be able to save.
      Poor people are poor because they dont have the income to be anything but poor, so there would be nothing spare to invest in Super.So those people who started work before compulsory Super was introduced will have no means except the pension.There will be a section of the community who will be retireing with basically nothing.These are the people whose incomes need to be lifted not the blugging middle classes.
      The age pension should be increased immediatley to that of the minimum wage.
      Listening to politicians (who earn in excess of 100K) telling pensioners how tuff it is earning a fixed income just doesn’t cut it anymore.
      They dont want the scraps of the budget…they want a realistic liveable income.
      This could be achieved if the Gov refrained from wasting millions of dollars on idiotic policies that are poorly implemented and middle class welfare and /or buy increasing revenues from an increase in the GST which should be exempt for low/fixed income earners. Why have a consumption tax to hurt the poor.

    • Shane From Melbourne says:

      09:41am | 24/02/13

      I’d rather have a harsh tax upon lump sum withdrawals from superannuation so that rich retirees don’t blow it in one hit upon holidays, caravans and whatnot and then go on the pension anyway…..

    • sunny says:

      11:32am | 24/02/13

      pa_kelvin - probably too soon to ask but how’s the treatment going?

      That Carry On clip I posted a few days ago was the wrong link - type this into youtube this is the one I intended to post
      Carry On Again Doctor Classic Clip Sid James
      Ah good old Sid James and his wholesome clean brand of family friendly comedy.

    • AJ in Perth says:

      11:51am | 24/02/13

      “The weekend thread is a hive of activity today….”

      I don’t know how the poor moderators manage all these comments?!

      I’m going to suggest to the punch team on monday to block comments say from 5.00am-10.00am and then again from say around 12.00ish to 5.00pm leaving a 3-hr window open for comments throughout the day

      that should make moderating on weekends and during the week more workable, what do you think of the idea pa_kelvin?

    • pa_kelvin says:

      12:44pm | 24/02/13

      sunny ...I couldn’t start last week as testosterone level to high 0.74, should be below 0.5 for the trial so they injected me with high dose hormones to start treatment this wednesday….
      I actually got a laugh out of the carry on clip and will check out the new link shortly…...
      AJ .... Take your toungue out of your cheek now!!! This is a serious matter… smile smile    Cracked me up with the above jokes… Ta

    • pa_kelvin says:

      01:09pm | 24/02/13

      sunny .. A footnote… since the injection I’ve been been cranky as all hell, hot flushes, sore boobs and others…. Guess thats bad enough ,but I’m having trouble deciding on the floral, or the cute little black mini dress… smile smile
      Glad these guys aren’t treating me…. 
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D71UY0XW2WU

    • Mouse says:

      01:44pm | 24/02/13

      pa_k, hope you and ma_k are missing out on the worst of it. Pretty rough year for you so far, weather wise.  Stay safe and dry!  :o)

      Good one AJ, you’ve just jinxed the weekends worse than what they were!!  :op

    • pa_kelvin says:

      03:16pm | 24/02/13

      A pre-empted answer to everyones next posts… I’m not really sure..
      But the polls dont look good… smile smile

    • pa_kelvin says:

      03:40pm | 24/02/13

      sunny ... In anticipation of your next post… ROFLMAO… smile

    • pa_kelvin says:

      04:34pm | 24/02/13

      AJ reply ^above^ this post…
      Mouse it’s OK where we are, but getting any-where can be a nightmare.
      Hope all goes well for you tomorrow, ma-k and I will be sending our support…xoxoxo

    • LJ Dots says:

      04:59pm | 23/02/13

      What’s on my mind?

      I’m looking for a few book recommendations from Punchers about life in North Korea. Since the country is so restricted and the public displays for the Dear Leader are so unbelievably over the top, it naturally piques my curiosity about how life really is for everyday people there.

      I’ve read ‘Nothing to Envy’ which was a start and was pretty much a blind pick from the books on offer. If anyone has any recommendations, I’d love to hear them.

      Reminder:  This comment is not intended to act as a catalyst for digs at Australian politicians, so, to the usual suspects please give it a rest.

    • sunny says:

      10:49am | 24/02/13

      “Nuclear Missiles For Dummies” by Kim Jong-un.
      “Leader Dearest” by Kim Jong-un.
      “Goose Stepping For Great Buns” by Kim Jong-un.
      “50 Great Dirt Recipes” by Kim Jong-un.
      “Pushing Your Luck: How To Take It Right To The Edge” by Kim Jong-un.
      “Pyongyang Confidential” by Kim Jong-un.
      “Creative Executions” by Kim Jong-un.
      “Dance Gangnam Style In 3 Easy-to-follow Lessons” by Kim Jong-un.
      “Thetan Missiles: What We Can Learn From Scientology” by Kim Jong-un.
      “Playing For Keeps: How To Motivate Sporting Teams With The Threat Of Execution” by Kim Jong-un.
      “The Healing Power Of Leader Love” by Kim Jong-un.

    • Mouse says:

      01:47pm | 24/02/13

      LJD, smile, at least sunny didn’t mention politicians! Besides, he means well.  lol :o)

    • stephen says:

      05:12pm | 23/02/13

      Just heard that Mr. Pistorius is to get bail after shooting his girlfriend.

      (Umm, aren’t you supposed to wear shoes in court ?)

    • Rosie says:

      05:27pm | 23/02/13

      Labor should listen to what is being said by Labor people that have the Labor brand at heart, not the likes of Paul Howes. Abbott will become PM after September 14th and what the nation needs is a good opposition to keep Abbott under control. At the moment Labor is telling us that Abbott will wreck the country if he is PM. I am willing to take that chance, no Govt could be worse than this Gillard Labor Govt but it is important that we have a good opposition.

    • Christine says:

      09:54am | 24/02/13

      Labor and its supporters are just trying their typical scare tactic with Abbott when in fact it is Labor we need to fear.  In five years how many stuff ups have we endured and if they succeeded to be elected for another three years, how much worse will the mess be. 

      Abbott is a committed politician, a family man and a very involved community supporter. His wife is caring and involved with working with children. So what the heck is this labor fear campaign all about - just a desperate political tactic by labor.  The firies who work alongside him are appreciative of who he is and his contribution.  His Liberal party colleagues support him and he supports them. He was involved in establishing the pollie pedal charity fund raiser of which the community is the beneficiary.  I think this is a case of a decent man who has been falsely and seriously maligned by labor affiliates. Thankfully, he has the fortitude to withstand the bully boy tactics and ridiculous abuse thrown at him. 
      e.g.The Phantom on this punch is atypical of an abusive personality.

    • sunny says:

      11:20am | 24/02/13

      He’s not over the line yet. The Liberals still have to go through some kind of policy debate, and I would imagine at least one televised debate with Gillard which I’m looking forward to - and which his people would be quite worried about. Opinions change, especially in the last few weeks leading up to the election.

      “a good opposition to keep Abbott under control”

      The best way to keep Abbott under control is not put him in charge in the first place. His stated intention of heavily slashing budgets and programmes will probably stop the economy in its tracks for a significant period. And for what gain? The economy is in pretty good shape right now. There won’t be an ‘adrenaline surge’, there will be a collective holding of breaths because he and Joe have a poor record on the economy - like the $11 Billion black hole in their policy costings at the last election.

      This is not just about Labor.

    • Christine says:

      01:22pm | 24/02/13

      It was Labor who inherited a healthy financial situation from the Coalition and it was Labor who demolished those reserves. The Coalition also had to address the Asian financial crisis during its terms of government.

      Treasury is not always accurate with its forecasts as it naturally has to base its forecasts on assumption of revenue and expenses and the same principles apply to political parties.  Remember the no ifs no buts promise from the PM.  Once again Labor has gone into deficit because of incorrect assumptions or shall we say inflated revenue figures at a time when businesses were struggling. 

      What do we have now? A debt problem once again with the added interest expense to pay. Where does this money come from.

      The black hole labor claimed in Coalition policy several years ago was denied by the Coalition and was based on differences in assumptions. Judging by past experience I know who I would choose to believe as being closer to the mark. 

      Obviously because assumptions and estimates need to be made in advance, it would be difficult for any political party or even Treasury to be 100% accurate.

    • Shane From Melbourne says:

      01:47pm | 24/02/13

      Tony Abbott is a complete sociopath. I recognize my own kind…...

    • Leon says:

      06:07pm | 23/02/13

      @Zack

      What couldn’t you say?

    • Jamo says:

      09:08am | 24/02/13

      @zack, why don’t u ask another question mate. You didn’t answer mine. Il ask again, what would happen if a business blackballed Muslims on the basis that the owners didn’t like Islamic ideology ? As I said when you answer that you are close to the point. As far as I am concerned you either don’t get the point or are deliberately being a smart arse. Either way you are out of step with the views and concerns of most Australians, but don’t worry the rest of us will fight for the your right to free speech too, and for the right of your wife and your daughters to have equality while you get smothered in the PC bullshit I’m talking about. Still haven’t heard you say anything that contributes to the discussion at all. I reckon you may well be one of those people that ruin conversations at barbecues by pulling everyone up on technicalities. Why don’t you grow a set

    • Jamo says:

      09:10am | 24/02/13

      That was @ Leon, sorry Zack

    • firefly says:

      03:58pm | 24/02/13

      Well said Jamo. I seems Leon is the newest member of the Punches muslim apologist club (along with fml, Simon from Lakemba, etc). Now why don’t you answer Jamo’s question Leon? Leon…..? smile

    • Christine says:

      09:37am | 24/02/13

      Mining Tax subject if I may.

      As I understand the situation, mining companies already pay State Royalties to the relevant State Governments and company tax to the Federal Government.  They also have large costs and write downs associated with their business operations as well as providing jobs, infrastructure, major machinery, community benefits and assist with our balance of trade through resource exports.

      Shareholders of the mining companies include Australian investors big and small as well as the many Superannuation funds. These investors expect and are entitled to a return on their investment and this is generally achieved via capital growth and dividends. So one way or another, directly or indirectly,  many Australians are shareholder beneficiaries of the mining company profits. 

      Now, if the Federal Government also wants from the mining companies additional tax revenue, wouldn’t this actually be depriving us, as individuals, of financial returns to our super funds rmoney.  Wouldn’t this in effect be coming from us as a hidden sneaky tax.  This seems to me to be a robbing Peter to pay Paul situation and we would be the Peters being robbed. Have we been conned in this call for the need for this extra mining resource tax because we neglected to think through the repercussions of who was actually being robbed.

      I would prefer the profits to be paid to us rather than a Federal Government that would spend as it sees fit.

    • Rick says:

      09:39am | 24/02/13

      Supreme Leader!
      Switzerland is a federal republic with a system of direct democracy, in which the ultimate power lies in the hands of the people.

      This is the heart of democracy, meaning the people are supreme,
      not a king, not a leader, nor a clique of despots under a political party,
      but the people.

      Switzerland is a democracy, pure and simple.

      The people have the final say on legislation since they’ve not allowed politicians to usurp their power.

    • pa_kelvin says:

      02:55pm | 24/02/13

      Uhhmmm Are you and Maria related???

    • Mik says:

      11:36am | 24/02/13

      Any good quotes of late? Liked this one by Alison Anderson “hampered by the combination of noble intentions and utter ignorance”. Came across one of her speeches, worth a read http://philwalcott.com.au/parliamentary-extract/

    • stephen says:

      12:01pm | 24/02/13

      Just watching Justine Schofield on 10 in one of her cooking shows - chilli con carne, this time - and she uses stringy beef instead of mince ; sorry Jess, but that meat should be served in a barrel, eg. Snowtown.
      Looks dreadful.

      Mince is like quince.
      Skirt is like dirt.

    • marley says:

      12:52pm | 24/02/13

      Real Texas chilli is made with beefsteak, not mince.  Just ask subotic.

    • stephen says:

      01:57pm | 24/02/13

      ps folks, watch your cooking shows ; it may be the last chance you’ll get to raise this country, culturally, beyond the lights of the flouro.

      Why ?

      Well, Julia is about to make another announcement, on Tuesday, about a matter which will change our vote.

      ps don’t vote, tell them we won’t, then watch them look for better customers.

      pps isn’t that the essence of the ‘market system’ ?

    • Jim Moriarty says:

      02:31pm | 24/02/13

      @Stephen

      That’s how its meant to be cooked. You slow cook it and then break it apart with forks. It’s amazing and so tender.

    • stephen says:

      04:20pm | 24/02/13

      Justine, I apologize.
      Really, I do.
      Let me make it up to you.
      Really, I’m downsize.

    • stephen says:

      04:50pm | 24/02/13

      Very funny Luce.
      And what sort of lie will you NOT print ?

      ps those dog comments were just flukes.

    • Dr B S Goh, Australian in Europe says:

      01:00pm | 24/02/13

      I read that some farmers are being asked to leave their farms as the Victorian Goulburn-Murray Water wants to stop the use of water by these farmers. Read this story at:  http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/nation/farmers-fight-flow-on-effect-of-water-row/story-e6frg6nf-1226583914549

      If one read this news report one can see a possible solution to this conflict between Victorian State Authority and the farmers. The news story clearly shows that water is being delivered to the farms by open drains. This means a tremendous loss of water due to evaporation. The percentage loss of water depends on the layout, distances etc. Instead of open drains water should e delivered to the farms in pipes or the drains tightly covered by plastic sheets to reduce loss due to evaporation. With this conservation of water it may be possible that the farmers can continue their farming and the Goulburn-Murray Water achieve their water conservation targets. It is worth while looking carefully at this option to get a win-win outcome.

      Years ago I was an engineer on an interesting project in the dry state of Arizona in USA. When nuclear energy first became viable there was a dream that the abundant nuclear energy could be used to change dirty water into clean water and it is then used to make the desert bloom. It did not take long and simple calculations to show that it was a stupid dream as water in the desert evaporates quickly.

      The same nuclear scientists in Arizona then built huge water tight plastic green houses in arid regions in USA and grew crops in such prototype buildings the largest single building about 4 acres. My job as a maths engineer was to develop strategies to maximize crop yields.

      I work under James Riley, see http://ag.arizona.edu/swes/people/cv/riley.htm. Our paper on optimal management of greenhouses published in 1975 in HortScience is listed in James publications. James took the concepts developed at the University of Arizona and help grow crops in Abu Dhabi on large commercial scale.

      In summary a key concept to conserve water in dry arid regions as in many parts of Australia is to cover up tightly the open drains with plastic sheets or better still to deliver water by pipes to farms and reduce greatly the loss of water due to evaporation in a dry region.

    • stephen says:

      02:23pm | 24/02/13

      Has anyone noticed that, dogs who have tails and who some years ago did not, say, boxers, and some other breeds, now have hip problems, as like, now,  the blue heeler and the german sherpherd, and the reason is that the tail puts pressure on the spine, which curves it and the weight is taken up through the back leg.

      But some donkey in this country - and there are a lot of them - decided that, as we are sensitive, vulnerable, and liable to neurosis, so can a dumb animal who needs his tail, and ‘transference’ can make us feel better about stupid Politicians.

      Won’t work Julia.
      Give the dog back his stump, and when we wish upon a star, you’ll be afar.

    • stephen says:

      02:33pm | 24/02/13

      Do our old Collins class submarines have depth-charges ?

      I’ll bet they do.

      ps they can only drop them on a sunny day,
      when the staff are on board, looking for a stray.

    • stephen says:

      03:19pm | 24/02/13

      I’d like to know why the Luxury Car Tax started in this country, and why no subsequent government has got rid of this unfair burden.

      If the rich do not pay enough tax, then tax them more.

      Unless, of course, that someone in the Hawke government wanted to dumb this country down so much that Holdens would be our souffle, and we would settle for almost a third world car industry.

 

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