Weekend Punch: Relax! And read this…

ZSRenn says:

09:16am | 05/05/12

So let me get this straight! Surrounded by 100 of Chinese tough military this blind gentleman was able to escape from his home.

Mmmm for me. It sort makes the whole thing smell like bullshit. 

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/may/03/chen-guangcheng?newsfeed=true

stephen says:

10:36am | 05/05/12

Crikey, Prince, the pop star is only 157 centametres tall, which is just enough reason why he should h .. he ...head ..heading down under for a tour.

We’d love to see him here, wouldn’t we folks ?

ps he can straddle Madonna’s shoulders at the Hordern Pavilion, which is about the only way you’d get yer monies worth.

Rosie says:

10:56am | 05/05/12

I woke up this morning and told myself no politics, then Lord behold I heard Craig Emerson spend almost 20 minutes attacking the Opposition desperately implying there had been a cover up on their part about the Peter Slipper scandal. 3 sleeps before the Budget and yet again Labor MPs are playing politics with one aim in mind and that is to beat Tony Abbott instead of just trying to govern for the people. Governing for the people is trying to sell the budget and before selling the budget they must first make us understand why such a budget. No! Emerson is out there undermining the seriousness of the sexual harassment allegations against the federal speaker!

It is a wonder Labor’s primary vote remains below the high 20%! Perhaps Craig Emerson should replace Gillard - being the best at politics instead of the best at leading the party to be a good govt maybe what Labor thinks will give them the much wanted bounce they are hoping for.

Miles Heffernan says:

11:42am | 05/05/12

Ok, it is not a secret that I am a Punchophile. However, 1 May 2012 was possibly the finest assembly of Punches, so to speak in one day. Tory Shepherd called it the night before on Twitter that you went “nooklear”.

More Putinesque Nooks than Kim Jong-un. Just sayin.

budget bonanza says:

03:37pm | 05/05/12

Black Friday Night Results
North Queensland Cowboys 30 St George Illawarra Dragons 6
Canterbury Bankstown Bulldogs 48 Parramatta Eels 12
No wonder Daily Telegraph Saturday March 5 2012 Page One says
“Channel Nine wants to reform Rugby League !”

There will be no Carbon Tax says:

07:00am | 06/05/12

I note that the Australian athletes uniforms for the Olympic Games will be made in China as a cost-cutting measure.

Given that Juliar Blowhard claims that the A.L.P. has created over 300,000 jobs (and as near as any former member of the Australian workforce can tell, EVERY single one of them is likely to be in China) could we save even more money by contracting Chinese athletes to fill the Chinese-made uniforms on our behalf?

The Australian Olympic Committee deserve a gold medal in “cutting off their noses to spite their own faces” by throwing in the towel over cost of manufacture of the uniforms, just as Wayne “The Goose” Swan deserves a gold medal for innumeracy and deficit creation.

Economist says:

09:58am | 06/05/12

Anyone else heard the rumour, from their political circle friends that Rudd is going to resign on budget day?

That will certainly put the Labor party off message.

The Punch will light up with rhetoric from TimB, SKAG, ATM, RyaN, Dovif, and the usual haters, whose main contributions to these illustrious pages are Labor’s gone, election now.

Traxster says:

11:39am | 06/05/12

I just wanna wish EVERYONE ,(whingers and all)
A HAPPY, HAPPY SUNDAY !!

stephen says:

12:36pm | 06/05/12

I got my hair cut yesterday and the first thing the barber did was trim my eyebrows ... ‘hey mate, that’s good, I don’t wanna look like John Howard’

‘I don’t want yer to either ... sit still, and don’t talk so much ... you’re starting ter sound like him, and therer t’aint nothin I kin do about that’

(That’s 8 people I can talk to now in Brisbane. Things are looking up in this little town.)

Robert S McCormick says:

02:03pm | 06/05/12

Without doubt the two major political parties, the ALP & Coalition, plusminor ones & Independents will all be gearing themselves up for a Federal Election between mid June this year & mid September 2013. They will be developing policies with which they think, probably correctly, they will be able to buy our votes.
I will vote for the parties which Guarantee to bring in Legislation which will put a permanent stop to the following:
1) Unions giving their Member’s money to any political Party without the written consent of each member.
Currently, it is reported, Unions extract about 7% of all union dues from their members &, without permission, give it all to, usually one political party: The ALP, despite the fact that up to 50% of members do not politically support the ALP.
If those donations were stopped then Union members could. legitimately, expect their Union Dues to be reduced by that 7% or more. A win for the members!!
2) Publicly listed companies, be they listed in Australia or overseas, from donating money, which actually belongs to their Shareholders, to political Parties. With those companies being required to ask each shareholder every year on a “One Vote per Shareholder - irrespective of the number of shares held” basis for permission to do so. “One Vote per Shareholder?” You might ask. Yes for in that way the biggest shareholders would not have any advantage over smaller ones. Remember, no matter how big, grand, expensive or small & cheap the house, or how rich or poor a voter, under our system we only get One Primary Vote. This is so as not to allow anyone an unfair advantage over others.
If Shareholders put a stop to their companies donating their money to political parties they would benefit because, even if it was only 1 cent or a half or quarter of i cent they could,legitimately, expect their 6-monthly & Annual dividends to be increased by that amoutn. OK a cent or less is not much on it’s own…But…if someone has 1000, 10,000 or a million or more shares that extra cent or part of one, would make a small to huge difference in their dividends, particularly if those dividends are Fully Franked!
3) Privately owned, unlisted, companies would, of course, be exempt from these restrictions for who are we to say what another person can do with their own money. Of course if that privately-owned company had a number of shareholders then they would have to unanimously agree whether or not they gave any of their hard-earned profit to any political party & if they did they would be required to publish that information in their accounts & in the media.
Indiviuals would still be allowed to give any money they liked to the political party of their choice but all those hidden, secret, unauthorised donations would be stopped.
If the fall-out of such a move meanth that Fedral, State & Territory Governments, through the Australian Electroal Commission, had to sart funding Election Campaigns, based on the number of Primary votes a party received at the last election then so be it. At least it would be open for all to see. Don’t they already receive a sum for every Primary Vote they got so this would just be a bit more.

stephen says:

11:11pm | 06/05/12

It’s 11pm and Bill Wilder’s ‘The Apartment’ is on 2.

One of my all-time favourite films, and one of the very few which were produced in black and white that would benefit from colourization, I’d think.
The film expresses a modern capitalist dilemma : that something or someone is with someone else, but really belongs to us.
It should be coloured, and re-released.

It’s a beautiful film.