Wear more costumes because life’s not a dress rehearsal

Take Kim Kardashian, for instance, who is widely believed to be a silicon exoskeleton filled with hundreds of tiny mechanical spiders who pull levers and operating complex pulley systems. Or Twilight star Taylor Lautner, who was carved out of driftwood by an eccentric old Italian puppeteer.

From the earliest days of humankind, when cavemen smeared themselves with sabre-toothed tiger blood, to that time Johnny Depp dressed up as pirate for money, people have enjoyed donning costumes.

There’s something magical about being someone else for an evening. It allows a special type of inhibition - the type that is usually only attainable through mild concussions or toxic fumes.There is simply no better way to express who we are as individuals than by assuming the physical identity of another human being.

My kids are going to live in costumes. There will be no matching striped shirts, over-priced Country Road shorts or demon-forged Wiggles merchandise. Instead, there will be Batman, Spiderman and Michael Clayton. They’re gonna be badass.

As Australians, we tend to miss out on many Halloween-esque wonders, such as getting served at our local KFC by a haggard Lindsay Lohan - an activity made all the more exciting by the solid chance that it’s the real Lindsay Lohan.

Well, it’s time we changed that.

It’s time we, as a nation, embraced not only the humble dress-up party, but costumes in general. And I’m not just talking about the odd Glee-themed birthday bash.

The benefits of living in a society where costumes are socially accepted in offices, domestic flights and courtrooms, far outweigh the negatives.

It would be easier, for example, for TV network honchos to keep track of fading stars and hangers-on by noting how many “zombie” variations appear at various functions. The frothing, thousand-strong mass of Zombie Kerri-Anne Kennerleys, for instance, would sound a few alarm bells.

Most importantly, however, costumes add a little bit of mystery to an otherwise ordinary day. Imagine bumping into a wild-eyed Kyle Sandilands on the way to the train, who’d let out a high-pitched wail before pulling away his mask to reveal a grinning Andrew O’Keefe. Then, with one savage movement, that mask would be ripped away to reveal a Daryl Somers mask, which would, in turn, peel away and leave you staring into a deep, dark and endless void.

Our newfound love of costumes would also freshen up existing outfits. Spending entire weeks barefoot, in trousers and a singlet? You’re not an unwashed, disgruntled slob - you’re Bruce Willis in Die Hard! Caught wearing your wife’s makeup by your father-in-law? You’re Heath Ledger as the Joker! Having trouble stopping the last remnants of your dignity and sense of self from seeping out of every pore in your body? You’re an X-Factor contestant!

Costumes allow us all to become chameleons - especially those of us dressed as chameleons.

In an age where many of us spend so much of our time celebrating ourselves, it’d be nice to have a few days each year where we can enjoy being somebody else – even if it’s a Zombie Kerri-Anne.