Dusty plastic flowers. Droning dirges. A cut-and-paste eulogy that uses the phrase ‘member of the community’. Instant coffee. Squeezed into twee rooms with bad carpet where there’s no room to talk properly and hushed tones are preferred over cataclysmic crying.

Probably not her first choice. Pic: AFP

I’ll have a cookie cutter funeral over my dead body.

It’s so crushingly depressing that the most marvellous people can still have the grimmest send off.

But you don’t need to be Carl Williams or Whitney Houston or Michael Jackson to have a cracker farewell – you just have to get past the marketing and stonewalling of the funeral industry. Did you know that you can organise a DIY funeral? That all you really have to do is get a death certificate signed, register the death, and organise the final disposal of the body?

The bland, non-specific service and cream brick pot pourri surrounds are optional extras. Optional expensive extras. And much less fun than a rocking wake.

The industry is on a pretty good thing, so plenty of people may not be aware of all the choices they have. They’ve cornered a market that will keep on keeping on, especially as the Baby Boomer bubble squeezes through.

Their customers are often not in a position to shop around, get a range of quotes, cool off. They’re vulnerable.

Consumer group Choice found funeral directors’ fees “fluctuate wildly”. Transport of the body, for example, can be $129 or $1995. They point out that prices for coffins start at $700, but “the ones you’ll most likely be introduced to will cost between about $4000 and $9000”, and you can pay up to $28,000.

You can imagine it would be easy to upsell to the best of everything when people want the comfort of letting someone else take care of all the details.

So, if you want, you can bury your loved one in particleboard or get a cremation with no service and walk away.

That would be sad, because funerals are actually really important. Like other rites of passage they are common to most cultures, because humans have a basic need to mark big occasions, to move on.

What you can do, though, to avoid rorting by Big Funerals, is work out whether you want to go out with a bang or a whimper and tell your friends and family. Then, if you want, you can take all the money that was going to go on a flash box that would be seen for a short while then burned or buried, and spend it on something worthwhile.

You can go straight to the wake.

Spend the thousands of dollars on strippers or Grange or live music or a meditation garden or a memorial sculpture. Or get a gold-encrusted coffin. Whatever.

The choices are theoretically endless, and increasing.

Soon we could have the option of an aquamation, or cryomation instead of a boring old cremation. Things are already changing, with more multimedia personalisation options than ever before.

You can get environmentally friendly coffins covered in pictures of Justin Bieber.
You can have your ashes transformed into a diamond, or sent into space.

Being of soundish mind and body, here’s what I’d have: A quick cremation with the ashes sprinkled on newly planted trees to make up for the pollution, followed by a bonfire somewhere with lots of delicious food, and everyone to bring a bottle of whatever we would have drunk together, and the music we would have listened to. A Speaker’s Corner where people could tell stories if they wished, far enough away that no one has to listen.

What would you do?

Finding eternal life on Twitter: @ToryShepherd

Most commented


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    • acotrel says:

      06:50am | 26/04/12

      In our town you can prebook a nice cool grave in a local cemetery for $50.  Sounds like a bargain to me !

    • Al says:

      08:23am | 26/04/12

      acotrel - $50 for the grave, but have a look at what they charge for all the additionals (service, coffin, labour to bury you, flowers, possibly even upkeep on the grave etc.)

    • acotrel says:

      10:19am | 26/04/12

      I might arrange for someone to come along with a post hole digger, and get the coffin dropped in the hole vertically, after it is delivered by Benalla Waste Disposal.. Got to save money for a rainy day, somehow.

    • Al says:

      10:51am | 26/04/12

      acotrel - good luck with that, you will most likely find that it will not be allowed.

    • Bev says:

      07:08am | 26/04/12

      I will have what your having sound good.

    • James Ricketson says:

      07:21am | 26/04/12

      Had to help organize a funeral recently. $800 was the lowest quote I could get for a particle board coffin. After much haggling got the entire funeral cost down to around $3000, but then someone much more bereaved than me took over and was manipulated into paying $4,600 - for a funeral in which there was no funeral! Basically, the body was picked up from the hospital, washed, delivered to crematorium. $4,600. Faaaaark! I’m with Tory on this.  BBQ. Get rid of body in the cheapest way possible. Not important. No service at crematorium. Bloody awful, most of them. Big full moon party on beach. Lots of grog and laughter.

    • Trevor says:

      07:24am | 26/04/12

      Red tape can be a killer.

      I’ve always wanted to set up a funeral home that offers traditional Viking burials. For 28K you could get a very decent mini-longship built then floated on a dam in a firey inferno. What a way to go!

      Can’t even begin to imagine the red tape on trying to get that to fly though. Let alone traditional nepalese ‘sky burials’.

    • I, Claudia says:

      09:02am | 26/04/12

      That’s precisely what I want. My parents, incidentally, died without bothering to ensure that they had funeral insurance, life insurance, or wills, because they were too cowardly to face the reality of their eventual deaths. They left my twenty-two-year-old sister and I with two funeral bills to pay for, each within six months of the other. Because they refused to talk about the topic of death with us throughout their prolonged illnesses, we honestly didn’t realise that we’d be left with the bills. Their families refused to contribute. If I’d know that this was going to go down, I’d have cried poor and had them dumped in pauper’s graves.

    • centurion48 says:

      09:12am | 26/04/12

      You might be able to recycle refugee boats, or, for the cheaper option, just slip the body on board before Customs sets fire to it.

      Funerals, like weddings, are overrated and simply get people to pay when they are emotionally vulnerable.

    • youdy beaudy says:

      07:30am | 26/04/12

      Not good if you wake up later. Hey, sorry i was asleep. What have you all done. How the hell do i get out of here. They used to fit a tube down into the coffin just in case people woke up. What if you wake up in the middle of the bonfire. Oh, what to do. Scarey hey.! Don’t think i will think of that any more. Oh dear!!.

    • I, Claudia says:

      09:03am | 26/04/12

      If you’ve been embalmed, there’s a pretty decent chance that you’re not going to wake up again. I wouldn’t be too concerned.

    • MarkF says:

      07:46am | 26/04/12

      Told my kids I wanted to be freeze dried then caste in a big block of plastic like they do with butterflies, sitting cross legged and naked giving a one fingered salute…hopefully at a ripe old age with no teeth, then they can pass me down through the generations as a coffee table.

      For some reason my kids said I was weird.

    • david says:

      10:57am | 26/04/12

      i said i preferred taxidermy to burial - my family told me to get stuffed…

    • Kika says:

      01:14pm | 26/04/12

      Mum actually considered being embalmed and left on the beach… but she didn’t like that and decided with the cardboard box painted red like a fire engine. ?? And then buried so her body can be taken out to sea. That’s almost as weird as yours MarkF!

    • youdy beaudy says:

      08:02am | 26/04/12

      I reckon that they should set up an area on the top of an Indonesian active Volcano and fit a slide. Have a service there and then slide the body down into the lava. Guess what, instant cremation. Also, it would provide some work for the locals and cut greenhouse gasses. The volcano God would take care of the body, no problems.

      The Aboriginies used to carve a hole in a tree and place the body inside and then seal it and the body would grow upward as the tree grew. Some would bury the body sitting up.

      In India they have the Vulture Towers. Mostly, they burn the bodies next to the Ganges and sometimes the dogs would run off with a piece of it and then they throw what is left into the river and it floats away to wherever.

      Me, well i don’t know. I’ll let them decide. Anyway, it’s only the body that dies, not the spirit. Nothing can destroy the spirit, it exists forever. It just takes a new body and moves on. So, we shouldn’t cry for the body, it is doomed as soon as it is born. Hope i get a better one next time around. Can’t live forever people.! Nice to know that we come back again tho. Have another go at it. Hope i do a better job next time around. There’s always room for improvement isn’t there!.

    • Al says:

      08:21am | 26/04/12

      Mulch me up and use me as fertilizer for the garden.
      It’s cheaper than having me burried or cremated and you can do it at home (just don’t tell the cops, they will arrest you!)

    • Troy Flynn says:

      08:35am | 26/04/12

      My father died four years ago and he didn’t want to leave me with any funeral costs, so he donated his corpse to the Sydney University teaching hospital. He was always happy to volunteer to recieve injections or tests from the learner doctors whenever he was in hospital. He figured; “Hey, they’ve gotta learn somehow.”
      So, when he prepared for the end, he made the arrangements to be given to people who could most benefit from it. Medical Students.
      Being an atheist, this did not bother me in the slightest and actually made me proud that he would consider the education of others as his final act.

    • SimonFromLakemba says:

      09:26am | 26/04/12

      That’s a pretty cool thing to do!

    • TJ says:

      09:32am | 26/04/12

      That’s where I hope I end up, on a hospital gurney getting cut up for spare parts or experiments.

      As for the “funeral”, I don’t want one. I’d rather the funeral costs be spent on a big piss up and gourmet food for everyone.

    • Sam says:

      11:44am | 27/04/12

      Thats what my mum has told me she wants, and I also think its agreat idea..but my wife is refusing to let me do this!

    • M says:

      08:40am | 26/04/12

      That diamond thing stirkes me as very weird. I do like the idea of a space burial though.

    • che says:

      09:40am | 26/04/12

      A woman I know had her son turned into a diamond and wears it everyday, it is definitely a bit creepy!

    • Anthony says:

      09:12am | 26/04/12

      Great another thing to worry about! It even has a carbon footprint to boot, oh the dilemma!

    • SimonFromLakemba says:

      09:30am | 26/04/12

      Ill go the 72 virgins way.


    • Troy Flynn says:

      10:20am | 26/04/12

      Why on earth or heaven would you want that? They’re only virgins once and you’ve still got eternity to go!
      And who’s to say Robin Williams isn’t correct in his assertion it’s actually “72 VIRGIL’s” (Cue the Hillbilly banjo) smile

    • SimonFromLakemba says:

      11:12am | 26/04/12

      Just thought I’d take one for the team Troy! raspberry

    • The Drop-Kick Furphy says:

      11:39am | 26/04/12


      I think a worse fate would be having to stay with 72 virgins who remain virgins for all eternity.

      “Yeah, I want you too…but I dont think I’m ready, I mean….I want it to be special, anyway why the rush, we’ve got an eternity together.”

      “Ouch….oww….just…just go slow, no… slower…sloooower….slooooweeeeer, just…just stop.”

      “If you want me, I want you to tell me I’m the one, and not just one of the sevety two.”

      “I know you love us all equally….but which one do you count as number 1?”

      “You want me to put WHAT in my mouth???”

      You get to deal with this everyday, from 72 different girls for eternity, and they never, ever, ever get any better in the sack.

      Yep.  Paradise.  Sure.

    • The Drop-Kick Furphy says:

      12:01pm | 26/04/12

      ....or worse,

      What if youre a female martyr and you get 72 virgin boys for all eternity.  You’d go through the lot of them in an hour.

    • SD says:

      12:03pm | 26/04/12

      Have to quote Billy. “72 virgins, It’s not a prize, it’s a nightmare! Give 2 fire-breathing whores!”

    • Good Grief says:

      12:04pm | 26/04/12

      “Ill go the 72 virgins way.”

      Better specify what “virgins” you are talking about. You don’t want to spend the rest of eternity with 72 socially inept embittered male virgins who moan and whine about how women are so mean and won’t bed with them, clutching a resin anime doll on one hand and the latest World of Warcraft expansion CD on the other.

    • Troy Flynn says:

      12:15pm | 26/04/12

      Looks like you want to take 72 for the team! smile

    • SimonFromLakemba says:

      03:29pm | 26/04/12

      Well that set them off..lol

    • Sam says:

      11:48am | 27/04/12

      some time back a few friends came up with the idea that these 72 screaming virgins are infact middle aged heavy-metal fans, screaming death metal tunes whilst digging a hole in their parents backyard. you can have that!

    • dancan says:

      09:37am | 26/04/12

      I want a cheap and dirty cremation, no service because I’m not religious followed by a party with the best of everything that I can afford, and lastly have my ashes thrown off the cliffs at the 12 apostles in SA

    • hawker says:

      09:40am | 26/04/12

      I like Ross Nobles idea. Have yourself cremated, but arrange to have someone stuff the pockets of your suit with bacon, sausages etc. Imagine the response from those assembled. Not a bad final gag.

    • Dianne Ward says:

      09:45am | 26/04/12

      My son is a very good graffiti artist ...I have already spoken to him about building a cheap coffin and covering it in graffiti ..bugga paying $$$$ of dollars for a coffin
      But then again there was an article in one of the papers in the last few weeks which was about donating your body to science ..and it seems there is a special day each year to give thanks and remember those who have donated thier body to science sort of like a day of respect anf thanks to the people who donated thier bodies

    • Condor says:

      09:47am | 26/04/12

      Encased in carbonite

    • Troy Flynn says:

      10:26am | 26/04/12

      Who’s palace would you be hanging in?
      Would you be in the Han Solo “frozen in pain” look or the Peter Griffin (Family Guy) mooning the audience pose? smile

    • Condor says:

      12:20pm | 26/04/12

      I tried to think of that but couldn’t come up with it. I think it might look cool hanging in Jabba’s palace. Maybe I’d just stand there looking bored just to nark the festivities going on in there.

    • Troy Flynn says:

      01:51pm | 26/04/12

      The original festivities, or Special Edition? (Damn you Lucas stop fiddling with your movies!)

    • Condor says:

      04:40pm | 26/04/12

      The original. Not with the stupid song.

    • Zeta says:

      10:04am | 26/04/12

      If I die, I want my genome to be sequenced, translated into binary, and broadcasted into space using a radio telescope. On a long enough time scale, the chances of a civilisation becoming so advanced they could conceivably intercept that signal, decode it, and re-engineer my body using highly advanced technology would approach one. In fact, it might even be our own civilisation or one that comes after it, millions of years from now, that would detect the message amidst the background radiation of space and try to clone me. There’s absolutely no guarantee that I would in fact be, ‘me’, but it’s a better shot at immortality than digging a hole and stuffing your corpse in it.

      As for my body, I want my dearest friends and former lovers to gather around my corpse and stab it with ceremonial spears and daggers so as to trick Odin and Freya into believing I died in combat, so they’ll let me into Valhalla.

      After that, I want my corpse thrown on a pyre, and at least 10 days of funery games in the Greco-Roman tradition. My preferred location for my funeral would be Pirate’s Bay, on the Tasman Peninsula, about 3kms down the beach from the boat ramp. I’d like my pyre to be made from old growth Huon Pine, and I’d like newspaper reports of Bob Brown’s incandecent rage over my using old growth forests to immolate myself be thrown on the fire for good measure.

      I’d then want my ashes to be divided in half, half should be carbonised and made into lead pencils which I’d want people to write angry letters to newspapers with. The rest I want mixed with gun powder, hand spun into shotgun shells, to be fired into the air by my close friends on the anniversary of my death.

    • Caro says:

      10:57am | 26/04/12

      Good God - what fantastic ideas!  I think I’m going to have to pinch some of them!

    • The Carbon Manual says:

      01:55pm | 26/04/12

      Radio telescopes listen, you’ll be wanting ultra high frequency radar.  May I also suggest raw binary will be pretty useless without some included decoding information.  Hope this helps your plans for immortality but when we die “we is just meat for worms” ref: A Wise Old Cowboy .

    • EmmCee says:

      10:13am | 26/04/12

      At seventy-five years of age, I’ve definitely entered the final furlong and contemplation of death more frequently enters my mind.

      Regrets? I have a few but I can’t turn back time and make any corrections. I would like another shot but as we are often reminded, life is not a dress rehearsal.

      How did I get to be so old so quickly? My life seems to have passed in the blink of an eye!

      So, it seems that I must soon say goodbye to family and friends and I hope they feel that the loss is worth a tear or two. I’m not sure how the remaining people of world will get along without me? I know it will be a struggle but they’ll just have to do the best they can.

      But I digress, what sort of funeral do I desire?
      Perhaps just a congregation of friends who are happy to contemplate and celebrate the good times that we shared!
      Definitely no religious mumbo jumbo, thank you! I do not want to be associated with any silly nonsense about entering Heaven, etc. Have you noticed, there is never any mention of mention of Hell at funerals? Apparently everybody dies blameless.

      Anyway, I’ll be unaware of the process, so any convenient manner of bodily disposal will be fine although, if pressed, I would probably prefer my remains to be returned to the sea where life apparently began. Such a location has the added benefit that while my memory remains alive, I can be contemplated by anyone looking out to sea from any beach in the world and there’s no need to go to a particular cemetery.
      Eventually, my decomposed body will be once again assimilated into the star stuff of the universe. Nothing is lost!

    • Onlooker says:

      10:15am | 26/04/12

      I suppose I am stuck with having a coffin, I want to be cremated and my ashes scattered with my husbands when he dies ( I always tell him I have to go first)
      I don’t flowers or mourners and I certainly do not want a service, if they play music I want some happy song I don’t care what. I won’t be there to see it so who cares. If something has to be in the paper I want..she came and she went. That is enough

    • adam says:

      10:35am | 26/04/12

      I want no funeral. When the time approaches, I want to visit a zoo, climb into the Lion or Tiger enclosure and be allowed to poke the animals with sticks till the inevitable happens.

      Good show for the visiting kiddies and a fine example of the circle of life.

      Seriously, none of us will be at our own funerals so who cares what happens

    • SLF says:

      10:56am | 26/04/12

      What would happen if you didnt bother? For example Uncle Bob karks it and you can’t afford a funeral. Are you legally obliged to pay for the disposal of a relative’s body?

      Can you just bury him in the back yard or head along to the council waste station?

    • Luke says:

      11:06am | 26/04/12

      Why are you crying little boy?
      My Dad was badly burn’t
      Oh no! How badly?

      Well ... they dont f**k araound at the crematorium.

    • Sally says:

      11:10am | 26/04/12

      When my time comes I want a celebration of my life - I would like my body brought “home” (into my house), happy music, lots of stories (good and bad), photos and good food. I don’t want an expensive coffin, (and if my kids/grandkids want to write on it and draw me pictures I don’t mind) but I do want my closest family and friends to travel to NZ and spread my ashes at the summit of Mt Taranaki

    • Al says:

      11:15am | 26/04/12

      Funerals (however people like to deny it) are for the living only.
      Once your dead you won’t care.
      1) You are simply dead. or
      2) You are a beliver in a religion that is right and you are of to the afterlife.
      Either way, your body is no longer anything more than a hunk of meat, bones and various bodily fluids (and/or non-bodily if its been treated already by the funeral service).

    • youdy beaudy says:

      11:21am | 26/04/12

      Just take the body up into the Rainforest where nobody goes and pop it in the ground somewhere there. No one living in rainforests. Make sure you put it in a solid container so that the echidnas don’t dig it up. Do it at night when nobody is around and nobody will be the wiser.

      Leave a note there saying that you weren’t murdered and that you were in your right mind and it was done that way in accordance with your nature spirit religion just to cover the legalities if found at some time and dug up later when with overdevelopment they want to put another suburb there.

      They, the authorities will have to comply with your native religion requirements as is written in law., but don’t leave any identification so they can’t come to your family later. A good way to go, buried forever in a nice rainforest. Plenty of forest still around. They will never find you.!. Feed a tree!.

      When they ask your Rellys what happened to you, they can just say that you went on a long travelling holiday and they haven’t heard from you. He may be travelling through a rainforest somewhere in the world you declare. You say, ” I will let him know that you enquired about him when he returns,” thanks for your concern. We are sure he is having a nice time.!!

    • Fred says:

      11:54am | 26/04/12

      I’d do it for half the $4600. Just get a boat and chuck them in the ocean. Weigh them down with an old brick. We definitely owe the fish. Hire an old scout hall and get a case or two of VB, cheap wine and some sausage rolls and party pies. Pay an arts student a few dollars to do a eulogy. They all fancy themselves as fairly spiritual and well spoken. 

      I wonder when they get picked up from the hospital or the morgue are they already wrapped up in a body bag? Because I couldn’t do that. Yuck.

      Do that once a day and you’re making about $500k a year.

    • scumbag says:

      01:00pm | 26/04/12

      After you’ve gone, there’s no denyin’ who’s sorry now. But don’t worry, be happy. Go out in style in the white sports coat with a pink carnation outfit; you can say ‘I did it my way’.

    • Kika says:

      01:08pm | 26/04/12

      Funeral directors to me are like part time ambulance chasing lawyers and marriage celebrants on the weekends, funerals by arrangment. Lionel Hutz from the Simpsons springs to mind…
      My opinion came to me quite a few years ago after a few family members passed away. My Grandad organised the funerals though a popular ‘chain’. The directors just seemed to superficially empathetic with us it was so distasteful. Marriage celebrants are no better.

      The funny thing is we HAVE them because we have lost connection with ceremony and ritual because we have lost ties with religion, so we reach out for those things within the secular world and to me all you get is commerciality and fake empathy…. “Yes Uncle Neville was a great man…ok so where’s my $5000?”

    • Kika says:

      01:19pm | 26/04/12

      My Dad wants to be cremated and put in a largie XXXX bottle - where my sister and I have to bring him out and put him on top of the TV:-
      1) Every time Carlton plays; and
      2) Every Ashes;

    • Kika says:

      01:10pm | 26/04/12

      Oh… I forgot. My Mum has told my sister that she wants to be buried in a cardboard box, painted red in the fashion of a fire engine and then buried in a paupers grave somewhere at Byron Bay - on the beach - so she can get swept out to sea. Sorry tourists.

    • Kika says:

      01:17pm | 26/04/12

      My uncle told my sister & I, before he became a father, that we were the closest relatives most likely to survive to his funeral, so we were responsible for his funeral arrangements. He wanted a sombre affair, then followed by the lights dimming to black… then out of the darkness Black Sabbath’s ‘Electrical Funeral’ to be played. Then when the crescendo comes his body gets lifted up and out of the coffin in front of us all right for the bit where it goes “ELECTRIC FUNERAL! ELECTRICAL FUNERAL”

      Since he’s now married with a child I doubt whether this will still go ahead. Who knows. Maybe it will…

    • Lauren says:

      01:20pm | 26/04/12

      The most ridiculous funeral I went to was a young guy who crashed his car whilst drinking and skylarking. It was very sad - he was only 18. After the ceremony we went to the pub and when it was dying off a few hours later a couple of his mates got in their cars and did burnouts/skids as a way of “marking respect”.

      Yes, let’s all celebrate the bloke by doing the exact same thing that got him killed in the first place. Idiots.

    • M says:

      04:24pm | 26/04/12

      I think that’s a great way to celebrate. But I’m a man/hoon/menace to society.

    • Admiral Ackbar says:

      01:21pm | 26/04/12

      When I die I will become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.

      But in all honesty I could care less if I get buried in the backyard, unless the option to be shot into space becomes a possibility.

    • Sloan says:

      01:23pm | 26/04/12

      For all this humorous talk when it comes time to deal with the death of someone that mattered to you a great deal, you will be numb and unable to think clearly.

      Haggling over price will seem wrong and you will be taken to the cleaners.

      It is very important that you make your wishes known whilst alive and have set aside the money to pay for the funeral you want.

      Over the past few years I have been in the process of setting up a cemetery in country NSW where the body is stored intact in a formed concrete tomb.

      The body must be embalmed like in a mausoleum and the family will have a permanent place to visit. Mementoes of their lifetime can be sealed inside with the deceased and a wife and husband or other family members can also share a single unit if they desire.

      Many people are uncomfortable with both burial and cremation and mausoleum type interment is a nicer option than seeing someone close to them being burned to ash or rotting away.

      One significant difference with the facility I propose is that the family can decorate and embellish the outside of the vault however they wish and if they prefer even get a tomb cast into a shape like a pyramid or some other style from a reasonable selection of designs.

      I have already arranged the proposed private burials of myself, family members and a few close friends onto this land into a variety of tombs that look like pyramids 4mx4mx4m in size and a few other shapes. One close friend has arranged for a cube that is 2.5m square that she wants decorated like a giant Rubiks cube.

      I am hoping if it ever reaches a critical mass it will be one of the most artistic and fascinating cemeteries in the world.

    • Troy Flynn says:

      02:05pm | 26/04/12

      Judging from the comments above, most of us here will not be availing ourselves of your obviously expensive services. I would hazzard to guess that today’s punch respondents, by and large, do not believe cemeteries are required to honour the dead, but a great cash cow for people such as yourself.

    • Sloan says:

      05:35pm | 26/04/12

      Thanks for the most courteous comments Troy.

      In fact the one I have started to set up is not for profit and is by invitation only. The plots are sold on a title and enough money must be put in trust to pay land taxes etc for 15 years.

      It is only suitable for those that think life and death are the beginning and end of all art and who want to make a statement about their lives when they die. We are hoping that the small collective that has been set up will meet regularly to work on individual tombs long before they are needed. Think of it as a DIY funeral. The only expense incurred at the end will be embalming and transport to the tomb so it should work out less than 1k at current prices upon death as everything but the sealing of the tomb hermetically with cement has already been completed many years before.

      You may not be interested Troy but I and many of my acquaintances who have money to spare and wish to be prepared for our inevitable deaths so that we do not leave worries and administration to those we leave behind find it a most suitable service.

      Many people have told me that helping build their own tomb and decorating or painting it alone or with family and friends as they desire helps them come to terms with the fact that life is short and they will soon die.

      On a separate note. Why do you think there are no cut price funeral homes Troy? There is no demand for a paupers grave amongst most families. If that is what you desire though the Govt. cremates and pays for basic services for those that die broke.

    • Ziggy says:

      04:40pm | 26/04/12

      I have donated my remains to Sydney Uni so they can unravel the mysteries of what kept me alive for so long on a diet of excellent scotch and total lack of identifiable vegetables and/or fruit. Possibly all that cocoa I have eaten over the years in the form of dark chocolate may also have contributed.

    • Over here says:

      07:33pm | 26/04/12

      ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
      WITNESS: No.
      ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
      WITNESS: No.
      ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
      WITNESS: No.
      ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
      WITNESS: No.
      ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
      WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
      ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
      WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

    • angry alligator says:

      07:36pm | 26/04/12

      The media is trying to write the obituary of the ALP each day!
      Yet their Liberal NSW State Government is dead , asleep or faulty !


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