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A thank-you note to Oprah from Tourism Australia

Paul Colgan

by Paul Colgan

14 Sep 10:34am

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Filed under: Celebrity, Entertainment, Oprah, Oprah Winfrey, Television, Tourism, Tourism Australia

48 comments

Dearest Oprah, can we start by saying: ohmygod ohmygod ohmyGOD.

Janice, Margie and June from accounts

We can’t thank you enough for getting us out of the little marketing pickle we have found ourselves in ever since the Lara Bingle Where-the-Bloody-Hell-Are-You business (yes, what were we thinking?). For your enjoyment we have enclosed some photos from inside our marketing department from the moment we heard the news that you have decided to shoot your first ever overseas show in Sydney. As you can see, there was quite the excitement.

A few more pictures follow. We will of course have a full itinerary ready by the time you arrive but now that we’re locked in there are a few preliminary things you might want to think about that we’ve listed below.

Both of our Prime Ministers will be available for interview. It’s a little quirky, but it works like this: Julia Gillard is the nation’s domestic leader while Kevin Rudd does the job overseas. He’ll probably have to appear via satellite from wherever he is at the time. Probably Zurich or New York.

Anyway, this is a bit of a sensitive point but they haven’t appeared together on television together lately - and it strikes us that with your exquisite diplomatic skills you might be able to have a genial conversation between the three of you, live. Whatever happens I’m sure you will have a great conversation with Julia about what it means to be an ambitious, talented leader who isn’t married.

The US marketing team

If you come across a guy called Rob Oakeshott, don’t ask him any questions. We don’t want you to waste your time as you’ll only be here for eight days. Nice guy and can actually make decisions, it’s just… yeah.

Learning that it will be screened in 145 countries

Should you want to delve into the Australian occult we have just the guy. His name is Bill Heffernan and he’s easy to reach by phone.

Directions: Tell Travolta it’s straight across the Pacific heading for the giant white hat in the sugar fields. Turn left at the hat, go past Brisbane and Sydney is the next big town you come to.

That about covers it for now. As we won’t need to spend any ad dollars for a while, we’re off to spend this year’s entire marketing budget on an obscene lunch.

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48 comments

Show oldest | newest first

    • stephen says:

      12:20pm | 14/09/10

      Thanks Oprah, but no-thanks.
      And can someone get Kev a row-boat ter get back on, cause the later he gets back the later he can leave agin, and so after a while he might actually save us money.
      (If yer get my drift.)

      Reply

    • Front Row says:

      07:09pm | 14/09/10

      This was all thanks to Paul Hogan.

    • Lise says:

      12:40pm | 14/09/10

      Well done Paul! Hahah

      Reply

    • Joolz says:

      12:52pm | 14/09/10

      I love Oprah. Some of her shows are absolutely brilliant, others are relevant and then there are the ones about fashion which infuriate me because we don’t get the sort of selection the Yanks do.

      When Oprah does something, EVERYONE wants to do it. So if they come to Australia into Sydney and leave via Cairns, I’m good with that. Particularly if they spend a few thou’ while they’re here.

      Reply

    • Elphaba says:

      12:57pm | 14/09/10

      I thought the funniest thing was that the audience started to lose their minds and started crying even before she announced where they were going.

      It would’ve sucked if she said “We’re going to… Milwaukee!”

      Reply

    • T.Chong says:

      01:06pm | 14/09/10

      it woulda been a hoot. If oprah said she was going to the can, the crowd would still have gone crazy

    • dancan says:

      12:58pm | 14/09/10

      As much as I dislike Oprah.  I have to admit that it’s pretty cool giving away a free overseas trips to the entire crew and audience.

      Reply

    • Burko says:

      01:58pm | 14/09/10

      Yeah, a free trip, which we paid for. Haven’t heard mention of the $1,000,000 bribe she was paid by Tourism Aust. to come over. Funny that. Starting to sound a lot less free, hey.

    • David says:

      02:11pm | 14/09/10

      Burko, it’s called marketing and it costs money.

      I’m sure it’s better value than another $1M worth of “Where the bloody hell are you?” television advertising.

    • Burko says:

      03:09pm | 14/09/10

      I knew someone was going to bring up that old chestnut!!!!. Yes I agree that was a poor advertising strategy but at least local talent was used and the money more than likely stayed here. I just dont like the idea of my tax dollars being spent to bring an audience when I assume we could supply an equally good one. I thought that some one of Oprah’s high standing in the community would have chosen a country on merit, not on how much money they throw at her. David, if your comfortable with your tax payments being spent thusly, then more power to you. Im not.

    • Get Real says:

      03:22pm | 14/09/10

      Burko, $1m on ineffectual advertising is a waste of taxpayers money, regardless of the nationality of the so-called “talent”. If a million of our tax dollars are to be spent on attracting tourists then the relevant issue is how effectively it will do that, not what nationality the audience is. For mine, getting an Oprah show broadcast from here will be worth a lot more than $1m in ads, and I hope the audience have a great time.

    • Peter from rural NSW says:

      06:06pm | 14/09/10

      This is just another beat up way to bring this dame to Australia…why bring her own audience…what is wrong with US as AUSTRALIANS.
      Leave her over there and take Tony Abbott over there for a holiday and leave him there.
      We dont need here here.We have enough clowns on outr own TV without another one

    • pheelion says:

      09:17pm | 14/09/10

      You would think that for $1M we could buy a better class of tourist than an Oprah audience.

    • Pete from the city says:

      09:53am | 15/09/10

      raspberryeter from rural wherever the hell you are….it’s money very well spent, unlike the $10 billion you’re getting….to buy this sort of publicity would cost possibly 50 times as much, maybe more…

    • Peter says:

      01:18pm | 14/09/10

      Brumby, when all those tourists get here and jump on our public transport in the belief that they may be able to purchase tickets on them, are you going to fine then as a welcoming jesture to Victoria?

      Reply

    • Dagg says:

      01:25pm | 14/09/10

      Look, they’re Americans. They probably all think they’re going to Austria.

      They’ll be surprised we speak English and they’ll still complain about the fries.

      Can’t we get ‘em to change the booking? Either that or give ‘em the Doc Neeson greeting, big time.

      Reply

    • Gregg says:

      03:05pm | 14/09/10

      I reckon we could at least round up a few truckloads of kangeroos and let them loose in Hyde Park just so they can go home and say yep it’s true, there are Kangeroos jumping down the city streets.

      And they had better put up some good signs to say No!, that rugged looking guy at the beach in tiny bathers is not Mickey Mouse re-incarnated.

      Reply

    • S.L says:

      03:42pm | 14/09/10

      It’s a great marketing strategy bringing the queen of world TV (and a couple of hundred clueless Americans) to our shores. For whatever it costs the State Government the returns will be assured. How many American do you think watched the Olympics? Compare that to how many of them watch Oprah week in week out! It costs a lot less than building sports stadiums for a once in a lifetime event.

      Reply

    • Biteme says:

      03:48pm | 14/09/10

      I don’t know where you guys are getting $1 Million from. I’ve heard figures of $6 Million.

      Reply

    • Steve Smith says:

      05:18pm | 14/09/10

      smh is reporting figures of $3m. All of which could be doubled, even tripled.. and it still would be the best money spent on tourism the country has seen since the Olympics… and cheaper.

      Whether you like her or not, her Empire is enormous and is worth every penny.

    • BK says:

      04:13pm | 14/09/10

      Thank goodness that I don’t live between Sydney and Cairns. Imagine being somewhere when 100 Oprah fans suddenly arrive.

      Reply

    • AlexW says:

      04:51pm | 14/09/10

      It is a too good an opportunity to educate the general American public in a basic ‘geography lesson’ sense, if not history & politics (it might help explain why Aussie soldiers are still up to their eyeballs in IEDs in Afghanistan). While Julia may send an affirmative message to the mostly female audience re female political leaders, I don’t think that they necessarily need to go home and vote for Palin either!
      If Aussie taxpayers are footing the bill - and with our $ so strong, it has got to get a better bang for the buck than the last 2 campaigns: think about all the other countries where Oprah is syndicated! The itinerary needs to give a real sense of what else Australia has to offer beyond the stereotypes. According to my recent discussions with taxi drivers in the US, Steve Irwin & all our deadly critters are still making a disproportionate impact over there, more so than Paul Hogan’s shrimps or big knife. I’m sure Rob Oakshot could provide some pointers on how to spread the spend outside of Sydney with a tour of some regional centres. They might even enjoy a portion-controlled kangaroo kebab at a genuine Aussie BBQ (men drinking beer around the BBQ while the women are shooing kids & flies, or inside washing up!). I only ask that some go home & ask the US Masterchef producers whose great idea it was to ask Gordon Ramsey to be a judge (their first episode made me glad I was leaving North America before the next went to air!)

      Reply

    • Kim Morrison says:

      05:17pm | 14/09/10

      I would pay the Tourism budget just for a seat in her audience.

      Oprah For President.

      Courage. Compassion. Change.

      Reply

    • Spending Money says:

      06:18pm | 14/09/10

      Whoopeee we are paying for hundreds of US couch potatoes to have an all expenses free jolly.  In the US 5% of the population hold passports and I expect none of them watch Oprah, nice bit of target marketing there.  70 million Oprah viewers (including Australians) will see an episode of their beloved Oprah in Australia - it will cost well over (state federal and Qantas ) $3million, we could have given each viewer $42,000 each to come and have a holiday here and out Oprah’d Oprah.

      Reply

    • Walker Waters says:

      06:44pm | 14/09/10

      Oprah is an extremely formidable intellectual,dismiss her at your peril, the warning has been given.

      Reply

    • Scarneck says:

      08:07pm | 14/09/10

      ...and this is good for Australia, why? Apart from the fact that anyone that watches this very typical overweight loud mouthed American woman wouldn’t have even heard of Australia, so they now have, great!

      Reply

    • Bruce says:

      08:49pm | 14/09/10

      The reason Oprah is bringing her own audience is that Australian audiences are much tuffer and harder to impress….well usually !!

      Reply

    • stephen says:

      09:30pm | 14/09/10

      Tourism Australia is over the moon Oprah is coming down under.
      Just imagine what 2 Oprahs could do for us.

      Reply

    • Denise says:

      09:50pm | 14/09/10

      I think it is wonderful for the whole of Australia.  Majority of Americans all say that they would love to visit Australia. This is one way they will all get to see our beautiful country. Well done Oprah.

      Reply

    • Democrat says:

      11:10pm | 14/09/10

      Most of them will probably just be struck dumb when they see that Union Jack Flying above them when they land here.  They will probably think they are in the UK.  They will then probably believe they are in the UK when they find that the English Queen is the Australian Head of State.  Just another embarrassment to we colonials.

      Reply

    • Peter says:

      08:05am | 15/09/10

      @Democrat: I don’t think Oprah’s audience will spend too much time combing through our constitution for evidence of imperial lackydom but if they do, they’ll be delighted. The Yanks love Royalty, particularly the Poms’ brand. And if Oprah’s audience does end up discussing this quaint Antipodean foible over some shoestring fries they might logically reason that having a British royal as a head of state is a pretty good safeguard against the excesses of the Executive. There can be no external influence on who is selected for the role, meaning the office, if not the individual, is incorruptible.

    • Holly says:

      11:21pm | 14/09/10

      Why has everyone been bagging poor ole Lara Bingle’s ad campaign.  Apparently no one remembers that the one that followed was heaps worse.  The dark and mystifying Baz Luremann thingy.

      Reply

    • Redvixen says:

      01:05pm | 15/09/10

      I loved that campaign!  The pictures leading up to the catch phras were fabulous.  When it finally dawned on the powers-that-be that using ‘bloody’ and ‘hell’ was not a good idea why didn’t spend just a couple of extra dollars (rather than waste the whole thing) and get Lara to say “So why are you here” or “So where ARE you?”.  Very short-sighted, in my opinion.

    • Oz says:

      06:58am | 15/09/10

      Yeah, right. Well done Oprah my arse.

      300 odd Yanks are to come over, paid for by $3 million of our tax dollars.

      Got that? We pay. Not Oprah.

      We’re paying 300 ignorant American loudmouths to freeload.  And they’ll all think that *Oprah* paid for it.

      They’ll be surprised - if they get here this Spring - that somehow it really isn’t Autumn.

      They’ll try and cuddle the damned koalas, which they won’t be able to spell or pronounce.  And they won’t be able to spell kangaroo either, Gregg.

      Then they’ll go on and on about our cute accent.

      And best of all? They’ll start complaining the moment they set foot here. About the coffee, about the chips, about the TV channels, about the size of the sambos, about the flies. 

      If they complain long enough and loud enough on Facebook, the famously vindictive Ms Winfrey will have a major hissy fit and start bagging out the joint too. Broadcast to 144 countries, all on *our* flaming $3 million.

      Come to think of it, that’d be a good result.

      Put a whopper dent in flying visits by pig-ignorant Yanks for decades.

      Reply

    • Roger says:

      07:43am | 15/09/10

      I thought this was a masterstroke, then I realised that we’re paying for it! LOL..

      Reply

    • Denny Crane says:

      07:59am | 15/09/10

      It will be interesting of the 300 audience actually, how many of them have a pssport to start, get a passport, and then are able to get clearance for visa to come to Australia, the number could drop very quickly.

      Who are going to be her guests, please not Gillard.

      Oprah has interviewed the opposition leader in the past Obama preident set there.

      Get Mel Gibson on the show, i am guessing Terri Irwin will snag a gig as well.

      Every pollie espically Christine Kenally will be wanting to be on thier to help boost thier chances.

      Its an outdoor broadcast, predicting 40 plkus day temp, remember pricing structure for food and drink increase it by 100% on the day, the yanks will have no idea

      Reply

    • Pete from the city says:

      09:58am | 15/09/10

      Julia Gillard is the Prime Minister, denny, in case you missed it…bit of respect please…

    • Denny Crane says:

      10:58am | 15/09/10

      ok Pete, the Pm Julia Gillard who dosent even have a business plan for the NBN, try that in a public company and the shareholders would truf you out

    • AJ says:

      08:37am | 15/09/10

      Why are we spending marketing dollars on a country with a struggling economy?

      At least target a place where the citizens can afford to travel halfway across the world and then spend money in local tourist traps.

      Reply

    • Scarneck says:

      09:20am | 15/09/10

      Spot on AJ. Having been there a few times, the last place Americans want to go to is Australia, they say ‘it’s too far away’ and it is. Working Americans don’t get holidays like we do, most would be lucky to get one weeks leave.

    • Ozzie says:

      09:27am | 15/09/10

      Actually,  its about 450 people and more like 6 Million Ozzie taxpayer dollars. True.

      Reply

    • Mulga Bill says:

      10:45am | 15/09/10

      A Dozen Handy Hints to help our American visitors enjoy their brief stay.

      1. It’s a koh-ah-la, not a kwahler-bare. Oh, and it is *not* a bear, though it climbs trees with those cute furry little paws. And they have real claws. They’re not made for cuddling, got that?

      2. We drink coffee, fresh, strong, hot, in cups. If it’s black and well-made, there will be aromatic frizz on top. Taste it and wonder. We sent Whats-is-Bucks broke for trying to peddle your tasteless flat grey dishwater in styrofoam.

      3. Unless you’re in a Macca’s (you know, the golden arches) you’ll be ordering and eating *Chips* not Fries.

      4. We eat *Biscuits*, not “cookies”. Best are Anzacs,  if home made or from a proper bakery. Or Tim Tams,  though they aren’t what they were since one of your giant slop factories took Arnott’s over.

      5. We eat pancakes or pikelets, not “biscuits”, and then only once in a while. If you must have something soft, sweet and floppy to eat with your meal, stay home. We don’t *do* pancakes with maple syrup on the same plate with eggs, steak, bacon and chips. We just don’t, OK? Don’t ask.

      6. Don’t bother with the “G’day mate”. It makes you sound very very foolish. And no, we don’t speak Cockney, and none of our varied accents are *anything* like it.  It was a Yank tried to tell you that. He was wrong.

      7. If someone tells you to get stuffed, you’ve made them rather cross by your boorish behaviour. Unless he’s a friend of years standing and you’re both a bit sloshed.

      8. If someone refers to you as an ass, no, he’s not talking about your rear end. He too has noticed your poor behaviour.

      9. Your rear is your bum. Not an ass. You may be an arse, better than even chance I guess, but I wouldn’t know for sure till you get here.

      10. Given that you’re almost certainly a minimum of 15kg over your ideal weight for age, yes, your bum really does look big in that.

      11. Five Things to Eat and Enjoy:
      Kangaroo steaks grilled.
      Camel casserole.
      Wild Top End-caught Barramundi grilled.
      Fresh Aussie Prawns. NO, they are not Shrimp. Who told you that?
      Crocodile if you must.

      12. Five Things to Avoid
      Swimming in Top End billabongs (small lakes) and tidal rivers. The crocodiles must eat, you *are* on their menu, and they will spot *you* before you see them.
      Stingers and Blue-ring Occies. Just ask, before dashing in for a beach swim up in Qld or NT.
      To be safe, any snake. Brown, Black, Red Bellied, etc. Watch where you step and leave ‘em be.
      American tourists, if you can.

      Reply

    • Amber says:

      11:28am | 15/09/10

      Who’s going to translate when Jools tries to have a conversation with Oprah?

      Reply

    • Amber says:

      11:34am | 15/09/10

      And to Scarneck - Americans have MORE holidays than we do - every year up to 6 years it goes up by a week.  Of course it menas you have to stay in the same job to get that, but you can be with a company for 40 years here and you will only ever have 4 weeks/year.  Alos they are also MORE interested in Oz than any other country;  if you ever go there just tell them where you’re from and they will ask a million questions, relating to what it’s like to live here. This has been my experience of many years of living and travelling there.

      Reply

    • Dave says:

      03:36pm | 15/09/10

      I’m not a fan or a viewer of Oprah. However she has the goods to bring about a global audience. The cost of a few million is nothing in return for the exposure Australia is getting.

      To all the gurus out there who think it’s a waste of dosh what’s your better idea?

      Reply

    • Uh Huh says:

      08:30am | 16/09/10

      Do nothing.

      When the exchange rate favours them instead of us, they’ll come.

      Meanwhile, we save money.

    • Sean Williams says:

      04:03am | 16/09/10

      Come on Aussies, admit it, you’re all secretly bursting with pride over this - even those who claim to be against it. Never underestimate the power of the collective Australian orgasm whenever the world (especially America) pays it the slightest bit attention (even if sometimes they’re confusing it with Austria). If Oprah brought her show to London no-one in the UK would bat an eyelid

      Reply
 
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