A thank-you note to Oprah from Tourism Australia
Dearest Oprah, can we start by saying: ohmygod ohmygod ohmyGOD.
We can’t thank you enough for getting us out of the little marketing pickle we have found ourselves in ever since the Lara Bingle Where-the-Bloody-Hell-Are-You business (yes, what were we thinking?). For your enjoyment we have enclosed some photos from inside our marketing department from the moment we heard the news that you have decided to shoot your first ever overseas show in Sydney. As you can see, there was quite the excitement.
A few more pictures follow. We will of course have a full itinerary ready by the time you arrive but now that we’re locked in there are a few preliminary things you might want to think about that we’ve listed below.
Both of our Prime Ministers will be available for interview. It’s a little quirky, but it works like this: Julia Gillard is the nation’s domestic leader while Kevin Rudd does the job overseas. He’ll probably have to appear via satellite from wherever he is at the time. Probably Zurich or New York.
Anyway, this is a bit of a sensitive point but they haven’t appeared together on television together lately - and it strikes us that with your exquisite diplomatic skills you might be able to have a genial conversation between the three of you, live. Whatever happens I’m sure you will have a great conversation with Julia about what it means to be an ambitious, talented leader who isn’t married.
If you come across a guy called Rob Oakeshott, don’t ask him any questions. We don’t want you to waste your time as you’ll only be here for eight days. Nice guy and can actually make decisions, it’s just… yeah.
Should you want to delve into the Australian occult we have just the guy. His name is Bill Heffernan and he’s easy to reach by phone.
Directions: Tell Travolta it’s straight across the Pacific heading for the giant white hat in the sugar fields. Turn left at the hat, go past Brisbane and Sydney is the next big town you come to.
That about covers it for now. As we won’t need to spend any ad dollars for a while, we’re off to spend this year’s entire marketing budget on an obscene lunch.
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