It’s a case of life imitating art or, more precisely, life almost imitating a cult Kiwi musical comedy duo’s US cable TV show.
In the second series of the relentlessly self-deprecating Flight of the Conchords, the New Zealand Prime Minister Brian visits America but is such a non-entity that the closest he comes to meeting Barack Obama is on a public tour of the White House and then later at a party with an Obama impersonator.
In a follow-up episode Brian opens the single dismal exhibit New Zealand Town in New York and insists on providing the commentary while driving the guided tour bus past it himself.
The real New Zealand Prime Minister is currently visiting the US for the big UN pow-wow.
He also has a plan to get noticed and that is to read the Top Ten list on David Letterman’s Late Show.
In doing so he is following in the august steps of Barack Obama and Britney Spears, who have both recently done the venerable gag countdown.
Although he probably won’t copy Britney by wearing a bikini, John Key would still hope his performance will alert possibly millions of unaware Americans, and perhaps some unaware New Zealanders, to his existence and also to New Zealand’s as a potential holiday destination.
As the Letterman writers will struggle with trying to work out what a New Zealand is, I have compiled for them a Top-Ten style list of things Americans should know about the country.
To keep it clean and as a challenge I have avoided references to sexual preference and sheep.
WHAT AMERICANS MIGHT NOT KNOW ABOUT NEW ZEALAND:
1. Used to be called “New and Improved Zealand”.
2. The exchange rate is one New Zealand for each US dollar.
3. Has three times as many sheep as people and four times as many unemployment offices.
4. The country was actually Photoshopped into existence as a backdrop for the Lord of the Rings films.
5. Contains mythical races such as orcs, hobbits, elves, and female TV news readers over 50.
6. Much of New Zealand is boiling mud. Somehow it smells worse than it looks.
7. To speak authentic New Zealand you substitute every vowel sound with another randomly picked out of a Scrabble set.
8. May actually be part of Australia. No one can find the lease.
9. National costume is the sheepskin ugg boot, tracksuit pants and an old rugby jumper but this is only required for formal state occasions such as jam-making contests.
10. Abolished its armed forces in 1985 and currently defends itself by giving out a false geographic address in the Atlantic Ocean.
(I believe this to be a world record for an Australian talking at length about New Zealand.)
Facebook Recommendations
Read all about it
Punch live
Up to the minute Twitter chatter
RT @adamroy37: Just received a phone call from a young girl apologizing for her actions. Lets support her please #racismitstopswithme#Indi…
RT @adamroy37: Just received a phone call from a young girl apologizing for her actions. Lets support her please #racismitstopswithme#Indi…
Australia. Where you die for your country and get a rest area named after you http://t.co/hO6LpfwDvI
Recent posts
The latest and greatest
The Punch is moving house
Good morning Punchers. After four years of excellent fun and great conversation, this is the final post…
Will Pope Francis have the vision to tackle this?
I have had some close calls, one that involved what looked to me like an AK47 pointed my way, followed…
Advocating risk management is not “victim blaming”
In a world in which there are still people who subscribe to the vile notion that certain victims of sexual…
Nosebleed Section
choice ringside rantings
From: Hasbro, go straight to gaol, do not pass go
Tim says:
They should update other things in the game too. Instead of a get out of jail free card, they should have a Dodgy Lawyer card that not only gets you out of jail straight away but also gives you a fat payout in compensation for daring to arrest you in the first place. Instead of getting a hotel when you… [read more]From: A guide to summer festivals especially if you wouldn’t go
Kel says:
If you want a festival for older people or for families alike, get amongst the respectable punters at Bluesfest. A truly amazing festival experience to be had of ALL AGES. And all the young "festivalgoers" usually write themselves off on the first night, only to never hear from them again the rest of… [read more]Gentle jabs to the ribs
Superman needs saving
Can somebody please save Superman? He seems to be going through a bit of a crisis. Eighteen months ago,… Read more
Most commented