This week, my daughter and I made a pompom. You know, one of those mad, multi-coloured things constructed with wool and cardboard that we all used to make before such quaint activities were usurped by the PS, the DS and the iStuff.

When was the last time your family did this? Photo: CWA

I groaned inwardly when she came home with a doughnut-shaped circle nearly the size of her head. As a child of the ’70s, I know the bigger the hole, the more wool winding. This wasn’t a pompom we were making; it was an RSI-inducing fluffy football (thanks, Ms F).

So, for a week, we wound and threaded and knotted and chatted, pausing only to dispatch her father for more wool supplies (don’t send a man to buy textiles unless you want variations on brown). This morning, as she trotted off to school, it was hard to tell who was more puffed up – my daughter or the massive woolly doughnut that, by day’s end, will be a pompom.

I can’t help but think that everything good and right and whole is woven into that furry ball. Not only is it cheap, recycled and eco-friendly (notwithstanding the endless kettle boiling required for fortifying cups of tea), it’s been a lesson in delayed gratification. It took patience, perseverance and time.
Oh, so much time.

Ask anyone – parents, couples, singles – and they’ll tell you time is the one thing we don’t have. We’re beholden to our busy-ness, so much so that Unicef recently found that children are trapped in a cycle of ‘compulsive consumerism’ as parents buy them stuff to compensate for their long working hours.

Admittedly, the report was a thunderous warning to parents in Britain – ranked the worst country in the industrialised world in which to be a child. But a closer look at the research shows that we share some alarming similarities with our broken mother country.

Only 51.3 per cent of Australian 15-year-olds say their parents spend time “just talking to them” several times a week, compared with 60.5 per cent of UK teens. We fare slightly better on eating with our teens – nearly 70 per cent share their main meals with their parents several times a week, versus 66.7 per cent in the UK. Perhaps the youth riots that made headlines wouldn’t happen here, but what sort of society produces teen girls who bash each other up, knocking out teeth and breaking noses, so they can upload their disturbing spectacle on YouTube?

Yes, parents are exhausted and we often opt for the most convenient and least combative measures to raise our children. But, if not us, what defence is there against materialism or the insidious elements of technology? Unicef’s research found the happiest kids were those who spent time outdoors with their families, saved up to buy things and helped out with chores. Funnily enough, all things that take thought, instruction and time from parents.

In the constant tussle between work and home, I often forget what a privilege it is to be a parent – to have in my hands and my heart two small souls I’m just borrowing; who I have for a short time to guide and teach and enjoy. Children for whom a tickle, a chat or a paper heart slipped into a lunch box is so much more important than anything I have to do. Truly, what child ever died from too much love?

That’s why – despite deadlines looming – I’m off with my scissors to my daughter’s school. Because nothing that needs doing today is as joyous as seeing 30 massive pompoms come to life.

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19 comments

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    • acotrel says:

      07:09am | 02/10/11

      I spent many hours playing board games, chess and cards with my kids.  I taught them to play table tennis in the garage, and we had many discussions on a variety of subjects.  My first son is a chef, the second, an engineer, my daughter a lawyer.  They are all competitive, and to this day they always play the board games when they get together - the oldest is in his mid-forties.  My second son is the sorst kind of competitor.  At his 21st birthday, his friend gave a speech and said -  ‘with Paul you name your game, and he will beat you at it !’
      The competitive stuff has its down side.  In his job he is super conscientious - just had the heart attack at age 43 !

    • Fiona says:

      01:24pm | 02/10/11

      Possibly not a good advert for spending time playing board games with your kids.
      I gave up with my oldest when they nearly came to blows over a chess game.
      As for those pom poms, my last lot with my girls were an epic fail. Oh the shame.

    • acotrel says:

      12:52pm | 03/10/11

      @Fiona
      My two sons are nown their 40s, and my daughter is ten years younger.  When they get t ogether, they still play all those old games.  They have never fought over the games in their lives. You cannot expect to have kids, then escape to somewhere else. Were you playing chess with them, or did you simply show them the rules, and leave them to it ? If you simply leave the kids to play with each other, the adult contact isn’t there, and the bar isn’t elevated to an adult level.  I am still the monolpoly champion amonst the kids in our family, however they’ve all managed to toss me in almost every other game ! 
      I might have a different approach to many people.  I was the oldest of five kids.  When we were young we had the biggest gang of friends , and we used to play all the kid’s games - keepings off, brandy, hidey - all that stuff, and I was the organiser.  My current wife was the third kid in her family, and hasn’t got that talent.  She finds kids difficult to relate to, whereas I speak the same language.

    • stephen says:

      05:30pm | 03/10/11

      Yeah Alcho, my old man used to play canasta and samba with his mates all night long and I never ate mexican food again.
      Cards are for the oldies and musos between gigs on the train.

    • Ploddy says:

      09:01am | 02/10/11

      Bravo. Just… bravo.

    • Jay says:

      09:49am | 02/10/11

      A lovely, simple, important piece of writing. x

    • Mayday says:

      11:21am | 02/10/11

      Angela so true, so true.

      As an early childhood educator I see little ones coming to day care exhausted and frustrated because of the crazy life style their parents lead.

      Some children are dropped off at 8am and collected at 6pm.  I am exhausted after eight hours but the parents do not seem to appreciate the harm they are causing to their children.  And ‘compulsive consumerism’ is trying to replace time lost but what a sad trade off that is!

      Down time in a one to one situation with a parent is priceless and they are young for such a short period of time.
      Thanks Angela for reminding us that parenting is a privilege and life is short.

    • Kheiron says:

      11:17pm | 02/10/11

      Is ‘early childhood educator’ just a fancy way of saying ‘I babysit…professionally’?

      My girlfriend does the same thing and my house (minus the room where my computer and various breakables are) is like an advert for Fisher Price and Huggies. I’m usually off to work before the kids arrive and home again after they’re gone but on odd occasions I get a day off and get roped into helping out and I’ve found out you can tell a lot about a family by spending a few hours with the youngest member of it.
      Also, and it shouldn’t be a surprise, the worst behaved children are the ones with the most absent parents.

    • DP says:

      08:32am | 03/10/11

      I’d rather leave my child with an early childhood educator than a baby sitter.  They may be indistinguishable to the uneducated eye but five minutes of research online should help you realise they’re doing totally different things.

    • adie says:

      10:33am | 03/10/11

      My sister works for a daycare centre - she tells me her job title is “Educarer”.  I dont know what she’s meant to be called, but Educarer seems a little off….

    • stephen says:

      11:53am | 02/10/11

      Only a little bit of talk, cause they need to spend most of the rest of their time with their friends, and with themselves.
      Tonka toys, tri-ang trains, ( and I still don’t know if these were made in Soeul) twister - get mum on one of these whilst the lab. is nipping her heels, then get your camera out - little golden books and a bicycle ... all these don’t require the gab.
      (Sheesh, Angie, next thing yer know yer gonna want to give them a phone .)

    • Lloyd says:

      12:34pm | 02/10/11

      I don’t have children and highly doubt I ever will. But I do spend a lot of time with my nephews and they really appreciate me doing stupid stuff: pretending to be a monster, chasing them, reading that sort of thing. I try to do stuff that will provide them nice memories when they get older. How much money I spend on a game for them won’t matter.

      On a separate note, does the autofill only occasionally work for anyone else? My name will work, but often the email doesn’t.

    • PsychoHyena says:

      12:31pm | 03/10/11

      @Lloyd, that is exactly it. This is what we men are good for when it comes to kids, we often have the ability to just get down to their level and be kids.

    • NESLIHAN KUROSAWA says:

      03:30am | 03/10/11

      Hi Angela,

      Unfortunately, parenting these days seem to be all about giving our children everything in sight & money can buy!!  Because we never had those material things & seem to be forgetting the value of spending time with our kids!!  Forget all about those plastic toys & electronic games, how about real life experiences & true to life lessons providing invaluable knowledge!!

      Our children may look as if they are not listening to us!!  But it is not so!! So lets all stop feeling guilty about the fact that we all have to go our to work. Most children do not mind that their parents may go out to work, anyway!!  From early on they need to be using their imagination & fine motor skills to learn certain things relating to our daily lives.  Instead of constantly being sedated by sitting in front of TV, computers, games!!

      Parenting is serious business, lets all take it seriously as well!!  After all biggest role models in our lives happen to be our parents, right??  The love & affection we receive from our parents is one of the biggest gifts in life!!  Best regards to your editors.

    • Micky G says:

      11:29am | 03/10/11

      Good article. I believe so many problems in society can be improved by people taking parenting a bit more seriously.
      Im a 42 year old male who has wanted to be a parent since I was 18. I was a single parent for 5 or 6 years after leaving my ex-wife. I have re-partnered with someone who takes parenting as seriously as I do. Our blended family eats together nearly every night and we debate all sorts of topics over the spaghetti. We camp together more often than going to hotels. We have rules. We have expectations. Its not rocket science. Too many parents (including my wife’s and my ex-partners) think parenting is letting kids do whatever they want and buying them whatever they ask for. Its exactly that parenting which is raising the Gen Y kids, some of whom expect everything for nothing.Its pretty easy to make kids earn their pocket money so they grow up with the expectation that they don’t get anything without working for it.
      My father was absent working for much of my childhood and I missed his time much more than I appreciated his money. I could move to the mines and double my salary tomorrow, but I can do that any time. Ive only got one chance to be home tonight with my kids and that’s the most important thing I can do. They appreciate the time and your relationship is so much better as a result.
      No one will remember how much stuff Ive got or how much I earned when Im gone. My kids will be my legacy.  Talk to your kids and take their best interests into account with everything you do and society as a whole will benefit.

    • Manly 24 Warriors 10 crowd 81988 says:

      03:35pm | 03/10/11

      time is money.
      money is the best gift for mankind and time is the best gift for children.
      misers forget kids. kids forget old timers.

    • manly 24 warriors 10 says:

      03:38pm | 03/10/11

      Kids learn more on the street that at home or at school!

    • onlooker says:

      05:33am | 04/10/11

      I only have one child, but what a beautiful boy he is!! No IVF in my day and I was unable to have anymore. I still have hand puppets he made me at age 5, he is 40 years old now. I taught him how to fish, his father was busy at work, I could not take touch the bait or the fish so we had to go home when the bait was eaten or we caught a fish but they are treasured memories and ones we still laugh about. Treasure each second with your children, they grow so quickly and those memories will last you a life time. Learning can be fun, it just takes a little effort

 

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