From the country that gave us cigars in the White House pantry and the governor who went for a walk only to wind up in Buenos Aires doing the horizontal tango comes the latest proof that nobody does a jaw-dropping political scandal like Americans.

What began as a rumble about naked lobbying in the gym showers by Barack Obama’s chief of staff has turned into the cringe-inducing political wilting of US congressman Eric Massa, amid allegations of grown men in tickle fights, allegations of same-sex harassment and the spectre – raised by Massa himself – that there might be some unfortunate text messages on congressional staff phones.

After claiming just days ago he was pressured into resigning from Congress by Democrats, Massa, who is married with children, went on a highly-anticipated TV interview only to backtrack on his key allegations and then admit to all-in, all-guy tickle fights with staff.

Interviewer Glenn Beck, who was hoping for some dynamite revelations, was bewildered as Massa ended up admitting to groping his staff – but not, you know, that way.

“Not only did I grope him, I tickled him until he couldn’t breathe and then four guys jumped on top of me,” he said. “It was my 50th birthday. It was ‘kill the old guy’.”

And his career with it?

He explained it happened “in a townhouse; we all lived together, all the bachelors and me. My chief of staff had a conniption and said, ‘You can’t live there, that’s not congressional.’ “

Interesting use of the phrase “not congressional” there. It’s a lot of other things too.

Massa resigned from Congress last week citing health reasons but it has since emerged that his staff had raised concerns about his behaviour towards them and he was under investigation for harassment.

He then lashed out in a radio interview over the weekend, telling the story about Rahm Emanuel, Obama’s chief of staff, accosting him over his support for the President’s health legislation while they were both naked in the gym showers. He also said Emanuel would tie his kids to the front of a locomotive for a vote.

Massa even withdrew that last remark – a fairly straightforward political attack – during the interview.

Towards the end Beck asked if there were “Tiger Woods phone calls that are going to happen, or text messages?”

Massa: “I’m sure there are text messages because we bantered back and forth all the time.”

Raise your hand and in a sweeping motion, connect palm firmly with face.

If you want to read on the links below are a good start.

The Washington Times: Massa defends himself on Beck
The Washington Post: Beck isn’t tickled
The Atlantic: Eric Massa’s Navy files
Huffington Post: Train wreck TV

Don’t miss: Get The Punch in your inbox every day

Get The Punch on Facebook

11 comments

Show oldest | newest first

    • Zeta says:

      10:13am | 11/03/10

      I watched the full interview on Fox…. didn’t he also admit to tickling a cat?

    • Tim says:

      11:42am | 11/03/10

      C’mon Zeta, really?
      I thought watching FOX was like having a mistress, You never actually admit to doing it.

    • Zeta says:

      11:57am | 11/03/10

      The men of the Zeta family are well known in social circles for openly flaunting their adultery. And for their well attended tickle parties.

    • CJ says:

      10:22am | 11/03/10

      Haha this guy’s awesome!

    • Me says:

      12:53pm | 11/03/10

      I don’t think even Fox News fans are stupid enough to swallow this bullsh!t, although, having said that they don’t have a very good track record when it comes to swallowing lies.

    • Peter says:

      02:55pm | 11/03/10

      You gotta love the lies on that Channell. In Bill Clintons final year, he handed George Bush a budget surpluss. Bush destroyed the budget, made an idiotic attempt to stimulate the economy by giving tax cuts to the rich, spent trillions in Iraq and Fox News would have you believe that the GFC and ballooning debt is all Obamas fault. It’s amazing, they have started talking about their constitution on that channell again and they pretent to be outraged when they think something is unconstitutinal, but when Bush said he didn’t need the consititution because all he needed was his bible, they thought that was ok.. I watch that channel because their spin on everything makes me laugh..

    • Peter says:

      01:56pm | 11/03/10

      I think Glenn Beck wanted Massa to tell him the Government are hiding UFO’s and other conspiracies.. These people on Fox behave like religous men but have a very darwidian view on life. Also they like to tell us that the world hates America and the same time they tell the world their Government is evil. What is a terrorist supposed to think when even Fox News tells them their evil. You gotta love that channel though. I saw Bill O’Reilly in the context of a health care debate tell people that if he bought a Yacht in Florida he will have to pay tax on it in New York. There was genuine anger in the man. I’ve never seen millionaires cry poor before.. In the words of JFK “ask not what your country can do for you but what can you do for your country”. Well if you not willing to put in a few dollars to look after your sick country man, your not willing to do anything at all. They are the most unpatriotic people i have ever seen, but as long as they beat their chests and say “I support the troops”, they think that’s all that counts in Patriotism.

      PS. Free Market = Free to rip you off..

    • Dan says:

      02:23am | 12/03/10

      Fox is horrible. They are also incredibly and blatently racist, don’t give a fig about the rule of law (hey, it’s okay to torture if we are the ones doing the torturing), intellectually bankrupt and make shock jocks look like proper journalists.

    • Martin B. says:

      07:27pm | 11/03/10

      Isn’t Fox News beamed from a parallel dimension that is a lot like ours only completely insane?

    • BJ says:

      08:53am | 12/03/10

      Hmmm Old guys in a tickle fight…now there’s a horrible image burned into my mind. Yuk!

    • Peter says:

      09:58am | 12/03/10

      I saw Glen Beck last night. He did give a very insperation story about his daughter, may god bless her. However, his analogy about the poor taking one for the team was hilarious. In Glen Beck’s eyes, the team should let the weakest die even though they can prevent them from getting sick (ie no health care for the poor). It’s funny, he fears that in a world of universal health care the government is going to tell him what to eat. He was stuffing his face with chips in defiance of a government telling him what to eat. It was good viewing… He does have a point though, in Australia, we’ve reached a point where we think its ok to give $75,000 to rich people having kids.. How far is this going to go? Is the next election promise going to be free ferraris for the rich and free hyundai’s for this poor? We are losing the plot. Welfare is intended as a means of last resort, not what our political parties have turned this welfare state into. Society must not get to the point where they expect any more than education and health care from the government. It must stop there. We are going crazy here…

 

Facebook Recommendations

Read all about it

Punch live

Up to the minute Twitter chatter

Lucy Kippist

RT @JenBrockie: A take on social media from India http://t.co/5XCerDTB @tehelkadotcom

Lucy Kippist

RT @alaindebotton: So many of our problems would be alleviated if we had 3 or 4 exceptional friends living within a 2 minute radius.

Paul Colgan

RT @latikambourke: Yes, @PeterSlipperMP is genuine.

Anthony Sharwood

It's terribly unfashionable to admit but my Cityrail train just left on time again

Recent posts

The latest and greatest

Interest rate barney barely even rates as interesting

Interest rate barney barely even rates as interesting

Stop all the cheering, cut off the champagne. Prevent the pollies from barking and silence the drums.…

Life slips away while you’re filming it on your phone

Life slips away while you’re filming it on your phone

Some friends of mine had lunch on Saturday with a mate who spent so much time artfully composing photos…

Other stuff to be angry about today (with chorizo pic)

Other stuff to be angry about today (with chorizo pic)

That dopey Spaniard. Three-time Tour de France winner Alberto Contador has been banned for two years,…

Nosebleed Section

choice ringside rantings

From: City vs country: What would you change your life for?

Dieter Moeckel says:

We made the tree change from Darwin to Wonbah more than 15 years ago. After fencing, a road, and couple of dams our money was gone. Super is enough to live comfortably. We have geese growing old and stringy the only one that made it to the pot committed Kamakazi by flying into a tree; the chooks are… [read more]

From: I’d rather have a piece of toast than listen to crap lyrics

Erick says:

Led Zeppelin are responsible for my all-time favourite mixed metaphor: "There you sit, sit and stare, like a book on a shelf rusting." (Misty Mountain Hop) I laugh every time I hear it. Hmmm, I believe I've decided what to play on the way to work today. [read more]

Gentle jabs to the ribs

No wuckin forries. These nuckin futs are tuckin fops

No wuckin forries. These nuckin futs are tuckin fops

Well, puck me with a fitchfork. The F-word is apparently an acceptable part of Australian speech. That’s… Read more

150 comments

Newsletter

Read all about it

Sign up to the free daily Punch newsletter