There’s no perfect age for parenthood

Neil says:

05:20am | 18/02/13

I think the problem is this 60 year old is still living in the 50s. My father was older and this was really the only problem. Apart from that I had a good childhood.

Joe says:

08:04am | 18/02/13

Actually there IS a perfect age for parenthood, but it is different for each of us.  Though while most of us have some idea what that age is, it is not really important unless we miss it by a wide margin - particularly in the younger direction.

Rose says:

08:15am | 18/02/13

It all depends on mum and dad’s mindset and physical health. Now, assuming that mum and dad are fit and healthy, it’s up to them to ensure that they don’t allow themselves to be old and stale, increasing the generation gap. It would be so difficult for kids who are going through the normal teenage angst to also be alienated from their parents who refuse to understand the modern world.
The thing is though, that becoming old and stale is not just a problem with older parents. There are heaps of parents who, even though they are younger, think that the world is the same s it was when they were younger. It isn’t. The basics might be the same, but the layers are very different, particularly with technology changing the way people interact and making kids ‘switched on’ 24/7, with no respite from peer pressure and bullying.

Fiona says:

08:34am | 18/02/13

I wonder if the issue with the older man in the article was that he had already raised kids and was doing it all over again. Being in the same position (although younger) myself, it does your head in a bit when you find yourself looking at cars/houses to buy/wedding reception venues with one child and discussing pimple treatments/after (primary) school activities with another.
I too, love all my kids, but look forward to the day when my protracted period of active parenting has been completed. I also couldn’t stand having teenagers approaching retirement age. I know a few women who will be in that position and don’t envy them.

Milly says:

09:16am | 18/02/13

Having had our children in our late twenties we find ourselves in our late forties free from the responsibilities of young children. We have a number of friends our age who left having children till their late 30’s and early 40’s and are now in their mid 40’s chasing toddlers around. Our kids are at university, driving cars, pretty well independent.  Of course it’s ‘possible’ to parent young kids in your 40’s and 50’s but I ‘m glad we chose our timing, rather than our friends’.

Meh says:

09:41am | 18/02/13

Running around playing with the tikes is mainly before they are teenagers and quickly ditch you for their mates, so even if you have them at 45, as long as you are taking care of yourself you are fit enough for games.

The guys problem was he mentally couldn’t relate and didn’t want to see his kid as growing up, which is normal. It is creepy to see the “My best mate mum and me blazing it up at the nightclubs picking up guys” facebook posts.

The best age would be around 30, you have had time to live life prior to the kids and when your kids have their kids, you are young enough to have games with the grandkids.

Just dont have kids says:

09:41am | 18/02/13

my parents had me and my 2 sisters at the start of the 90s, we are all 18-23 now.
they split in the late 90s and dad remarried and had another kid when he was 50 with my step mum who was 40.

God its terrible, please any women out there, do not do this to your children and the family that your in, terrible. My half sister is wrapped so tightly in cotton wool at age 9 she cant even wash herself, her mum needs to adjust the shower temp. My dad has no idea whats going on and doesnt get it (like the bloke in the story) and my step mum cant handle having adult kids (apparently she forgot kids grow up when they married) and is trying to tear our family apart.

just avoid it if you want to avoid family councilling

Greg says:

09:54am | 18/02/13

My youngest daughter was born a couple of weeks after my 45th birthday. I have no regrets, although I think that I was pushing the limit for the maximum age. I recognise that I am now getting too old and grumpy to have any more.

My first child was born when I was 35, so I’ve always been an older dad.

My wife and I had quite a few overseas trips in our twenties, and saved the house deposit, so there are advantages in having children later. We enjoy our children, and have no regrets about what other things we could be doing.

We were lucky though, as several of our friends had the same plan, but then couldn’t get pregnant when the time came. (My wife is very fertile, and always got pregnant within a couple of months of trying, even at 40 for our last baby). We didn’t realise the extent of the risk we were taking, and just assumed that getting pregnant wouldn’t be a problem. We have only subsequently realised just how lucky we were to have 4 healthy children at a later age.

The other issue with older dads is that while they can still have babies, they are not immune from ageing, and sperm quality decreases significantly after age 45, increasing risks of genetic illnesses. So even if they can still have children, it doesn’t mean that they should.

I think that it is probably best for dads to plan to have their children by 40 in most circumstances, with an upper limit of 45 to cater for unforeseen contingencies. For mothers, nature reduces their age limits by 5 years anyway, so the age when they “should” stop having babies is usually preceded by the age when they can no longer have babies.

There are so many celebrity women having babies in their 40s that it almost seems normal, but they are usually paying tens of thousands of dollars in IVF treatments. For most, it is a lot more difficult.

JoJo says:

11:17am | 18/02/13

I was an “accident”, my mum was 37 (she had three kids in her twenties and it had been 11 years since she had her last kid and my dad 47. I guess I was lucky because my partners are both really, really fit and healthy.  Plus they have incredibly good advice to give and raised me in an “old school way” i.e. didn’t dole out praise when I didn’t deserve it, they put each other before me, I had to do things I didn’t like (if they were good for me).  I wouldn’t change my parents for anything…but I do wish they had ALL their kids later as i sometimes feel like I missed out on the “family” times.

Jamo says:

11:27am | 18/02/13

Maybe the bloke has tried to talk to his wife and found that she is more into the communication style that is her talking and him listening. Women seem to be encouraged 100 % to share their ‘feelings’ and problems with who ever will listen. Men are often constrained to having a quick conversation with mates at the pub, who often are experiencing similar things, hence why thats the only time they ever get to air their grievances. Or they get a chance to get a female’s perspective of things and have a chat with someone like you, only to find out that you could really give a rats about his situation. If there is ever a survey done on what men experience in relationships with women, alot of these things may come out. But surveys are solely reserved for females as no one is really interested in what men think collectively, find me evidence to dispute this and I’d love to see it.  Ali, you made the assumption that the blokes wife is receptive to discussing his issues, it’s quite possible that she isn’t. That maybe why he bounced a few things off of you, and it sounds like you may have blew him off. Nice one. Just as we are told that a man will never walk a day in a womens’ shoes, the opposite must true. That in itself explains alot about some females attitudes towards mens issues in regards to relationships and children. We hear alot about the problems of women, everyday, newspapers, radio, magazines, tv, Internet, and when a bloke wants to ‘share’, it’s basically ‘man up and go and talk to your wife about it’. Do you ever wonder why ‘men aren’t listening’ ? Men are better listeners by far simply because we get much more practice.

Big Nana says:

11:42am | 18/02/13

My mother had her last child at age 42. We 3 older siblings were all teenagers and found ourselves doing most of the playing/entertainment for our baby brother. Not that mum didn’t care, she was just exhausted from housekeeping for 4 children plus you tend to lose interest in childish games as you age.
I had my children in my late 20’s, early thirties and thought that menopause would see me childfree and able to do my own thing.
Not so. Circumstances saw me having to take on the care of an autistic granchild at the ripe old age of 51. He was a toddler at the time, I was still working, albiet part time after he arrived, and I can attest to the fact that caring for children is a young person’s game. Past 50 and you want to sleep in on Sundays, not drive miles to attend a soccer game. The last thing you want to do after a hard day’s work is sit down and battle through homework with a struggling child. And don’t ever forget birthday parties! Twenty screaming, running, crying, overexcited children is not something middle aged people should ever have to endure. My grandson is 16 now, I am pushing 70 and believe me, puberty is not a good mix with encroaching senility!

ol matey says:

05:25pm | 18/02/13

“Being the bear”? How about being a provider, a source of quality advice, a decisive and confident leader, and a source of inspiration? My father was made a quadriplegic before I was born - I couldn’t ask for a better role model. Age is trivial, as is physical ability.