The Web is not Enough
Julian Assange is in the news again today and until such time as British cops storm the embassy, it all seems like more of the same.
The thing is, if you take a step or two back and look at the Assange saga with fresh eyes, this ongoing epic has all the elements of the most fantastical story ever penned.
Imagine a movie script about a rogue Australian website editor and Russian talk show host descended from Taiwanese pirates who flees Scandinavian sex charges by holing himself up in a South American embassy in Britain so the Americans can’t get him!
If you were a big movie studio, you’d either throw the scriptwriters out of your office and tell them to seek alternate work at Taco Bell, or you’d invest all kinds of crazy money in the project and tell Daniel Craig to dust off his tux.
This thing could work. And unlike some recent Bond efforts, it’d have legs for the full two hours, not just the opening action sequence. This one would be more of a traditional spy thriller, as 007 closes in on the man who styles himself as as a latter day Robin Hood, stealing from the information rich and giving to the data poor.
In the most memorable scene, as Bond seduces a Scandinavian beauty, the buxom Swede would say “You put the sensual into consensual, Mr Bond”.
Competition to play supervillain Assange would be huge. Kevin Rudd, John Inman and Macaulay Culkin are just three who’d be perfect, although it is strongly rumoured at least two of them may be dead.
The movie’s final sequence would obviously be dramatic, as Assange is revealed not to be a freedom fighter but a mercenary intent on publishing anything and everything for his own glorification.
Not that anyone needs James Bond to point that out.
The man with the golden pun: Follow Chris Paine on Twitter because he thought of this headline. And he’s a good bloke.
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