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The tale of a bad mother

Julia Thornton

by Julia Thornton

13 May 05:40am

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Filed under: Breastfeeding, Children, Health, Society, Women

81 comments

Frown on me. Put me in the corner, stone me or just hang me: I chose not to breastfeed.

Another bottle-feeding mum caught in the act of feeding her baby. Picture: Jeff Herbert.

I am a bad mother.

I put my own needs before those of my child. Put me in the same category as a woman who smoked during pregnancy while she sank a schooner (or three) each day after work, laughing ‘this isn’t a beer gut! It’s my unborn child!’

I am of her ilk. I did not breastfeed. There. I said it.

Well, I did sort of breast feed for six weeks but my child wouldn’t ‘attach’ at all. So I expressed and gave my child my breastmilk by bottle for six weeks. If that.

But time is a precious commodity to a new mother. But I found it hard to find a few hours each day to keep my personal farce of a breastfeeding routine going. So I went straight to the bottle at six weeks. Probably earlier.

Since then, I’ve been made to feel like a failure or an abusive mother by nurses, speech pathologists, and other health ‘professionals’. Who, by the way, would be sacked for saying anything about a person’s race or sexual preference, but are free with their insults if a new mother - still fat and bloated, sleep deprived and sensitive about every single little comment, perhaps even a little post natal - doesn’t breastfeed.

Why is government-sactioned victimisation allowed against women who make an informed choice about the use of their body post partum?

Asking a woman to cover her breast when she’s feeding in public because it makes older men uncomfortable is a crime. But saying to a new mother ‘if you don’t breastfeed your daughter won’t speak’ isn’t a crime.

I went through the Queensland Health Breastfeeding and your baby policy released in 2008. It has a lovely pic of a baby sucking a nipple on the front. Aaaaaaah.

Could this be why this issue has no impact on radio?

Open up Breastfeeding and your baby and it is jam packed full of unproven and unreferenced statements, vague language and a myopic view of feeding babies and toddlers.

The research is in and it is all good news. It has been scientifically proven that if you breastfeed, you’ll help protect your baby against a range of illnesses including: gastro-intestinal infections, chest infections, urine infections, ear infections, diabetes, obesity, asthma, and eczema.

Where does this list come from? A children’s hospital? AMA statistics?

Despite the Armageddon-type warning above, my bottlefed child didn’t get one thing on that list. Her breastfed friend had many stomach upsets, ear complaints, and so on. (I should say his mother was a bad mother too because she stopped breastfeeding at 8 months. She argues that having breastfed her first child for 20 months, evened it out a bit.)

I’m certain that if you take the Queensland breastfeeding policy and compared it against the other states’ policies and the federal policy, the only difference would be the angle of the shot of the baby on the mother’s nipple.

Just so you are clear that Rita Ranahai isn’t working alone on guilting you into make a choice they want, not one that suits your personal circumstance, late last year Federal Health Minister Nicola Roxon put out a similarly worded policy designed to make women who don’t breastfeed feel like the damned.

So what does this policy say to those women who try but fail at breastfeeding?

A friend of mine eats organic food, wouldn’t touch alcohol or caffeine while she was breastfeeding found her milk dried up when her son was just 4 months old. She slept more, ate more and in desperation tried drugs to keep her milk flowing. It had stopped.

Another friend, similarly into natural therapies and organic food, had the flu when her son was 8 months old and her milk dried up.

Sorry ladies, you’re in my group now. By choosing to feed your child and not let them starve, you’ve crossed the line.

Even apart from the government-sanctioned guilt, I have an issue with the inference that bottlefed kids are the ones who will be obese. The link between ending up with a fat kid and bottle feeding is tenuous at best. In the Queensland Policy, they claim that kids get fat from six months old.

If there is a trend in the community that babies over the age of six months are showing signs of obesity, then the policy to focus on is not breastfeeding or bottlefeeding, but how parents introduce solids and other liquids to babies older than six months.

To date, the closest formal document on introducing solids to a baby I found is the Woman’s Weekly Baby and Toddler Cookbook.

The CSIRO has a healthy eating and nutrition guide for children, but this is from age 2 and older, and it costs $25 from your local bookshop. It’s hardly going to race of the shelves in lower income areas and it doesn’t address feeding babies from 6 months to 2 years of age.

In 1998 a NSW Parliamentary Inquiry into infant nutrition, doctors and nurses were testifying that some women from low income areas were feeding their children what they ate – blended drive through burgers and fries, followed by a carbonated, caffienated drinks. The children were fat but malnourished, they lacked important vitamins and minerals which they could have received from formula.

The Nipple Nazies have been pretty fast to produce policies telling new mothers that bottlefeeding is almost poison, but have they produced the guide about infant nutrition?

There would be similar nutrition issues in Queensland and there is no book or brochure or website that helps new mothers with cooking to ensure their children get on the path to good healthy eating.

Another of my friends who had a baby at the same time that I did, didn’t know how to cook and was frightened of cooking anything for her baby in case she poisoned her. So she went to the little bottles of baby food, rather than finding out how to steam carrots, pumpkin and zucchini.

These jars of food are incredibly handy, but full of salt and sugar so they can be little jars of food that sit in the cupboard for months on end.

So until governments look at the real issue of obesity, mothers will be blamed for this because they don’t breastfeed.
Just when you think the Breastfeeding and your baby policy couldn’t be more infuriating, they patronise fathers’ roles.

The Queensland Health policy suggests fathers do housework to feel like they’re doing something or contributing to the household while mother suckles her babe at her breast. Or give your new mum a neck or feet rub.

You have to wonder when it gets interesting for new fathers in an exclusively breastfed family. “Oh, honey, could you put a few loads of washing on? AFTER, you’ve unloaded the dishwasher. Never mind about being late for work, Queensland Health says it’s ok because you’re a new father.”

In our bottlefed home, my husband got a lovely nurse for an hour or so before he got ready for work. I needed the movement and exercise housework brought and he needed quiet time with his daughter.

So I just wanted to say to all the bottlefeeding mothers out there – don’t feel bad about using formula or expressing your milk to give to your beautiful child.

If it works for you, then it works.

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81 comments

Show oldest | newest first

    • Lanii says:

      07:29am | 13/05/10

      Good for you Julia!  You did what was right for you and your family and it worked.  That is what is important.
      My eldest is now 24 and I look back on my time and feel guilty because I didn’t bottle feed. The first six or so months was awful, neither me or baby slept, he spent all day on the breast so as I could increase my supply, he was constantly hungry and crying.  Breast feeding was a long and arduous journey for me and I only persevered because I was a young mother inclined to believe the propagander written by the Nipple Nazis.  My baby would turn green, grow up to be (statistically) more likely to be a serial killer, be obese with a low IQ and possibly vote labor.  What rubbish.
      I think perhaps if I had switched to formula, I may just have enjoyed my children when they were tiny babies rather than being constantly stressed, worried they weren’t getting enough, and being awake all night with a crying infant.
      So, to you and to all the other families formula feeding their children, I raise my bottle to you, and encourage all new mothers to do what is right for them.

      Reply

    • Sherekahn says:

      10:55am | 13/05/10

      I’ll bet you had too many children!  One or two are much more manageable.

      In a new “brave new world” there are going to be some surprises.
      Mothers who do and mothers who don’t.  Mothers who should and mothers who should not.  Mothers who read too many books and mothers who remember playing with dolls.  Which reminds me, what the hell are future kids going to be like.  Their mothers have been playing with computers instead of dolls!

    • B says:

      07:37am | 13/05/10

      Don’t sweat it. I couldn’t breastfeed either of my kids & now 20 years later both of them are as healthy as horses. One is studying law & the other is an Electrician - clearly not breastfeeding them didn’t cause any major intelligence or health problems. Oh & by the way I asked them once how they felt about me not breastfeeding them & whether they hated me/hadn’t bonded with me as a result. They both laughed & said 1.Tthey didn’t know they weren’t breastfed until I told them, 2. Frankly neither of them cared, 3. Yes they still loved me & 4. Why was I asking them about something which happened twenty years ago?

      Reply

    • MelG says:

      08:04am | 13/05/10

      With my first child I breast fed for 8 months, the first 2 months were hell but we got there eventually (I wont get those first months back though and they should have been the best times) after 8 months I’d had enough..With my second child I went into it thinking I dont give a crap what anyone else says I will do what suits me at the time so from the time she was born I had bottles ready and kept sachets of formula in the cupboard, as it turns out she was easier to feed (maybe being a girl she didnt have the vacumn suction from hell going on - who knows) so she was cruisy to breastfeed and ended up being fed for 12 months BUT I also from a young age gave her comp bottle feeds, generally at night when I was tired I would give her a bottle before bed, this meant full tummy for her, more sleep for both of us and the breast milk would catch up so to speak (I know everyone will disagree with the last statement but that’s how it was for me) and when I went somewhere I would leave a bottle with a sachet of formula, if she needed it ok if not ok too, doing both meant I ended up feeding her for longer, why does it have to be one or the other?? Why are new mothers made to feel like crap if they use the bottle, perhaps if we were given more options such as doing both it would give the mother time and energy to develop breastfeeding as it’s bloody tough going at times. I have 6 weeks to go before my next baby is due, bottles and sachets at the ready I will again do both, if the breast feeding goes well all good, if not bottle it is, never will I go through what I did with the first child, that was ridiculous and looking back left me with some post natal, doing whats best for you each time with each child (no matter what that turns out to be) creates a healthy mother and healthy child, your mental and emotional health is more important to your child’s wellbeing than whether it gets formula, breastmilk or both.

      Reply

    • Liz says:

      08:26am | 13/05/10

      Why does it have to be a competition? It’s sad not to be able to breastfeed but why make a big deal of it if you can’t, won’t etc.Sadly life today isn’t lived at the pace required to successfully breastffed.
      As for saying it’s ok the smoke, drink etc because ‘it’s my baby’ you’re onto a whole different playing field.Whatever happened to care, common sense,not doing anything damaging and giving a child the best start?

      Reply

    • David Johnson says:

      08:50am | 13/05/10

      Sorry Julia,

      Whilst many of us understand the difficulties in getting a good breastfeeding routine going, you have got to be kidding when you compare your circumstances to people who you quote as “she was breastfeeding found her milk dried up when her son was just 4 months old”, or “another friend ... had the flu when her son was 8 months old and her milk dried up”.

      4 months and 8 months respectively are hardly the same as your “six weeks (if that)” effort.

      Of course you should be applauded for at least giving breastfeeding a genuine attempt (6 weeks is still 6 weeks), and of course, if your child doesn’t attach well, it can be difficult to continue on. But you don’t have the right to present your own personal situation as common fact, dissuading future mothers from giving their children their best, natural start to life.

      Good luck with your next child, and I truly hope that you give the breastfeeding the efforts it (and your child) deserves.

      Reply

    • ABC says:

      11:12am | 13/05/10

      See David, this is my fundamental problem.  It is the blazing evangelism that breastfeeding advocates display.  If a child is loved and cared for who are you, or indeed any other of your pulpit pounding friends, to say what is indeed “best” for anyone else’s child?

    • Julia Thornton says:

      12:57pm | 13/05/10

      David:

      FIrst of all, my daughter spent her first two weeks of life in an ICU with a feeding tube so she was never going to breastfeed.

      I didn’t breastfeed at all. I tried for a few weeks but always expressed milk and gave it to her by the bottle. We didn’t have one successful feed with her on my breast and milk coming out. And the day she bit so hard on my breast that I had pins and needles down to my hand for the next 12 hours was the day before I gave up.

      If you read the Queensland Health Breastfeeding and your baby policy you will see that there is a push to have mothers bf their children for 1 year if not 2.

      They want all mothers who pike out in less than 12 months to feel bad about their choice. They are not discriminating against the reasons why a woman doesn’t make it to 12 months.

      My friend who is into all things organic told me the story about how she tried everything and nothing worked. But she still got a lot of grief from the breastfeeding evangelists. We had both - me with my obstetrician, private hospital room and she with her dula and home birth - experienced real problems with breastfeeding and a lot of people just assume you won’t. Not that you can’t, but you won’t.

      Finally David, you’re a bloke.  Go away.

    • Sam says:

      01:17pm | 13/05/10

      Yes David “go away”, you are just a man. How dare you have an opinion on this matter? (thats my attempt a sarcasmt there) I find it so frustrating that a man cant have an opinion on these things. A father plays a huge role in the upbringing of a child, so therefore a man has every right to express a opinion on this topic.

    • julia Thornton says:

      02:18pm | 13/05/10

      I have one word to say to you Sam… well 2. Hindmarsh Island.

    • Ben says:

      04:29pm | 13/05/10

      It is Ok to ensure that parents are informed about their decision, as long as people don’t get too preachy. Lets not all be so careful to be non-judgemental that we are afraid to say anything. Apart from anything else, we don’t want to create any more of these hyper-sensitive drama queens

      Julia, you are a sexist pig. Go away.

    • Lolly says:

      05:57pm | 13/05/10

      I kind of have to agree with the ladies here. Unless you guys want to have that baby latched to your nipple when you know for sure nothing is going to come out, in all honesty, you really can’t possibly have an opinion. Breastfeeding is a function for women and no woman should be doing something she either can’t do or doesn’t feel comfortable doing.
      Sorry guys.

    • Shane says:

      06:21pm | 13/05/10

      Good grief. Note to Sam and Ben: can’t you see the humour in Julia’s comments? She was having a bit of a stir - cheer up!

    • Ben says:

      09:49pm | 13/05/10

      Yes, I understand that breastfeeding is hard and just doesn’t work for everyone. I also understand that the risks of bottle feeding may have been exaggerated on occasion.

      There is another issue at play here, sensitivity to criticism, and there is a marked difference between how each gender is expected to respond to any criticism. It is-not socially acceptable for us men to be as sensitive to criticism as Julia.  See the way that Sam and I have been told to lighten-up, but Julia stalks her critics like a spoiled brat. Women are increasingly socialised to have very little tolerance for criticism. Either it undermines her right to freedom of choice, it hurts her self-esteem or it is equated to men trying to control her.

      Whatever the case, it is of unhealthy that our society creates so many Julias. Isn’t it better that women’s choices are informed? Shouldn’t we be concerned that female dominated environments are notorious for nastiness, where women choose to get offended by comments by other women that no man would be allowed to get offended over. The sort of sensitivity to criticism exhibited by Julia must be my least favourite human quality.

    • Sam says:

      08:23am | 14/05/10

      I totally agree with Ben here (though fyi, I’m female). On occasions, and especially when it comes to the subject of parenting, women have little tolerance for criticism & become argumentative & petty. Julia ridicules & dismisses anyone that disagrees with her, especially if they are male. Personally, I am neither here nor there on breastfeeding, I think if you are willing & able to do it, then do it. If not, then bottle feed. So long as the baby gets fed, that’s all that matters.

    • Sue says:

      11:17am | 14/05/10

      Here we go again. Men telling women what we should be doing with our bodies. Until you can breastfeed, I suggest you butt out of the debate.

    • mintxx says:

      01:27pm | 14/05/10

      here we go again. women telling us what they should be doing with our children.

    • TracyS says:

      04:34pm | 14/05/10

      I think David has missed the point of the article. There are many good reasons to breast feed, but fanaticism about breastfeeding can in itself cause harm.

      I would like to thank Julia for her article. I used to work as a general practitioner (I’m now in another field of medicine) and I would occasionally have to deal with a new mum who was distraught because breast feeding wasn’t going well and her baby was losing weight. The obvious solution is complementary feeding with formula so that the baby could actually get some nutrition in, but there would be so much pressure from the breastfeeding zealots that it ended up being a very traumatic and guilt ridden decision for the mum. ..and before the flag waving breast feeding lobby launches in with replies about lactation nurses and such, most of these new mums had already been through several “mums and bubs” services without success well before they ended up in my consultation room.

      If mum is healthy and happy and baby is health and happy,  that deserves congratulations and not recriminations.

    • Elphaba says:

      09:10am | 13/05/10

      Great article Julia.

      As a side note, do the breastfeeding campaigners out there find it really weird to watch those “shock you” programs about childen at 7 and 8 still breastfeeding?

      I refer to an episode of Sex and The City:

      Carrie: “There’s a kid in there breastfeeding that can chew steak.”
      Miranda: “You know what?  If you can ask for it, you’re probably too old to have it.”

      I find that more distrurbing than mothers who don’t breastfeed at all…

      Reply

    • MD says:

      01:05pm | 13/05/10

      Tell me about it, that is too weird why continue to do it when they can eat proper foods?

      It’s as bad as bad as 8 year olds with Dummy’s

    • Elphaba says:

      02:24pm | 13/05/10

      MD, I haven’t seen an 8 yr old with a dummy (thankfully, I’d probably rip it out of their mouth), but yes, that is pretty foul too.

      Especially when there’s a perfectly good thumb there, if they have to suck something.

      There was a program on one of the pay TV channels - mothers cooing over how their 8 yr old will stop breastfeeding when they asked could they stop, and how it’s so nutritious for them, and how special it is, blah, blah, blah.

      8 months, yes.  8 years?  I felt like I was going to be sick.

    • MD says:

      12:02pm | 14/05/10

      Oh I have seen them and the 8 year old with the dummy was sitting in a stroller too.

    • Zeta says:

      09:18am | 13/05/10

      I wasn’t breastfed, and I grew up to be a sociopathic internet troll.

      Just saying.

      Reply

    • Elphaba says:

      11:46am | 13/05/10

      Praise be to your mum then.  Otherwise you might not be nearly as interesting…

    • Julia Thornton says:

      12:58pm | 13/05/10

      Phoenix from the ashes…

    • Mark says:

      09:29am | 13/05/10

      Well said. My wife went through hell with our two kids, and the guilt trips imposed on her not just from medical ‘professionals’, but the general public was awful.

      It is incredibly heartbreaking for me to come home to find a sleeping baby and a crying wife because some opinionated idiot of the public called my wife a bad mother because she had expressed breast milk and fed it to our child in a bottle.

      As a male I understood and agreed with everything you wrote.

      Reply

    • ej says:

      09:37am | 13/05/10

      Good for you, Julia. It seems the worst insult to give a woman is to be a “Bad Mother”. I say, own that title. I’d be happy to be a Bad Mother. I’d rather be a Bad Mother than a “Righteous, Smug, Dictatorial, Bossy Cow Mother”.

      Some sad women are frustrated and power-hungry. The only way they can try to make themselves feel better is to puff themselves up with smugness and condemn anyone who isn’t raising their children exactly as the bossy cow raises hers.

      Now I’m not a mother so I don’t know the anguish of having those post-natal hormones gushing through your body as some bossy cow tells you that you are a Bad Mother. But to those new mothers I say, laugh it off (if you can). Ignore the bossy cows. It is the only way to take away their power. You have as much status as them now that you are a Mother (with a capital ‘M’). Give those bossy cows hell - ignore them and they will have no power over you. It isn’t worth getting PND over some opinionated, sad cow.

      Reply

    • Elizabeth says:

      09:46am | 13/05/10

      I didn’t give breastfeeding much thought before I had kids. But as soon as I had them I desperately wanted to breastfeed them because I’m all kinds of lazy and it was easy (for me). My view on breast vs bottle (don’t we love a contest in Aus) is like my views on birth. I got pregnant to have a child ...not have a “birth experience” what ever was easiest and safest for me and the baby was the way to go. So whatever was easiest (told you I’m lazy)and kept my child quietest the longest was how I was going to feed it. I was LUCKY to be able to breastfeed for as long as I wanted. Mothers shouldnt be smug if they can breastfeed… it has more to do with luck than good management.
      Good luck with your baby Julia ... have fun it all goes too quick grin

      Reply

    • MD says:

      01:11pm | 13/05/10

      I’m with you Elizabeth, whatever is easiest (also lazy) and safest is my way to go and what will keep baby quiet so mummy can watch her shows and play on facebook

    • Phil says:

      10:05am | 13/05/10

      I find it amazing that women cant be left with other women as they just want to rip each other apart and put one another down so quickly and bitterly like everything is some sort of competition or something!
      It even starts before a word is spoken with the vicious looks that are thrown around and only go down hill from there!

      And like in this case everyone has to defend themselves and almost make a point to everyone what they do in their own private lives, who needs to know? who cares.

      I think there has been about 3 articles too many about this subject already!

      Reply

    • Shane says:

      06:24pm | 13/05/10

      What are you on about? Men are just as vile and unpleasant about this as women are.

    • Kieran says:

      10:05am | 13/05/10

      Children have a right to be breastfed. Your arguments focus entirely on what worked best for you, and you dismiss those who base their case on research and evidence as “Nazis”. This is one of the most ignorant posts to have been published on this subject, backed up by supportive comments from people who can’t spell or write properly.

      Reply

    • Julia Thornton says:

      01:01pm | 13/05/10

      Sorry, Kieren. Did you read it or just look at the picture of the woman with the exposed breast?

    • MD says:

      01:14pm | 13/05/10

      when was the last time Kieran you tried to breastfeed? Mine had a cleft palate and couldn’t latch onto the nipple, what if you have no milk? it happens

      Children have the right to be loved, full stop, period. unless there is a wet nurse we can use like in 1800’s back off

    • James1 says:

      03:43pm | 13/05/10

      A “right”?  How do you figure?  What a bizarre thing to write.

    • Muttley says:

      04:36pm | 13/05/10

      Julia, you are awfully dismissive of men offering opinions here. As far as i am aware, when women are issued breasts, they are not given instruction manuals for their exclusive use. Women can read to get facts, so can men. Men are also parents and have every right to have an opinion. Perhaps you would have been more comfortable in a women only blog?

    • julia Thornton says:

      07:48pm | 13/05/10

      @ Muttley: my husband laughed at the first comment and wondered if that man had the cajones to say that to a woman face to face.

      I’m not dismissive of male’s opinions. But I am dismissive of stupid men venturing into a debate about which they know nothing first hand.

      In much the same way that I’d never say to a guy, ‘oh, gosh. That cricket ball hitting your testicles was a terrible pain to you, but just suck it up and play another over’ I shoudl think men would be bright enough not to write: ‘Good luck with your next child, and I truly hope that you give the breastfeeding the efforts it (and your child) deserves.’

      Because I actually wanted to hit the cricket ball that hit his testicles at 100kph.

    • Dan The Man says:

      10:11am | 13/05/10

      All scorn aside…breast-feeding is NATURAL. its the way its supposed to be done and is what is best for the baby, regardless of how anyone puts it. frankly, mothers who CHOOSE to not breastfeed their baby (and let me qualify this - i’m not talking about those with expression or other medical issues) because they think its gross, or ‘dont have the time’ or whatever, - you shouldnt be having kids. that simple. Follow through with the job properly or dont start it in the first place. As a male if I could do it and spare the other half some work I would.

      Reply

    • ej says:

      10:37am | 13/05/10

      Get over yourself. Talk about throwing the baby out with the bathwater. Feeding your baby is just one part of caring for it - it’s not the be all and end all.

      This whole breastfeeding this has blown so out of proportion. Why don’t we just admit this: it is not so much that breastfeeding is important for the baby - it is more so that a great deal of smugness and self-satisfaction can be generated by bagging out other people and the way they do things. That is it.

      So Dan the Man, you feeling all puffed up now that you’ve just judged a whole heap of women as incompetent? Good. That’s what the Bad Mother’s are there for. The Smart Mothers would also laugh their asses off at your pompous declarations.

      Why do you care how others are raising their children? You don’t. You just want a soapbox to stand on to get a bit of attention.

      Did you ever think that other people are probably judging the way you raise your children too? I bet they are. And if this is news to you, it is probably just that the people you know are more polite and less insecure than you.

    • Bitten says:

      10:56am | 13/05/10

      What is with the false logic that something ‘natural’ is good, better, best? Death is ‘natural’ you bonehead. Are we all lining up to jump off a bridge because it will make the world a more ‘natural’ place?

    • MD says:

      01:17pm | 13/05/10

      arsenic is also natural should we be feeding baby that? cyanide is natural also I believe.

      breastfeeding is 12-24 months tops (it should be anyway those crazy people that keep going until child is in school, weird) a small amount of time looking at the big picture

    • Dan The Man says:

      03:55pm | 13/05/10

      Whatever. you are all as entitled to your opinions as I am, after all, isnt this what this site is all about.

      and seeing is its all about preference and ticking boxes, why not have kids outside the womb then? save on those stretchmarks no?

      Bitten if it wasnt the best option for your baby we wouldn’t have evolved that way, no?

      I take my opinion from two parents who are both food scientists and have worked in early age food manufacturing. As a result they are well aware of what goes into baby formula.

      Just remember that the businesses making it are ultimately out to make a PROFIT, not do whats best for your baby. the product will suffice, but it is not, and never will be as good for your child as breastmilk. As to how many children this affects depends on other pre-disposing factors which CAN be affected by formula substitution.

    • Kelly says:

      06:27pm | 13/05/10

      Dan the Man - any person who starts their reply post with “whatever” immediately loses any right to an opinion.  Been watching too much Ricki Lake show lately?

    • Dan The Man says:

      10:40am | 14/05/10

      Thanks Kelly, perhaps when you can rebut with something constructive I’ll take your petty insults on board. In debating anybody who simply replies with an insult loses their right to an opinion, but i’m sure your feeling very ‘witty’ after your post so a gold star for you.

    • Dan The Man says:

      10:47am | 14/05/10

      MD I didnt see your comment before. your parallel between Arsenic and Cyanide and breastfeeding is ridiculous. how is feeding your children a poison or breastmilk relevant here? and how on earth is there any connective parallel there??

    • MD says:

      11:52am | 14/05/10

      Dan - they are all natural, I was taking your comment to the extreme as it was just sitting out there waiting to be mocked and quite frankly I was bored

    • Phill says:

      10:36am | 13/05/10

      My partner felt like hell from the preassure she got to breast feed.  Our son is now 16 months old and has has no health problems to date (touch wood).  Before he was born I let my partner know that it was her body and I would support her either way if she choose to breast feed or bottle feed.  In the end, she did not feel comfertable breastfeeding despite giving it her best effort.  Some or the looks and comments she received from the nursing staff were frankly disgusting however when they found out she would be bottle feeding.  By all means, encourage new mothers to breast feed but do not try to guilt trip them into it.

      Reply

    • Lanii says:

      11:00am | 13/05/10

      Hurumph.

      I really think that until men have tried to breastfeed an infant they should probably bow out of this argument-except you Phil, I think I love you.
      New mothers need support, however in my experience, it seems that no species on the face of the earth is an easier target of finger waving and dissaproval than the mother of a newborn. 
      I was 19 years old when I had my first and felt as though people were on the edge of their seats waiting for me to do wrong.
      Right from the beginning, while still in hospital a nurse asked me if I would like the option of leaving baby in the nursery for the night so I could get some rest.  I thought that was a great idea-my visitor was shocked, how dare I neglect my baby and let some nurse feed him a bottle over night while I slept.  Oh, OK, I’ll feed him then.  On another occassion-still in hospital and trying to establish breast feeding, a nurse suggested we might give him a bottle, my brother was visiting and said “I don’t think so, that’s a bit of a cop out.”  One day we were out at the shops, my month old son wearing a disposable nappy “DISPOSABLES!  That’s just being lazy!” 
      I bought my som a gorgeous little night gown, it was blue with a lovely little collar, he looked like a miniature choir boy.  “Oh my! A NIGHTIE!  You’ll turn him gay!”  I wanted to let my son grow up at his own pace, and was critisised for not having him in baby gymnastics, or Japanese, or music lessons-surely I was hampering his development.  Oh, so I enrolled him in gymnastics and was accused of being a pushy parent.
      In a circle where mothers have babies of around the same age, everything is a competition, be it the eruption of the first tooth to how old junior was when he first rolled over/crawled/walked/sat up/slept through/first word etc.  Enough!
      Wouldn’t it be nice if folk just let mothers get on with the job of mothering.

      Reply

    • john says:

      11:43am | 13/05/10

      You should learn how to stick up for yourself.

    • Jenny says:

      11:14am | 13/05/10

      How is Queensland Health supposed to encourage women to breastfeed? 

      I mean, you wanted to breastfeed didn’t you?  Whatever the supposed benefits (and there have been medical studies done), many women want to because it’s natural and convenient.  Even using the word “natural” raises hackles but it is, in fact, what thos things are meant for.  I couldn’t care less how other people feed their babies but if someone wants to breastfeed then it’s been shown that they do need support.

      So what’s wrong with Queensland Health having a policy that’s intended to help women breastfeed if they want to?  I haven’t read the policy but if it doesn’t focus on teaching correct attachment before the baby’s born, then it should.  That’s something that may have helped you perhaps?

      Once a baby’s on the bottle in the early days then the chances of continuing are diminished because it’s simply too hard to express and look after a newborn.  I know I couldn’t. 

      The problem is us I think.  There’s something about childrearing that makes us defensive if we haven’t don’t what’s considered to be what’s optimum.  Of course what kids eat when they’re older is a major issue in their fatness.  And how fat their mum is has been shown to be a major issue too.

      Of course formula fed kids like me can be intelligent and breastfed ones can be dumb.  But why can’t a government agency encourage women to breastfeed without it being seen as an attack on those who’ve gone before and formula fed.  Just because I didn’t get the baby bonus or paid maternity leave doesn’t mean that I should oppose a change of policy that gives others those benefiits.

      Reply

    • b says:

      11:35am | 13/05/10

      I don’t think anyone has ever been called a bad mother for not breastfeeding.  As Tracey said her in article only the other day - there are some people who can’t/won’t.  It’s your choice.

      Please don’t start a non-existent argument.

      Reply

    • ej says:

      11:45am | 13/05/10

      What? What?!!! What????!!!

      What rock are you living under? You don’t think anyone has ever been called a bad mother for not breastfeeding??!!!

      I’m gobsmacked. I don’t know what to say.

    • Bon says:

      01:14pm | 13/05/10

      b, have you read the original article by Rita Panahai and all the hundreds of comments that follow it?  It is not a non-existent argument, and that is just a snapshot.

      It’s not just breastfeeding either - the judgement comes from everywhere, about everything and it starts before you even give birth.  Labour/birth,  feeding, solids, nappies, clothing, toys, discipline, choice of pram, choice of car seat,  sleeping, immunisation…everybody has an opinion, and of course there are people who believe their choice is right and anybody who makes a different choice is a bad parent, or “ill-informed”.  That seems to be the new catch-cry of parenting - “informed choice”.  Like if you haven’t read several academic papers espousing the research into a topic relating to pregnancy, childbirth, parenting or children, then you are ill-informed.

    • Beckala says:

      09:30am | 14/05/10

      b, youwould not believe what some people will say. When it comes to children, to have or not have, to breast feed or not breast feed, total strangers are more than happy to make you feel like utter crap in the guise of “helpful advice”. I’m childless - not by choice - and the amount of times I’ve been told I’m “selfish” or “why don’t you just try IVF?” (not an option both physically and financially) or “You just mean you can’t have them now, of course this will change” (nope, the 14 surgeries my husband had well and truly killed that off) - and these are all from people I have never met. One of my best friends was with me at a party and in the same breath, a stranger told me I had no right to complain about ever being sick as i’d never been pregnant, then told my friend that her child would grow up to have learning difficulties because she was botle feeding him so early. So - no, it’s not “a non-existent argument”. Some people just are that rude, I’m afraid.

    • MD says:

      11:55am | 14/05/10

      Beckala - that’s funny (not humourous) that you have been told you are selfish for not having them, I am single and want one and was looking into sperm donors and I was told by some well meaning aquanitences that I am selfish to want to have one on my own that a child deserves a male influence, but my feeling is I have my dad, my male cousin and my brother in law plus there are teachers, coaches etc

    • OldGirl says:

      11:44am | 13/05/10

      I tried breast feeding , despite having breasts that would have rivaled Mount Everest, I had very little milk. My son is an adult and hes just fine and very healthy. Make sure the formula is the right one for your child and he or she will thrive. Toss in losts of cuddles and love and you will have one very healthy beautiful baby

      Reply

    • Justin says:

      11:50am | 13/05/10

      The woman sinking a schooner or three, were they Eastern states 425ml schooners, or SA 285ml schooners? If they were 425ml, then that’s appalling…

      Reply

    • C Norris says:

      11:57am | 13/05/10

      “...and sensitive about every single little comment…”

      This says it all. You are the worst kind of person to deal with. We’ve all met them - One opens One’s mouth to reply, then this person kindly blurts out the statement they think you were going to make, and guess what, it’s inevitably an insult. When you pause due to the shock of thinking “Where the F*** did that come from!?”, this counts as confirmation that they were right.

      Please, become an engineer, build a bridge and get over it.

      Reply

    • Breastfeeding mum says:

      12:02pm | 13/05/10

      What is really best for the baby?  Happy and loving parents. 

      If breastfeeding is not working and painful it can leave the baby undernourished and the Mother depressed - which of course can put a negative strain on the Dad

      Breast of bottle - it doesn’t matter.  Happy Baby, Happy Mum and Happy Dad - that is what matters.

      Good luck to all you new parents - I hope your children grow up to be healthy and happy.

      Reply

    • Jane says:

      12:14pm | 13/05/10

      If a child is loved and cared for, does it really matter? Mother should be supported in the choices they make, if they choose to breastfeed or not. For some women it is incredibly difficult to breastfeed. They should not be made to feel guilty.

      Reply

    • Amber says:

      12:18pm | 13/05/10

      My daughter was ‘‘bottle-fed’’ (does that make us all fork-fed?) and despite all the cries of it not being as ‘‘healthy’’ as breast feeding, she missed a grand total of 4 days from13 years of school, through sickness. She is a strong 23-year-old and has not missed a day from work.

      Reply

    • over it already. says:

      12:57pm | 13/05/10

      I don’t care what mothers want to do but just don’t go around saying that formula is “just as good” as breast milk, because that is a false statement. We already have enough lies from feminists.

      Reply

    • julia Thornton says:

      01:14pm | 13/05/10

      According to a friend of mine in infant nutrition, they are one element away from replicating breast milk. At the moment, they can’t get the nutrient that helps babies with photosensitivity - ie they blink a lot in bright light.

      So, yes. Formula is good. It will feed your baby and help them grow. But it’s not exactly the same.

      But have you ever seen a baby who’s on the wrong side of his mother’s curry and glass of red wine?

    • megan says:

      04:59pm | 13/05/10

      Wow Julia you have a lot of “friends” conveniently appropriate for this story…. But seriously, you’re not really implying that formula is nutritionally that close to breastmilk are you? Photosensitivity? Riiiiiiiiiiight….

      Look, I dont give a damn what you do with your baby and would never judge a woman for choosing formula for whatever reason but dont kid yourself. Formula is good (and will give you a happy healthy baby) but its not that good.

    • At Work says:

      01:33pm | 13/05/10

      Hey Julia,

      My daughter was also tube fed (expressed milk) for the first month, then I tried for a further 2 weeks at home. She couldn’t keep down breast milk- had to have prescription formula.

      She’s just turned 17- and is smart, not obese and a very happy girl. And, that’s against all odds- after all, a bottle-fed child of a 19 year old single parent hasn’t got a hope in this world, has she? wink

      Reply

    • julia Thornton says:

      02:20pm | 13/05/10

      @ At work: the best revenge is doing well.

    • DM says:

      04:53pm | 13/05/10

      We all know breast fedding is best for bub, but sadly a lot of women can’t do it, either they have no milk or the baby just doesn’t latch on. to name a couple of reasons, in an ideal world it would be great if we could or if we could hire wet nurses like they did back in the day.

      Dan the Man - as soon as they get around to manufacturing an artificial womb that successfully nourishes and grows a baby then I am in, if I can avoid stretch marks, swollen ankles, and other nasties associated with being pregnant then sign me up for a hatchling.

      Reply

    • Donna says:

      08:13pm | 13/05/10

      Mmm what about the link between breastfeeding and IQ- the real reason is actually because when you heat up that beautiful fluoridated water to add your formula to - it concentrates the fluoride which goes a long way to lowering your babies IQ- don’t believe it? Do the research.

      Reply

    • Ellen Jones says:

      10:26pm | 13/05/10

      In the meantime, I’ll get my tinfoil hat and wait for some coded messages from the aliens. Because that’s about as much sense as you get from “research” (by which you mean believing The Google over your doctor or anyone else who tries to talk some sense into you).

    • MD says:

      11:59am | 14/05/10

      Donna - there is fluoride in tap water so yes as a baby it may in ‘some’ cases not all either that or my Nephew would be a freak of nature, but what about when you are making up cordial for the older children does that then make the breast-fed children revert to neanderthal status once again??

    • Lulu says:

      08:30pm | 13/05/10

      My kids refused to latch onto my flat nipples so I bottle fed with formula.  I kissed & cuddled them all through feed time & at every other possible chance I got. I never had post natel depression with any of them & we enjoy each others company as adults immensely. One is a GP, one is a lawyer & one is an IT wizard! All are happy, married & with kids of their own. The breast feeding nazis need to keep their noses out of other peoples business, and SHUT UP!!! Their holier-than-thou attitude causes dreadful suffering to Mum’s who simply cannot breast, feed like me.

      Reply

    • Ann Marie says:

      10:30pm | 13/05/10

      Now i have a different view point on the whole thing , wiht my first child i was 16 and was told that my son was lactose intolarant ... so give up breastfeeding and put him on soy formula. I had no problems attaching, my nipples were fine and i had a great supply .  The problem in actual fact was he had reflux ! Now how do you think that made a teenage mother feel ?i can tell you in rocked my confidence in a massive way. I thinks im doing the right thing and being told my milk is poisoning my child !  It works both ways ladies and the real issue here is being kind to new mums and accepting each others point of view, having approachable solid post- natal healthcare workers who can support you and give you information and not judgement. I did however go on to breastfeed 2 other children 1 for 24months and the other is 14months and im still going strong .

      Reply

    • Stella says:

      10:34pm | 13/05/10

      I breastfed. But I hated breastfeeding advocates so much it was tempting to stop just to annoy them. I hated it most when they would congratulate me for breastfeeding. It was demeaning and patronising. I’ve achieved some wonderful things in my life, but breastfeeding was not one of them. It’s like someone congratulating you for successfully going to the toilet.
      There are plenty of mums who breastfeed who don’t give a toss how other people feed their babies. However, there are also some who have achieved so little in their limited lives that breastfeeding is the crowning glory and must be crowed about to anyone who stands still long enough to hear it.

      Reply

    • The Dude says:

      05:22am | 14/05/10

      I think culture comes into play somewhat as well. We have two children, one born in Australia, the younger one in Chile. My wife suffered the same type of treatment in Australia when after six weeks of trying bub had to be bottle fed. Fast forward 4 years to South America - same issue (6 weeks of trying, then reverting to the bottle) and the reaction was….nothing…..not a thing…....zip….....nada. No comments. No being frowned upon. No being accused of being a bad mother. Not a thing. Considering the stress and self generated guilt my wife was going through both times, the first experience simply prolonged things and made matters worse.

      Reply

    • Danielle says:

      09:19am | 14/05/10

      6 months into breastfeeding my 3 child (the other two I managed to feed for 12 months each), I am still appalled at the lack of support given to new mums in particular around breastfeeding.  Yes, I’m blessed I seem to have a supply that could feed the third world and feel so lucky for that.  But I’ve also had cracked nipples (you know the ones that bleed), mastitis and suffered from postnatal depression.  But come hell or high water, I’ve been determined to bf my kids.. for me there was no bottle alternative to consider.  My kids have taken formula on the very rare occasion I chose to get some me time, but I never gave up and had a husband who was really supportive of this.  He held my hand and gave big hugs through the teary bouts and even went and bought the bottle kits.  After my third baby, I’ve come to the view that the post natal support in Australia sucks.  Its not about judging someone if they do or don’t breastfeed.  I don’t tell expecting friends that bf is easy, its bloody hard its all about a learned technique, you AND baby have to master.  No one tells you that the first 4 days are the hardest, because that colustrum just won’t come quick enough and you end up sore and exhausted.  But there again, if that was ALL new mums had to worry about, would it be easier to master??.  Because as far as I know most new mums don’t have someone necessarily doing all the housework, caring for other kids, making all the meals, and allowing us to rest and learn to feed.  In times gone by, the women folk would move in, and yes take over EVERYTHING for at least the first week or so.  Its that whole Hilary Clinton “It takes a village” thing.  Our culture has changed and women are now pressured to do it all, cope alone and yes get the bf down pat.  I was stubborn and took the view that there was no alternative as a personal choice, but at the end of the day, the bottles sat there waiting to help feed my baby.  There is NO bad mum for the choice you make HOW to feed your baby.  But when the time comes for my daughter and daughter’s-in-law to have there kids, I am determined that the family around them, create the best possible environment to help master the technique of breastfeeding.

      Reply

    • Ann-Marie says:

      01:38pm | 15/05/10

      Danielle I agree whole heartedly and i also had a husband who was super ,  it really is about being properly informed , i hear so many wifes tales and misinformed information about breastfeeding its a joke. Breastfeeding is not as natural as we are lead to beleive and for that woman think if it hurts, baby is crying or my personal fav “my milk is too watery” then its not for them. Its a technique like anything else you need to learn and everytime with one of my babies its been a different experiance with feeding, and would you beleive the last one was the hardest to get into a groove but now i dont want to give it up ! For me (and this is just personally choice and i would always encourage someone to breastfeed but never condem for not) breast is the only option. INFORMATION adn SUPPORT is key .

    • CC says:

      10:02am | 14/05/10

      Decide for yourself what you want to do.  Why would you even give an outsider the time of day with their negative comments.  You don’t need to justify, explain or even feel guilty, whichever way you choose to go. Tell them to mind their own business.

      Reply

    • TracyS says:

      06:08pm | 17/05/10

      That’s a nice sentiment, but when you are hormonal, sleep deprived, exhausted and not feeling that confidnet in general, telling someone to “mind their own business” is a hard thing.

    • Gladys Hobson says:

      12:33am | 28/05/10

      All very interesting. May an old biddie add a comment here?
      In 1957 I gave birth to my first son (we have three). At that time I was 24 and had worked hard to be a dress designer. Not easy when starting work on the factory floor at 16 and working up to my own design office at the age of 18. We did not have all the time available these days for maternity leave. But I truly wanted to breast feed my baby.  However, I was over two days in labour and the birth was far from easy. My baby was blue and so was put in an incubator. I was sent back to the nursing home where he should have been born. He followed me the next day but I was suffering sleep deprivation. No one seemed to care. Sleeping tablets would make baby drowsy, so I was told. I tried feeding but my nipples were incredibly sore. Baby chewed and refused to let go. Nurse told me to hold his nose so that he had to let go. I felt cruel and wicked. My nipples cracked and were painful. I was given surgical spirit to put on them. Still I could not sleep. I cried with pain. I was having problems with heavy bleeding from the womb. I was kept in bed for over a week all alone with just hubby visiting once each night. The many stitches I sat on seemed to have turned to wire and still tears flowed when I fed baby. I was given lanolin, that did not help either. I wanted to go home. My visiting doctor asked me to stay until the bleeding and clots cleared. He thought maybe bits of afterbirth had been left behind.
      So by the time I reached home I was a wreck. I could not face baby chewing any more and I refused to stop him breathing in order to do so. So, after nearly three weeks of feeding I told my doctor I was giving up. He said the important thing was to cuddle baby when feeding him. Bottle milk was okay. What a relief! I would get some sleep at night while hubby took an occasional turn. Soon baby slept through the night. Bottle milk was okay - or was it that his mum was more relaxed?
      After my next boy was born (another difficult birth) I told the doctors I was not feeding him. HORRORS! Oh boy did I feel wicked! I was persuaded to start but once home after a couple of days, I gave it up. My third son was long in labour and born with forceps. I was asked if I intended feeding. I asked if I had a choice. They were surprised. Of I did, bottle feeding was acceptable. It seemed most of the mums were bottle feeding — that was in 1963. What a relief!
      We have three healthy well-adjusted sons, and the married sons have healthy children too. (My husband and I have been married 57 years.)
      A contented mum means a contented baby. Can a baby really have the same contentment if mum is distraught and suffering?

      Reply

    • Glenn says:

      06:15pm | 23/10/10

      I grew up on carnation milk.. it was all that was available as I was born in Rabaul PNG in the early 70’s. The local doctor suggested my Mum dilute it and it worked fine.. no allergies or problems later in life. Honestly women beat up on themselves so much over parenting.. we should support rather than critique… particularly when its obvious that things like bottle feeding are not the end of the world.

      Reply

    • Travon says:

      09:53am | 17/10/11

      So true. Hoetnsy and everything recognized.

      Reply
 
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