The photographic proof that Warne will play in The Ashes

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Filed under: Cricket, Shane Warne, Sport, The Ashes

12 comments

There’s talk today that Shane Warne may return for the Ashes. It’s all speculation and hype, of course. Or is it???

Even in moments of leisure, Warne takes the opportunity to rebuild his upper body strength

The Punch has today conducted a hard-hitting analysis of photo evidence, and can reveal exclusively that Warne is right on track in his preparations for his midyear assault on the English.

Canny as ever, Warne has undertaken his exhaustive Ashes training in a manner which disguises his true intent. Just as batsmen never knew if he was bowling a leggie or a googly, many people will be fooled and mistake these photos for staged PR shots, paparazzi snaps and twitpics. Not us. These are all evidence of an Ashes training regimen like no other.

In this picture, it is clear that Warne is studying his old ways to recapture that old magic.

The one on the right has had less work done

Again, here is Shane under this statue of himself studying his form in his sneaky, top secret Ashes preparation.

Shane's hair is stuck on even more firmly than the statue's

Test cricket is an unimaginably tough game. Have you ever seen a wicket keeper’s fingers? Yich. Well, that’s nothing on what a spinner does to his digits. Shane knows this, which is why he delibrately sustained a BBQ injury to toughen up his fingers for the Ashes battle ahead.

He shoulda stuck to microwaved baked beans

So that’s it. What more evidence do you need? Shane Warne will take the field this Australian winter, or this English summer - and let’s face it, what’s the diff?

In other cricket news just to hand, Michael Clarke’s years with Lara Bingle have been revealed as an officially sanctioned Cricket Australia mental toughening exercise to prepare him for the captaincy.

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12 comments

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- Haha says:
  
  03:44pm | 05/12/12
  
  Warnie cannot comeback.
  
  Clarkie has a contract that ensures he must always be the biggest Metrosexual in the team.
  
  Not sure if thats why Langer had to go? Better skin?
  
  Reply
- Stan says:
  
  03:14pm | 05/12/12
  
  A man full of real spin.
  
  Reply
- wolf says:
  
  03:11pm | 05/12/12
  
  After shooting his mouth off that he COULD still play, just that he doesn’t WANT to I would love to see a Warnie comeback in test cricket.
  What odds do you reckon I could get on Warnie for innings figures of 1/100+?
  
  Reply
- Punters Pal says:
  
  02:47pm | 05/12/12
  
  Cricket Australia should sign up Israel Folau. You know, the big, handsome, polynesian fella who has signed up for Storm, Broncos, GWS and Waratahs. I am sure he cannot play the game, but it didn’t stop AFL throwing millions at him.
  
  He can tell CA that he will be a role model for every islander kid in Western Sydney and everything will be just fine. Sydney Thunder, here we come!
  
  Reply
- ProfoundBS says:
  
  02:44pm | 05/12/12
  
  Warnie comeback? Yeah? What’s he going to do to the batsmen this time around, manicure them into submission? I hope he fools them with his latest ball, The “Botox” - you know - that delivery that appears slightly fuller than it actually is…
  
  Reply
- Seano says:
  
  01:41pm | 05/12/12
  
  Considering form Warnie would be a walk up start for the Australian cricket team as an all rounder. Hell Warnie’s plastic surgeon is some kind of miracle worker so maybe he should get a call up to carry the drinks….
  
  Oh and if the Wallabies don’t improve Warnie could always put his hat in the ring to play in the halves….he’s got to be able to tackle better and have less ego than Quade Cooper .
  
  Reply
Seano says:

05:19pm | 05/12/12

lol Absolutely, and you don’t even have to know who the Australian captain is to get the NRL job!
JoniM says:

03:12pm | 05/12/12

And obviously not being a financial banker, but a true knockabout Warnie would also make an ideal CEO for the NRL !
- Tom says:
  
  01:35pm | 05/12/12
  
  This was terrible and you ought to feel terrible for writing it
  
  Reply
ZSRenn says:

03:32pm | 05/12/12

mmmmmunchies. Now it all makes sense!
Anthony Sharwood says:

02:08pm | 05/12/12

I do. Can I still have a biscuit?
scubasteve says:

02:03pm | 05/12/12

agree. agricultural shot.