There is a very serious problem with the Australian open. Her name is Maria Sharapova. And it’s not her weird grunting that’s the issue.

Sharapova: tennis with grunt.

Take a long. Hard. Look at her.

With three grand slams already under her 22-year-old designer belt, including the US Open, Wimbledon and the Australian Open, plus a long list of other titles, the Russian certainly qualifies for being at this year’s tournament, let’s hope the injuries stay at bay. But talent isn’t the problem.

Sharapova recently signed an eight year, $75 million dollar deal with Nike, her other sponsors include Prince, Canon, Cole Haan, Tag Huer and Land Rover. Oh, she will also be wearing a different set of Tiffany & Co. earrings at each game at Melbourne over the coming weeks. She’s rich, fine, no problem there either.

She is a genuine do-gooder and has donated hundreds of thousands of dollars to charity and established the Maria Sharapova Foundation; “committed to helping children around the world achieve their dreams”.  Furthermore, she’s a Goodwill Ambassador for the United Nations Development Programme and partners with them to support Chernobyl-affected areas of Belarus.

“It has always been my dream to contribute to the recovery of a region where I have a personal connection,” said Sharapova on her official fan page.
Sharapova is a gracious albeit noisy opponent, charming fans and the press alike. Always polite and friendly, never rude and obnoxious. Okay.

“Tennis has brought me so many things,” said Sharapova to M2 Woman Magazine last month. “It has exposed me to so many different cultures and has allowed me to travel the world to meet so many great people. I am a very lucky girl.”

Some of her leading men have included Andy Roddick – lucky girl indeed, various high-flying executives and an LA Lakers player. She’s not exactly short of dates.

Ladies and gentlemen the problem with Maria Sharapova is: she is PERFECT.

Her faultless nature as a human being and woman makes her a terrible role model for teens, aspiring tennis players and the men that desire her. Her charitable deeds, pleasant disposition, glowing complexion, skyscraper legs, bulging bank account and elite athlete status is simply unfeasible. Sharapova got greedy in the gene pool and it’s just not right that we idolize her.

The best thing Sharapova could do for her image during the next couple of weeks in Melbourne is swear on court, tell a TV camera crew or two to piss off, have a cheeky ciggie, and pash a stranger in the pub.

Go Maria!

Most commented


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    • stephen says:

      05:35am | 15/01/10

      What pub ?

    • Jayne says:

      07:32am | 15/01/10

      What a horrible title for your article.
      I realise you are trying to pay her a compliment, but it back fires.

    • Lexi says:

      08:02am | 15/01/10

      It’s lovely that there is such a good role model for girls - all of us I guess, but young women and girls in particular. 

      From the little I know about here, Maria doesn’t seem holier than thou or need to get (the best part of) her kit off for a cheap calendar.  Two more reasons to love her smile

      So long as it’s all for real… That golfer had us all fooled for a while - although I always thought his attitude must suck from the behaviour on his PS3 game (players yell and throw their clubs when shots go amiss).

    • Darren says:

      08:11am | 15/01/10

      I volunteer to be the bloke she pashes in the pub!!!!

    • BMJ says:

      08:12am | 15/01/10

      Everyone loves a grunter

    • Rocky says:

      08:16am | 15/01/10

      I’d pash her!  - my husband and kid won’t mind! ...and I’d bum a cheeky ciggie off her too.

    • Q.E.D. says:

      08:37am | 15/01/10

      Why oh why of why does she insist on grunting?!! For this reason alone, she is far from perfect!

    • Bob H says:

      08:37am | 15/01/10

      Why is it that anyone in sport/media is regarded as a role model.  I have never met young or old that has modelled their lives on media cuttings of the famous.  Sure, there are a few nutters obsessed by famous people, but they are folk who have not yet had their mental problems diagnosed.

    • Jamers Hunter says:

      08:56am | 15/01/10

      me i like to see her get in a pub fight with some hoon AFL player and beet the crap out of him
      then she truly perfect
      Bugger in 63 and cant make a run at

    • tennisFan says:

      09:06am | 15/01/10

      I think she’s great - but she has competition now from Ana Ivanokic as the the number one talented glamour girl in tennis.
      Meanwhile, I’ll be cheering for Dokic - hoping she can make another remarkable comeback grin

    • Boofhead says:

      09:12am | 15/01/10

      ..... and we all thought Tiger Woods was perfect too!

    • Jolanda says:

      09:56am | 15/01/10

      What a nasty title and what a nasty piece of work.  Maria doesn’t deserve this and no it isn’t funny.

    • Budz says:

      10:02am | 15/01/10

      The grunting is a massive turn off. Those types of noises should be left for the bedroom.

    • Rocky says:

      10:14am | 15/01/10

      Jolanda - Maria just called me and says “get a life”.
      Love Rocky

    • perfect? says:

      10:41am | 15/01/10

      hmmmm - sounds like another tiger woods saga ready to unfold.

    • Moose says:

      11:33am | 15/01/10

      Oh GOD I can’t stand watching this wwoman play tennis, grunting with exertion is one thing, but from the first point of the match/tournament is just off putting, and unattractive.

    • Mandy McEvoy says:

      12:33pm | 15/01/10

      Careful what you wish for - we all used to say the same thing about Tiger Woods - “used to” .... Whilst I agree with the underlying premise of your article - there is no doubt she has flaws but the PR machine around Nike and other sponsors and indeed her own management team that mean we should never see them - unfortunately… Infact is it those very spin doctors, for my mind, that have a lot to answer for creating unrealistic expectations for the youth today !
      Presenting her in a “real way” is what’s needed but I just hope any bad behaviour is not then justified with an admission of depression etc - it irks me too many sports stars blame their bad behaviour on what is a very real but mostly controllable disease ...

    • Wombat says:

      01:02pm | 15/01/10

      Just turn the sound down and she’s great.
      I call this the Kylie Effect.

    • Daniel says:

      05:11pm | 15/01/10

      Why hate her? If Aussie girls stopped eating and getting overweight they would be better off.

    • stephen says:

      09:39pm | 15/01/10

      She ain’t perfect, I am.
      I got 2 blokes talkin’ to’emselves on lucy’s Open Thread.

    • stephen says:

      08:44pm | 16/01/10

      Sorry, Capital L.

    • TB says:

      10:13pm | 16/01/10

      So, basically the author of this ‘piece’ (I’ll leave the fellow readers guessing as to what kind of ‘piece’ I think it is) is riled at Sharapova for being Miss Goody-two-shoes? Shannon O’Meara clearly needs to check into rehab - one of these days she’s going to OD on schadenfraude.

    • Steve says:

      11:16am | 21/12/10

      English comprehension, mate. Enrol in a course.

    • DocBud says:

      02:10am | 17/01/10

      “With three grand slams already under her 22-year-old designer belt, including the US Open, Wimbledon and the Australian Open,”

      For an amateur, the superfluous “including” may be excusable, but from a professional wordsmith it is most irritating. But then the entire article is superfluous.

    • James says:

      02:04pm | 17/01/10

      Tiger Woods used to be ‘perfect’.

    • Brian says:

      02:07pm | 17/01/10

      DocBud need only have commented ‘The superfluous “including” is irritating.’ Everything else was superfluous.

    • Tails says:

      03:33pm | 18/01/10

      Where is she going to wear all those earrings now? Ba-bow….

    • 6clegs says:

      11:21pm | 18/01/10

      To “Tails”
      heheheheheheeeeeee you devil you

      her ‘grunting’ drives me nutz - as do sporting types that need to be Role Models. Being simple I’ve always thought that one becomes a Role Model by dint of actually being one - like, you know, being a good person and leading a life that inspires others to do the same, without having to broadcast ones ‘goodness’. How does one emulate natural talent and genes???

      to “Bob H”, mate, you can’t know many teenagers - it’s the latest rage to have a “role model’’ - preferabley one from the sellebrity magazines so you can cut out their pictures, idolise, and follow them on Twitter & Facebook…  mate, the gossip sites of actors & sports stars are full of crazy teenagers who think they know more about their hero than anyone else (including the hero). They can’t all have undiagnosed mental illnesses? If they do the worlds in serious trouble!

    • Tim says:

      08:31am | 19/01/10

      Yes, she is perfect.

      Shame about the Tennis though.

    • thomaspjpoovathinkal says:

      01:21pm | 18/03/11

      Just like most of us, Maria Sharapova is not Perfect, yet She is Very Beautiful and almost full of Godly Grace.

    • chris says:

      01:18am | 26/01/12

      I hate Sharapova.  Her overdone grunting, her constant ticks, her taking forever to serve…..I will always root for her opponent.


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