The one cyclist I actually like

realto says:

08:24am | 10/07/09

You don’t like cyclists? Well I’ve never heard of you before, but here’s one cyclist for whom the feeling is mutual. How can you write even in jest that you don’t like a whole group of people because of their chosen sport, and expect to be taken seriously, or even humorously?

Alex says:

08:58am | 10/07/09

The feeling is mutual?
So you don’t like cyclists either?

Sook.

Peter Thornton says:

09:08am | 10/07/09

I’m a cyclist. I don’t like lycra cycle shorts and don’t wear them. I’m a runner. I don’t like scooped running shorts and don’t wear them either. I don’t like uniforms, nor do I need a costume to desperately convince myself I’m part of any group or that I’m worthy. I’m very bloody fit. Tall, lean with heaps of stamina. Not sure where you drink your coffee, Luke. At a guess i’d say it’s probably the usual variety of coolsie cafe though. I can just picture you now: arms outstretched holding that morning’s broadsheet…

Scottish git!

Jonathan says:

09:53am | 10/07/09

Someone once suggested that if you substituted the word “jew” or “homosexual” in all the articles about cyclists, nearly every tabloid journalist in Australia would be jailed under vilification laws.

Try this, your first sentence: “I don’t like homosexuals as a general rule. I don’t like the way they clog up my local cafe on Saturday mornings and clip-clop around the joint in their pixie shoes.”

Well done sir!  Marvellous example of bigotry!  Tarring all cyclists with one brush, even though we reduce traffic congestion (it’s true!), reduce the strain on the public health system (it’s true!) and contribute more to the economy as a result of decreased workplace absenteeism (it’s true!).  I suggest you get yourself on a bike, get some exercise, clear the cobwebs out of your stuffy old brain and see what it’s like to be among the most hated people in Sydney (it’s true!).
And I don’t even wear lycra or pixie shoes!

kara says:

10:35am | 10/07/09

git.

Tim says:

10:37am | 10/07/09

And the pro-cycling brigade comes out in force.
With their extreme self righteousness compounding another reason that no-one like them.

Jonathan says:

11:07am | 10/07/09

Hi Tim!
Don’t be a hater!  Come and join us, we’re happy and fit!  We love everyone!
Oh, and another thing, I’m not in the pro-cycling brigade: I’m a cyclist, I ride a bike and I enjoy it.  Seriously, you should try it.  Stop paying gym fees, get healthy.  Learn to love everyone, just like me!
And you don’t even have to wear lycra, or one of those stupid orange road-worker vests!
As for extreme self-righteousness: sometimes its justified!

James McIlwain says:

11:20am | 10/07/09

Peter,
Possibly McIlveen comes from Northern Island.

Jonathon, you possibly missed the “sore bottom” angle as well in your rebutal (no offence meant).

People seem to be rather touchy about satire these days.

Tim says:

11:41am | 10/07/09

Sorry Jonathan,
i was just imagining you commenting with a Darth Vader voice.

“Come,  Join the Dark Side.”

cck says:

11:54am | 10/07/09

Chief-of-Staff at the Daily Terror.

poor bloke - being just a staff member would be embarrasing enough!

Jonathan says:

11:59am | 10/07/09

I don’t know what sort re"butt"al would give you a sore bottom.  Pun intended.

Ahh, satire.  Satire hides a multitude of sins and many a true word is spoken in jest (or something).  Also, I enjoy behaving in a reactionary manner to baiting of cyclists.  Something has to keep me amused at work.

Methinks Mr. Mcilveen is a closet cyclist who has to roll out the two-wheels-bad, four-wheels-good rhetoric or he will lose his job at the Tele.  Heaven forbid one day he could be outed as “one of us” as he clandestinely rolls through Centennial Park in his full Silence-Lotto team kit and dark glasses so as not to raise the ire of the SUV driving Daily Telegraph demographic.
Out with it McIlveen!  Admit it!  You’re a lycra-lovin, carbon-riding velophile!  Your knowledge of and interest in the tour just screams “cycling tragic”.

Or you’re a tour scenester, which is just kinda lame.

R says:

12:13pm | 10/07/09

I like to ride my bike but cotton I wear, no lycra in sight .

Clinton says:

12:53pm | 10/07/09

Trust a proud cyclist hater to like Lance Armstrong - the guy we cyclists love to hate.

He’s a drug cheat. Pure and simple - anyone who denies it is ignorant of the facts he has sued and litigated to keep hidden.

And the anti-cyclist - I agree, substitute what you wrote with jew or homosexual and look what happens. Cyclists are keeping fit, getting cars off the road and getting mad as hell when drivers such as yourself attempt to murder us with tedious regularity.

Enjoy your tin coffin - I’ll be out smashing some KM’s up a mountain and loving it well into my 90’s.

Rabbitohsman says:

01:00pm | 10/07/09

Wouldn’t Realto be a barrel of laughs at the pub?

Nathan says:

01:09pm | 10/07/09

I’m with you man, cyclists are road-rats. The sooner we have indemnity for running them down, the better. Roads are paid for by motorists. Roads SHOULD be chock full of cars, because that’s what they’re for. Cyclists are the transport version of squatters. They rock up uninvited, claim it as their god given right, get in your way, slow you down, break all the rules, ride on the footpath and generally act like self-righteous sanctimonious knobs. Beer-guts and coffee cups are NOT the best usage of a footpath, yet that’s what you get. As a motorist and pedestrian, I hate their dirty guts.

But I like Lance Armstrong… go figure

Clinton says:

01:20pm | 10/07/09

Nathan - Have you considered that most cyclists are also motorist, and thus have ‘paid for their right to be there’.

Are you also saying Nathan that you are against a healthy, green mode of transport and in favour of traffic clogged, going nowhere fast road systems?

Let me ask you this - how many motorists have been killed by cyclists?

On average - a cyclist is killed by a motorist every 5-6 weeks. We’re getting killed regularly simply because of inconsiderate, road raged motorists who think it’s ‘funny’ to attack cyclists.

sarah of brisbane says:

01:27pm | 10/07/09

I don’t dislike cyclists but I wish the road rules were different so that it didn’t include them blocking the roads leaving a trail of cars sitting on 20kms waiting for them to move.  Annoying!

Ben Haslem says:

01:50pm | 10/07/09

Oh lighten up fellow cyclists! Luke’s being provocative and you’ve taken the bait. I ride to work, wear pixie shoes (I assume Luke means shoes with cleats) and lycra (though no jump suit),  I’m happily married and never divorced and sure as hell am not a lawyer. And I don’t hang out in cafes in my bike gear. If Luke wants to hate cyclists, let him. Does it really matter? Now get back on your bike.

Jonathan says:

01:59pm | 10/07/09

@Nathan: LOL!
@Sarah:  flip your collar up, I can see your redneck.

I guess the Daily Tele readers have found this then.  There goes the neighbourhood.

ukalipt says:

02:04pm | 10/07/09

provactive?
it’s just not funny joking about swerving a car towards a cyclist. i am sure my wife, and two young boys wouldn’t find it funny either.
i dont give a shit about anything else LUKE has to say

lance says:

02:10pm | 10/07/09

Time to crack a bottle of Houghton’s,
big fella. Then on ya bike for some drink riding.

wolf says:

02:20pm | 10/07/09

Bravo Clinton for pointing out the elephant in the room and well done to the punch for not censoring his opinion (unlike other online sites who live in fear).

However Clinton in regard to your question about cyclists killing motorists I will remind you that cyclists have been known to kill pedestrians and walk away with a slap on the wrist.  Motorists aren’t the only ones who can be inconsiderate.

Chris says:

02:25pm | 10/07/09

“There was a theory going into this race that Armstrong - after a four year absence from cycling - was really only turning up to spruik his cancer charity.”

Mate your really have not done your homework. Lance has openly said that it’s a key driver for doing the tour and infact any races. If he wins it means more exposure to the livestrong foundation.

Plus you don’t joke about swerving at cyclist. Imagine if your son was lying on the tarmac right now due to sound road raged prick. I will not be reading anymore your misinformed attacks.

mckenny says:

02:39pm | 10/07/09

i bet were you one of those arseholes who used to claim: “i don’t like rap, but i really like gansters paradise by coolio”

Clinton says:

02:49pm | 10/07/09

Wolf:
Yes mate it’s true we’ve hit and injured/killed a few pedestrians. But again - this would pale in insignificance compared to the numbers mown down by drivers. Sophie Delezio anyone?

Also, Hassan Bakr, the dude who almost killed pro/olympic level cyclists on Southern Cross Drive earlier this year got a fine, kept his license and is still driving. He was proven to have lied in his evidence, didn’t show up to sentencing (twice) and this is the PATHETIC punishment?

The laws were recently changed in Victoria to provide punishments, fines and jail time for cyclists who cause accidents - I welcome that.

Yes there are dangerous cyclists. but many more dangerous motorists. Yes cyclists can do better, but so can motorists.

But I am sick to death of reading these cyclist rant articles making light of the fact WE ARE DYING OUT THERE. Simply for doing something that is completely legal and healthy.

mckenny says:

02:54pm | 10/07/09

also, do you douchepongs realise that your roads are funded - mostly - by taxes, not the money you pay to have your car registered?

D says:

02:56pm | 10/07/09

Don’t motorists also have a daily briefing like us cyclists do about which rules we’re going to break and which people to annoy?

BTW I love the macho way Lukey-boy starts off by telling us how much he hates cyclists before writing a story about them. You just watch the Tour for the scenery, don’t you Luke?

Jonathan says:

03:10pm | 10/07/09

Watches the tour for the scenery, and only buys stick mags for the crosswords.

stephen says:

04:56pm | 10/07/09

I ride a bicycle everywhere ( I don’t have a car) and have noticed recently drivers in there dog-eared autos rushing from one set of lights to the next.
“Why are they going so fast, so close to me?” I ask myself.
Rushing to a UN meeting perhaps, or maybe just going home to check the chips in the oven.
Slow up lads, or at that set of lights, one of us is gonna’ be tapping on your driver’s side window for a little talk.

Brendan Shanahan says:

06:01pm | 10/07/09

“Someone once suggested that if you substituted the word “jew” or “homosexual” in all the articles about cyclists, nearly every tabloid journalist in Australia would be jailed under vilification laws.”

Who said that, Jonathan? A big whiny bitch who has never had a real problem in his life and has no reservations in comparing the “persecution” of cyclists to that suffered by people who got fed into ovens in their millions?

Razor says:

06:14pm | 10/07/09

Lance rocks.  If anyopne has a question mark over them it is Contador.

I still want Cadel to win - or any other Aussie.

Jonathan says:

06:37pm | 10/07/09

Hi Brendan!
It’s not a matter of comparison:  it’s a matter of living in a country which we all claim is humane and equitable, yet people who use motor vehicles as lethal weapons against other humans are continually left unpunished.  It’s the language used in the media and forums such as this that devalues cyclists as a group and makes people think that it’s ok to run them off the road and abuse them willy nilly.
Yeh, I know it’s a first world problem, and I would never think to compare the plight of cyclists to the horrible death of millions of Jews or the bashings of gays etc. 
But hey, a death is a death.  Don’t devalue a life just because it’s a white person on a bike in a western country.

realto says:

06:48pm | 10/07/09

Rabbitsoh man - are you a rabbitohs supporter? Yes, I’d have been a barrel of laughs in a pub last weekend, watching Souths make the Tigers look good in a 50 point win. Souths supporters are one subject where bias, ridicule and generalisation are OK. Brendan Shanahan - are you just sucking up to Luke for a job? The first one to mention the Nazis or holocaust loses, remember. OK you weren’t the first, but the point sticks.

Brendan Shanahan says:

07:34pm | 10/07/09

I’ve already been sacked from the Daily Tele, Realto. Going back for seconds would be pure masochism on my part. Actually, I was hoping that, by making a point using my name, I wouldn’t fall into the trap so common on the internet of making some ridiculously hyperbolic claim - ie. that being a member of the “cycling community” is analogous to being Jewish or gay - while being able to hide behind some pseudonym that frees me from any responsibility for said claim. That’s all, you may now return to World of Warcraft.

D says:

08:46pm | 10/07/09

Dear, dear Brendan. Did you get the sack for being a simpleton? No one is comparing cyclists with Jews or homosexuals. If you want people comparing themselves with Jews, you’ll have to get in touch with the motorbike gangs for that sort of leap. No, it is simply being pointed out that the way people ride about cyclists could be construed as offensive and this can be seen by substituting another group of people. It doesn’t have to be Jews and homosexuals. It could be any group of people, even ones that don’t have a positive reputation. Try substituting rugby league players or unemployed journalists and see if you feel the sentence makes them seem more or less reputable.

clinton says:

08:52pm | 10/07/09

Hey Brendan Shanahan - It’s great you used your real name but sad you decide to disrespect those you are communicating with by calling them whiny bitches and saying we all play world of warcraft.

Interesting that you refer to an online game as I guess it suits your purposes to generalise the targets of your attacks as ‘those nerdy internet geeks’ that no one respects or listens to anyway, and you’re not one of those so everyone will take you more seriously…

No, cyclists shouldn’t compare their troubles to jews or gays, but the point being made, and a valid one which you failed to even address in your short, sharp, venomous attacks, was that anti-cyclist rants are fairly regular on TV, online and in print, yet if someone ran a similar article attacking any of the following;

sick kid charities, gays, jews, indigenous, tall, short, people with oversize hands, small hands, curly hair, freckles, young, old, sick, veterans, joggers, kayakers or ice skaters - then everyone would line up to ‘tut tut’ the person(s) who dared attack said poor defenseless group in society.

Simple fact is we are an easy outlet for road raged drivers who need to ‘get’ someone - driving has become a bloodsport of aggression, speeding and competition and it’s a game with no winners. But a cyclist! Easy pickings!

Now that I think about it - it is like being a jew in israel. Someone in israel gets on a bus, they worry if today is the day some maniac wore a dynamite vest. Us cyclists get on a bike and think is today the day some tool in a gas guzzler is texting on the phone and drives straight over us without realising until it’s all over and we’re good and dead…

But yes, I admit it -  us cyclists are just a right pain in the arse when ‘our road’ motorists want to speed up to get to that red light or stop sign ASAP…

No back to my world of warcraft for some online fantasy cycling with my gnome friends…

(can’t for the life of me imagine why the tele sacked you…)

udi says:

09:21pm | 10/07/09

So Luke, you’re a bigoted git with a hangup about the shape of the human body and disproportionate admiration for sporting heroes. In Australia, that hardly makes you something to read about.

wolf says:

10:04pm | 10/07/09

Brendan I think you have missed the mark.

The “jew” test is a perfectly valid method to apply against the appropriatness of a given comment whether on the internet or in person. Specifically: if the the public would find it inappropriate to use the word “jew” (or “aboriginal” or “immigrant” but if you really want to push the boundary I’ll add “spic”, “deigo”, “nigger”, “wog” , “faggot” or any other taboo) then it’s probably something you shouldn’t say in polite society.

Regardless, the fact remains that if a ‘B’ sample still existed from 1999 we would not have to listen to Armstrongs twaddle in the media today.

Ravi says:

03:19pm | 11/07/09

Far out people, I am amazed at how much bitching goes on in these comments sections. Here’s an idea. Get some friends, buy a beer/coffee/mineral water and have a real conversation!

I’m off to take my own medicine, with my gay, jewish, cycling chums.

Stuart says:

06:45pm | 11/07/09

You’re an idiot. Armstrong is only tested as much as any other professional cyclist. This is true now and is true for when he was winning the TDF. During that same time many other pro cyclists were tested and given the same clean record as Armstrong but later on confessed or were exposed as drug cheats. Combine that with some very controversial associations with ‘coaching consultants’ and you have a guy who will never remove the shadow of cheating. So please crawl back under whatever rock you came from and let less bigoted people argue for the honour of your hero.

Jonathan says:

10:49am | 12/07/09

Hi Ravi!  Welcome to the comments section.
Brendan:  you really missed the point.  By a long way.  And just what is world of warcraft?
Also, seeing as how you don’t work at the Tele anymore, how about behaving like a reasonable person?
Some very valid points regarding the treatment of cycling have been made and you proceed to call people whiny bitches.  Shame.