Every time my train goes under Central Station, my phone calls cut out. There is - despite what people who have real problems will tell you - nothing more infuriating. It’s 2011. Obama has promised a Mars mission and I can’t even get reception in a tunnel.

These people are waiting to get their hands on an iPad 2. But will it brush their teeth for them? No, no it won't. Photo: Bruce Magilton.

These aren’t the only techno gripes I have on this mediocre day of April. How come I have an app on my phone that tells me which M. Night Shyamalan movie sucks the most, but I don’t have one that brushes my teeth for me? Why am I still losing car keys, tying my own shoelaces and having to move my eyeballs to focus on a different point in space?

Why are we wasting money on things like better healthcare and infrastructure, when we could be inventing a gizmo that detects and automatically scratches itches? How is it that in this wondrous age of techno-wizardry, my mouth cannot yet produce milk to go with my cereal? C’mon!

Santa can choke on my two front teeth – this Christmas, I want a machine that performs all my daily tasks for me and allows my muscles to blissfully atrophy.

At the very least, I demand a personal communication device that is marginally better than the previous model but costs at least $3000 more.

Obviously, I’m going to blame someone for this addiction to slightly-improved technology (hint: it’s not the Government, Major Retailers or Big Oil).

It’s Steve Jobs and other such Lords of Tech.

I was recently considering buying an iPad (despite the fact I have a laptop at home, a computer at work and don’t need a computing device in-between).

Then, the iPad 2 came out, which obviously means I can’t buy the first one because it magically became, overnight, “out-dated”. As such, I have decided to buy neither.

I’m sick of updated versions of gadgets being rolled out every 12 months in an effort to simultaneously invent “problems” and “solutions”.

Every time a new tech product comes out, it is held up to the light by millions of people who begin pointing out its every inadequacy. The list of what it doesn’t do quickly outgrows the list of what it actually does.

This is, of course, encouraged by people like Jobs who want you to notice “inadequacies” and upgrade.

While people were lining up for a few handfuls of rice in less fortunate nations, others were “braving the cold” and lining up for a slightly thinner iPad 2.

In their defence though, it’s also slightly lighter. This is obviously a significant feature as 78 per cent of the adult population lack the physical strength to pick up a can of baked beans or a mobile phone.

I already hear you ask, “What’s wrong with kids these days? You don’t hear 10 year olds in Somalia complaining that their pencils don’t have a USB port and can’t support Flash.”

There’s something not quite right about all this.

We’ve become terrified of buying a product in case it’s made artificially redundant in six months’ time.

Yes, it’s a problem – but in the same way an iPad being 100g too heavy is a problem.

Eating milkless cereal, however, is a real problem. Focus on that one, Jobs.

40 comments

Show oldest | newest first

    • James says:

      07:00am | 07/04/11

      Apple’s consumer base consists largely of folk with more money than sense and whose idea of ‘hardship’ is when the GPS on their phone won’t lock on? Stop the presses, please.

    • chris says:

      07:47am | 07/04/11

      It’s not Jobs, it’s you. Treat the marketing (and other) hype for what it is - an attempt to manipulate you into buying something you don’t need. Just buy what YOU actually need and not what someone else tells you to.

    • Marty says:

      08:15am | 07/04/11

      If I hold my iPhone really close to my face while I’m on the train to make the same apps unnecessarily huge, then I feel like enoughof an iPad wanker that the urge to buy passes.  But then I see someone on an iPad down the other end of the train where everything is nostalgically small and realise I want to be an iPhone wanker once again.  What have you done to me Steve Jobs, all I used to want to be was Kurt Cobain.

    • George says:

      08:16am | 07/04/11

      Jason, It’s undoubtedly one of the flaws of capitalism and its something very hard to control without infringing upon the liberty which supports the system it self. Good on you for bringing awareness to the fact that the demand for upgraded consumer goods, bring little benefit accept to those who want something lighter and slimmer. Imagine the difference if all those who bought an iPad 2, helped an starving family by providing multiple micro-loans.

    • Shark Bait says:

      08:22am | 07/04/11

      Style over substance is the stock in trade of the overpriced and underperforming “i” anything. A once innovative and progressive technology house became an over protective and profit hungry control freak long ago. Like Jason, I too am “sick of updated versions of gadgets being rolled out every 12 months in an effort to simultaneously invent “problems” and “solutions”. If “some” is good and as frequently is the case, “more” is better, then why should I have to wait 18 months for it ot be oackaged up in an upgraded version?

      Oh, wait, that’s right, no one will ever need any more than 640kB of RAM will they?

      Bah Humbug

    • Daniel says:

      12:43pm | 07/04/11

      Keep telling yourself that.

      How many phones have Samsung, HTC etc. released in the last year? Apple does a yearly upgrade and all of the sudden they’re the enemy. Blinded by your hate.

    • Pixel Pusher says:

      01:04pm | 07/04/11

      That “once” innovative company has created the smartphone market (notice how they all look like iPhones now, and every mogul wants their own app store) and created the tablet market (MS-based tablets through the 2000s can’t really be considered, unless you have to ask why two inch thick, 2 kilo, 2-hour battery devices running XP never really sold well except in a few vertical markets).

      As for the upgrade cycle you don’t seem to understand, I’m sure if Apple (or anyone) could release the Ultimate Device with version 1, they would. Do you actually think they are holding things back just to suck money from you? Or maybe R&D takes time, money and experience…

      Apple doesn’t own every market they are in, so shame on Adobe for bringing out Premiere Pro CS5 that needs better hardware. Shame on Sony for the new PMW F3. Shame on Microsoft for releasing a new mouse.

    • facepalm says:

      02:24pm | 07/04/11

      Pixel Pusher, I found it most appropriate that you put “once” in quotation marks. Steve Jobs is a marketing hustler on par with the Surprise Spruiker. Yes, Apple “created the smartphone market” with a phone inferior to models already on the market at the time (there’s absolutely no reason why the very first iPhone could not have been the 3GS. Apple simply wanted you to pay for the same gadget three times). As for “creating the tablet market” well, people who genuinely *needed* a tablet already had one, and it probably had a damn sight more functionality than the iPad, or the iPad 2 for that matter (which is really an iPad 1.5 when you get down to it).

      Face facts - Apple is the brand for overgrown children who need to live vicariously through their overpriced gadgets. Deal with it.

    • iMat Homenow says:

      07:33pm | 07/04/11

      facepalm, “once” is inverted commas in reference to Shark Bait’s post. As for the utility of an iPad v “tablets of yore”, I work in the healthcare industry that has been regularly assessing MS-based tablets for years and none of them has been suitable. Not even the MS-loving IT departments could convince the doctors to use them, especially once the bean counters saw the cost (around $3 - 5k). Now, healthcare facilities all around the world are using the iPad. Keep telling yourself that no-one buys them, though. Maybe you’ll believe it one day.

    • Phil S says:

      08:26am | 08/04/11

      You should check out the Asus EP121 windows 7 tablet. More powerful than many laptops, screen is better than the ipad in daylight. It has a pressure sensitive wacom pen (like the ones graphic designers use) and a capacitive multitouch screen. It can run any application you want because its windows…

      Oh, and its $1100USD.

      Most people won’t bother looking at it though because they’ve swallowed the line that windows doesn’t work with touch (have users forgotten you can resize the ui elements of windows?) and that using a pen is outdated (wtf? who doesn’t need to make notes? since when is typing on a touch screen faster than writing with a pen?)

      oh and it weighs 1.2kg smile

    • Dave Sag says:

      08:30am | 07/04/11

      I am an unashamed Apple fan and yet, as I look at my desk I see a 5 year old iMac, a 4 year old MacBook Pro, an original iPad and, hmm, where is my iPhone anyway - ah, by my bd.  It’s also an old one.  Despite the fact that my iMac will hardly play World of Warcraft anymore and my iPad has no camera, and my iPhone lacks the fancy HDR camera that the v4 has, I am happy.  No really.  Somehow, despite being Steve Jobs’ bitch for 20+ years (I was an Apple ][ user!) I have managed to resist the urge to buy the very latest of everything.  For a start if I upgrade my iPhone I also have to change the mount I use on my bike because the form-factor is different.  That mount cost $70 so I am not likely to just throw it away,  My iMac, sure it’s old but I type text for a living.  My iPad, well okay that was an indulgence, but I do love it and it’s brilliant to travel with, so much so that I’ve not bothered to upgrade my laptop because I don’t tend to travel with it any more.  My home wifi is still 802.11g not ‘n’, and yet somehow we struggle on here.  My wife still has a Nokia phone I bought her in 1999.  Only ill-disciplined children get caught up in the technology upgrade cycle.

      Yes I will upgrade when I need to, and am saving up for a new iMac when they are released (maybe this xmas.)  golly you say, an adult who saves up for stuff! But really I only want a better iMac to play WoW on so it’s not a major and pressing issue.

    • Nathan says:

      08:58am | 07/04/11

      Wow. Technology products get incrementally updated over time. Thanks for the startling insight.

      If you own a product that is made “obsolete” by a newer version, guess what, you don’t have to upgrade. If the new version offers something genuinely useful over your current one that is worth the spend, then upgrade. If not, stick with what you have - it doesn’t work any different than it did the week before. Is it really something worthy of a “how dare they run a business” whine?

    • michael j says:

      09:53am | 07/04/11

      I-PAD may not feed the hungry or the poor but i doubt it is going out of its way to create more hungry and poor unlike the current Federal,n, State Government’s of this Country,,,,,,,,,,

    • Oxnard says:

      10:33am | 07/04/11

      we get it, you dont like the government. However, if you notice the article above has nothing to do with governments. Can’t you find one of the million articles on here that does talk about governments to share your tiring comments on?

      I propose the moderators restrict comments on governments to articles that they actually relate to.

      Oh, and as for the article, self-discipline is highly under-rated. Its amazing how many people can’t justify why they purchase goods such as iPads (especially when they are simply upgrading from pretty much the same thing) If you haven’t figured it out already, there will be a new one in 12 months

    • michael j says:

      07:50pm | 07/04/11

      @Oxnard-i have to agree with you ,,apple’s will not feed the hungrey,or praise God heal the sick,,BUT if you can afford $3000 for a piece of tekco
      garbage that you all whine about maybe you should think twice about purchasing it,,And if anyone of you can show me a 10 year old Somali kid
      that can not sharpen a pencil with a machete,i’ll show you an Australian kid that can’t tie shoelaces,,and i don’t think i.pad has been released in Somalia but hopefully they can get Cereal with or without milk,,,,,,

    • Peter T. says:

      07:25pm | 10/04/11

      Is there an app to make left-wing fools disappear?

    • Rich says:

      09:55am | 07/04/11

      You really need to calm down and watch Louis CK:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8r1CZTLk-Gk

      “We live in an amazing amazing world and it is wasted on the crappiest generation of just spoiled idiots…How quickly the? world owes him something that he only knew existed ten seconds ago”

    • Luce says:

      10:46am | 07/04/11

      We’re all too overstimulated and under appreciative. When real hardship is absent, instead of being grateful for how easy we have things in life, we find miniscule problems and blow them up into catastrophes, turning us all into whinging brats. Welcome to the future!

    • Jimbob says:

      12:34pm | 07/04/11

      Luce, I think you’re spot on.

      I’m as guilty of it as the next person. I’d watch a documentary on suffering and hardship in places in the 3rd world, feel awful and want to change my ways; appreciate what i’ve got. Then a few days later I start whinging about the traffic again, or that the local store is out of stock of my favourite bread etc.

      It’s an unfortunate aspect of human nature. I bet carefree billionaires even whinge from time to time

    • ceebails says:

      01:00pm | 07/04/11

      Ermmm ... I bought an iPad2 simply because I wanted to and I can afford to. Why do people who can’t understand why, or don’t want to, or can’t afford to, care so much?

    • mike j says:

      03:54pm | 07/04/11

      What’s to understand? You’re a fashion victim who likes to play one-dimensional platform games on an oversized touch screen. We get it.

    • ceebails says:

      12:18pm | 09/04/11

      mikej ... don’t think you get it buddy ... been involved with all kinds of computers professionally for a VERY VERY long time (probably since you were in nappies) ... sounds like you are one of those bitter and twisted little techie nerds who don’t like the fact that your so—called technical skills are rendered obsolete by a machine that just works ... get over it ...

    • Geoff Russell says:

      02:31pm | 07/04/11

      Jobs or Gates? I don’t really have a clue where so much unfettered greed has sprung from but I’m guessing that those in Qld, NZ and Japan who have been through some serious hardship will have a kinder set of values as a result. Interesting to see that one of the poorest countries on the planet, Liberia, is welcoming refugees from the Ivory Coast fighting because they remember recently being welcomed as refugees into Ivory Coast!  Perhaps a little hardship is required to make decent human beings. 

      I spent more than a few years collecting money for Red Cross Calling. The bigger the house, the smaller the donation. And a couple of 4WDs in the drive way guaranteed that a donation of more than $2 was almost impossible.

    • Professor Roy Hinkley says:

      07:30am | 08/04/11

      So you think we should have a little civil war here and kill a few thousand people so we can become decent human beings again?

      I wan’t planning on buying the iPad 2, but it sounds like the better alternative.

    • Jenni says:

      04:13pm | 07/04/11

      I’m actually the opposite of the picture you paint above. I will quite happily wait for a “new and improved” model of just about anything to be released so that I can then buy the older model for half the price when they have to clear the old stock to make way for the new :D In this way I have acquired an iPod nano (the older model which is all of 12cm long instead of the new 6cm wink a DS (when they released the “lite”) just to name a couple.

    • Seth Brundle says:

      04:25pm | 07/04/11

      Don’t want an iPad?  Don’t buy one.

      Do want an iPad?  Buy one.

      Problem solved.

    • Luis says:

      04:41pm | 07/04/11

      Jason Tin - Face it, this is how technology can develope - by constantly solving problems and making people’s life easier. Obviously iPad won’t be able to clean up your dishes for you(it might be able to though, with an app that could arrange a maid for you), but this is a totally different topic. It is like your car will never be able to feed your baby daught dinner, or you can never drive your carpet to work. Get your mind straight - you can not compare apple with pear, and it is not fair. Don’t really get the point of your article at the first place.

    • HappyCynic says:

      04:42pm | 07/04/11

      I find if you upgrade every 5 or 6 generations it’s much better.  I could afford to upgrade every year but why bother if the changes are so incremental?

      The only exception to the rule is when it comes to videogame consoles.  Mind you their generations are once every 10 years.

    • Andy says:

      05:03pm | 07/04/11

      Wilde said that fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.

      Apple has merged the fashion and tech worlds. Simple

    • Waynevan says:

      05:28pm | 07/04/11

      Ok. So I’m mid a 30’s single guy who last year moved in to a share house with 2 mates 10 years my junior and first thing I did (much to their amusement) was get a landline installed “That’s what old people and families use!!!!” I refer to it as our phone not mine as they are welcome to use it anytime but they walked out of the room while I was telling them the number. They ask me how I can afford it. I get out my large mobile phone with it’s black & green lcd screen and tell them I can’t afford to use it. Their reply was “I’m paying $200 a month for this mobile so I have to use it heaps to get value for it”
      Having never used a landline they believe that crap reception, drop outs and exhorbitant bills are the norm and don’t know anything else. My amusement comes when they are walking around strange corners of the house to get reception while apologising to their friends for the dropouts. If they would try making 22c untimed call with perfect reception anywhere in the house they would understand the benefits but until then the landline is all mine.

    • Steven says:

      06:17pm | 07/04/11

      What a dull article. Seems you need to bring Apple into it to get people to read your pointless diatribe.

      I challenge you to find a mainstream tech company that doesn’t update a product line once a year.

      Anyway I’d like to own an iPad, it looks interesting and the touch interface introduces innovation to application interfaces and functionality.

      Go play with Garageband and you’ll see.

    • the Liberal Loafer says:

      06:49pm | 07/04/11

      what is ipad 2?

    • Marty says:

      08:21pm | 07/04/11

      I have a theory. The people who Apple so much love their products. I love the aesthetics, the design. They really want to be on the ‘cool’ side, but they hate feeling manipulated. Anyone who hates that part of Apple, doesn’t really understand how people tick. Rightly or wrongly, Apple does!

    • Geoff Russell says:

      08:39pm | 07/04/11

      Are you following the comments Jason? How many of the comments are from people who actually missed the point? More than a few so far.

      But if I were being picky I’d rewrite your last line ... milkless cereal isn’t a problem ... no cereal is a problem.  Putting cows milk on your cereal
      means there is less cereal to export to countries which desperately need
      it ... why?

      Dairy cattle in Australia generally out bid the world’s poor for about 2.5 million tonnes of cereals each year and the industry was far and away the biggest sucker of water from the Murray Darling Basin ... and when the drought hit, the dairy people had the “high
      security” water, so they just kept sucking while the rice and cotton people stopped or reduced planting. The dairy industry always used more than
      double what rice used ...

      http://bravenewclimate.com/2010/10/18/who-crippled-the-murray-darling-basin/

      Soymilk is way more efficient, and has less saturated fat.

      Last but not least, the dairy industry relies on the bobby calf industry for its profit.  These are taken from the mother on day 1 and stuck on a cattle truck not many days later for as many hours as it takes to get to a slaughterhouse. The industry wants to be able to ship them for up to 30 hours without feed.  The bobby calf trade is the dairy industry’s dirty little secret.

    • Secondmouse says:

      08:57pm | 07/04/11

      Why should Apple solve all the world’s problems? Isn’t that what Bill & Melinda Gates are for?

      Perhaps you should donate the cost of your next tech purchase to the Red Cross instead.

    • Ralph says:

      07:38am | 08/04/11

      Are you worried you cant keep up with the Jones’ ?  I bought the original ipad and use it hours every day, I dont intend to update just because there is a new one available.  You dont have to buy the next version.  If having the latest is so important to you and you cant afford it you need to change your values.  Stopping technological progress just so you can brag aout having the latest is rediculous.  Technology will continue to improve at an ever increasing rate, get over it.

    • Thomas says:

      04:30pm | 09/04/11

      Since the iPad doesn’t support Flash, it is encouraging people to make websites using the standards the internet is meant to made out of.  This means these websites are much easily translated into other languages, meaning these starving kids have a better chance of unlocking the wealth information and education opportunities on the internet.  With better education and with access to cheaper knowledge, they can get better jobs and help build their nation.  As a result, less people will get sick and less people will go hungry.

      The iPad is saving the world.  Saving the world of the virus that is Flash.

    • Steve K says:

      07:28am | 10/04/11

      At 50+ years old, having a life time of work experience, I take my hat off to these guys like Jobs, Gates, Henry Ford, Edison, Bell and the list goes on, I do not have the capability to make this sort of stuff, but these advancing technologies have helped me communicate with others like never before, travel the planet, improve the health & well being of the society around me.

      I say to all those that complain about technology, if you do not like what is on offer and you think it should be better, then get out there and make it, bring it to market and provide us with the option to buy what you perceive to be the ideal device rather than cutting the grass from under the feet of those that really have done something that is quite remarkable.

      If you don’t like it then don’t buy it

    • MacPark says:

      06:35pm | 10/04/11

      I can honestly say thats the best big of “blog style journalism” I have read in a mainstream news media source in a VERY long time. Great one Jason and I hope people realise what trap they have been pushed into and keep accepting over and over.

    • Peter T. says:

      07:26pm | 10/04/11

      I thnk that most people are missing the point of this article. The iPad2 cannot change the world . . . because it was already changed after iPad 1 wink

 

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