I am trying hard not to sound like a grumpy old man well before my time, but what is it with the fun police on the streets of Perth?

In just one week, the good citizens of the Australia’s western state have been subjected to a raft of state and local government regulations seemingly designed to take the enjoyment out of the simplest of life’s pleasures.
Take the example of Town of Cottesloe, just one of 142 shires and municipal councils in the state, after it foreshadowed the banning of flying kites, hoisting over-sized beach umbrellas, playing with toy cars and drinking from glass bottles on an iconic stretch of beaches along the WA capital’s affluent western suburbs.
In a further affront to the beach-going public, activities that have long been synonymous with swimming at the picturesque Cottesloe Beach, such as jumping from the rock groyne or back-flipping from its famous and recently reconstructed pylon, have also been banned, with fines ranging from $100 to $500 set to be enforced.
Adding further insult to injury, a new beach law outlawing the digging of “hazardous” big holes is likely to be introduced next month, bringing to more than 100 the number of beach activities frowned upon by officialdom at Cottesloe.
Pity the poor children with their humble bucket and spade.
It’s not just the beaches where freedoms are being curbed, cigarette smokers will be left wondering where it’s actually lawful to light up in WA after smoking in cars carrying young children, and having a durry in outdoor alfresco restaurants, pubs and clubs was made unlawful by the WA Parliament this week.
In what is being hailed Australia’s toughest anti-smoking measures, smoking between the flags at controlled beaches has also been banned, as has lighting up within 10 metres of a children’s playground anywhere in the state.
You can just imagine the boys and girls in blue running about the place with their tape measures, and peering into car windows at the traffic lights.
The legislation comes as a result of a private member’s bill from Liberal-leaning WA independent Member for Alfred Cove, Dr Janet Woollard, whose support the WA Liberal-National Coalition enjoys, and whose husband Dr Keith Woollard, is an ex-Australian Medical Association president.
She was also successful in pushing for a ban on cigarette smoking in WA’s Parliament House, a ban most suspect is theoretical in nature but hardly followed in practice.
I happen to be a reformed smoker, not the usual rabid kind, but one who thinks that the growth in outdoor, alfresco dining areas represents a pretty sound compromise in the battle between the rights of smokers and the great majority who don’t smoke.
That smokers can no longer light up in outdoor, licensed venues has naturally infuriated the Australian Hotel’s Association.
It seems that licensees will be able to get around the laws by simply removing some tables and chairs, thus creating outdoor “standing-only smoking areas”, which seemingly makes a mockery of the new laws.
Finally, there is further evidence of regulatory recklessness in the state following the WA Cricket Association’s proclamation that it will hang nets between the playing on-field and the grassed banks of the WACA ground to prevent drunken idiots from invading the pitch this summer.
The move follows the shocking crash-tackling of Pakistani cricketer Khalid Latif by a bogun from WA’s bush, David James Fraser, who was fined $9000 in Perth in March following a minute of sheer madness during a one-day international game at the WACA in February.
The Pakistani player suffered a whip-lash injury after being tackled to the ground by Fraser, who police says was cajoled by a large crowd of jeering drunks, who applauded the pitch invasion, and admonished officials who dragged the hapless fan away.
To combat boozy, bad behaviour at the cricket in Perth this summer, a 1.8m net will be hoisted around parts of the WACA outer protecting the players from the public.
What a great look for international cricket.
Making matters worse, a four-drinks per person policy will be changed to one-per-person, and service terminated abruptly if need be, if police and ground officials become concerned by the effects of too much beer and the hot sun at international games this summer.
As it is, only mid-strength beer is served in the public reserve, while jugs of full-strength beer, often with a delicately-balanced cup of ice to keep the amber liquid cool, has been a pleasure available only to WACA members. Even the members with their crisp, collared shirts are in strife.
The full-strength right will be removed in the member’s enclosure this summer, as will more than 40 per cent of the WACA seating declared alcohol-free.
A handful of idiots have ruined it for everyone else, and once again we find the majority being maligned for the actions of a wilful minority.
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