The definitive summer reading guide for our pollies
With Parliament over for the year and Christmas just around the corner, our politicians will be looking forward to a well-earned rest. So what will they be reading over the summer break?
Usually they tell us they’re tucking into long, complex works by Tolstoy or Dostoevsky or biographies about obscure and impressive sounding military strategists from ancient Rome. Of course that’s rubbish.
Luckily, someone in Kevin Rudd’s office has leaked the entire list of what our leaders will really be reading this summer. Some of the highlights are reproduced below.
“How to Be Popular”
She may have bounced in the polls in recent weeks, but really, our PM is still about as popular as Andrew Bolt at a latte art competition in North Fitzroy. This book will be just what Julia needs to get 2012 off to a winning start.
“Getting Past No”
Being pathologically-programed to always say no may seem funny to us, but it can’t be much fun for Tony Abbott. This William Ury classic will provide the Opposition leader with some workable tips to get into a positive frame of mind.
Also reading: The international bestseller “Getting to Yes”
“Self Defence Against Knife Attacks”
If only Kevin Rudd had had this on his 2009/10 reading list, he might still be in the top job. With 1,700 full-colour photographs and a section on “distraction, control and disarmament techniques”, Kevin will never be knifed again.
Also reading: “Irrelevance: Webster’s Timeline History, 1788 – 2007”
“How to Get Your Point Across in 30 Seconds or Less”
The Independent MP took a full 17 minutes to tell us that he’d be backing the Labor Government in the current parliament. He could have saved us all 16.5 minutes of our lives if he’d read this book first.
“13 Things That Don’t Make Sense”
The National Party Senator will be comforted to know that he isn’t the only thing that doesn’t make sense in this world; there are thirteen other things.
“How to Make $100,000 a Year Gambling for a Living”
There’s every probability that Independent MP Andrew Wilkie will be out of a job after the next election, so he’s keen to explore other ways to make a crust.
“Die Rupert Murdoch Methode”
This is actually a German book and the title means The Rupert Murdoch Method. Unfortunately, Bob just read the first three words and moved it straight to the top of his reading list.
“Homophobia: A History”
Bob isn’t the only person who hates gay people, there’s a whole book full of homophobes. Perfect light summer reading.
“An Irritating Man”
Apparently Christopher thought this book was about him (he usually only reads books about himself). But it’s actually a romance about a Hollywood writer who returns to his hometown in Indiana to court a school teacher. Close enough.
Also reading: Michael Nichol’s classic “The Lost Art of Listening”
Coming up with ways to alienate, humiliate and imprison poor, desperate and often under-age people from warn-torn countries might sound like a crap job, but it’s not as bad as swilling the piss out of the crotch of a knight’s armour. Actually…
Also reading: Mikel Rothenberg’s “Understanding X-Rays: A Plain English Approach”
“How to Climb the Money Tree: Judas Iscariot’s Guide to Collecting Silver”
The new Speaker has made a good start to his career as a disloyal, untrustworthy, money-hungry rogue; but I’m sure there’s still a lot he can learn from Judas.
Julie’s death-stare has frightened adversaries, colleagues and small children alike. This tome from Jason Ospia will help the member for Curtin take on a more natural, human look.
Also reading: “The Magic Eye 3D Puzzle Book”
“Beds Are Burning: Midnight Oil: The Journey”
Peter forgot this year that he is passionately against nuclear expansion and the US military. Nothing like a bit of summer reading to remind him of his principles.
Read all about it
Up to the minute Twitter chatter
RT @JoshuaWithers: Have you seen the Australian version of Breaking bad? He get's cancer and Medicare covers his costs and the series ends.
How the totally awesome weather in Australia recently is hurting retailers http://t.co/4dvDwDlNZG
The latest and greatest
Good morning Punchers. After four years of excellent fun and great conversation, this is the final post…
I have had some close calls, one that involved what looked to me like an AK47 pointed my way, followed…
In a world in which there are still people who subscribe to the vile notion that certain victims of sexual…