It is safe to assume that Australia has the only high court in the world to have an important case of constitutional and military law decided over an incident of “teabagging.”
Following the High Court’s decision in Lane v Morrison on the illegitimacy of the Australian Military Court, the practice of “teabagging” will be forever etched in the legal lexicon of this country.
While Big Brother’s turkeyslapping incident introduced us to genital based attempts at humour taking hold of the national agenda, turkeyslapping was only brought up in Parliament while teabagging made it all the way to the High Court - and won.
For those of you who don’t know “teabagging” is a practice by which one man places his genitals on the face of another giving them a teabag like quality.
Former sailor Brian Lane did this as part of a hilarious gag to an army officer while he slept after a day of golf and drinking during a recruitment drive in the Queensland town of Roma in August 2005.
Lane had the incident photographed (he denied he took the shot) for his precious genital based comedy memories album, but upon waking the army officer, and Lane’s superior, failed to see the funny side of having Lane’s balls on his face.
The Defence Force chose to pursue Lane in the new military court in 2007, although he was discharged from the Navy the same year.
This case has lead to a series of headlines that will be the envy of sub-editors the world over, including my personal favourite from my colleagues at news.com.au, ‘Teabagging charge doesn’t hold water.’
Even the usually staid ABC is openly referring to it as the Teabagging case: ‘Teabagging’ case challenge: court overruled’.
High Court judges, the Defence Force and the Government are no doubt, like embarrassed parents, nervously waiting for the fact that a case of teabagging exposed the unconstitutionality of our new military court to filter out into the world.
It’s already started really. I found this on AsiaOne new last night: ‘Teabagging prank brings down Australian military court’.
This story in Asia will no doubt go a long way to convincing those Indonesians and Malaysians who always thought we were a bunch of dopey, drunken morons pause for thought.
Of course the case was not decided on the ins and outs of teabagging as such, it was found to be unconstitutional under Chapter 3 of the Constitution. Basically it found the Australian Military Court did not qualify as a proper court or a military court - it was a kind of illegal half-breed.
After looking through the judgement I noticed that the High Court was keen not to use the term “teabagging” within the final judgement, although it couldn’t escape the official statement of facts agreed upon and lodged in the court.
Teabagging is now forever etched in the records of our highest court, something that will no doubt confuse archaeologists in thousands of years to come:
“Well I can surmise from this document that this court would, on rare occasions, sentence citizens to state sanctioned teabag beatings”.
Now there will be law students who in trying to remember this case as part of constitutional law will refer to it as “teabaggers case”: “Because the court is not formed under Chapter Three it is therefore not valid (see teabaggers case)”.
The Australian Military Court was formed after a Parliamentary inquiry found there to be inadequate system of military justice, especially in dealing with acts of bastardisation that led to the suicides of many young ADF members.
Ultimately though fact the court has been brought down by teabagging may be undignified but it’s not entirely surprising, the court was obviously founded on some pretty dodgy constitutional grounds to be unanimously dumped on the first challenge to its legitimacy.
And better to have our system of military justice brought down by teabagging than Guantanamo Bay I suppose.
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