The 10 commandments of footy tipping
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With the NRL and AFL seasons almost upon us, The Punch has fortuitously stumbled across an ancient parchment. Feasteth thine eyes upon it, and you too shall dwell in the promised land of tipping milk and honey… or some such.
1. Remember the Sabbath Day and keep it holy (well the Muslim Sabbath day of Friday, anyway)
Friday is the day upon which thy tips must be submitted. At the setting of the sun, thy tips shall be deemed inadmissible.
2. If in doubt, tippeth the home team
So how’s the US going with that war in modern day Mesopotamia anyway? That’s obviously a rhetorical question since this document was written by an omniscient being. Point is, home ground advantage is crucial in football, as in war.
3. Never tip against thine own team
Russell Crowe came about 77th out of 80 in an NRL tipping comp a few years ago when his team, the South Sydney Rabbitohs, came last. At least his conscience was clear. If your team’s going down, do the decent thing and go down with them.
4. Restraineth thyself from tipping gratuitous upsets
Don’t try miracle tips, even if you fall behind in your comp. The people who win tipping comps are the ones who get the 50/50 contests right.
5. Ignoreth the odds of those swine known as bookmakers
Many tipping sites now include odds, both as a guide and an enticement to bet. Ignore them. It’s amazing how often the odds can distract you and make you second guess your gut instinct.
6. Thou shalt not lamenteth thy outrageous fortune, nor gloateth around the water cooler on Monday morning
Had a good weekend on the tip? Had a shocker? Either way, go and tell someone who cares. In other words, just shut up.
7. Changeth thy tip and inviteth the cruel hand of fate
Never, ever change your tips after you’ve entered them. Nothing is more certain to make a meteorite crash into your star fullback three minutes into the game.
8. Tippeth a team the week after its coach has been sacked
By midseason, as the heads start to roll, smart tippers will tip the team playing under a new coach to win their first game. The week after, go back to tipping them to lose.
9. Refraineth from tipping only favourites
The Lord likes unpredictability. That’s why he invented weather. And Courtney Love.
10. Heedeth not the counsel of those villains known as “experts”
In tipping, no one is an expert. How else do vacuous FM radio hosts win tipping comps?
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