T Woods versus T Wood: a golfing contrast
Hello from the Masters, where the action is as hot as the weather. No, scratch that. Nothing is hotter than eight hours of blazing Melbourne sun.
I’ve just spoken with a 28 year old Australian golfer called Tim Wood. Poor old T Wood isn’t quite as famous as T Woods. In fact, he’s just missed the cut, which for you golf illiterates, means he finished in the bottom half of the field and has been eliminated.
Before Tim left the course in a car which was most definitely not a limousine, I caught up with him in order to paint a contrast of life on the right and wrong side of golf’s tracks.
T Woods: “Tiger”. (His real name’s Eldrick)
T Wood: The Wounded Seagull. It’s a long story.
T Woods: Married to a beautiful ex model. Two kids.
T Wood: Single.
T Woods: Has five deluxe houses around the world, at least one of which cost over $US 20 million.
T Wood: “I’m living at my Mum and Dad’s and I sleep where the dogs sleeps. Times are tough, mate.”
CAREER EARNINGS TO DATE
T Woods: Over a billion in prize money and endorsements.
T Wood: “Between $100,000 and $200,000 over four years of being a pro golfer.” That’s nowhere near enough to pay for the travel, accommodation, gear etc.
T Woods: Stylish Nike shirt and tailored duds with perfectly ironed crease.
T Wood: Ernie and Bert style striped shirt, grey pants and red visor. Who the hell wears visors of any colour in 2009?
T Woods: Ripped
T Wood: Portly
T Woods: clean shaven
T Wood: dodgy facial hair under chin. “Movember” no excuse.
T Woods: Intense. Likeable.
T Wood: Laid back. Likeable.
AUSTRALIAN MASTERS CHEER SQUAD
T Woods: 22,000 mad golf fans. And his Mum.
T Wood: a bunch of locals from his home club of Rosanna who are working as volunteer course marshals.
2009 IN SUMMARY
T Woods: Didn’t win one of golf’s four Majors but has had eight victories elsewhere (to date) and earned a $US10 million bonus for winning a thing called the FedEx Cup.
T Wood: “Shithouse. Very ordinary. I just haven’t hit the ball as good as I have in the past, which has put too much pressure on the rest of my game.”
T Woods: win a golf tournament he currently leads by three strokes. Curse occasionally.
T Wood: “I’ve got plenty of work to do. I’ll hit the driving range and keep working on what I’m working on and keep getting closer. Mind you, when I heard Matty Richardson had retired, I pretty much lost interest in everything.”
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