Suburban tales: Rules for the pervy uncle, and more

- Asking the name of every female waitress they come across;

- Making crude allusions to anyone not in immediate possession of a vas deferens;

- Calling the belly dancer over to your table.

The list goes on.

The pervy uncle is great for spicing up any boring family occasion - particularly after you’ve had a dram. They do tend, though, to take every act once thought of as chivalrous and turn it into an opportunity to leer.

And thus they spoil it for the rest of us.

James Alevakis who described himself as “over 40”, found this out when he gave a teenaged gym attendant a flower from his garden.

This innocent gesture of goodwill was met with a cease and desist warning from the gym’s management.

The Moreland Leader reports Mr Alevakis is disgusted his flower-giving actions have been misconstrued - and reckons it’s a sign of a nanny state gone bonkers.

Though to be fair, I’d probably be a bit weirded-out if a 40-year-old man gave me flowers too.

What’s he building in there? In the land of shonky transport solutions, one solution towers above all.

Sworn officers spotted a car puttering past them, hauling a disassembled cubby house on the roof and seats.

The members of the thin blue may not have thought much of it, had one of the more sturdy bits of lumber not been protruding 4 metres out of the front passenger door.

Recognising an impromptu joust could occur should anything bigger than a moped try to pass on the opposite lane, the constabulary pulled the auto over.

It raised more questions than answers when the driver allegedly produced a disqualified licence and gave a false name.

Which makes us think there’s something deeply mysterious and clandestine about that cubby house.

Step away from the sunlight, sir The best view of a bright blue sky, I’m sure you’ll agree, is through the palm-lined sun light of a sprawling monolithic shopping centre. One Brisbane shopping mall’s staff certainly thinks so to.

In fact visitors have been warned not to park then walk outside from the well-appointed mall to experience the glorious Brisbane daylight first hand.

The City News reports leaving your car at the centre and going for a wander will likely result in a $400 bill and a nice chat with the folk at the aptly-named firm WeTowU.

It’s a strong incentive for shoppers not to make a break for it and instead stay in the food court, peering furtively toward the window, with freedom in their hearts and escape on their minds.

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