Suburban tales: of hero animals and pole dancing
Welcome to another trek across the nature strips and service lanes of splendid suburbia.
We in suburban journoland always do a good line in “animal saves human” yarns. But scratch the surface most of these stories, and you generally find that the animals being fitted up for bravery awards were mostly just trying to escape death or hump something.
Behold, for instance, the rabbit optimistically dubbed a hero because it bleated enough at its own impending fiery doom, to wake its owners to the fact they had a blaze in their house.
In a stark departure from this archetype, a small dog has fought off a snake in defence of a toddler. The Penrith Press reports plucky four-year-old foxy Mojo, came to the rescue of 2 1/2 year-old lad Ziggy North by snapping the assaulting reptile in half, as it lunged for the boy.
The dog’s motivations may not have been completely ultruistic though. The pooch could very well have been feeling clingy after its own canine companion ran away from home. Was the rescue of the boy an attempt to meet new friends? Best ask Mojo.
If you’re pooched up in the Brisbane area and are interested in a relationship with a human being, the City News has found a site that may be for you. Yes, if your pet has always been your central companion in life, you can now look for a partner for yourself that fits around Fido’s needs. Is this a healthy way to form a long-lasting relationship? We leave the question with you.
Meanwhile, some animals in Adelaide’s Happy Valley are showing particularly anti-social behavoir. The Southern Times Messenger reports a gaggle of renegade geese are pushing over toddlers. The tactic, presumably employed after the geese got sick of being the unwilling participants in games of chasey with over-enthusiastic tykes, has now got the whole colony evicted. Undeterred, one of the fowl troop’s number has gone to ground. The council has given up the chase for this last bird - who can now get back to annoying the young’uns undisturbed.
From man’s best friends, to de-eroticised fitness fads. We continue our suburban journey half way down a pole, where the Central Coast lass Bailey Thomas practises her moves in the newly-minted sport of pole dancing. The gentle artform, maligned for many years by wine-stained long lunches and 1980s cop films, has finally gained an air of legitimacy. According to the Express Advocate, this year saw the inaugural Australian Pole Dancing Championships - an event at which the 23-year-old Bailey brushed aside all comers to claim the prize for ‘pure pole’. A quick scan of the literature around the sport didn’t immediately indicate the exact rules of the pure pole event, or explain why the discipline was purer than any other form of pole dancing.
In related ‘do we really want to acknowledge this as a sport?’ news, yet another teen has proved their uncanny ability to move thumbs round a keypad slightly faster than other teens. The Parramatta Advertiser reports that Jian Li, having conquered the Sydney and Australian SMS texting championships, is not only being flown to New York for the SMS World Cup, but given $10,000 to take with her. Should she walk away from the Big Apple with the win, she will come back to Australian soil $US100k the richer. Showing wisdom beyond her years, Li has stated she plans to sponsor a child should her campaign be successful. Perhaps the organisers could put an equal amount into sponsoring Carpal Tunnel research.
Finally, we feel compelled to talk politics. With so many luminaries Punching about the state of the fractured Libs right now, we’d be remiss if we didn’t add to the conversation. To this end, we finish today’s romp with reports from the Moorabool Leader that the organizers of a community festival in north-west Melbourne, will immortalise the PM - as a giant potato.
The likeness is startling given the purpose of the artwork. The question must be asked though – where’s Turnbull’s spud? Has his tenure not been worthy of a starchy tribute, or does the roundness of our Glorious Leader’s face just lend itself to tuber treatment?
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