Let me see if I’ve got this straight: a group of children resembling the cast of Oliver! win the final of Britain’s Got Talent and the cash money prize of 100,000 pounds to share among themselves, Susan Boyle comes second and gets a trip to a luxury celebrity hang-out.
Even converting it to the much larger sounding amount of $202, 439 Australian dollars, those kids are in line to walk away with an estimated $27.50 each.
Meanwhile, Susan Boyle, who has either reached Boyle-ing Point or had a Boyle-Over, is ensconced, possibly with notorious loser Rafael Nadal, in the exceedingly glamorous Priory Clinic in London, the first port of call for “exhausted” stars.
Sure, it’s also a loony bin. But it’s lousy with Famous People, many of them still alive. It’s alumni rivals Harvard’s: Paula Yates, Ronnie Wood, Gazza Gascoigne, Kate Moss .. and now Susan Boyle has checked in, after she exhibited what’s being described as strange behaviour.
Stranger than that thing she did with her pelvis, apparently. Plus she said the word “f**k” out loud. Clearly she needs to be hospitalised immediately, under heavy sedation.
Obviously she was never going to win Britain’s Got Talent. Simon Cowell knew it, Piers Morgan knew it, we all knew it. Susan’s fans weren’t the type to SMS votes in to a talent show. You Tubing her performance was as good as it was going to get.
I don’t know exactly what Simon Cowell meant when he said Susan wasn’t “equipped” to deal with being in Britain’s Got Talent but I’m guessing he was referring to her eyebrows.
Now, I’m no doctor, but can we see the hand of a canny talent agent in play here? I’m going with yes. Reports of strange behaviour followed by a spell in a maximum security treatment facility has never hurt anybody’s career.
And for the Susan Boyle telemovie, I’m nominating Meryl Streep in the lead role. She can really hold a tune. Working title: When Losing is Winning.
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