I have a confession to make. This isn’t easy, but I feel the time has finally arrived to come clean.

So Harry's the big one with the beard?

No doubt, my actions will bring shame upon my family, friends, colleagues and various stores I frequent, but I can no longer hide in the shadows. If there is a God, I pray he forgives this twisted soul and all its hideous imperfections.

Here goes: I don’t care much for Harry Potter.

There, I’ve said it. Spelled it out, Hogwarts and all. Potter-fans be damned.

I can already hear the shrieks as the villagers gather their torches and pitchforks and set out to burn the (not-heretic? un-witch?) defiant muggle.

I know I’m a marked man and will most likely be bludgeoned to death by broom-wielding 12-year-olds with John Lennon specs they’ve popped the lenses out of.

But before you shout at me in Latin and glass me with a bottle of butter beer (is that a proper HP reference?), let me explain.

To begin with, you should know that I don’t dislike JK Rowling’s sweeping series at all. It’s the epitome of imagination- a twisting, ingeniously inventive tale of friendship, honour, duty and sacrifice.

Kids returned to the written word and bookstores were able to slam their doors in repo men’s faces.

It was also wonderful to see someone become a billionaire through their literary efforts and dogged determination.

Having said that, I can’t be bothered seeing ‘Harry Potter and the Adjective of the Noun part 12’.

I wish I could, but I can’t.

You see, after reading the first three books and watching the first four films, I got sort of bored.

Maybe it was the fact I didn’t read them in one long continuous chain, but I just couldn’t feel the mania.

I felt like the only girl in 1964 who didn’t scream in ecstasy at the opening chord of ‘A Hard Day’s Night’, and crossly told her friend “that’s not how you spell ‘beetle’.”

I feel like a blind guy at the Playboy Mansion.

Humbug. double humbug.

I recently had to quietly leave the room because my mates were arguing over some finer aspect of Potter lore. How very embarrassing.

In the early 80s, kids were getting sucker-punched in the chops for knowing Princess Leia’s surname was “Organa”. They were branded ‘nerds’- freaks of nature. How things have changed.

Because I don’t know the air-speed velocity of a Golden Snitch (African or European?), I’m the nerd. I’m the freak.

But I’m not angry you see. I just feel like I’ve missed out on something. I’ll never get to know the thrill of reading that final page with bursting anticipation.

Never will I attend a premier dressed like a graduand of the University of Lame Hats.

I’ll never get to ponder at what point in the film franchise one is allowed to say Hermione is attractive without being labelled a pedophile.

I’ve been told, however, that it’s never too late to get on the Hogwarts Express.

It is, after all, where all the cool kids seem to be. Looks like I’ve got a long night on Wikipedia ahead of me.

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69 comments

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    • TimB says:

      05:32am | 30/11/10

      My advice would be to give the books another shot. Don’t rely on the movies. There’s just too many small details that got lost in the translation to the big screen, paticularly with the later movies.

      The Deathly Hallows films might alleviate that somewhat by stretching over films (I wouldn’t know I havent seen the latest film yet). But considering how much of the plot relies on tiny obscure things from the previous 6 titles and the fact that said events may not have actually made it into the prior movies….

      Just read the goddamn books raspberry.

    • GlendaSings says:

      09:22am | 30/11/10

      Actually, the final film stretch version won’t help either. I’m a huge fan, have read the books several times and enjoy the movies, but Deathly Hallows was quite confusing to those who haven’t read the books. It’s disjointed, misses a lot of detail and some parts simply make no sense without background knowledge.

      I went with my older teenagers, who have seen all the movies but only read the first few books, and I had to give them quite a lot of back story about why some things happened. They’re bright kids too.

      I’d encourage the author to persevere with the rest of the books - they get more ‘grownup’ as they go along.

    • Metey says:

      10:24am | 30/11/10

      ‘said events may not have actually made it into the prior movies’ - the film-makers showed Rowling the scripts before shooting. Apparently there were a couple of things she told them to put back in as they would be important later on.

      Going to see the movie this weekend. Read and loved all the books.

    • Carz says:

      06:12am | 30/11/10

      Maybe we could get you on a tour to Mordor instead.

    • Question says:

      10:08am | 30/11/10

      Fool! One does not simply tour into Mordor!

    • Matt says:

      12:11pm | 30/11/10

      ... and you have my bow…

    • St. Michael says:

      02:40pm | 30/11/10

      No, I’m pretty positive the line was that one does not simply ROCK into Mordor.

    • Mike says:

      02:47pm | 30/11/10

      Morgan Freeman does.

    • MattC says:

      06:16am | 30/11/10

      Thank god, I thought I was the only one left! It only took about half of the first movie before I decided I couldn’t put myself through any more of Potter & pals adventures. Never read any of the books either.

      Oh, and I’m fairly certain she’s old enough for us to say it now - Emma Watson is hot.

    • Macca says:

      07:11am | 30/11/10

      Motion seconded and passed.

    • Lauren says:

      08:06am | 30/11/10

      You haven’t read the books… And you have only seen the first half of that rubbish movie.

      Oh come on, that’s hardly giving them a chance.

    • fairsfair says:

      10:10am | 30/11/10

      I too have only watched half of the first movie (and I waited for that to hit the TV screens) and I have never read even one page or the back cover blurb of the books. I turned off at the bit where Harry was at his house (I dunno with his Aunt?) and those flying things arrived to take him away…

      I just can’t deal with the fantasy stuff and the hype in itself is what put me off. Same goes for the Ring Lords.

      Oh and Jase - I’d be more embarassed by the fact that you have mates that argue Potter lore - not that you couldn’t join in! wink

    • Michael Larkin says:

      10:44am | 30/11/10

      I didn’t eve nget through half the film. I saw some of the previews and just decided it wasn’t going to be for me. So far I don’t feel my life is inferior because I haven’t watched a Harry Potter film.

    • Carolyn Cordon says:

      06:48am | 30/11/10

      I’m with TimB. The book is the thing. The films are a kind of thank you for the passionate ones, and a way to entice ordinary people (those who didn’t get into it and follow it as the books came out), into the Hogwarts world.
      I haven’t seen the movie yet, but I read the book as soon as I bought my own copy, and I remain in awe at JK’s talents.

    • iansand says:

      06:49am | 30/11/10

      They are just good stories.  Not great literature.  If you like them, read them.  If you don’t, look all superior and say “Great for kids, I suppose.  Gets them reading”.  By the way, I enjoyed the books.

    • maybe says:

      09:09am | 30/11/10

      I agree.  She spins a good yarn, but they’re not particularly well written, certainly not literature.  I didn’t enjoy the first which I read when I was 13, but then again I’m not one for fantasy.

    • St. Michael says:

      11:40am | 30/11/10

      At the risk of starting the whole silly debate up, I’d argue that popular books = great literature in about 50 years or so.  Shakespeare and Dickens were thought of at the time as populist hack.  They only wrote what they thought would sell at the time.  Now the literati love him.

    • iansand says:

      12:45pm | 30/11/10

      St Michaels - No debate.  You have NFI.  Most books will fall, and always have fallen, by the wayside.  Those that continue to be published are candidates for great literature.  Those that are still published after 100 years probably are.

    • Sigs says:

      02:28pm | 30/11/10

      @ St Michaels - you are quite right.  Shakespeare was considered not only a “populist hack” but also an ungentrified and somewhat uneducated one in his time.  Now he’s the “epitome” of “good literature”.

      @ iansand and maybe - Perhaps you should investigate Cultural Materialism literary theory before you waste too much time pontificating about good and bad literature.

    • iansand says:

      05:54pm | 30/11/10

      Sigs - That sounds a bit post-modern for an old fart like me.

    • iansand says:

      05:57pm | 30/11/10

      Oh God.  It’s dead white males.

    • BJ says:

      07:02am | 30/11/10

      Does it really matter that you don’t like Harry Potter? I don’t think anyone cares to be honest. Read them don’t read them it makes no difference to the rest of us.

    • Joan says:

      07:05am | 30/11/10

      Harry Potter gives me the creeps….but not the scarey sort.  Lost interest with a read of first book…..the movies DVD… never managed to sit through one no matter how I tried. But then I`m an adult… but then many adults just love Harry Potter. Answer :the character Harry Potter gives me creeps so I guess I`m not interested in what happens, happened to him. If the lead character of any book/film doesn’t speak to you….then you lose interest-end of story. Talk about Potter adventures bores me even more…. yawn!

    • St. Michael says:

      11:41am | 30/11/10

      I’m not surprised at all that someone with glasses and thus implying the residence of an actual brain frightens you, Joan.

    • KH says:

      07:13am | 30/11/10

      I admit to reading all the books and seeing all the films (albeit on DVD) - its a good yarn - the books are better and the films do lose some of the detail - the problem of course is that they were making the films before the books had all been written, and so they missed some of the crucial elements that come back later.  I didn’t read any of them until around the time of the 4th movie being released though…......I tried to avoid it until then, but it turned out to be a cracking story, even if the writing is geared to kids (as you would expect really!)

      I can’t stand Twilight - the ‘other’ big book/movie franchise du jour…..  A friend at work loaned me the first book, and I couldn’t get through the first 3 pages without a gagging reflex setting in - the writing is appalling, and the acting in the 15 minutes of the first film that I saw was worse than one of those dodgy soap operas - I left the cinema (and my over excited friend - but she knows I don’t sit through rubbish movies!).  This is one franchise I truly don’t get….......

    • TimB says:

      08:49am | 30/11/10

      I don’t think you’re supposed to get it. As I understand it the series is geared at mindless teenage girls. It is truly awful.

      I’ll be the first to admit I can’t judge this first hand, but there’s plenty of secondary evidence around to support the view.

    • Macca says:

      07:14am | 30/11/10

      It’s the opposite with Top Gear. Profess to enjoying the World’s most popular Television program and you’ll be branded a Revhead Loser.

      I also have failed to continue enjoying Harry Potter.

    • KH says:

      09:16am | 30/11/10

      Then I am a revhead loser…...........woo hoooooo

    • iansand says:

      10:46am | 30/11/10

      Hey.  I am not a revhead, or a loser (I think).  But I like Top Gear for its sheer, politically incorrect nuttiness.

      And I am a close personal friend of that Clarkson bloke.  I took his picture for him once at Garie Beach but only realised who he was about an hour later.  Good bloke to have a chat to.

    • CJ Morgan says:

      07:21am | 30/11/10

      Jason,

      I hate to break it to you, but if you’ve read the first three books and seen the first movies so far, chances are your problem is that you’ve grown up.  The HP franchise is targeted at kids, not adults.  Indeed, I’d be a little worried if you found HP as captivating in your 20s as you did in your teens.

    • Max says:

      08:53am | 30/11/10

      Thats not entirely true. The 1st books/films are for kids/teens, but then by number 4 it gets a hell of alot darker. I certainly wouldn’t take my younger cousin to it, she’d be scared sh*tless! Its also alot more adult with more deaths then you can poke a stick at. Do remember that (Cmon, its been what, a couple of years) that Snape killed Dumbledore, Robert Pattinson’s character gets killed without a second thought, Sirius Black’s character is “dead” so to speak, and there’s alot of pain, suffering, aggression, hate, violence… Phew yea I think that’s everything.

      Seriously. The last Three Books/4 films are DEFINATELY NOT for kids.

    • Lauren says:

      09:39am | 30/11/10

      Targeted at kids? Have you read Deathly Hallows???!

      I got into HP when I was 17, 7 years after the first book was released. The series is not completely targeted at kids, JKR believes that children should not be shielded from politics and evils of the world and should grow up to learn to question authority, and thus she doesn’t dumb anything down for them. Yes, the first four books can be seen as children’s literature, but the last three are definitely at least young adult.

      And come on… The series starts on the day after a double murder of a young 21 year old couple. Yeah, good kid’s story.

      (Not to mention the murders of Cedric, Sirius, Dumbledore, the use of torture until insanity, the implied peadophilia of Greyback, the sexual violence against Ariana… Oh, and demon-like possession of a 11 year old girl, and that one is in the second book!)

    • don'tcaremuchforboringposts says:

      07:22am | 30/11/10

      For someone how cares “not much for Harry Potter” you certainly seem to know alot about the characters… suspect this might be more of a late night need for a blog inspiration and a constant desire to be seen as an anti-hero rather than an insightful commentary.

    • Nathan says:

      07:32am | 30/11/10

      Jason, life’s too short to waste on HP or Twilight or whatever’s floating those Happy Meal boats out there… May I recommend Gravity’s Rainbow? Ulysses?

    • KH says:

      12:41pm | 30/11/10

      Oh geez…....i just can’t get past page 80 of Ulysses….it is unreadable.  Pynchon isn’t too bad though….......Mason & Dixon is my fave….....

    • Frog says:

      02:01pm | 30/11/10

      Yes, of course you may recommend them.  Would you mind if I totally ignored your recommendation and liked Harry Potter anyway?

    • K says:

      07:34am | 30/11/10

      To avoid the kind of hysterical potter-mania that first jumped into my head when I read this, I’ll try to keep it balanced. I like how you acknowledge that merits of the series, not just slamming it. As pointed out, the books are better (they always are) Honestly, I missed the Hogwarts Express as well and didn’t read the books until I was 19. I read them all in 5 weeks and became consumed by it. Compare JK to another highly successful writer, Stephenie Meyer, and the writing styles, plot, characters are infinitely better.  One can only dream of the success she has had

    • Hermano says:

      07:39am | 30/11/10

      Tl;Dr.
      I don’t care for HP at all.

    • martinX says:

      07:49am | 30/11/10

      I enjoyed the first book, but each successive one became longer and wordier - seemingly for its own sake - and just too hard to wade through. Dobby was the beginning of the end. I hoped it would go away but, like herpes, it kept making an unwelcome appearance. That creature is simultaneously Rowling’s Deus ex machina and Jar Jar Binks.

    • TChong says:

      07:50am | 30/11/10

      The first and 2nd movies werent bad, the kids were cute.
      BTW any Hogwarts fan - wizards and gal wizards , magic people must be as common as muck.
      Hogwarts seems to have an enrolment of several thousand little wizards at any one time, multiply by 1000 yrs of Hogwarts = more wizard (esses) must be every where, boat loads on their way to Christmas island.

    • TimB says:

      09:02am | 30/11/10

      Actually according to the books there’s only about 10-12 students in Harry’s house. Extrapolate that to his year then that’s a maximum of nearly 50 new students each year. Drawn from the entire British Isles.

      Seeing as you managed to pull a political issue into a completly non-political thread, I’ll also point out that Gillard would kill to be dealing with those sorts of numbers right now. Wonder why she isn’t.

    • TChong says:

      09:15am | 30/11/10

      Sorry TimB, dont go getting all Valdamort at me !.  The boat people remark was the only comment I could think of.
      (the cofees warn off, the Riatlin is yet to kick in)
      Dont take it all too seriosly.

    • Lauren says:

      08:04am | 30/11/10

      For the record, you can (legally) start drooling over Emma Watson from Order of the Phoenix and onwards, where she was 16 during filming. Although I wouldn’t bother, that and Half-Blood Prince are awful movies. She’s definitely at her best in the latest one.

      Actually, all the movies are horrible, except for the third (Prisoner of Azkaban) and fourth (Goblet of Fire) and now Deathly Hallows Part 1. I’d rather be skinned alive than to watch anything with Chris Columbus credited.

      I say give the books another shot. It gets a lot more interesting and intense when the characters are older. Once you get to the fifth book you will then maybe understand where Potterfanatics are coming from, and then you can join us at midnight showings, watch AVPM and AVPS and join in on the violent shipping wars.

    • Zaf says:

      01:46pm | 30/11/10

      Violent shipping wars rule!!

      (I will never believe the epilogue.)

    • derision says:

      08:06am | 30/11/10

      Good books, average movies. I hate to tell you this though, you are definitely not the only person to dislike Harry Potter so don’t convince yourself you areunoque and different too quickly.

    • Pea says:

      08:21am | 30/11/10

      It happens mate! No justifications required! Besides, they’re not meant for you, necessarily!

    • ibast says:

      08:32am | 30/11/10

      I’m somewhere in between.  I appreciated the first 4 books.  They were cleverly written for an audience the same age as the main characters.  After the first 4 books, however the whole thing just fell about.  The teen-aged against missed by a long shot in the 5th book and just made it annoying and the 6th and 7th book really should have only been one book.  The fact that the movie franchise has slipped an extra movie in there makes it even more frustrating.

      It was pretty obvious that party way through the 5th book that Rowling was at a loss on how to tie it all together.  Disappointing because it started so strong.

    • Chaos says:

      04:04pm | 30/11/10

      See my comment further down. I agree.

    • Elphaba says:

      08:33am | 30/11/10

      That’s ok, I wasn’t sold on the whole idea either, until a friend urged me to read them.  They’re still the only fantasy books I’ve ever read, the rest of my shelf is clogged with crime thrillers, classics and biographies.

      The movies really are for the fans who read the books, and I’ve been told the last movie is no exception.

      I’ll be going to see it.  Even though I finished the last book years ago, the end of the movies is still an end.

      If it helps, (a slight segue) I’ve never been that crazy on U2.  Couldn’t understand why people loved them so much.  That’s why I’m going to the concert in a couple of weeks in an attempt to change my perspective. That, and $40 tix were a steal. wink

    • Shifter says:

      01:19pm | 30/11/10

      @Elphaba - “They’re still the only fantasy books I’ve ever read”

      So you’ve never read the Wizard of Oz or Gregory Maguire’s Wicked?

    • Elphaba says:

      02:26pm | 30/11/10

      @Shifter, I didn’t count the Wizard Of Oz!  Saw Wicked on stage, didn’t get around to reading the book.  Sorry, I classified Oz in more of a classics catagory - my bad.

    • Danny B says:

      08:46am | 30/11/10

      Points for the Python reference. smile

    • Matt says:

      12:13pm | 30/11/10

      Indeed. All is forgiven, based solely on this.

    • mywandisbiggerthanyours says:

      09:45am | 30/11/10

      “I feel like the blind guy at the Playboy Mansion”
      Best line in the whole article smile

    • GB says:

      10:26am | 30/11/10

      Never read the books or seen the movies and have no desire to do either.

    • Chaos says:

      11:06am | 30/11/10

      As someone whom has read all the books, there are better authors and tales out there, however JK used the might of the media to cleverly market an original concept.

      I enjoyed books 1-4. Book 5 & 6 lost its way and book 7 was dreadful. Really it was. It needed an edit as it appeared to be filled of nothing. JK uses cheap plot devices which infuriate me. The characters really didn’t develop much after the 4th and when you contridict your own established rules (of your world), one deserves to get shot.

      The epilogue in book 7 was very cheap and corny.

      I stopped watching the films after 4. I was dragged to it because my girlfriend of the time was a fan. Alan Rickman’s presence wasn’t enough to get me to go to anymore.

    • OchreBunyip says:

      03:32pm | 30/11/10

      I think Ursula Le Guin might disagree HP is an original concept but it was executed as an entertaining variant. It encouraged young people to read and that is a good thing in my book.

    • J.J. Rambo says:

      01:29pm | 30/11/10

      I am not interested in Harry Potter, have not read one book and only (half) watched the first movie. It’s simply not my genre, doesn’t mean I am inadequate or unhuman, just means I value different stories, styles and authors.  Personally I prefer historical-fiction (i.e. novels based on real-life events but with fictional plots) or even non-fiction books about events in our world.  I can understand why people like the HP series, but let me set the record straight: not everyone has read the book or even watched the films (e.g. not one of my family or friends, about 50 people, have had anything to do with HP).  Different horses for diferent courses.

    • BT says:

      01:33pm | 30/11/10

      I never got into the books either - I felt they were written for children with ADHD.

    • Harry Homo says:

      03:17pm | 30/11/10

      My GAY year 3 teacher read me the first Harry Potter Book, he had bleached blonde hair and worse purple pants and Doc Martins…. that turned me off for life I am now 22..

    • markO says:

      03:30pm | 30/11/10

      Read all the HP books and enjoyed the first three. Thought the first movie did a great job of recreating the feel of the books.  I lost interest after that for two reasons. First, I’m not in the target audience (being in my 50’s). All the more credit to Rowling, then, for having drawn me into those first three. Secondly, I didn’t like the lad HP himself. That is not a criticism of the creation of the character. In fact, I thought he was so well done that I REALLY didn’t like him. I always found deeply serious male teenagers, real and imagined, pretty awful creatures anyway (I was one).

      Reading suggestions have been thrown up here so I’d like to offer one especially those who missed the “HP express”. Try the Discworld series by Terry Pratchett.  Yes, they are “fantasy”. Yes, they have gaudy covers. But don’t be put off. I sneered at them (we ex-deeply- serious-teenagers can still do a good sneer) for years before was persuaded to actually read one. Haven’t stopped since.  It you too want to roll around in a rich, delirious, rollicking satire of literature itself and of most of its genres; of politics, race, money, the press, war, religion, the whole shebang .. Then pick up Terry’s books. You can start into them anywhere, although the beginning is not a bad place either.

    • Paul says:

      04:45pm | 30/11/10

      Saying something like ‘You know, sorry, but i don’t much care for Harry Potter’ (when you weren’t even asked) is a lot like telling your sister at her engagement partt that you don’t much care for her fiance. And it will get the same reaction.  also, be careful with your metaphors…  you confess to feeling like a blind guy at the Playboy mansion? That is just your problem!! I suspect he would feel just great!!!  You sound like someone who sat in the corner all night whinging and then came home and said the party sucked!!  You gotta be in it to win it, mate.

    • Rick says:

      05:50pm | 30/11/10

      I didn’t read the books either and I thought the first couple of movies were boring. But my girlfriend adores HP so I often have to hear all about it. Then again, she doesn’t understand the finer points of Ghostbusters like I do, so we’ve got something in un-common.

    • Drunk Guy says:

      06:06pm | 30/11/10

      I have never read the books, any of them and my kids have most of them, I just can’t get past the first 50 pages and I read those pages about 5 times before dropping the idea of ever getting past them and finishing one.  I think as a young bloke I read the DUNE series and couldn’t put them down, the movie as many have said could really only put the tip of the iceberg in and still keep the story flowing. During a Family outing I was almost a Pariah on exiting the cinema, apparently not only had i slept, but had actually snored for a few seconds, I have never been asked to participate during following movies and thats ok, I much prefer reruns of scrubs or ultimate cage fighting, . . .

    • JH says:

      02:41am | 01/12/10

      I’ve never seen the movies or read the books. The whole thing struck me as a bit of a rip-off of Lord of The Rings, as soon as I saw they have a wizard who appears to be identical to Gandalf! Even the actor is identical - may actually be the same guy?

    • Steven says:

      11:05am | 01/12/10

      Just saw the movie last night, I have read all the books and of course the books are much better. This movie was ok but to me it is just a blatant grab at milking audience attendances by splitting this into two parts. If they were serious the Half Blood Prince should have been made into two parts. That was the best book by far and they screwed it up with the movie by leaving half of it out and making other stuff up.
      The deathly Hallows was by far the most boring book for me and it shows in this first part. Like others have said so much has been left out of the movies that unless you have read the books you would have no idea what is going on in the screen.

    • interloper says:

      12:57pm | 01/12/10

      I suspect the books will be seen as great literature in the future, with Snape one of the great characters of children’s literature. The intricacies of the plot, with important elements being mentioned in passing books in advance, make them a stunning achievement. And the denouement (the revelation of Snape’s motivation) still takes my breath away.
      For those of you who haven’t read (all) the books, well, frankly, you’re not qualified to comment on them. For those who didn’t like them, fair enough. It takes all types.
      I stopped watching the movies after the third one, when I realised that they didn’t have time to include the subtleties which make the story work. They showed many of the scenes of the books without explaining the deeper human meanings. It’s that stuff which elevates the books.

    • BO says:

      04:16pm | 01/12/10

      Harry Potter is great if you’re high.

    • Hvizah says:

      06:10pm | 07/02/12

      For what it’s worth, in the “grown up land” of reidang, we sing the same laments, but rather than blame JK Rowling, we blame Oprah.  however, the effect is the same: adult readers are taught a few things about writing by Oprah that make me, and my colleagues, cringe: One, the book must have a message; Two, for the message to matter, it must be a redemptive message; Three, for the book to be REALLY good, a woman must be in peril of some kind and over come that peril.  The quality of the writing, the pacing, the descriptions, the depth of introspection? Who cares.  As long as there’s a message.  Crinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnge, indeed.

 

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From: A guide to summer festivals especially if you wouldn’t go

Kel says:

If you want a festival for older people or for families alike, get amongst the respectable punters at Bluesfest. A truly amazing festival experience to be had of ALL AGES. And all the young "festivalgoers" usually write themselves off on the first night, only to never hear from them again the rest of… [read more]

Gentle jabs to the ribs

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Superman needs saving

Can somebody please save Superman? He seems to be going through a bit of a crisis. Eighteen months ago,… Read more

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