Clover Moo here, reporting from the shady corner of the paddock. It’s been tough times for us cows. Yep, a real cattle dog of a week.

Dairy cows are people too

As if this year hasn’t been distressing enough with the supermarkets flogging my precious milk for $1 a litre, along come these revelations of brutality at Indonesian slaughterhouses.

I’ve known about this for years, of course. The rumours have been on the bovine grapevine for ages. Now the rumours are confirmed. We are being slaughtered like…like… like animals!

Don’t take me for some kind of hippie vegetarian. Well, obviously I am a vegetarian, but I’m definitely not a hippie. Not like that stinking old nanny goat down by the tractor shed.

Point is, I know what happens to us cows. We end up as steaks. Or in the case of those shipped to Indonesia, we end up as beef rendang, which I’m told is a mild yet richly flavoursome curry.

I accept that life is cruel. But death need not be. Have these Indonesian executioners not seen the cattle gun scene from No Country for Old Men? As Javier Bardem ably showed, there are ways to put us out of our misery without making the misery more miserable.

Honestly I’m so depressed, I can’t be bothered lumbering ten steps over to that delicious patch of lucerne.

The milk thing was bad enough. A dollar a litre. Pfft! Then came the fancy burger wars at the big fast food chains.

“Hello-oo. I mean “Moo-oo”. Newsflash. Angus isn’t fancy meat. Believe me, I know Angus. I also know Angus’s cousin Angus and many other Anguses. And I can assure you their flesh is no more or less delectable than my own.

And don’t get me started on my pretentious cousin Wankyu in Japan.

Well, I could go on until the cows come home, but with four stomachs and a very small brain there’s not much else to ruminate on.

Except to urge the beef industry to stop the live trade to Indonesia. We simply can’t “cowtow” to their selfish interests any longer.

Most commented


Show oldest | newest first

    • Erick says:

      05:46am | 03/06/11

      What’s your beef? You’re just milking this story for cheesy puns. Time to moove on.

    • Mathias says:

      02:33pm | 03/06/11

      This deserves an ‘lol’

    • JP says:

      07:11pm | 21/07/11

      It’s just a load of bulldust. How else do you describe the capacity of a cow to type? Bovine intervention?

    • AnthonyG says:

      06:02am | 03/06/11

      Like I said earlier in the week. We only have to look in our own back yards to see the appalling treatment of cows born with scow. < born week and suffering from a form of diareah> when they are left lying out side the Dairy farmers gates dying with no shade or water for up to 4 days in temperatures that get up to 45 degrees. They aren’t put down because if they are dead when the man roles up from the abbatois the farmer gets charged for the removal. Most of these calves can be saved by hand rearing them for a couple of weeks. I know this to be true because Myself my wife and kids have taken some of these calves off the farmers and saved them. The farmers are very reluctant to hand them over. These beasts are Beautiful animals and make great pets although they are quite expensive to feed during the drought and its amazing how much water a cow drinks each day

    • fairsfair says:

      10:49am | 03/06/11

      It is sad Anth. But on the otherhand I have a cousin who treats his cows like kids. He is a Dairy Farmers dairy farmer. His names every single one and he and his kids (sadly his wife has just died at age 41) are just absolutely in love with all things cow. They are so in the right business.

      There are some pigish farmers around and thankfully I think they are in the minority. Needless to say, that doesn’t in anyway detract form their need to be booted into line. I wish there was a national cooperative of milk and animal products by an organisation like PETA or something. Instead of lurking in the extremes trying to convert people to veganism, there needs to be a moderate souce of direction that recognises people are always going to use animal product. Maybe there is one in existance, I don’t know.

      Similar to the heart foundation tick or something? Though that system is hardly without its faults.

    • Anthony G says:

      11:27am | 03/06/11

      Fairs fair not saying all or most dairy farmers are bad but there is alot in the Tongala region of Victoria where we had a hobby farm amongst the dairy farms.  The poor buggers were banging their heads against a brick wall trying to get a decent price for their milk and most made probably about 5 dollars an hour for all their work. We also had names for our bulls and cows. Nick thought I was crazy because I use to ride em. You could do anything on Billy but Benny use to go nuts whenever I tried getting on him. Couldn’t stay long on him. We bred a few but it was a very sad day when we eventually had to take em to the Abattoir.

    • fairsfair says:

      11:53am | 03/06/11

      Yeah I’m hearing you Anthony, I think I just agree with you in the fact that it is all well and good to get up on our high horse about Indonesia, when some horrible things are happening on the odd farm here in Oz.

      I don’t know how you guys did that. It is part of life I know, but it would still be hard to do. I must take after my mum who currently has six five year old hens who lay no eggs, have no ass feathers and are too old to even get up and fly off the perch day in day out. She feeds them, waters them and lifts them off and on every day for no eggs. Doesn’t want any new ones yet as they will just pick on the old girls. They have provided us with plenty of bum nuts and the axe will never fall on Big Brown, Snowball, Beyonce and the three indestinguishables.

    • pete says:

      12:02pm | 04/06/11

      All these ideas are great in theory, but when your working 12 hours day and keeping razor thin profit margins you don’t exactly have the time or the funds to hand rear 50 calves for a couple weeks.

      Oh, and calves are supplied with shade, limitless water & feed, and places where Dairy Cattle are raised are pretty much never at 45 degrees for 4 day straight. Please get you facts right and stop lumping in bad farmers with others who are actually trying to do the right thing

    • Laura says:

      08:38am | 03/06/11

      this was awesome, well done

    • Rose says:

      10:24am | 03/06/11

      You’re easily amused aren’t you? I want my 3 minutes back!

    • fairsfair says:

      08:57am | 03/06/11

      Enforced by the might of ten thousand coppers
      But on the horizon surrounding the shoppers
      Came the deafening roar of chickens in choppers

    • kirsty says:

      10:53am | 03/06/11

      This song has been running through my head everytime the live export debate comes up?

    • Tim says:

      09:35am | 03/06/11

      Get in my belly.

    • Anubis says:

      09:42am | 03/06/11

      Finally a Punch journalist with integrity and honesty , that is believable and without an agenda. We should see more of Clover Moo’s articles (Sorry Penbo, the Tory’s etc.)

      Have a good weekend

    • Jade says:

      11:24am | 03/06/11

      Bahahahaha oh god not the zombie sheep!

    • Tator says:

      02:39pm | 03/06/11

      But T, that would be a complete Ewe turn for the Punch to do that.

    • bikinis on top says:

      01:12pm | 03/06/11

      in the world of patriarchy, men are considered sacred cows and women are considered old cows.

    • The Badger says:

      01:48pm | 03/06/11

      Maybe you missed this from Henny Youngman?

      I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature.
      She said she would like to come back as a cow.
      I said, “You’re obviously not listening. ”

    • Rossco says:

      05:11pm | 03/06/11

      Angus ? beef? Macdonalds….......hey it’s only minced meat! lets take responsibility for our livestock all the way to the yucky end. same as buying a car, the manufacturer is responsible for speeding fines, right?. So, dont sell beef to the 11 abbatoirs in Indonesia that have bad practices, feed them , cuddle them, water them, then kill em. Or maybe we could get a politician to go over to Indonesia and lead a fact finding mission, travelling through to Phuket, Bali, Vietnam etc and send back a report on resorts and warm beer.

    • BeeGee says:

      06:41pm | 03/06/11

      I thought it was an article by Clover Moore.  Close.

    • Lisa H. says:

      07:59pm | 03/06/11

      Well I like cows (and elephants). I think it’s crazy that people can get all steamed up about the ‘inhumane’ treatment of a dog or cat and not care about farm animals.

      Farmers need to become as responsible as possible.
      For Dairy farmers, if you are too cheap / broke to call a vet, this means learning how to deliver calves PROPERLY with the CORRECT EQUIPMENT!
      Do not break their pelvises by trying to extract dead calf with a tractor!!!

      Also, using the dairy industry has a mountain of learning to do when it comes to correct use of antibiotics.

      The Australian system makes it very difficult for vets to ‘sell’ the farmer a resistance test or swab prior to making a prescription. Farmers are often plain suspicious of all that ‘book learnin’‘.

      I fear for the future of antibiotics in the dairy industry.

      At the moment, although legislation comes down hard on the veterinarian, it is largely a matter of the ‘customer’ (farmer) telling the vet what they want… farmers are quite happy to walk to the next clinic up the road, or simply not pay.

      Farmers need to get educated on why swabs, and correct antibiotic prescriptions, are so important. Currently, the level of awareness and responsibility is close to zero in the dairy industry around us.

      We have even gone to our local member of federal parliament, suggesting that dairy farmers be subsidised the cost of batch-swabbing for antibiotic resistence annually. (cost is about $300 for swabbing a representative number of cows)

      She, owner of a dairy farm, couldn’t see the point.

      No, it’s not a matter of ‘getting a stronger one’ (antibiotic injection) over the counter!!!!!

    • Geoff Russell says:

      11:26am | 04/06/11

      Angas ... yes, isn’t advertising priceless the way it tries to make the mundane special ... and Wanku for the puns. But where was the belgium blue joke? I’ve tried for a long time to think of how to make them funny, over to you.


Facebook Recommendations

Read all about it

Punch live

Up to the minute Twitter chatter

Recent posts

The latest and greatest

The Punch is moving house

The Punch is moving house

Good morning Punchers. After four years of excellent fun and great conversation, this is the final post…

Will Pope Francis have the vision to tackle this?

Will Pope Francis have the vision to tackle this?

I have had some close calls, one that involved what looked to me like an AK47 pointed my way, followed…

Advocating risk management is not “victim blaming”

Advocating risk management is not “victim blaming”

In a world in which there are still people who subscribe to the vile notion that certain victims of sexual…

Nosebleed Section

choice ringside rantings

From: Hasbro, go straight to gaol, do not pass go

Tim says:

They should update other things in the game too. Instead of a get out of jail free card, they should have a Dodgy Lawyer card that not only gets you out of jail straight away but also gives you a fat payout in compensation for daring to arrest you in the first place. Instead of getting a hotel when you… [read more]

From: A guide to summer festivals especially if you wouldn’t go

Kel says:

If you want a festival for older people or for families alike, get amongst the respectable punters at Bluesfest. A truly amazing festival experience to be had of ALL AGES. And all the young "festivalgoers" usually write themselves off on the first night, only to never hear from them again the rest of… [read more]

Gentle jabs to the ribs

Superman needs saving

Superman needs saving

Can somebody please save Superman? He seems to be going through a bit of a crisis. Eighteen months ago,… Read more



Read all about it

Sign up to the free newsletter