Pity me, your average single Aussie male geek.
We live in a world where oil prices are increasing, while oil reserves are falling; where the population is getting older, and criminals are getting younger, where sea levels are rising and fresh water supplies are falling, and where Dr Phil is still allowed on day time television.
And what have we got to help combat this phantasmagoria of horrors? Well, internet dating of course!
But what are we supposed to do with internet dating? Well, without stooping so low as to answering rhetorical questions…. find love, of course!
But there is the problem. Finding love on the internet is like being a blind man in a dark room, looking for a black cat and the cat isn’t even there.
To date (pun strictly intended) I have met sooooo many people that identify as women on all sorts of websites including facebook, myspace, rsvp, yahoo, MSN, yogafriends, linkedin, lavalife, deviantart, Telecafe, eharmony, ukflings, match, oasis active and so on.
But finding a lasting love has been near impossible. I even thought about joining the Holden racing team or perhaps even taking up mixed netball, but on both counts I was uncomfortable being teased about having to wear a skirt.
As an adolescent being dragged up in a poor family (so poor my parents couldn’t even afford to pay me attention) the love of my life was a dog. Her name was Lolita, and she had four legs and a curly tail. She was a Chow Chow (which roughly translates to “Tucker” in ancient Mandarin).
Now, as a working parent, I haven’t had much time for a doggy – hence a cat owns me. So it is with thanks, and some grace I suspect, that I have discovered internet dating.
It’s a little like shopping online and without any real threat of coming home to find my pet in a pot.
If you have anger management issues, an internet dating profile seems the ideal place to express some of that. It’s a nice way to put a little ‘no need to exchange pheromones just yet’ distance between you and the one you will eventually learn to disrespect and hate.
But being the geek that I am, dating online has not been easy (though often the people are). Aside from the fact that my digital camera does not have a “beautify” function, I don’t own a funky sports car, I didn’t enjoy the Twilight series, I don’t lie very well, I do not like taking advantage of people, and while I do sometimes like to cut a rug to 80’s music, I prefer post apocalyptic to retro.
I am also sure that my inability to “connect” has something to do with the fact that I still have some carryon baggage (next time flying Virgin) from my last trip-up.
Experience tells me that meeting someone in person is the only way to establish chemistry, and that I am more likely to meet my true love on a street corner - chasing cars? Until then, I persist with internet dating.
Maybe I will find love online and maybe even someone who shares an interest in tabletop gaming (anyone?)
At the very least I might make a few new friends. After all, you can never have too many friends and having friends certainly does have its benefits….friends may know someone, who know someone (however unfortunate that they are currently living in Derby), that know someone…..who must like dogs.
Suddenly, I feel (yes I still have them) there is a hope for me. All of my bad feelings have disappeared. Dr Phil is starting to make sense…... Lolita and I are lying down side by side on a velvet lounge watching Lord of the Rings together…..
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