The first draft of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders was released last month by the American Psychiatric Association, adding a range of controversial new disorders.

If you hoard too much you may have hoarding disorder, moody teens may have a psychosis disorder, if your maths is rotten you may have a maths disorder and frisky people may have hypersexuality disorder.
However, one disorder surprisingly didn’t make the manual but has a depressing effect on the political discourse: ideology disorder.
An ideologue is known to be insufferable and will exhibit inflexibility, a shallow understanding of issues and a sense of righteousness. There are two variants of ideology disorder: left wing and right wing.
The symptoms for left wing ideology disorder are:
1. You advocate a bigger role for the Government in the economy, with the insulation debacle, NSW and general history an aberration.
2. You hate Israel for being Israel without appreciating the threat of terrorism and that for all Israel’s faults it’s the region’s thriving democracy.
3. Noam Chomsky is worshiped like religious people worship Muhammad and Jesus and you believe that Manufacturing Consent is more holy than the Koran or the Bible.
4. You think third world poverty exists because first world Governments are stingy and not because of poor governance, corruption and weak institutions.
5. Free trade agreements are considered fodder for multinational corporations to plunder poor countries. Although you may not like its hippy underbelly, you generally support WTO protests.
6. You are anti-privatisation because you think a Government is entitled to own a company that competes in an open market against private companies. You scoff at the notion that there are things Governments just shouldn’t do.
7. You think Michael Moore is a little-big guy standing up to the elite and powerful and that Farenheit 9-11, Sicko and Capitalism: A Love Story were every bit as good as his admittedly excellent Bowling for Columbine.
8. Internet filtering is unthinkingly opposed even though the internet is full of crap and could do with some filtering. You want to be able to access web sites that you won’t access.
The symptoms of right wing ideology disorder are:
1. You believe in small Government except in the case of a woman’s body and marriage in which case you believe in big, intrusive Government.
2. Tax is your nemesis. You reflexively oppose any new tax, no matter its efficiency or fairness, and you don’t think rich dead people should pay an estate-tax.
3. Andrew Bolt and Alan Jones are worshiped more than left wing people worship Noam Chomsky. You believe Jones’ radio rants are a secular Sermon on the Mount.
4. You are climate change skeptical not because of the science of global warming, but because it’s the trendy right wing thing to be.
5. Boat people are considered sneaky economic opportunists and you thought the former Government saved us from peril by blocking a Tampa load of asylum seekers in 2001.
6. Even though bilateral free trade agreements haven’t produced economic benefit, you want Australia to conclude more. You’re easily seduced by FTAs economic modelling and don’t see that modelling is as scientific as alchemy and less accurate than Shaun Tait under pressure.
7. You actually think there is a history war regarding the Australian story and that it’s not a false controversy stirred up by conservative journalists.
8. If you were American you would be a Republican merely to be right wing, and would be unfazed that they are a monstrous entity whose effective leader is a moose hunter with less depth than a toddler’s pool.
Luckily for those affected by ideology disorder there is a simple cure and that is to think critically.
Doing this amazingly allows a sufferer to approach political issues with an open mind and adopt positions that reflect independent thought and their own personal values. They will debate political issues in a more compelling fashion and will be more respected at dinner parties.
As opposition leader Tony Abbott is making good progress with his ideology disorder. Once a predictable conservative, he has a market shunning carbon reduction policy and a big business slugging maternity leave plan.
There are times, however, to be ideological, such as on internet dating websites. Labelling your political persuasion as “left wing” attracts a higher class of girl as it’s scientifically proven that left wing girls are more attractive than right wing girls.
But apart from internet dating, ideology is a disorder whose only cure is to think critically.
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