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Seizing the chance to reimagine Star Wars

Brad Emery

by Brad Emery

01 Nov 05:45am

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Filed under: Disney, Entertainment, Movies, Star Wars

71 comments

The king is dead.  Long live the king.


George Lucas has finally handed over the rusty and somewhat tarnished Star Wars crown to the control of the Disney Company.

It’s been a hard run for the Star Wars juggernaut over the last decade.  Lucas was pilloried by fans across the globe for an underwhelming script in the first prequel Star Wars: The Phantom Menace.  His choice of ‘comic relief’ characters included an orange-skinned, long eared, mutant rabbit-humanoid with a freakishly annoying accent; and his choice of actor to play the tragic villain of Anakin Skywalker wouldn’t normally be afforded a gig on Home and Away.

Old George was also shown up by new-kid-on-the-blockbuster Peter Jackson with his epic depiction of the Lord of the Rings trilogy screened for fans a year apart.  Star Wars fans had to wait at least two years for prequels two and three.

As a choice of production studio, Disney was a fairly safe choice and probably boasts the largest capital resources having delivered visual epics like Pirates of the Caribbean.

In the interests of fans Disney was also possibly the wisest choice as most of the directors they hire run to formula, rather than ‘experimenting with the genre’.  Other studio/director combinations may have seen Star Wars episodes seven, eight and nine head off on completely unexpected tangents.

For example if James Cameron was given creative control, the new heroine character may have been screened standing upon the bridge of Admiral Akbar’s star ship screaming ‘I’m the king of the galaxy…’ while Céline Dion played in the background.  Meanwhile the new male lead would discover a small sarcophagus in the Tatooine desert and claim it to be the final resting place of Jesus of Nazareth.

A Ridley Scott driven production would see the son of Han Solo and Princess Leia finally being raised to Jedi Knight when suddenly and alien bursts from his chest and proceeds to slaughter the entire Jedi Council.

Tarantino would likely cast Timothy Roth, Harvey Keitel, Steve Buscemi and Pam Greer as key members of the Jedi Council; Jedi Master Mr Blue, Jedi Master Mr Pink, Jedi Master Mr Orange and Jedi Master Jackie Brown.  Samuel L Jackson would be cloned back to life as Master Windu and sent to hunt down new Sith Lords, quoting cool Bible verses before dispatching them violently.

Baz Luhrmann would set the final lightsaber duel atop a giant mountain in the desert that looks suspiciously like Uluru; the entire fight would be a musical number.

Oliver Stone’s evolving interpretation of the Star Wars legacy would follow the story of jaded Alliance troops based on the forest moon of Endor.  Becoming complacent and restless following their victory over the Empire, they snap, torching an Ewok village; the scene ends with Tom Berenger screaming ‘You VC! You VC!’ at terrified Ewoks.

If Australia’s Stephen Elliot took ownership of the franchise, we could see Star Wars episode seven following the adventures of a troupe of cross-dressing sand people travelling across the Tatooine wastelands, rediscovering themselves as they perform ‘I will survive’ at outlying and remote alien cantinas.

If Mel Gibson were to oversee the production of the new movies, the story might feature a Jedi Knight experiencing a midlife crisis, refusing to engage with anyone other than through a small Ewok puppet on his right hand.  In the opening scene he gets completely hammered at the Mos Eisley cantina and blames the entire Jawa nation for the death of Obiwan Kenobi.

If Peter Jackson took over the reins… well let’s face it; it would be incredible.  Star Wars fans can only pray that the next three movies come close to the brilliance of Lord of the Rings.

Disney has a long way to go to restore faith in the Star Wars movie franchise.  Perhaps they should start by asking fans what they DON’T want. I’d wager Hayden Christiansen and mutant rabbit-humanoid aliens would be at the top of the list.

Comments on this post will close at 8pm AEST.

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71 comments

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    • Gaz says:

      04:55am | 01/11/12

      I’ve tried many times to get through a star wars movie, but I just can’t. I can never follow what it going on and I just can’t get it. Same goes for Lord of the Rings, my wife made me sit down and watch it a few years back saying it was the movie of a lifetime, everyone must see it. About 20 minutes in when I was confusingly asking what the hell is going on here? She told me to go away which I happily did. Now I have a rule that I only watch comedies and anything with Russell Crowe in it. Works well.

      Reply

    • Spacer says:

      07:08am | 01/11/12

      A bit embarrassing that you can’t follow the plot of kids movies.

    • Gaz says:

      07:51am | 01/11/12

      Yeah that’s probably right Spacer. I’m not the the sharpest tool in the shed. Don’t get me wrong, good on people who love star wars, I’m genuinely happy for them, but I just can’t get it

    • CX says:

      10:31am | 01/11/12

      Not much of a reader eh Gav?  Lord of the Rings is one of the great literary classics.  Not only did Tolkein pretty much invent the entire “fantasy” genre and all those “races” etc that are now common in fantasy genre, but he went to the trouble of inventing an entire language for his story.  There is alot of allegory in these movies but the basic story is pretty simple, and perhaps you are the kind of person needs to read a book before seeing a movie, so you can grasp whats going on.

      If you haven’t read it (along with Moby Dick, and most of the literary “classics”) then maybe thats a good start.

    • Caedrel says:

      12:32pm | 01/11/12

      I believe Tolkein started inventing the languages first, and then started the stories themselves. He didn’t do himself any favours giving two of his protagonists similar sounding names. I’ve started watching it with my kids (9.5, 7.5 & 5) - I’m surprised that you felt so lost, Gaz, your wife really should have handled it better!

      I’m trying to convince my wife to watch Zombieland with me - it’s not really a zombie movie, it’s a romance…

    • PsychoHyena says:

      12:52pm | 01/11/12

      Caedrel, there’s a number of varying opinions, but the stories truly started when Tolkein was marking essays (he was a history, geography and English teacher) and Tolkein absent-mindedly wrote the opening line of The Hobbit or There and Back Again: A Hobbit’s Tale.

      Not saying you’re wrong, as I seem to remember reading that Tolkein produced the Elvish tongue as an experiment in language.

    • Spacer says:

      04:12pm | 01/11/12

      Fair enough Gaz. I think a lot of these films are loved due to childhood nostalgia. Seen for the first time through adult eyes I imagine its easier to see the flaws over the charms. Which is probably why a lot of adult Star Wars fans weren’t keen on the new ones, while the younger kids loved them. It also depends if you’re a fan of pulp sci fi and fantasy

      That said I think you should give the new Tolkien movie a go. Looks like it’ll be a pretty fun movie to see on the big screen..

    • TimB says:

      05:22am | 01/11/12

      I don’t want any movie that utterly ignores the 40+ years worth of events that already exist after Return Of the Jedi. Adapt the source material or don’t bother.

      (Disney should feel free to change the ending of Sacrifice though. That sucked.)

      Reply

    • Macca says:

      06:48am | 01/11/12

      And, whilst Disney should have an army of capable writers, the gaming industry has a plethora of quality writers. Mass Effect, SWTOR, KotOR, all great Sci-fi stories. Hopefully they don’t miss out of some experienced talent.

    • iansand says:

      07:17am | 01/11/12

      Imagine the disturbance in the Force if all the nerds became indignant at the same time.

    • craig3 says:

      08:47am | 01/11/12

      @ iansand.

      Gold!

    • TimB says:

      08:55am | 01/11/12

      It appears Yoda was right. Once you start down the douche path, forever will it dominate your comments.

    • lower_case_andrew says:

      09:02am | 01/11/12

      I want any new films to utterly ignore any of the post-ROTJ material out there.

      I don’t want recycling of Han and Leia family stories, Admiral Thrawn and all that stuff. It’s old, it’s been done, and frankly, most of it was just merchandise. Fodder barely above the level of fan-fic.

      It’s time to move on, leave all the baggage and existing merchandising behind. Star Wars has become too convoluted, self-referential and tired as it is.

      If they’re going to do Star Wars, make it new Star Wars universe: new characters, new aliens, new designs.

      I don’t want a trilogy that takes off from the end of Jedi. I want a new story; something as novel and fresh as ANH and Empire.

      And please, no JJ Abrams.  Star Trek was freaking awful.

    • Chris L says:

      09:27am | 01/11/12

      Don’t scoff at nerdrage. Lucas has felt the wrath and it caused him to give up his life’s work for a fraction of what he could have gotten (and this is a guy so cheap he bought a second hand limo).

      Luke: Is the douche side stronger?
      YodaB: No. Quicker, easier, more douchey!

    • iansand says:

      09:54am | 01/11/12

      In which of the “sequels” did Yoda say that?

    • neo says:

      10:34am | 01/11/12

      Star Trek by JJ was the only watchable ST thing made.

      JJ or Nolan to direct, otherwise it might not be good.

      Ignore all that pulp fiction and write a new story, SW books are awful anyway.

      Hundreds of years into the future, new Jedi Order once established by Luke, new Sith emerge etc etc. If anyone, Disney can.

    • TimB says:

      11:19am | 01/11/12

      @ Andrew, so you want them to do a new movie, with completely new stories and completely new characters, utterly ignoring all that went before?

      ...Exactly why would Disney bother buying Lucasfilm then? They could have created their own space opera franchise if they were going to wipe the slate so utterly clean.

    • Admiral Ackbar says:

      01:19pm | 01/11/12

      The proverbial cash money TimB. Disney now has a license to produce any old shite and slap the Starwars brand on it. Which they will. They’re going to do to Han what Lucas did to Indi.

    • Dr. Dep says:

      02:55pm | 01/11/12

      Joss Whedon should be among the contenders…

    • Chris Topher says:

      05:44am | 01/11/12

      It’s not Hayden Christensen’s fault the scripts, director and stories for the prequels were utter crap.

      Reply

    • Macca says:

      06:40am | 01/11/12

      In Hayden Christensen’s defense (... No, really), Lucas had form choosing nobody actors.

    • Trevor says:

      08:14am | 01/11/12

      He fancies himself to uncover the next Harrison Ford. He should give Trev a crack, but when it comes to lightsabers, I’d want a double ender.

    • Mahhrat says:

      06:35am | 01/11/12

      So long as it’s based on the Thrawn trilogy by Timothy Zahn, they can have all my money.

      To be honest though, as one Redditor pointed out on this topic the other night, Disney could release Star Wars VII and have it be a Rhinocerous spraying crap everywhere for 12 hours straight, and they’d still make billions.

      Reply

    • TimB says:

      07:21am | 01/11/12

      Bad news on that I’m afraid. I found out this morning that Wiki already has articles up for VII,VIII, and IX and well…

      “The film will continue the story of Luke Skywalker, Han Solo and Princess Leia beyond Return of the Jedi.[8] However, the plot will not be based on the various novels, graphic novels and other materials that have continued the story of these three characters and have previously been considered Star Wars canon. Rather, Episode VII is expected to be an entirely original story.[9]”

      http://www.eonline.com/news/358685/star-wars-7-plot-will-be-an-original-story-says-lucasfilm-source

      The article *specifically* rules out the Thrawn Trilogy. Stupid stupid stupid .

      The greatest Star Wars villain of all time, the greatest hope for restoring the prestige lost by the prequels… and they’re going to ignore the the trilogy that bears his name.

      Bah.

    • Mahhrat says:

      09:05am | 01/11/12

      Faaark.  I would have given good money to see the Noghri.

      Let alone Leia and Han’s twins becoming Jedi through the next trilogy.  Hell, there’s enough in those books for five or six quality films.

    • Rogue 19 says:

      10:52am | 01/11/12

      Noooooooooo!!!! Please not something new unless it is well after the established books.

      There are really only two options - Thrawn Trilogy (although all the actors are a bit too old now!) or Fate of the Jedi. I’d take NJO films too.

    • Baloo says:

      11:53am | 01/11/12

      I never liked Luke, Leia and Han, but Vader was ma boy. To be honest I’m not a huge fan of Star Wars but I’m a sucker for sci-fi, so I’ll watch it and chances are I’ll like it.

      Never heard of Thrawn but he has a badass name and sounds interesting.

    • TimB says:

      12:38pm | 01/11/12

      @ Baloo, you know how everyone thought Vader was awesome, and then he was somewhat tainted by having Anakin turn out to be whiny brat in the prequels?

      Grand Admiral Thrawn is even more awesome than that, and without the disappointing backstory.

      I think the cool thing about Thrawn is that he’s not really evil per se, but he’s definetly a ruthless SOB. And you can’t really fault his general motivations.

      Zahn gave an interesting response about Thrawn in an interview the other year for the 20th anniversary re-release of Heir to the Empire, which I think sums up the character pretty well:

      “I think the greatest compliment Thrawn has ever received came from a U.S. serviceman. (I can’t remember if he was a soldier or Marine.) He told me he and his buddies had read the Thrawn Trilogy, and had agreed that they would unreservedly follow a commander like Thrawn. Oh, and what would have happened if Thrawn had been in command at Endor? The Rebels, in my humble opinion, would almost certainly have lost.”

    • Baloo says:

      01:39pm | 01/11/12

      I read some stuff on him, he does seem emotionless, but pretty damn cool. Plus he ain’t no sith (I think) which would be far more interesting than a movie where some other old man with lightning tries to take over the galaxy again.

    • John L says:

      02:45pm | 01/11/12

      Dunno about emotionless, I mean he’d be ruthless with abject failure but also generous with success, like double promotions for enterprising young ensigns. But I loved how he would prepare battle tactics based on the study of the culture of his opponents.

    • Admiral Ackbar says:

      03:27pm | 01/11/12

      “Oh, and what would have happened if Thrawn had been in command at Endor? The Rebels, in my humble opinion, would almost certainly have lost.”

      Good. As opposed to the Emporer sending in ‘a legion of his best troops’ (Emporers words) who subsequently get whoop assed by a few space bears with rocks and sticks. I can’t watch Return anymore, that ending just shits me to no end.

    • Chris L says:

      05:41pm | 01/11/12

      I used to feel the same way Akbar, but then a friend pointed out how many ewoks got pasted in the background where you don’t notice unless you’re looking for it. Now I feel a little bit better about it.

    • Fed Up says:

      06:42am | 01/11/12

      Like who cares….i have never…nor will i ever watch any of these movies.

      Reply

    • Angus McGee says:

      08:05am | 01/11/12

      ... but takes the time to make an anonymous comment. You must be thrilled with your life.

    • Chris L says:

      09:23am | 01/11/12

      Ever known one of those people who go to parties and tell everyone how much they “hate these things”?

    • Fed Up says:

      10:29am | 01/11/12

      Ever gone to a party and was bored to death by people meebing about such films…arrrrggg.
      I’d be more thrilled if Labor hadn’t of raised electricity prices by 85%....more thrilled if Ju-liar hadn’t lied about the Carbon Tax…more thrilled if Labor had lost the last election.
      More thrilled Angus….mmm..angus burgers…if you actually had something intelligent to say.

    • PsychoHyena says:

      01:07pm | 01/11/12

      @Fed Up, more intelligent than your comments?

      So what, Star Wars doesn’t appeal to you, we’re supposed to care why? Oh and if you actually looked at the power bills you’ve received Fed Up, the power company (even the NSW Govt) doesn’t put the increase related to the Carbon Tax being more than 15% (NSW Govt) or 9% (majority of power companies).

      Interestingly I thought the Liberal/Coalition stance was that Labor didn’t win the last election but rather “bought” the last election. There was no lie about the Carbon Tax, other than a change to how its implementation was to be determined. Should we then presume that Howard DID lie about the GST as the proposal Howard went to the election with was that the GST would cover all products and services? The change to exclude fresh food and essentials was made AFTER the election.

      Obviously if you’re going to parties where people are discussing Star Wars then you have managed to get yourself into a group of friends that don’t have the same interests as yourself. Have you told them of your extreme dislike for all things Star Wars? Or do you lie and just nod your head in utter confusion as to what is being discussed?

    • Tubesteak says:

      06:53am | 01/11/12

      This will be interesting. Disney owns Miramax which did Pulp Fiction so they are capable of being “dark”.

      Disney owns Marvel and has signed on Joss Whedon for a few years. Joss Whedon doing Star Wars would be epic.

      Joss Whedon writing and Ridley Scott directing with James Cameron producing…................

      Reply

    • St. Michael says:

      10:16am | 01/11/12

      Yup.  Basically this is probably the biggest shot in the arm that they could’ve given Star Wars for the past five years or more.

    • sunny says:

      06:59am | 01/11/12

      If Kevin Costner directed it, Han Solo, who is sick of all the fighting, along with his trusty Tauntaun, takes a job at a remote frontier outpost in the Tatooine desert where he befriends a Sand People tribe and eventually forsakes his job and joins the tribe. Along the way he also befriends a wild Rancor which he manages to partially tame. The movie will be called Dances With Rancors.

      Reply

    • Admiral Ackbar says:

      03:31pm | 01/11/12

      I like this idea. Can it be a musical?

    • JT says:

      07:13am | 01/11/12

      Anyone else get the feeling George Lucas will announce he has (insert something bad here) and is dying? Selling the whole shebang for $4 billion seems cheap to me and it is his baby, selling everything inc the kitchen sink now when he is still young enough to make more.

      Reply

    • Michellemac says:

      02:59pm | 01/11/12

      I googled an it appears Lucas Film is the production company and I can’t determine if merchanise rights to the existing stuff is included in the deal.

      If not, it’s not a bad deal…LOTR were high hundre millions and avatar was 2 billion in box office, but also expensive to make. Assuming $1 Billion for each movie in box office (and that’s a huge ask) it’s going to be more than 4 movies in until they pay their investment.

      Unless Merchanise it included? My quick Wiki look showed he owns a separate company called Lucas Merchandise.

    • Fred says:

      07:24am | 01/11/12

      I only have one main request for Disney. Within the first 5 minutes of the first movie they have Jar Jar Binks who is then torn to shreds and denigrated in the most vile way they can possibly do while maintaining a MA rating. Otherwise looking forward to what they do with Star Wars.

      Reply

    • Greg says:

      07:27am | 01/11/12

      Can we do a “sliding doors” approach and have the Dark Side win????

      Reply

    • Philosopher says:

      12:57pm | 01/11/12

      only if we get to watch Gwyneth Paltrow die painfully and over a long period of time.

    • stephen says:

      07:56am | 01/11/12

      All this stuff comes from celtic myth, then visually, via Richard Wagner and his Ring Cycle, and I expect that Disney will give due reverence in its credits.

      Reply

    • Gordon says:

      10:35am | 01/11/12

      Nibelungen you are. Brunhilde, bonk you will not.

    • ibast says:

      08:08am | 01/11/12

      Do them all again.  they are all flawed in some way.  I liked the original, but the acting was bad and the storyline disjointed.

      Reply

    • JamesH says:

      08:20am | 01/11/12

      Rabid fans who see the books and comics as “canon” would be wise to remember that George Lucas DOES NOT see this stuff as canon.  To him, only the movies are canon and this is the approach Disney will inherit.

      Reply

    • Stephen says:

      08:43am | 01/11/12

      I’d pay to see Tarantino’s version!!!

      Uma as Princess Leia!!!

      Reply

    • Kika says:

      08:56am | 01/11/12

      As long as they bring back Ewoks and more Ewok spin off movies and cartoons all is well with me.

      Reply

    • Markus says:

      09:33am | 01/11/12

      More importantly though, I believe Disney’s takeover of Lucasfilm may have given them the rights to a Monkey Island movie franchise.

      Reply

    • Anubis says:

      09:44am | 01/11/12

      Bring it on - Mickey Vader, Darth Mouse, Princess Daisy and Goofy would be a suitable alternative to Harrison Ford as Han Solo (really - who would notice the difference?)

      Reply

    • Chris L says:

      11:17am | 01/11/12

      When did Mouse become a Dark Lord of the Sith?

    • George says:

      09:52am | 01/11/12

      Star Wars is dead. It will do all right, maybe make a bit of money, but most people are too traumatised by the prequels. At best it will be as good as the last Star Trek movie. Which was pretty good. But still just dross compared to the originals.

      Reply

    • neo says:

      10:43am | 01/11/12

      Re-make eps 4-6:

      Christian Bale as Han
      Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Luke
      Gary Oldman as Obi-Wan
      Tom Hardy as Vader
      Michael Caine as Palpatine
      Marion Cotillard as Leia

      Jedi Begins
      The Dark Side
      The Light Side Rises

      No idea who could direct though.

      Reply

    • Pattem says:

      01:11pm | 01/11/12

      @neo, Cillian Murphy as Grand Moff Tarkin.

      So who would play Yoda?

    • Mat Cauthon says:

      01:59pm | 01/11/12

      @ Pattem - The dude who plays Tyrion in Game of Thrones..?

    • neo says:

      02:09pm | 01/11/12

      Lol, a few more wrinkles and he’d be a good Tarkin.

      Hmmm, Morgan Freeman for Yoda I guess :S

    • I hate pies says:

      10:48am | 01/11/12

      I just don’t get it. I’ve watched the star wars movies, but to me they seemed a little bit crap with bad costumes. Maybe it’s because I’m not into Sci-fi, or maybe it’s because I’m cinematically illiterate, but to me they just seem a waste of your life.

      Reply

    • K^2 says:

      11:05am | 01/11/12

      Seeing as Lucas nicked the whole thing from egyptian mythology its no wonder a bunch of your readers here “don’t get it”.

      Don’t think it came from Egyptian roots?  Read about the “Djed” and have a look at the symbol for Djed looking much like an (original) lightsaber hilt…oh and of course jedi…sounding pretty much the same…never mind the whole story (good vs evil) is basically retranslated for you in a futuristic setting.

      Reply

    • Philosopher says:

      11:35am | 01/11/12

      where do you people come from? I think I saw a picture of you, queuing outside the Sydney Apple store at 4am for the iPhone 5 release.

    • K^2 says:

      01:30pm | 01/11/12

      I see moderators allow trolls to write their personal attack trash but moderate out polite right of reply.  I dont care if you publish this comment or not, but if you’re going to allow people to write trash comments then allow responses to their bullsh**.

      Philosopher, what are you smoking pal, whats anything I said got to do with an iphone 5?  You are about as far from a philosopher as one could hope to be.

    • Philosopher says:

      01:53pm | 01/11/12

      geez K^2, what a great sense of humour. Typical Puncher. I implied you were a NERD! There, I’ve drawn you a picture.

    • K^2 says:

      02:47pm | 01/11/12

      @Philosopher - no you didn’t you implied nothing.  The problem is sarcasm and tone dont come across in text.

      Ever think maybe its you with the humour issues?  I take it thats not the first time someone has taken an “implied” meaning of yours the wrong way.

    • Philosopher says:

      03:29pm | 01/11/12

      at least tell me you don’t have an iPhone 5. Then I will take it all back.

    • PW says:

      05:06pm | 01/11/12

      It’s really nothing more than good guys vs bad guys set in space. But just watch Disney stuff it up. They stuffed up Tron, which was good guys vs bad guys set inside a computer, after all.

      What annoyed me most about Tron Legacy was that Jeff Bridges and Bruce Boxleitner were considered indispensible, but Cindy Morgan wasn’t.

    • Matt says:

      12:53pm | 01/11/12

      Give it to Tarantino!! That version sounds awesome. :D

      Reply

    • Tubesteak says:

      01:59pm | 01/11/12

      Tarantino would just try to do a 1970s kung fu schlock horror remake as an hoimage to some long-forgotten B-grade movie director.

      I loved Pulp Fiction until I realised Ezekiel 25:17 was ripped off from a Sonny Ciba movie.

    • Admiral Ackbar says:

      03:41pm | 01/11/12

      “I loved Pulp Fiction until I realised Ezekiel 25:17 was ripped off from a Sonny Ciba movie.”

      My mistake, I thought it was from one of god’s novels wink

 
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