Secret diary extracts of a confused Liberal MP
In order to help people better understand the last week, an anonymous Liberal front bencher has made available excerpts of their private diary to comedians Matt Kenneally Toby Halligan.
MONDAY 23/11/09 MORNING
Booked holiday flights to Hawaii for Friday evening.
ETS bill before senate tomorrow. Still don’t understand it.
Air conditioning was playing up. Stood in front of fridge for a while and felt better.
MONDAY 23/11/09 AFTERNOON
Barnaby visited office to rant. Thinks everyone should stay in Canberra to fight ETS over summer.
TUESDAY 24/11/09 MORNING
Party room debate on the ETS today, issues to consider:
1) Go to Hawaii for summer (!!)
2) Future of planet (?)
3) End of ETS debate = Fewer conversations with Barnaby (!!!!)
1) More Tax = bad
2) Process of being dragged into One World Government (!?!?) begins (Who controls? UN? Al Gore? Reptoids?)
3) Party base elderly, don’t like cold weather.
TUESDAY 24/11/09 EVENING
65 speeches later still not sure. Thank god Malcolm didn’t make us vote. Hard to vote absentee when you’re in the room.
Tense party meeting but Turnbull had clear majority.
WEDNESDAY 25/11/09 MORNING
Turnbull called another party meeting.
Breakfast with Kevin Andrews. Seems he’s challenging Turnbull, unclear why.
Told him I saw him more as a friend than a leader. Awkward.
Weather in Hawaii looks beautiful.
WEDNESDAY 25/11/09 EVENING
Phew! Malcolm won 48 to 35.
Result, again, was clear as day.
Hawaii here I come!
THURSDAY 26/11/09 MORNING
Visit from Nick Minchin. He thinks Turnbull actually lost vote on Tuesday and Wednesday. At first I was confused, 48 to 35 seemed clear.
Nick explained that my view of the maths was wrong. He said no clear consensus exists on how to count the votes. Said he is a maths sceptic. Also pointed out that the vote wasn’t representative of the Liberal party given Andrew Bolt didn’t get to vote (Note: must check why that is).
Nick stormed off. .
THURSDAY 26/11/09 AFTERNOON
Abbott just blew in. Says ETS is tearing party apart. Says Nick’s so upset he’s threatening to commit suicide with a diesel 4WD, if ETS goes through. Tuckey’s so angry he spent afternoon threatening trees in Parliamentary courtyard.
Abbott asked if I supported getting rid of Malcolm. I agreed. Always regretted missing the knife Nelson bandwagon late, didn’t want to miss this one.
Just sent off resignation to The Australian, and updated Facebook status.
Bodes well for Hawaii!
THURSDAY 26/11/09 EVENING
Abbott just in. Said my resignation had problems. One, I forgot to send resignation to Malcolm. Two, he complained my statement did not emphasise how long it took me to make the difficult decision to resign. Told Abbott I did not want to lie to public. Thirdly, Tony very upset that I said I had lost confidence in Malcolm’s leadership. Says this is not about leadership but policy. I asked him if we were still knifing Malcolm. He said yes.
Decided I should raise it with leader. Called J. Howard. Phone busy. Will try in morning.
FRIDAY 27/11/09 EVENING
Worst day ever. Wife in Hawaii without me.
Media is calling it a mutiny. Ridiculous. Not enough agreement or organisation to qualify as mutiny.
Sat in Senate all day. No vote and Evans and Wong yelled at us for breaking deal. Tired of being yelled at.
Malcolm still keen on being leader. Not sure why.
Tried to call JWH. Phone busy.
SATURDAY 28/11/09 MORNING
Leadership race is on. Tony called during marathon bike ride (freak).
Tony is running for the leadership but does not want to be leader. He gave lots of good reasons why Joe should be leader. I promised to vote for or against him. Tony happy. Pretty sure he is insane.
Very good arguments for Joe. Party still debating it though. Hockey in particular is anti-Joe. Called me to insist he should not be leader.
JWH phone still engaged.
SUNDAY 29/11/09 MORNING
Turnbull says Abbott and Minchin destroying party. Turnbull now yelling at everyone.
Do they yell in Hawaii?
SUNDAY 29/11/09 EVENING
Joe now wants to be leader. Abbott on TV in speedos. Decision clear.
Everyone says Joe and Dutton can unite party. Apparently, Dutton does not have seat. Nobody seems worried by this.
Unclear why all this took a week. Am thinking of demanding inquiry.
We are hanging around next week to vote against ETS. This means no Hawaii and more Barnaby.
I hate the ETS.
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