Screams for help - the silent bullying epidemic

Rationalist says:

07:08am | 18/08/09

I am a teenager and I grew up in the era in which cyber bullying became a buzzword in the media. I can say that I have never experienced it although I never put myself within online environments which were at risk from such social detritus and their scumbaggery.

I honestly don’t think it is as bad as it is described since there are always mechanisms to block, abstract, halt bullying via. the internet from occurring. This ability solely resides with the individual, when bullying is initially observed and it is not a school or police matter (ie. happening at home).

If and when it spreads to a classroom or into physical abuse, teachers and the police are the ones to be contacted. When minor cases of cyber bullying emerge the most effective action is done by the individual.

Lexi says:

08:08am | 18/08/09

Do you really think bullies “try to invade your soul and to tear it apart”?  Sounds like Harry Potter’s Deatheaters… I think they are insecure and are responding to their environment in primitive ways. 

On Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, most of us are looking to attain our self actualisation or self-esteem - but some kids who bully are looking to attain the safety level. Often they come from homes of abuse or neglect. They act out because they need attention, and acting out is the one sure fire way of someone noticing they are alive.

I’m not defending the bullies - I know it manifests into lifelong patterns of destructive behaviour.  But the genuine fixes are more likely to involve early intervention and positive parenting programs.  Technology is not the culprit, just the latest tool.

watto (gonzo doctor) says:

08:16am | 18/08/09

Julie, you appear to be screaming up the issue here. It’s not an epidemic, it’s a common behaviour embedded in our culture. Consider that the dominant political and the broader male power culture is Darwinian and the ones (including women) that can backstab, shout, undermine, threaten, misinform and control, usually win the game. Look at our leaders, including politicians- it’s like a man-boy version of “Lord of the Flies”.  In other words, bullying is still politically correct. Perhaps the internet is a good training ground for anti-bullying skills and schools can do more to build self esteem and prepare sensitives for a lifetime of dealing with the (say) roughly 5% (using Narcissistic Personality Disorder stats) of teachers, bosses, spouses & colleagues that are bullies.

eag says:

09:08am | 18/08/09

It’s always been around,just has more places to go these days.We all have choice,if cyber-bullying is a problem don’t go there for a while.It soons cools down if we don’t feed it, as many bullies have a short attention span and are soon out looking for the next victim.Underneath bullies are scared with few good feelings about themselves and crumple easily when someone stronger comes along.One of the worst current forms is the 13 year old teenage girl thing.They enjoy making the victim’s life miserable and do it in gangs.No-one can be more visicious or more proud of it.A sure sign of lack of skills in other areas and in ways of relating to others.Parents have a responsibility there and many have no good role models for parenting.Not an epidemic but certainly having a more up-front face these days.

Ben says:

10:08am | 18/08/09

Everyone always ignores the conclusion of Lord Of The Flies when the white clad naval officer steps onto the beach and it is very clear that a extremely dim view will be taken of Jack and the children who follow him. In other words society, which is a human construct and not a state of nature, is about to step in and restore order. The book is also a message about the balance of freedom and authority - that absolute freedom from authority may not lead to real freedom at all.
Bullying behaviour is often at it’s worst when parents and teachers do not take responsibility for intervening to prevent the behaviour and critically for making sure that they know and understand that it is wrong. Not that is bad to be caught, not that its bad only when the victim self harms - that bullying actually just the wrong thing to do and they should feel shame for doing it.
We also need to expand our understanding of bullying. As a bloke my conception was initially the traditional boofy blokey idea of kids being physically pushed and shoved of the poor kid being getting the knee in the shoulder in the lunch time kick to kick. But I heard recently how a friend’s little girl in grade had with two of her friends been bullying another little girl with what can be be described as snide looks. Her father and I were perplexed that anyone could feel bullied by a few looks, her mum on the other hand understood and I did not envy her daughter one bit. Parents need to take responsibility.

Julian Peters says:

11:40am | 18/08/09

Indeed, parents need to take responsibility. Role-modelling, with plenty of time for fun, recreation and chilling, will help children prevent being glued to their computers. Maybe parents should ban computers in bedrooms? Will that curb this bullying that happens online?

Gillian says:

01:35pm | 18/08/09

A lot of government resources are aimed at stopping bullying in schools and cyber bullying but more resources need to be allocated to workplace bullying. Bullies are allowed to thrive in organisations where managers have a Pontius Pilate approach to management, where HR are ineffectual or there is no HR department at all. I’ve worked in so many organisations where it’s a choice of either being the bully’s cohort or being the target of bullying because you won’t conform or comply with the bullies’ wishes. Then you are seen as the troublemaker and the one who doesn’t fit into the ‘corporate culture’. Shudder. If anyone describes their office as a family, RUN! And yet, that same bully will be the same one to give you a character reference if you should leave. For many, it can be a no win situation.

http://www.30isthenewblack.com

Eric says:

01:50pm | 18/08/09

It’s bad when bullying happens. I can’t speak for female bullying, but I know all about being bullied as a young boy.

I found a cure: hit back! Bullies really don’t like a hard target, or any possibility that they might be hurt themselves.

I was told, by teachers and parents, just to ignore the bullies. I tried that, but it never worked.

One day, though, I lost my temper and punched the chief bully in the face. What a change! Suddenly, he was running away and his henchmen wanted to be my followers. I didn’t want to be the new bully, so the henchmen were disappointed. But I was never bullied again.

Sad as it is, I think the only real cure for bullying is to defeat the bullies at their own game. It may be easier than you think ...

Gillian says:

02:32pm | 18/08/09

Bullies by nature are cowards. That’s why they need to be surrounded as you say by henchmen or when a bully at work needs other people around them to validate their behaviour. Often when you confront a bully, they will back down but this is more difficult in a workplace situation where you may be faced with more than one bully and then it turns into your word against theirs.

http://www.30isthenewblack.com

watto says:

09:19pm | 18/08/09

@ben vague threats from authority figures don’t really cut it in the book or for real. Bureaucrats, HR, and middle managers etc do not usually ace bullies - in my experience. That’s like saying a drug addicts fear of, or actually being arrested, mostly cures the condition. Bullying is like an addiction for alot of bullies, it is part of the human condition as experiments in getting humans to torture other humans show.  Absolute freedom is a matter of perception of the alpha-ape and I would say a cyclical theme in primates, not a story with a moral or even justice. And authority resides with whoever at that time, sits highest in the tree. Even at an global level, I’m sure certain bullies feel little fear, for in bad-temper, and just because they could, kicking the crap out of a couple of weaker countries. The law of the jungle still rules

Amanda says:

06:55am | 11/09/09

The odd thing about bullying is that the victim, over time, develops incredible psychological strength; there’s the old saying of “what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger”. The very aspects of the victim, that the bully aims to break such as resilience, independence, self reliance and so on, only become stronger. Eventually, the bully, in their all out effort to destroy their victim, inevitably destroys themselves; of course this depends on the type of bullying being perpetrated and it’s a generalization. Bullying might decrease gradually over time if our society reverts to pre 1930’s but I can’t see that happening in my lifetime.

Amanda says:

08:41am | 11/09/09

Many bullies are rewarded for their behaviour. In the workplace, they might be seen as getting the job done thus rewarded with praise, financial gain and promotion which only serves to reinforce their bullying behaviour. In other situations,  bullies present as the powerless victims, thus recieving sympathy, support, social approval, financial advantage and gain, which serves only to encourage their bullying. So often, bullying is subtle, psychologally personalised and hidden under the disguise of relevant laws that the real victim is utterly powerless and then further bullied by the relevant authorities! I don’t have any answers on how to stop it other than given time, the bully inevitably exposes themself and self destructs.

Paranoia says:

04:04pm | 11/09/09

“That which doesn’t kill you leaves you stronger”... and that which DOES kill you leaves you dead.  For those of us already battling some other problem, bullying can be the final insidious thing that brings the mind to breaking point, with self-harm, sickness or suicide as the result.  Sometimes the victim can become stronger.  That’s not a good reason to allow this behaviour to go unchecked.  Bullying is assault, sometimes physical, sometimes mental but always assault.

Stuart Garfath says:

07:02pm | 11/09/09

Gillian ( 01:35 - 18/08/09) has it right in one!  Corporate Culture in Australia is built on a foundation of harassment, intimidation, deception and outright threat, I experienced all these as an employee of a very large Postal Corporation here in New South Wales.
Bullying is the keystone that holds up ( literally) , Corporate Australia.
I took it for ten years and left, after realising that Management actually promoted this activity.

D. Babb says:

11:30am | 05/12/12

Back in the 70’s and 80’s when I was in school I was never bullied, I stood up for and protected those being bullied. From my own experience then and un the workplace all this psycho babble about talking to the bully, making them understand what they are doing is bad is crap. You want to stop bullying stand up and fight. Bullies are cowards, show them you are not only not intimidated but willing to do what it takes to back them off they stop.