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Schoolyard Star Wars: nerds versus bullies

Tracey Spicer

by Tracey Spicer

23 Nov 05:45am

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Filed under: Bullies, Children, School, Star Wars

50 comments

In the battle between the nerds and the bullies, a seven-year-old girl is striking back.

Life in the playground can be tough.

Katie wears glasses and likes Star Wars.

At the start of the school term, she was excited about bringing her new Star Wars backpack and matching drink bottle to show her friends. 

But last week, she asked her mum to swap the drink bottle for a pink one.

In tears, she said “The first grade boys are teasing me at lunch because I have a Star Wars drink bottle. They say it’s only for boys.”

Her mum told her it’s okay to be different: “Not all girls need to drink out of pink water bottles”. 

“I don’t want to be too different,” Katie lamented.  “I’m already different.  Nobody else in my class wears glasses or a patch, and nobody else was adopted.  Now I’m even more different, because of my Star Wars water bottle.”

Katie’s mum wrote about the incident in a blog on the ChicagoNow website.

“Is this how it starts?  Do kids find someone who does something differently and start to beat it out of her, first with words and sneers?  Must my daughter conform to be accepted?” Carrie Goldman asked. 

It went viral with more than 8,000 people commenting, Tweeting and Facebooking the story.

Many shared their own experiences of being bullied: Women who loved Sci-Fi, men who wore glasses, self-confessed nerds, geeks and freaks.

Some sent their kids to school the next day wearing Attack of the Clones t-shirts.

Others organised a “Wear Star Wars – Share Star Wars” event, donating toys to local hospitals, shelters and foster homes.

Then there were blogs from reformed bullies.

In his Wordsmiff blog Ross Hamilton wrote of his regret at bullying a schoolmate who later tried to commit suicide.

“There seems to be a degree of pack mentality among young males,” he wrote.

His words echoed those of Carrie Goldman, about the “vulnerability and insecurity” of some boys.

I was horrified by comments uttered last week by my five-year-old son.

In response to a question about what he did at pre-school that day he replied, “We chased after the girls and tried to beat them up”.

“Why on earth did you do that?” I asked.

“Because we don’t like girls,” he shrugged.

Maybe he did it to make the other boys laugh, or because he had a crush on one of the girls, or to stop the other boys teasing him (Taj is also a nerdy Star Wars fan).

The same day, I overheard a group of four-year-old girls picking on a younger girl because she “doesn’t have pretty hair”. 

As Carrie Goldman wrote, bullying is a slippery slope.

We’re all part of the problem.

“We, as adults, are often fearful of those who are different.  I see people tease each other for being gay or poor or overweight.  I see grown-ups bullying others for holding different religious and political beliefs. I see people publicly lauding diversity and privately attacking those who are different.”

For Katie the story ends well, thanks to that great bastion of nerds – the internet.

She has since worn her Star Wars t-shirt to school, complete with matching water bottle, encouraging her mum to “Tell people about it!!!!!”

NASA sent a message via the #May TheForceBeWithKatie Twitter hashtag: “C’mon boys! Space is for girls, too!”

And Tom Kane – the voice of Yoda – invited Katie to an Attack of the Clones movie premiere.

As the great master may well have said, “Different, it is OK to be”.

Most commented

50 comments

Show oldest | newest first

    • Andrew says:

      04:54am | 23/11/10

      The highest happiness is not found in either conforming or not conforming, but in being emotionally independent of circumstances. Ask the Buddha.

      Reply

    • acotrel says:

      05:49am | 23/11/10

      I’m a ‘nerd’.  When I was in primary school I was continually teased and bullied.  I made a fundamental error - i didn’t judge the fact that it isn’t cool to be labelled ‘top of the grade’ by your teacher.  She sat me next to the smartest, best looking girl - so I must have been gay!  Of course, all that has been solved these days.  The education system has been dumbed down, nobody ‘fails’ and kids aren’t imbued with the desire to achieve intellectually.  So the f*ckwits have won! One really good thing came out of those years for me.  If I meet a bully these days, I stick one right up his nose!

      Reply

    • tombowler says:

      08:56am | 23/11/10

      Somehow I doubt you were the innocent victim acotrel… I picture more of a passive aggressive viper giving some poor dumb kid crap about his lack of prospects and likelihood of having significant dental issues in the future…

    • Pudel says:

      01:02pm | 23/11/10

      My son came home from school in grade2, the kids at school were teasing him, htey called him a ‘“nerd”.  His eyes nearly fell out of his head, when I repleied, “But darling you are a nerd.”  I then told him his dad was a nerd and I am a nerd, and what a nerd was.  That someone that loved learning, and sci fi, and dungeons and dragons (we play with our kids) Red Dwarf, and Dr Who, fantasy, the list went on.  He agreed he was a nerd and now at is prouid of it.  He is now 11, wants to be a scientist, has made a few friends and is happy.

    • Not usual Name says:

      04:08pm | 23/11/10

      I was a nerd in highschool. Got on fine.  The difference? us nerds were the martial artists and gym junkies. All the “cool kids” were into scenes (emo jock etc). So for us nerds we had it pretty sweet.

    • Macca says:

      06:49am | 23/11/10

      If you don’t like Star Wars you are a loser.

      Reply

    • acotrel says:

      10:56am | 23/11/10

      In Australia we cut the tall poppies down to size.  It’s a race to the intellectual bottom!

    • philip says:

      10:58am | 23/11/10

      macca I hate star wars now I used to like it till the crap that is the clone wars was produced why couldnt lucas have just turned it into a live action tv series instead of a boring cartoon for kids,

    • EM says:

      12:08pm | 23/11/10

      No Acotrel, in Australia we applaud people of merit (intellectual, physical or other) what we cut down are Tall Poppies, people who “think” they’re better then and deserve more the rest of us because of the afore mentioned talents.

      We don’t have a problem with ability; we have a problem with braggarts and tossers and people who think they deserve more just because they we lucky enough to be born with money/smarts/good looks.

      Your concept of Tall Poppy Syndrome is the one typical of the so-called Entitlement Class, spouted by people who fit nicely into my last paragraph.

    • philip says:

      03:24pm | 23/11/10

      macca thank you for pointing my punction out but when someone like you points out stuff like that it tends to mean that you had nothing better to say to me or others.

    • KH says:

      06:57am | 23/11/10

      I’m more a Trekkie myself, but I can understand…....I have never been one to conform.

      Reply

    • acotrel says:

      03:33am | 24/11/10

      I was in the UK two years ago.  I was only ever impressed by the pom men I met in the pubs and elsewhere.  Their education system must be much better than ours.  In the past, Australia has done the ‘cultural cringe’, and I suggest with good reason! As for Australians recognising and admiring our own intellectuals - you’ve got to be joking!!  Are you really trying to tell me that you even recognise Tim Flannery when you see him on TV? I suggest you’d hold Ben Cousins in higher regard!

    • Steph says:

      07:20am | 23/11/10

      Brilliant! Go Katie!

      Reply

    • Sedden says:

      07:35am | 23/11/10

      Humans are social animals where fitting in used to mean survival and not fitting in meant ostracisation and certain death in the teeth of a predator.

      This instinct remains with us and manifests itself in often ugly ways.

      It’s difficult to convey to a child that being different is ok and not to pick on other people as the pack mentality often does rule.

      But a girl that likes Star Wars has a better chance of landing a nice guy than the vapid bimbos obsessed with fashion and beauty that get used by the jocks wink

      Reply

    • cRook says:

      08:43am | 23/11/10

      I’m hoping that wink at the end means that you see the irony in spouting meaningless stereotypes in order to defend against meaningless stereotypes.

    • Andrew says:

      10:12am | 23/11/10

      I agree, Sedden. The only real solution lies with the individual being bullied. Bullying itself will never go away.

    • philip says:

      08:55am | 23/11/10

      ive been both a nerd and a bully not proud of the latter but whats wrong with society is the fact that we are teaching our kids to “turn the other cheek ” instead of letting the kids sort it out themselves ie self defense

      Reply

    • Muttley says:

      09:53am | 23/11/10

      oh yes, violence is the answer. Yes, school yard disputes should be sorted by who’s the biggest, or quickest to pick up a weapon. That was how it was sorted in the old days and that worked SO WELL.

    • Andrew says:

      10:14am | 23/11/10

      Some don’t know how to defend themselves, Philip, or just don’t feel like fighting, and these are the ones who can end up emotionally crippled to the point that they cannot function even when it comes to everyday tasks. I speak from personal experience.

    • Tim the Toolman says:

      10:37am | 23/11/10

      “oh yes, violence is the answer.”

      It was for me (being the one being bullied).  Only the truly stupid bullies pick on the kid who flattens them.  I was only ever attacked once, and violence was the answer.  Talking it through with kids who have no respect for authority etc…simply tells them that you’re too weak to defend yourself and have to go running to someone else.  So they simply seperate you from the herd in the future where you can’t easily run for help.

    • philip says:

      10:56am | 23/11/10

      andrew and muttley you two do have valid points, im just not talking about violence im talking about being able to fight back when they are threatened and not going round the school yard causing fights.

    • acotrel says:

      11:01am | 23/11/10

      My son was bullied at high school because he won a race in the school sports, and he wouldn’t smoke dope.  He’s caught up with nearly every one of the drongos who harassed him.  He’s now a martial arts participant!

    • Robert Smissen, rural SA, God's own country says:

      11:20am | 23/11/10

      Muttley, why not? ? It works for governments

    • super dad says:

      12:07pm | 23/11/10

      “and he wouldn’t smoke dope”.

      hahahahahahah - glad you believed that one.

    • bigmuzz says:

      09:01am | 23/11/10

      that’s just what guys do, we constantly rip on each other….. doesn’t mean we hate each other, in fact the better friends you are with someone the more you tend to tease or taunt them. (although i’m not encouraging bullying or saying bullying doesn’t go on)

      but then again, guys don’t tend to hold onto grudges as much. a guy fight between friends is a couple of punches and then its forgotten within 5 minutes….. girl’s tend to hold onto that stuff way more… i once saw my cousin pinch and scratch her sister, and when asked why she said it was because of what she said 2 weeks ago… WTF?!? raspberry

      Reply

    • Andrew says:

      09:29am | 23/11/10

      Wow. Sorry to be nerdy. But Tom Kane is only the voice of Yoda in the Clone Wars cartoon series, and Attack Of The Clones premiered 8 years ago Tracey. If you want to pander to nerds, get it right!

      raspberry

      Reply

    • Zdacey says:

      09:34am | 23/11/10

      Oh, how timely for me personally. We’re currently arranging a Revenge Of The Nerds school reunion. Not for our entire class of ‘85, but for a select group of 30-ish people. We copped grief throughout school because we were clever, sometimes quirky, and had different interests to the ‘social elite’.

      But we were the ones who left our small country town and lived varied interesting lives. The ‘social elite’ stayed in town, married young, were cheated on, married again, and are usually being cheated on for the 2nd time around now.

      In our house, my kids don’t use nerd as an insult. They know that being a ‘nerd’ means you’re going to live an amazing life!

      Reply

    • SalC says:

      09:50am | 23/11/10

      Yep all the cool kids at my high school got knocked up and never left town.  Revenge is a dish best served passively.

    • cRook says:

      12:41pm | 23/11/10

      Are you both out of a low budget sitcom? Cool kids from my school went on to be a model, an internet business owner, a foreign correspondent etc etc. I know of at least two ‘nerds’ who got knocked up and stuck in that small town.

    • Zdacey says:

      10:10pm | 23/11/10

      No, cRook, I’m not out of a low-budget sitcom. I am just an average white collar worker who has a) escorted my then-boss, a government minister, to a diamond exhibition at Parliament House, b) been a promo model at a science show in Canberra (I kid you not), and c) become a qualified stunt driver. I have nerd friends who joined the Navy, who became pilots, and one retired from merchant banking at 40. (We didn’t produce any models or foreign correspondents, though. Sorry about that.)

      The cool kids stayed here, married young (shotgun in tow) and are currently raising some bloody awful kids who are nasty bullies themselves. That’s the way it is here. Your mileage may vary.

      I like your revenge phrase, SalC.

    • Anon says:

      10:05am | 23/11/10

      I was bullied relentlessly as a child, at a time where bullying was just not on the social radar. As a kid at an all boys school with Asthma, musical ability, and a quiet disposition I was an easy target.

      But I never let the bullies get the better of me. I never threw a punch, but I never backed down. My catch phrase of the time was “yeah, you’ll probably beat me to a pulp, but if you attack me I won’t stop. I’ll never let you beat me down. I’ll keep fighting until I’m unconscious, or you are down. So how far are you willing to go?”.

      For some of those big guys full of bluster, simply trying to prove their pecking order within their own small cluster, this was just the wrong thing to hear. Luckily I didn’t need to follow through with my threat, but when I look back at the time I wonder where I found the strength of character to simply be me. I wish I knew, so I could share it… but perhaps the ends justifies the means.

      Kids should be encouraged to stand their ground on what is right, yet be self-aware enough not to pick the fight themselves. Not always easy in the heat of the moment.

      Reply

    • acotrel says:

      11:09am | 23/11/10

      When my son was bullied at high school, the main instigator had an older brother in jail, and ended up with the cops following himself.  A young kid cannot cope with that sort of low life.  It’s up to the parents to settle the situation at the risk of ending up in court. I went to the school and spoke to the Principal - a nice waste of time that was.  Affirmative action - that’s what’s needed! This is now the cult of the individual - fix it yourself.

      Reply

    • acotrel says:

      11:12am | 23/11/10

      I wonder whether the My School web site will ever have an a nti-bullying web forum? Name ‘em and shame’em could be a good go!

      Reply

    • Timmuh says:

      05:15pm | 23/11/10

      I suspect you fail to underastand bully mentality. Naming them would smple allow them to think themselves heroes. The whole thing, consciously or not, is largely to prove to themselves and everyobne else that they are worth more than everyone else - most would see being named as being famed.

    • Anne71 says:

      12:42pm | 23/11/10

      Oh, I can sympathise with little Katie. I was teased and bullied pretty much right through school because I was one of the “smart kids” who was more interested in science and history (yes, and sci-fi!)  than clothes and boys.  I still remember to this day one of the “cool girls” telling me that the boys didn’t like me because I was a “brain” and that if I wanted a boyfriend I had to pretend to be dumb.  You can imagine my response to that.
      The ironic thing is that quite a few of the “cool girls” ended up single mums before they turned 20, and most of them haven’t left the town we grew up in.  Face it - cool kids peak in high school. The geeks and nerds go on to bigger and better things.

      Reply

    • R says:

      12:54pm | 23/11/10

      “or because he had a crush on one of the girls”
      Just be careful promoting this belief that boys are violent toward girls they like - it contributes to girls dating boys who abuse them

      Reply

    • carriegoldman says:

      01:10pm | 23/11/10

      Hi!  I am Katie’s mom, and I am amazed by the support she is receiving around the world.  Thank you so much for continuing the dialogue about the slippery slope from teasing to bullying.  All the best, Carrie Goldman
      http://www.chicagonow.com/blogs/portrait_of_an_adoption/

      Reply

    • acotrel says:

      03:48am | 24/11/10

      carriegoldman, your kid is in danger of under achieving just to appear ‘normal’.  You should be prepared to change her school if the harassment doesn’t cease in the near future!  I have two kids who are professionals.  My second son is an engineer, my daughter is a lawyer.  I’m a scientist (industrial chemist) myself.  My son who was bullied, became a chef, and now works as a supermarket manager.  Which is OK, but I feel he hasn’t reached his full potential.  The bullying can do real damage! It was a bit sad that my first son entered such an appalling trade.  He was bullied at school then found the same thing in the workplace.  It’s made him an angry person, and it’s very dangerous to try and oppress him these days!

    • DocBud says:

      01:54pm | 23/11/10

      I find it inappropriate when parents feel free to parade or discuss their children in the media, be it visual, audio or written. Children are entitled to privacy and cannot, at 5 years old, give informed consent. Taj should not have his indiscretions and character broadcast for all to see, particularly by the person he should most be able to trust to protect him.

      Especially egregious are those parents and supposed medical professionals who use dysfunctional children to get on the telly. I look forward to a time in the future, once the children have grown up, when these people are sued for the harm that they caused the children by abusing their positions of trust and displaying the children’s inadequacies for all the world to see.

      Reply

    • scott the realist says:

      03:15pm | 23/11/10

      Bullying or finding and defining your role within a group is practised by every species on earth and has been genetically hardwired into us so that we may survive the trials and tributes of life, it weeded out the weak and made society and group stronger, but we as Humans think we are better than nature, and therefore we support aid and fund inferiority. It is up to the individual t stand against this or perish it is nature and will no change

      Reply

    • Chris L says:

      07:49pm | 23/11/10

      How do you feel about being one of those that would be selected for extinction?

    • Duff says:

      03:29pm | 23/11/10

      I’ll bet most of the perpetrators of bullying end up being losers in life, while the bullied often come out ahead.  I feel like I’ve seen this over and over in life.  Most of the professionals i’ve worked with are studious, fair minded individuals who have a great deal of empathy and strong communication skills.  The one-eyed bully types, used to forcing their way on others, often get left well behind when they find their infantile skills are useless in the modern world.

      Reply

    • Chris L says:

      07:52pm | 23/11/10

      Probably true Duff. In school I alternated between being a bully and being bullied. Now my life is neither great nor terrible. At least there is balance.

      I do often wish I had the chance to apologise to one particular individual for the way I treated him, but hopefully he’ll already be putting me to shame.

    • acotrel says:

      07:44am | 24/11/10

      The trouble is that employers often promote sociopaths, whom they believe will exercise control.  The bullies find their place in middle management! -  A good kick in the nuts works wonders!

    • Mikeymike says:

      04:27pm | 23/11/10

      I have a five year old son who is dealing with a bully at school.  The bully gets caught, is made to apologise and then goes off and bullies some other poor kid.  I’ll be having words with his teacher on Friday. 

      If that doesn’t bear fruit I’ll be going to visit the parents.

      As luck would have it, my son has also started martial arts training.  It sounded like a great way for the two of us to bond with a new activity for both of us.  Sounds like it may come in handy.

      Reply

    • stephen says:

      07:45pm | 23/11/10

      Ignoring a bully will turn you into a nerd, I think, and it may be best to react any which way you can.
      Children can be cruel, but i think this water-bottle matter is quite feeble.
      A bit better guidance by parents would have sufficed rather than making a show of it all.

      Reply

    • Bruce says:

      11:27pm | 23/11/10

      The uncool kids at high school quickly become the cool kids and the interesting adults.

      Reply

    • acotrel says:

      03:53am | 24/11/10

      ‘“There seems to be a degree of pack mentality among young males,” he wrote.

      His words echoed those of Carrie Goldman, about the “vulnerability and insecurity” of some boys.’

      Most of them are what is known as ‘chicken sh*t’!!  And it’s a reflection on their parents!

      Reply

    • Mum says:

      07:54am | 24/11/10

      I have an interesting dilemma and wouldn’t mind some advice.

      Is a Year 7 High School child ‘obligated’ to have a year peer as a close friend.  What right does a child have to say no to another kid who wants to be part of a group and who regularly hounds them but who doesn’t fit in (and they have tried) and who has indicated that he refuses to take NO for an answer to be a close friend . 

      At the end of the day if the group rejects the child it can be seen as bullying but is there an obligation for people to HAVE TO accept somebody as a friend if they do not enjoy their company and do not want to hang with them for the 6 years of high school life as it will ruin their days?

      If the child continues to persue the friendship when it has been made clear that he should hang with his other friends and he gets told to go away etc - whose fault is it?

      Reply
 
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