As a rugby union fan this is something I have wanted to say for many years and this experiment in discussing the merits of the code is really an excuse to get it off my chest. I can’t stand rugby league.

Forwards training for the real contest of rugby by scrum training with a tractor

It is just a bunch of meatheads running into each other repeatedly for 80 minutes. Most games are low-scoring affairs with extended periods of shuffling the ball up the pitch 30 yards before kicking it to the other team. And then it starts again.

For some reason the TV commentators treat this kind of action as if every bloke running into another bloke is the most exciting thing they have seen since the bike Santa left for them when they were five. They use the vocabulary of five-year-olds too.

And as for AFL - which I once heard described as the only sport in the world where you get points for missing - I remember the shock of the first time I went to a game at Subiaco and realised the people at the other end looked like ants.

There is something seriously wrong with a game played on a pitch so large that it requires almost enough officials to make up another team and they need semaphore to communicate. The vast expanse of the playing area also means as a spectator you may as well take out a newspaper when, as happens every few minutes, the ball gets tied up at one end haplessly bobbling around as 20 guys make fools of themselves trying to pick it up.

And what, please tell me, is with those ludicrously affected hand gestures from the goal umpires?

I’ll admit that the past couple of years have been pretty ordinary for rugby union. Games regularly descended into farcical kickfests, teams playing for territory and then hoping for a penalty in range of their out-half’s boot.

But a tiny tweak to refereeing guidelines has given rugby back its game. This year the games in the Super 14 have been almost universally pulsating affairs. Every weekend there are a few 50-point-plus games.

Rugby has everything that league and AFL don’t – a ground small enough so everyone can watch it, physical contest, serious and subtle tactics, individual brilliance, and a range of skills required.

There is no comparable experience in spectator ball sports to the moment your team has a lineout near the goal line, the big second rowers collect the ball and the forwards pile in and 10,000 people or more let rip a full-throated roar as the maul powers for the line. The fans become part of the team.

On individual and team level, rugby offers the greatest physical contests. It’s beyond me why league persists with the charade of its alleged “scrums”, which are essentially a group hug through which the ball is casually rolled and calmly collected a few feet away before the forwards give each other a kiss and run back 10 yards.

A union scrum is one of many key contests but can often be a deciding factor in a game, and it involves 900kg of mongrel crashing into another 900kg of mongrel and then having a real contest for the ball.

While try-scoring runs and deft passing make for passages of play that are unrivalled in beauty, it’s the non-stop contest for the ball that makes rugby union a sport that can produce 80 minutes of non-stop action and why relentless forwards like Phil Waugh and Richie McCaw are among the sport’s most feared and revered players.

Fans who talk about it being the game played in heaven need to get their heads out of the clouds and make the case for the game down on the ground. In fact many so-called rugby fans have a depressingly snobbish attitude to the basic enjoyment of the game as a live spectator sport. This was appallingly evidenced when I watched the Wallabies play Scotland on a cold Sydney night in 2004 - there wasn’t a sound from the crowd at the kick-off, and in fact there were some harrumphs and even some shushing when we indulged in a bit of cheering.

As Penbo points out today we were probably interrupting their discussion of a column in that morning’s Australian Financial Review. Rugby fans need to learn to welcome - even encourage - a bit of joshing ratbaggery in the crowd. It makes for a better night out.

Fair enough, there are usually a few trust-fund kids running around in any top rugby team. But in many countries it is a game for many country kids and chaps who’d be on the wrong side of the tracks if it wasn’t for this sport that requires a combination of natural ability, skill, teamwork and mongrel.

I fully expect to take a shellacking in this experiment given union has the quietest fans of the three codes. But I shall be taking notes to help with gentle reminders of the treachery when the gold jerseys come out during next year’s rugby world cup.

Follow me on Twitter: @colgo

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25 comments

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    • Castro says:

      07:14am | 22/03/10

      Colgo, as you are a man who has previously outed himself as someone who watches Sex in the City, it comes as no surprise you don’t like Rugby League.

      Everyone knows that the best sports are, in order; League, Cricket, Horse Racing, Union and then daylight to Baseball, Soccer, Gridiron, every other sport ever invented (synchronised swimming, European Handball, Underwater Hockey etc etc) and then, finally, stone motherless last, Aussie Rules.

    • Pete the footy fan...almost all codes says:

      07:59am | 22/03/10

      methinks Castro protests a little too loudly….AfL is the sh*t, admit it Castro…

    • Adam Diver says:

      07:42am | 22/03/10

      If Rugby got rid of the three point penalties and drop goals it would seriously improve the game. Why they persist so we get to see goal-kickers taking free shots constantly is beyond me.

      Quick facts for the weekend:
      34 penaltie goals scored
      2 drop kicks scored

      Thats 108 points out of 274 or 40%. Thats the equivalent of 2 spot kicks out of every 5 goals in soccer.

      Also that doesnt include the free shots taken but were missed.

    • Chris Rhyss says:

      08:25am | 22/03/10

      As someone who played both union and league for more years (and beers) than I care to remember I have absolutely no qualms with publicly stating that we needed to be fitter, tougher and smarter to play rugby. I’m not saying NRL players are trogladytes, just that rugby is more of a thinking man’s game where we literally had to be thinking on the run whilst watching their backs etc which is far more physically demanding than NRL. Having said that, Im looking forward to watching my first Bronco’s live game this Sunday!

    • Sean says:

      08:27am | 22/03/10

      Ignore the Philistines Penbo, you are correct Rugby is only sport worth playing or watching, especially after the new rule interpretations.

      At most I can sit through a State of Origin like any proud Queenslander but watching the NRL bores me senseless. AFL and soccer I flick across if nothing else is on.

      As a country rugby player and supporter I can say that we are the poor cousins of league and AFL up here in FNQ and it is certainly not a toffs sport.

    • Sean says:

      09:54am | 22/03/10

      oops that should be Colgo not Penbo, my bad

    • BULMKT says:

      08:53am | 22/03/10

      What ever happened to running rugby?
      The modern game is boring.
      Who was the genius who introduced 3 pts for penalties and field goals? That killed the game as you now kick to victory. If I want to watch a kicking to victory sport I’d watch AFL or soccer.
      The only form of rugby that’s worth watching is Rugby 7’s. It has the missing ingredient - tries and plenty of them.

    • Ryan says:

      09:18am | 22/03/10

      The sport is not “AFL”
      Thats the national pro league of Australian Football or Australian rules for the foreigners.
      You make a fool of yourself every time you refer to the sport as “AFL”.
      Do we call Association Football (soccer/football) FIFA?????

    • Markus says:

      09:50am | 22/03/10

      Absolutely love Rugby, always have.
      It is the true ‘game for all body types’, and the only one of the 3 codes that has a legitimate international competition.
      Some of the greatest matches I have seen didn’t even involve my beloved Wallabies. Watching Fiji knock Wales out of the last World Cup, then almost beating the Springboks in the QF was almost as good as watching the Wallabies hoist the Webb Ellis Cup back in ‘99.

      Rugby has been its own worst enemy in terms of exposure though. In Sydney and Brisbane the school age competitions are exclusively for the private GPS schools.
      Canberra is the only place I have found where the public clubs and the school teams play in the same competition, and it is no surprise that it is the only place where Rugby dominates local sports coverage.

    • BULMKT says:

      10:20am | 22/03/10

      Rugby Union
      A rugby referee died and went to heaven. Stopped by St Peter at the gates he was told that only brave people who had performed heroic deeds and had the courage of their convictions could enter. If the ref could describe a situation in his life where he had shown these characteristics, he would be allowed in.
      “Well,” said the ref, “I was reffing a game between the Queensland Reds and New South Wales Waratahs at Suncorp Stadium. Queensland were 2 points ahead, 1 minute to go. The New South Wales wing made a break, passed inside to his lock. The lock was driven on by his forwards, passed out to the flanker who ducked blind and went over in the corner. However, the flanker dropped the ball before he could ground it, and as New South Wales were clearly the better side all game, I ruled that he had dropped the ball down, not forward, and awarded the try.”
      “OK, that was fairly brave of you, but I will have to check it in the book.” says Peter, and disappears to look it up. When he comes back he says “Sorry, there is no record of this. Can you help me to trace it? When did all this happen?”
      The ref looked at his watch and replied “45 seconds ago.”

    • Paul Colgan

      Paul Colgan says:

      10:43am | 22/03/10

      Excellent

    • Sally Loane says:

      10:30am | 22/03/10

      Colgo - congratulations, you have defined what we love about rugby - the physicality and the great contests, that no other football code can match. Oh, and the International Tests when you really get a prickle on the back of your neck singing the national anthem, and listening to the others - whether you’re irish, Australian, French or even a Jaapie. And I have a secret crush on the New zealand national anthem too. Let all rusted-ons rejoice in our game, and Go The Tahs!

    • Nafe says:

      10:56am | 22/03/10

      I couldn’t have said it better. Even the Go the Tahs bit smile

    • Huntzie says:

      10:47am | 22/03/10

      Thought you’d take a broom handle to the wasps’ nest did you, Colgo? Interesting that, with the enforcement of the tackler rolling away law, rugby now looks more like rugby league. Also worth noting the impact Lote is making back in league after a season of doing nothing on the wing for the Waratahs. What does that say?

    • Helen says:

      06:42pm | 22/03/10

      It says that Lote Tuqiri (while brilliant) couldn’t change his rugby style and he became predictable so all the other teams worked out how to keep him down. When he switched to league, all he needed was brute strength, but having that extra dash of rugby finesse makes him friggin’ shine.

    • Dick J says:

      10:52am | 22/03/10

      I watch my young 10 yo play rugby. There is really not a better game for young boys. Pushing, shoving, wrestling, running, passing, laughing & teamwork. Schoolboy rugby is about as pure as it gets. Rugby is a game firstly to play . Once played appreciation comes for the game.
      There is a part of each game at which one can excel hence there is is a place and position for everyone. Even for Dad who has a run with the ‘golden oldies’ from time to time.

      I don’t agree with the private GPS only thought. Every club has a juniors and the subbies comp in Sydney is huge.

    • EJ says:

      11:07am | 22/03/10

      My son played union & was selected for state schoolboy team. We love the game. Sadly he busted his arm so badly he had to give it up.

    • jack says:

      09:36pm | 22/03/10

      boring rugby every time they fom a scrum players sit down for 5min to tie there boot laces up.
      then there is the penalty try, a scrum forms on the 10mtr line, opposing halfback rushes into smother the ball opps penalty try awarded what a load of rubbish.
      and last of many,  the worst rule of all advantage mostly given inside the 25mtr line, imagine if I was a referee who loves a bet

    • David says:

      12:00pm | 22/03/10

      I laugh when people complain about the 3 point penalties - they were first introduced when points were first introduced! Before that, I am fairly sure that games were decided by how many kicks were landed, hence why a try is named thus.

      Rugby is the superior code in my eyes; I grew up with it, my heroes were All Blacks players. Nothing was as thrilling as watching a Bledisloe Cup match or going to the old Rugby Park in Hamilton to watch our Waikato team defend the Ranfurly Shield. When I moved to Australia, I saw my first live game of rugby league at Suncorp and I can say it was much more exciting to watch union rather than league - you can nod off for 5 minutes in a game of league and not really miss much. It’s fun to play and watch, but rugby is streets ahead. Even the kickfests!

    • Steph says:

      12:46pm | 22/03/10

      Being a rugby man (and referee)  born & living in the southern states, my exposure to aerial ping pong is highly developed. I grew up on Aussie rules but moved across to Union whilst playing for school. My initial reason was because they sent us to NZ to play, but 20 years later I’m still heavily involved.

      The wallabies jersey is one of only a few items recognised worlwide as Australian, especially near Austria (where you really need it), and watching the Wallabies play at any choice of places around the world kept this homesick individual sane for a great many years.

      In Aust you may have experienced quiet spectators, but having been on the ground in Melbourne during the long past British Lions tour, I can assure you it was loud, as we had to abandon all audible communications protocols due to the spectator noise.

      I certainly love sports and do like an entertaining game of Aussie rules, (sorry Leaguies, I think your game is dead boring), but nothing for me compares to a full blooded game of union, whether it is between two local schools here in Melbourne or a 6 Nations game held in Cardiff.

    • Rin says:

      12:57pm | 22/03/10

      The only true international winter footy code in Australia, it is also the only sport that can be played by any body shape, fat, thin, tall, short that is why it has got a general world wide appeal. Rugby world cup 2007 was the third most watched sporting event after the olympics and soccer world cup.

    • Andrew says:

      01:23pm | 22/03/10

      Davo thought he’d try his luck down in the big smoke after a cracka of a season for the GLen Innes Rams. He threw his swag and his boots in the ute and headed off to see if he could get a game down at Easts in Sydney (he’d heard from his mate there were a few boys from the bush down there).

      Davo gets to Sydney and drives across the harbour Bridge only to get a little confused around William St. He pulls over, winds down the window and leans out to talk to what he thought was a rather glamorously dressed young lady but before he can speak she says;
      “Hi luv, you looking for a date”.
      Davo always thought he looked pretty good but had seldom if ever been approached by a women before midnight at a B & S.
      “Sure am” says Davo and in to the ute jumps the young lady in question.
      Wanting to get the deal done quickly she grabs Davo’s hand and places it on her inner thigh and says; “have you ever felt really good”,
      Davo a bit taken aback says “my oath I have, last year in the first grade cricket final for Glenn Innes there was one ball left and I was facing Beamer Johnson needing six runs to win. Well in steams Beamer and throws down a ball quicker than a flash flood. The crowds screaming Davo! Davo! Davo! I smack the ball back over the bowlers head for six. That felt pretty good.”

      The girl shakes her head and moves Davo’s hand further up her inner thigh and says; “Davo, have you ever felt sensational”
      “My oath” says Davo, “about six months later I was playing for the Rams against Moree in the rugby grand final. We needed a convertedd try to win and it was the last play of the game. The crowd was shouting, Get it to Davo! Get it to Davo! The ball spills out the back of the ruck and the half spies me running down the centre of the field, he throws a top pass that hits me right on the chest. I step the five eigth, chip the fullback and carry the No 8 and open side flanker over the line to score under the posts. That felt sensational!”

      Clearly exasperated the lady of the night grabs Davo’s hand and places it fairly and squarely on the old map of Tassy and says: “Well, have you ever felt a c***”

      Davo’s snaps back: “my oath, I missed the goal!”.

    • Scoop says:

      03:04pm | 22/03/10

      Colgo, I grew up playing union but over past years have fallen out of love. So much kicking.  But union can be beautiful - check out Gareth Edwards’ try for the Barbarians v All Black in 1973. Not that is a try.
      Re the Haka—dare I say it, the Haka is arguably the best thing in international sport. It sends a shiver down my spine EVERY time I see it. Brrrr.

    • John Ryan says:

      05:29pm | 22/03/10

      Reading some of these comments you gotta laugh if Rugby Union is such a wonderful all round exciting game,wheres the FTA cover,union battles to beat u/20s RL on Pay,and hes your banker.
      As for when the AFL/NRL season starts rugby union drops back to oblivion or about number no 16 or 37 on the Pay TV ratings,its a bloody boring game gents,and hangs on because of old school snobbery and the GPS/Upper class thing,let League into the GPS and see what happens

    • KLM says:

      08:52pm | 28/06/10

      It is an international sort played by most of the world unlike AFL and League which are mostly white games played in Australia. If you’re not white you will soon find out this very long and old truth. Ask the Mundine family and their dead relatives.

 

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