Are there four syllables in the English language to strike fear into the hearts of men and women across Australia than – high school reunion. Hell, that’s five syllables. There you go – I was no good at either English or maths. And I just know everyone I went to school with knows it.


Panic grips you in the days before the reunion. Just what the hell have I been doing with my life? How can I spin it so I appear successful/rich/happy? I call this the Romy and Michele Method (after the movie Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion starring Mira Sorvino and Lisa Kudrow who decide to make up a life for themselves at their reunion as the inventors of Post-it Notes.

Or maybe the high school reunion is a perfect chance for a cheap group therapy session and calls for four hours of brutal honesty. Why pay a shrink several thousand dollars when for fifty bucks you can, over ten beers and some bad finger food, cut to the chase, strip back your life to its foundations and expose just what you have become and who you really are. And all this with the people who deep down know you the best – your old school friends (and enemies).

When I arrive I’m sure I have never laid eyes on half of the men here. Some are fat, some bald but with fashionably shaved heads, some bald but trying to disguise it, some just, well, just frighteningly old.

There’s a slick guy who’s turned up like a Gold Coast property developer in a black Maserati perving on the waitresses. Another in boardshorts and sneakers who’s just come from an early evening surf. The cancer research specialists. The conservative accountants and lawyers. The drug dealer. The loaded merchant banker. The down and out NIDA graduate. The quiet family man who is now living with a 23 year old boyfriend. And the most thuggish mediocre boy at school who is now an overweight Senior Counsel at the bar.

And then there was me, the inventor of Post-it Notes. What sort of school would produce such a diverse group?

For my sins, my parents sent me to a prestigious boys’ private school – Sydney Grammar. Founded in 1854, it’s a school with its roots firmly in the liberal classical traditions of 19th Century England and is one of Sydney’s GPS - Greater Public – not private – Schools. Each capital city will have a school just like it. Melbourne Grammar, Brisbane Grammar, St Peter’s College in Adelaide, Christ Church Grammar School in Perth.

It’s a school that prides itself on academic achievement and its old boys are known for a certain laconic aristocratic air if not an arrogant self-regard (did I mention Malcolm Turnbull is an old boy?) which is hopefully tempered by a self-deprecating wit.

Having said all that, there’d be plenty of people who would think Grammar is a school for rich stuck-up pricks.

Maybe the truth lies somewhere in between.

But for everyone who sees us as pathetic elitists, here are two facts to consider. One, Sydney Grammar has produced more Australian Test cricketers than any other school. And two, 1740 old boys volunteered for the First World War, of which 299 died. You’ll find a similar story in World War Two.

The older I get, the more stupid shallow people I meet, in government, in the media, in bureaucracy (mostly in positions of great power) the more I think that maybe the ideas of my classical education that are so flippantly derided as being old-fashioned today are not quite so contemptible.

George Orwell, who was an old boy of Eton said just before he died that the school had one great virtue, “and that is a tolerant and civilised atmosphere which gives each boy a chance of developing a fair individuality.”

My reunion showed me that I went to a similar school where you were not designed to emerge as a nicely wrapped uniform product but rather a rough-around-the-edges young man on the way to being a decent man in full.

And it also made something very clear to me about education. We shouldn’t be sending our kids to school to fill them up with facts and figures, French verbs and Romantic poets but rather to teach them to think critically, independently for themselves.

As W.B Yeats once said: “Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire.”

Let that fire burn, in every school across Australia.

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13 comments

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    • AFR says:

      07:52am | 06/11/09

      For the life of me, I have absolutely no idea why people would go to one of these. Its like a play-date for 40 year olds.

    • BT says:

      08:24am | 06/11/09

      I thoroughly enjoyed my high school reunion. The thing to remember is that everyone feels the pressure - but have faith in people! No one wants to go there seeing you down and out (having said that, the down and outers don’t usually turn up anyway). All that hierarchy pretty much goes out the window and people just want to see you making the most out of your life. If you aren’t, people are sympathetic and supportive. I found it very theraputic actually! People mature (hopefully) and those that don’t, well, who cares?
      As regards to your comments on education, I agree. It wasn’t until university that I realised how poor the education system here in Australia was. Not through the lack of dedication of the teachers as I believe for the most part they do a great job, but it is the institutionalisation of education is the problem (although if we didn’t create drone workers for the future - who would do the “dirty” work?).

    • Jack says:

      09:16am | 06/11/09

      Nice to know that being a Sydneian doesn’t automatically turn you into a dickhead later in life.

    • julia says:

      10:03am | 06/11/09

      High school reunions are fantastic levelers. The failures have become successes and the successes have had their failures.

    • David C says:

      10:41am | 06/11/09

      I have my 30 year reunion in 1 week, it was a Sydney state school for boys. It was a very diverse group of boys to say the least.
      Its going to be great and I cant wait!!!  These are guys I spent 6 years of my life with, 6 very formative years. There are shared experiences, old bonds and I imagine some great new stories to be told. 
      These are guys that I rumbled with, played with, fought with and grew up with; there will be guys there that have been in jail, guys going to jail, professors, a restaurant crtiic from Tokyo, a park ranger from the NT, artists, multi-millionaires and guys probably doing it very tough. There will be success stories and failures, family guys and divorced guys and guys who just never grew up. We will miss guys that are no longer with us.
      Its something I wouldnt miss for quids and for that short period I will just be that guy from the playground again!!

    • McDil says:

      11:02am | 06/11/09

      “On the values of cricket, the Victorians often said, the entire edifice of Christian civilisation could be built.”

      I think producing more Test cricketers plays right into the ‘pathetic elitism’ you’re trying to disprove, doesn’t it?

    • BT says:

      11:06am | 06/11/09

      That’s right David C. It’s the spirit in which you go that counts. You don’t realise how much your school buddies mean to you (and how much you meant to them) until you go back. No one cares if you are a “success” or not (success is how you define it anyway) they really just want the pleasure of your company.

    • Adam Hill says:

      04:14pm | 06/11/09

      I’m also going to our highschool’s 30 year reunion with DC next week. I’ve been fortunate enough to have been involved in organising both our 20th and 30th reunions and can honestly say it’s a wonderful experience. The greatest memory of our 20th reunion was everyone smiling, laughing and bonding like old lost friends. Any pre-conceived fears “of where your at in life” were quickly dashed in the first round of beers. The occassion may only last a few hours but the mateship lasts a life time.

    • regina says:

      05:36pm | 06/11/09

      well the guys i knew at uni who went to sydney grammar were rich stuck-up pricks and pathetic elitists.

      i guess they must have been the exception.

    • Ziggy says:

      04:07pm | 07/11/09

      Well I can beat that, my school going back to 1824 and producing all sorts of international sportsmen, 2 Nobel prize winners (literature and medicine) etc, etc. My class of 30 produced 9 Professors and assorted sporting,business success and failure stories. So what. The 50th Reunion takes place in Feb and a third of the class are already dead. Our lot though were bolshy and accomplished much because the school has always tried to ‘light that fire’ - and we are closer now than ever. A really supportive network for which we are all really appreciative. And it was a state school where the wealth of your parents counted for nought.

    • Jolanda says:

      04:36pm | 07/11/09

      Plumpton High School had their 30 year reunion last week.  I attended the school so I attended the reunion with my husband - so that he could drive.  We were the first year at the school as the school was new,  something that I didn’t like as I had wanted to go to high school and have the older kids there plus my older brother and sister were at Mt Druitt High and I wanted to go there as it was 5 minute walking distance to Mt Druitt and to get to Plumpton I had to catch a bus and it was a 20 minute trip.  I was never good at getting up early and was constantly missing the bus and late.  In any event I had so much fun at the reunion seeing old friends and catching up.  I heard that some people didn’t come because they still haven’t recovered.  Personally I cannot remember all that much of the petty stuff at school as we are all adults now and that was then and this is now.  Everytime I think about the reunion it puts a smile on my face.  What I did find interesting is that my closest friends still remember me as the girl who wouldn’t tolerate bullying and would stand up for those who were being bullied and/or treated unfairly.  People do not change.

      Education - Keeping them Honest
      http://jolandachallita.typepad.com/education/
      Our children deserve better

    • Lisa says:

      09:23pm | 07/11/09

      My dear relative was a senior member of Sydney Boys’ Grammar teaching staff. His general level of intellect (Professor of two subjects) and his level of expectations for his students put my own country government school education not in the shade, but in complete and utter darkness.

    • stephen says:

      10:53pm | 07/11/09

      My dear, forget the apostrophe on ‘boys’.

 

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