Revealed! The secret Bob and Julia tapes

Andrew says:

07:12am | 26/08/10

Hilarious! Is Wayne Swan actually curtsying?

Alwis curtsy when necessary says:

07:58am | 26/08/10

Checked!

“Can I say to this nation, this very great nation, I will alwis, alwis encourage Wayno to curtsy to those we temporarily need to slurp up to.  Can I also say that although so many people of this very great nation did not want me as your Prime Minister because they do not trust my conniving cabal, and certainly I do not trust Mark to face the public on QANDA, yes, I am, and always will, encourage and trust, and never stab, our newfound and most respected, honourable Bob. Almighty Bob. We must all curtsy. Wayno, you little ripper Wayno.  For this day, I also strongly commit to ensuring that my Tim will not run any red lights in my taxpayer funded vehicle.  That would not be a good example for me, as your Prime Minister and Education specialist, not a good look for the very great children of this very great nation. 
Can I also say and thank the Lord for me and Kevvie getting together and losing Queensland.  Can I also say that it will alwis be most useful to slurp up to Kevvie, my honourable and trusting friend, Kevvie.  This great nation may soon witness Stephen’s curtsy to Kevvie but there is one curtsy I do not want this very great nation to witness, and that is Bill’s curtsy to Quentin.”

Nicole says:

08:29am | 26/08/10

Gold Eric!!! Swan looks like he’s about to kiss his hand *cringe*. Jooolya’s all gooey and gushy. Those two are gunna sell their souls at any cost.

Tom says:

08:58am | 26/08/10

That photo just made my day, thanks Eric. Great article Joe, there is truth in jest.

T.Chong says:

09:34am | 26/08/10

Nicole. No winner yet, but I’m sure that wont stop us honoring the wager.
$ 20 for Starlight (nsw kiddies charity) on the way.  Good karma .
   

Mayday says:

10:29am | 26/08/10

Saw the photo in the Australian and laughed.
The absolute lack of eye contact between the two is striking.
Katter looks like he wants to go and wash his hands and Swan looks as though he thinks he should go and wash his hands for the parties sake.
The briefcase acting like a shield against the Goose and Julia looking like a proud mum getting her boys together after a stink.  Classic photo.

Nicole says:

10:32am | 26/08/10

T. Chong, I was only thinking that this morning. And that’s where mine is going too, Starlight foundation. Great minds think alike. There is a winner, the kids. 

Clem says:

11:03am | 26/08/10

Is that a two-fingered Masonic secret handshake Swan’s employing? Hope he knows the secret password.

James1 says:

03:44pm | 26/08/10

I am so very, very glad that at least T Chong and Nicole have managed to salvage something out of this terrible election.  Thanks guys for the silver lining on this cloud that (both literally and figuratively) sits over Canberra at the moment.

Julie Coker-Godson says:

06:24pm | 26/08/10

Hahahahahahahah….hehehehehe Thanks for that.

Nicole says:

09:43pm | 26/08/10

I honored my commitment. The winners in this election are the kids. I gave a little bit more though. I was going to see Rodney Rude tonight, but I thought my money could be better spent. Hey, if I want to hear all the profanities conceivable, all I have to do is start cleaning my oven!
And I did email Lucy with my receipt. Regardless of what anyone thinks, I am very true to my word. God bless all those little angels.

Nicole says:

08:18am | 26/08/10

Maybe a little, but I reckon he seriously thinks he’s J.R. Ewing. The prospect of these three stooges holding the cards is frightening!!!

Joan says:

08:33am | 26/08/10

Right on. Nicole, with every utterance they reveal an act equal to the three Stooges. After yesterdays performance- they outdid the original , Curly,Moe, Harry….act-  who would ever waste their vote on an Independent !!! I thought that before now confirmed by action on live TV.

Markus says:

10:17am | 26/08/10

Joan
I’m actually of the opposite opinion. The more they talk, the more I wish my electorate had a candidate that wasn’t just another spineless member of Labor or Liberal that only ever votes on the party line, and lives in their hidey-hole 35 out of 36 months only to arise and pretend to give a stuff what anyone thinks for the 3 weeks before each election.

Clem says:

11:09am | 26/08/10

Or Major Kong from Dr Strangelove (the one who rode the A-bomb).

http://www.imdb.com/media/rm3357313792/ch0158903

David Livingstone says:

03:47pm | 26/08/10

I’m with Markus. Rob Oakeshott is the first Australian politician in living memory with a vision of what our government might evolve to. The candidate I favoured picked the wrong party. Would that they were ALL independent.

James1 says:

03:48pm | 26/08/10

Indeed Nicole.  If we thought the agrarian socialists were bad, Katter actually left them because they were not agrarian socialist enough.  Scary stuff.  On the upside, could be entertaining.

Farkurnell says:

10:21pm | 26/08/10

If these guys are the 3 stooges. I’d say Warren & Barnaby are Dumb N Dumber.

Nicole says:

05:34pm | 27/08/10

Have you been asleep Farkurnell? Look no further than Labor’s front bench. You have dumb, dumber, dumbier, even dumbier than dumbier and dumbest. And then theres even more dumber than dumbest! Get my drift?

Sherekahn says:

09:12am | 26/08/10

There are some Dinkum Aussies left but they’re not found in the City Sludge.  In the sludge, you get what wallows in it.
Thanks Joe, for bringing some humour back to “The Punch.”

Rob r Charteris says:

10:57am | 26/08/10

Your “In New England and Lyne the ALP vote was a mere 8% and 13% respectively” ranting has to be the most lamed brain analogy I have ever heard. Fact is, in Lynne 47.14% and in New England 62.28% of the vote went to the independents not the conservative. Even in Kennedy the independent has 47.28% of the vote way clear of the conservative. And let remember these independents walk out of the ties to the Nationals taking with them their (supposedly in your mind) conservative voters. If they were conservatives they would vote that way fact is they aren’t irrespective of the ALP vote count in those electorates. I think you just angry your lil rAbbott wasn’t able to gain a mandate to govern. So what does a snivelling lib do he/she fires out any cheap shot she can muster. The reality is the only one dropping her pants is you

Nicole says:

01:08pm | 26/08/10

Rob I do worry for you. This is what the people in all three of the independents electorates have to say to them http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/election/support-abbott-voters-demand/story-fn5zm695-1225910116166
It’s going to be political suicide for them if they don’t listen. They have been sent a very clear message.

Rob r Charteris says:

01:56pm | 26/08/10

Nicole says:01:08pm; A poll taken of 600 people, from the 232099 voters, across their 3 home electorates… wow! your right!!! throw them out of office for thinking they could cross 0.0026% sample of their electorate.

Gregg says:

02:12pm | 26/08/10

Dash,
ust look upon it all as a better fun ride than the election itself.
It does show that we can nearly run the country without a parliament anyway, like
We’re still racking up debt.
The boats are still coming and plenty more motels that’ll love some long term leasing.
The power stations still have plenty of coal to burn
Some good rainfalls and so absolutely nothing to worry about and we get to see some Pollies performing as only they can and some good media coverage to go with it.
PS. You even get the likes of Rob as a side show!

TimB says:

02:17pm | 26/08/10

*headdesk*

Rob, statistics fail.

First off, a basic mathematical error- 600 voters from 232,099 = 0.26%. not 0.0026%. Decimal points are tricky things, I know.

Second of all most national electoral polls are what? 1000 people? 2000? Out of lets say 14 million voters. That gives us at best, a sample popluation of 0.014%. Yet that didn’t stop you from crowing every time Labor led a poll in the election lead-up.

Thirdly, this is a *sample*. Chosen to indicate general trends within a *whole* population. Yet here you are claiming that the people in the sample are the only ones the MP’s would be defying the wishes of. SImplistic and misleading rubbish.

Fourthly, and more importantly, we had a far more accurate poll done just recently. It was called an ELECTION. You may have heard of it. Look at where the majority of second preferences for the elected candidates went in these electorates. I guarantee you it wasn’t Labor.

Those electorates are Liberal leaning. I know it, you know it, the whole country knows it. Had those independents not been running, we’d be reading about Prime Minister Tony Abbott in the newspapers today.

TheRealDave says:

04:50pm | 26/08/10

this ‘sample’ wasn’t found by the same mob who found the ‘sample’ n Rooty Hill was it??

TimB says:

08:29pm | 26/08/10

Dave, try reading my fourth point please.Then have a think about how silly you sound.

KE says:

05:06pm | 27/08/10

TimB - I think I love you.

A Bob (not The Bob) says:

10:57am | 26/08/10

‘tis strange alright. And this is after the Hitchens article where the righties commented about how nasty the lefties are towards their own when they dare to leave the fold.

Briliiant article Joe, one of your best efforts.

Rob r Charteris says:

10:59am | 26/08/10

Not to mention the rats scambling around on rAbbott costings to Treasury boat… I smell and infestation, your lil hero is a coming undone ;  )

Steve says:

11:15am | 26/08/10

@jb; Well a good point indeed jb. All very slimly turned around in the true style of right wing politics. I do suspect there is more than one so called “RAT” on-board but not in regards to where you’re directing the comments towards. After all it was Howard who in one of his first acts when coming to power in 96 with the help of the racist vote from Hanson preferences. Sacked all department heads of the public service and placed his own hand picked people. Hello Mr Gretch!! Well we have found one without to much trouble but how many more very good point!! But we would have to think it is in relation to the numbers and the costings for sure, as Tony does not have the credentials to take them on faith and seems to get very edgy whenever they are mentioned or scrutinised. But he is much like his mentor their JWH himself who by the way failed maths at school that would explain a lot of things. . Does anyone still think Costello and friends were the great debt busters after reading the following? Interestingly Labour’s stimulus package comes in at about 1% of the total, enjoy: “‘Tony might happily forget that while his former government colleagues were steering the good ship Australia, the nation’s total debt soared from a mere $700 billion in 1997 up to $3.2 trillion by the close of their term. An increase of 387%’‘. Deregulation brought growth all right. But there is a yin for every yang. The Opposition may well brag that it left office with zero debt - zero government debt that is - as the upshot of policy was to lump it onto the consumer.” Yes it true to say “The boom has done more for John Howard than John Howard has done for the Boom”

Rob r Charteris says:

03:22pm | 26/08/10

Steve says:11:15am; They don’t like to talk about Howard national debt statistic. Better sweep that one back under the carpet.

Billy B says:

12:39pm | 26/08/10

Rob r Charteris - And why aren’t you surprised to see that Julia didn’t get over the line either!

TimB says:

01:45pm | 26/08/10

Billy He’s surprised alright. He just refuses to admit it like all die-hard Labor supporters

Labor supporters before the election-
“Labor are great! Their campaign is far better than the Liberals! Tony will be destroyed!” etc etc.

Labor supporters after the election:-
“Wow Labor’s campain was so bad and still the Liberals couldn’t get up, Liberals must suck”

Now all of a sudden the campaign was bad? What a sudden change in tune.

Facts: Liberal gain of at least 12 seats, Labor loss of approx 14.

Conclusion: Massive hit taken by the Labor party at the hands of Coalition success beyond most expectations. Yet bizarrely, we still get claims that this represents a bad result for the Coalition. This reasoning defies all logic. 

Watch out for the bile we’ll get if Tony manages to get the numbers. Excuses and spin will fly regardless of the fact that the same reasoning could be easily applied if the situation was reversed in Julia’s favor.

Jb says:

02:14pm | 26/08/10

Wow, you have a passport? And more suprising they let you back in?
Your girl is as a jellyfish Rob and that’s all that scares me, labor running the country doesn’t realy concern me but being so spinless as to do whatever these three ask for is reason for concern.
I realise you don’t agree but we Australians decide who has the privilege of who leads this country not some gang if 4.
They want to fix this soon as I doubt they are going to get much more slack from a good percentage of voters or the press for more than a few days more!
Oh and did you forget to tick the lack of moral turpitude box?

Rob r Charteris says:

12:30pm | 26/08/10

Rosie says:11:37am; The fact is whether you like it or not and you can dribble away any way you like. Julia is being up front and clearly transparent. rAbbott is squirming like a cut snake at the thought of being found out. any excuse to avoid scrutiny of his costing’s. None of the requests from the Independents are over the top, I can see no reason for either side not to comply with them. It seems to me the civil war that rAbbott is ranting on about is in fact breaking out in the snivelling lib support base. We are starting to see the real Tony, the telling fibs Tony, the Phoney Tony and all his Baloney. Blackmailing my ass… Yes lets go back to the polls but lets wait a little bit so we can see more of rAbbott inept plans for Ausralia’s future

Rosie says:

01:05pm | 26/08/10

Rob r Charteris

Once again you have the Abbott thorn in Julia Gillard’s side which she just can’t seem to get rid of and the likes of you find so irrating.

Rob r Charteris says:

02:01pm | 26/08/10

Rosie says:01:05pm; buy you really are a giggle, rAbbott is far from being a thorn in Julia’s side. He’s is too busy feeling the heat to be anyones thorn in a side. I think he has three of his own, and one Big Katter about to kick his sorry butt.

Nicole says:

02:42pm | 26/08/10

Actually, that would make for hilarious viewing. Abbott and Katter going at it. I know who’d win. J.R Ewing thought he was pretty good and look what happened to him!

Jason CR says:

02:56pm | 26/08/10

@ Rob

Jools is clearly transparent like you say as the voters saw right through her.
But surely you didn’t expect a better result when both Rudd and Gillard were 2nd/3rd choices behind Latham….  Abbott must think this game is easy, he’s knocked both off in 3 months.  Arbib needed a bib on Saturday night, Swan was a typical lunatic and dear old Maxine went out swinging.
Basket case - always have been and always will be.

Tom says:

06:54pm | 26/08/10

@ Rob
rAbbott? Grow up fella.

Adam Diver says:

01:09pm | 26/08/10

Persephone was there as well. Unfortunately she was kidnapped and held for ransom, but foolishly the left-side fighters assume that there is no evil in the world and thought the kidnappers would just release Pers after they made there point on how evil the western world is.

Her absense is now telling.

Aitch B says:

10:15pm | 26/08/10

Hehe…....

Not sure whether Pers was there, Adam. She was a Rudd plant for sure so I doubt that she’d have received an invitation from the die hard blinkered lefties who happily jumped from Kev’s wagon to Julia’s with nary a care. The day Giillard and the power brokers knifed Kev was the day she disappeared. I suspect she was up in Griffith somewhere licking their connubial wounds.

Jacks says:

12:21pm | 26/08/10

I think its unlikely that a deal done with the independants will last 3 years.  Once a couple of them get upset with either side and start disagreeing with policy the wheels will fall off.  Just because the indepenants will most likely pick a side at this time to determine the balance of power and who the PM will be - doesn’t mean that they MUST back the policy of their chosen leader.  Nothing they sign can force them to do that.  The deal making at the moment is a short term fix to a long-term problem.  Can the indepenants be depended on to be LOYAL to the party they side with?  Probably not - if they could be, they would join that party formally and give up their independant status.

Rob r Charteris says:

12:38pm | 26/08/10

Nicole says:12:00pm; have a cupa tea dear, no need to get you knickers in a knot just yet. The counting hasn’t finished yet.

TimB says:

10:48pm | 26/08/10

To be fair MarK, they’ve always been rather shrill .