R U OK? I can tell you I’m not, about suicide

Adele says:

08:46am | 25/11/09

Thanks Gavin. It’s such a waste of life.

NCG says:

10:09am | 25/11/09

Gavin, as someone who has wrestled with massive depression / suicide for many years, I will agree that suicide is a waste. However when your going down that road, you don’t see any other options. Your constantly tired from pretending to be okay, malnourishment from loss of appetite and fighting the nagging little voice in your head that keeps on prompting you to finish it.

As a male of 26 now, it took a failed attempt (“failsafe” rifle round failed), to get any help. I found out later on its common for young men, especially from the country, to walk down the path toward suicide, as there is an undercurrent of “she’ll be right” and more over that “real” men don’t talk about how they feel.

I think the “R U OKAY” campaign is more an effort to put light on the subject of depression, but I can guarantee that if someone asked if I was okay, it wouldn’t have helped. People who are truly depressed will just put on a happy face in public, until they can be alone. I suspect your father was the same?
Sorry for your loss mate.

t says:

10:51am | 25/11/09

I think it’s a great thing you are doing, making people aware of this situation. It’s a hard thing to cope with, as is any loss of life…

Like NCG - I’m a male, in my late 20’s. Some years ago attempted to take my own life. To this day I don’t know how I failed (I’m good with knots but some how it slipped, I ended up battered an bruised with a degree of mild rope burn that I carefully concealed), or why I didn’t try again.

I doubt any one knows about my attempt (when I woke up some time later I just packed up and went home) - one or two mates knew that I was struggling to the point that I was considering suicide. I wonder if any realised that what I really needed was to feel that someone wanted to be there to help me, I wanted to feel like someone cared.

But as far as day to day life went, no one would realise how I was feeling. No matter how much you tell a man that it’s OK to tell the truth about how you are feeling - it’s not that easy, it’s not without consequences.

More than 10 years after my attempt I still feel the same way - no one knows about it, not even my wife nor a medical professional.

Maybe that’s part of depression, that it’s always there. Every day you have to fight that feeling that everything is going so horribly wrong and no one cares about you, the feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, exhaustion and desperation, it doesn’t take long before you consider “maybe the world would be better off”.......

sasha says:

10:58am | 25/11/09

My father shot himself at the end of August.

He was in his mid 80s and his body was giving up. He was a headstrong bastard and didn’t want the indignity of becoming a burden.

In my head I can defend his right to end the suffering. I can’t say that it didn’t affect me less than had he popped off naturally.
I was (am) angry that he did it without giving me the opportunity to say goodbye.  But I blame the government for this, because if he’d told me, I might be looking at being prosecuted for complicity.

David C says:

11:20am | 25/11/09

Thanks Gavin for all your work on this and for a great article. Having lost a brother a year ago the same way I feel your pain and frustrations. Time doesnt heal, I think it just helps you cope.
To ncg (and t) can i suggest a poem I rediscovered after reading this article.
There is a recording of it here

http://www.canberratimes.com.au/multimediaplayer.aspx?id=1830

or if that doesnt work you can read it here

http://www.abc.net.au/victoria/stories/s1881675.htm

good luck guys.

sasha says:

06:30pm | 06/09/11

Its a brilliant cause, and its high time that suicide is recognised for the devastating event that it is. I have attempted several times, and i have to say, when you are in that deep dark moment where you can see nothing but the view everyone will be better off without me, all you want is the pain to end.
I would like to tell people, that just like a cough and runny nose go hand in hand with a cold, so to does suicidal ideation and mental illness. The thoughts are a symptom of the condition, and if we wait long enough, they will subside. Hang in there people, there is help out there. best wishes to all, and may ruok day continue to raise the public awareness of something that is killing our friends, family,colleagues, everyday. it doesn’t have to. you can make a difference

keith says:

09:14pm | 17/09/11

I just saw a documentary of you and I cannot express how much admiration I have for you. It takes a man of great bravery to plow through with this initiative even as you are met with disaster in life, and your initiative will have such a positive impact on society.