So NZ Prime Minister John Key is upset about the way Australia treats Kiwi immigrants. He can’t be serious. New Zealanders who make the quick jump across the ditch are treated better than immigrants from any other nation.

Former Kiwi PM Helen Clark converses with the author. Photo: AFP

Kiwis should not be entitled to permanent residency the moment they set up shop on Bondi Beach. I say that as someone who came here from New Zealand as a child, back when permanent residency was essentially automatic, and benefitted from the easier system.

Australia loves New Zealanders, but there’s only so much special treatment they can expect to receive. Kiwi immigrants have absolutely nothing to complain about.

No other foreign nationals have the type of freedom to move in and out of Australia that New Zealanders so casually enjoy. There are hardly any restrictions on movement between the two countries. Kiwis even have a special line to get their passports stamped at the airport, just to speed things along.

And once they’ve entered Australia, Kiwi immigrants find it easier to integrate than any other nationality.

Let’s face it - New Zealand and Australia are virtually the same country. The only obstacles to a perfect peace between us are a bit of friendly sporting rivalry and a long-running disagreement over how to pronounce the letter “i”.

We even share the same slang. If I flew off to Canada and started yakking to some Canuk about cooking a barbie, having a cuppa or getting blotto, the silly bugger would be absolutely clueless. Kiwis and Aussies just intuitively understand each other.

Sure, speaking as someone who was born in New Zealand, I acknowledge that it would be nice to get some official recognition of our fundamental right to clog your beaches in our togs and jandals. And there’s even a chance that the government’s proposed anti-discrimination laws could ban the term “sheepshagger” permanently.

But even if none of that happens, this is still a bloody great place to live. So don’t go overboard Mr Key. We really have nothing to complain about.

Comments on this post will close at 8pm AEST.

Most commented

52 comments

Show oldest | newest first

    • David V. says:

      02:46pm | 05/02/13

      “Australia loves New Zealanders, but there’s only so much special treatment they can expect to receive. Kiwi immigrants have absolutely nothing to complain about.” - say that about any ethnic group and the Left crowd will be calling you fascist, racist, redneck, bogna, bigot, etc. One rules for one and one for another.

      Ironically doing so, is more likely to the benefit of the real thing, like Golden Dawn in Greece.

    • Lefty says:

      04:29pm | 05/02/13

      Why would they? Kiwis get special category visas no one else gets. It’s just a fect bro!

    • Cars says:

      05:58pm | 05/02/13

      What drivel David. The simple fact is no ethnic group recieve such special treatment, and therefore no one would ever say that.
      Why did have to explain this….

    • AdamC says:

      02:47pm | 05/02/13

      On the one hand, Australia has benefited immensely from relatively free Kwi migration. On the other, I agree that there has to be some process. We cannot have New Zealanders walking off the plane with permanent residency in Australia.

      Will we now have a whingeing Kiwi stereotype to complement the old faithful whingeing Poms?

    • subotic says:

      03:20pm | 05/02/13

      On the one hand, their terrible pronunciation of the letter “I” infuriates me to the point where I could just punch the buggers.

      On the other hand, I have 4 fingers and a thumb….

    • Not subotic takes his shoes off says:

      03:35pm | 05/02/13

      But six toes on one foot and seven on the other

    • Alec Black says:

      01:57pm | 06/02/13

      Known fact…Oz’s and Pom’s are the same…whine, whinge and selfish…b…srds of the Yanks..thats why you copy them and can only invent a revolving clothes line.,

    • Alfie says:

      02:48pm | 05/02/13

      It is the ‘others’ who hold kiwi pasports who are the problem. NZ is an open back door to Australia.

    • Upnorff says:

      03:10pm | 05/02/13

      I would like to see statistics on how many holders of NZ passports who settle here have originally become NZ citizens through the generousity of their refugee policy. Is this really a concern? And if these alleged folk are of sufficient quality to be New Zealanders should we not give them the same benefit as those born there?

    • subotic says:

      03:16pm | 05/02/13

      Did somebody say *cough* Samoans?

      Didn’t think so….

    • youdy beaudy says:

      03:01pm | 05/02/13

      Well the Kiwis certainly have the,” Key to the door,” ha, don’t they. But they’re ok most of them apart from the blokes who fly over do a job and fly straight back.

      Kiwis started coming here in numbers back in the building booms on the Gold Coast in the 70s and many settled. No, there’s not much difference about us because they are multi national as well and as the writer said the pronunciation of the vowels is different. But all in all they are not a bad mob.

      On the employment front then it would create more employment for Aussies if they went home but that isn’t going to happen. A lot think that. But i don’t think there is hatred for Kiwis here. Don’t see any around really. The Gold coast is a Kiwi Paradise and they have invested a lot of money here and make up 40 percent of the population.

      The English wanted to make Kiwi another penal colony but the natives were unfriendly so they didn’t go there. They are closer to the crown than we are and one still hears, ” God save the Queen”, there. They have good beer over there as good as ours and more potent. When you buy a meal you get one and the fush and chups are great.

      But maybe Mr Key is right and some are discriminated against just for the reason that they are from there. Who knows, anyway nothing more to write on that little beauty except good luck with that.!

    • Steve says:

      03:14pm | 05/02/13

      Since 2001 New Zealanders don’t get permanent residency in Australia unless they have enought points under the immigration system - just like any other nationality. 

      Australians and Kiwis share a special passport line in both countries.

      There are some Kiwi citizens who have been raised here as kids but who don’t have Australian residency because they never applied.  The problems start when they apply for NewStart allowances. 

      Aside from that, Australia does very well out of the situation because we get a lot of trained and enthusiatic workers without having paid for their education and childhood health costs. 

      Kiwis come here wanting to work and be a success.  Why knock them back?

    • Esteban says:

      03:14pm | 05/02/13

      Is there an election coming up in NZ?

      Over the years I have noticed how as an election approaches NZ polititions engage in Aussie bashing. It is as if the politition has to demonstrate their credentials in being able to stand up to Australia.

      After the elecetion everything settles back down.

      You still see remants of it in Australia where polititions sometimes need to demonstarte that they wont be USA “arse lickers”

      As a nation matures and becomes more self confident the need to perpetuate a “big brother” complex diminishes.

      In the past the yanks must have wondered what they had done wrong to upset us. we can be similarly bemused by anti Australian sentiment but over time the Kiwis will get over it just like we have pretty much got over our anti USA sentiment.

    • Adam R says:

      03:16pm | 05/02/13

      Is it just me or is it ironic that the PM of a nation that can’t seem to keep it’s citizens at home is having a go at the very nation they move to. Surely if they’ve moving here in droves it musn’t be that bad.

      Perhaps the PM should consider how New Zealand treats it’s own citizens?

    • KJ says:

      03:30pm | 05/02/13

      Good point.  Not very auspicous being PM of an almost uninhabited island

    • subotic says:

      03:18pm | 05/02/13

      Love me a good Kiwi.

      But the fur/skin does tend to get stuck between my teeth….

    • Steve says:

      03:25pm | 05/02/13

      Bake them in clay and the feathers come away when the clay is peeled off. 

      Now, a platypus is good eating….

    • Richard says:

      03:23pm | 05/02/13

      If we take the Kiwis will NZ please offer the parliamentary labour party political asylum.

    • stephen says:

      03:33pm | 05/02/13

      They’re already in the asylum.

    • Don Paul says:

      03:29pm | 05/02/13

      Yes we stole your pavlova, and yes we will do it again.

    • Sam says:

      03:54pm | 05/02/13

      I smell a rat, you are just a Kiwi immitating an Aussie, no real Aussie woudl ever admit such a thing!

    • PsychoHyena says:

      03:32pm | 05/02/13

      I was wondering about this Sam, especially with the additional comment Keys made regarding not changing how Australians are treated in NZ without actually clarifying how they are treated.

    • David V. says:

      03:35pm | 05/02/13

      Poms and Kiwis are welcome because they have good Anglo-Saxon work ethic, and won’t treat their wives and children like crap. Can’t say that about others we let in.

    • Me says:

      04:18pm | 05/02/13

      There are plenty of white anglo-saxon wife beaters and child abusers too you know.

    • Cars says:

      06:05pm | 05/02/13

      Ha! Anglo-Saxon work ethic. Cultural work ethic may be a possibility, and Australian’s aren’t at the top of the pile, but work ethic based on race? Where is your evidence for that?

    • David V. says:

      06:06pm | 05/02/13

      Well domestic violence stats in Australia and NZ are notoriously inflated and even fabricated. It is simply a ruse to destroy men and keep funding parasites.

    • I'd kick Jake Heke's arse says:

      03:39pm | 05/02/13

      Geewhizbro if the NZ PM wants to talk big how about we pack up every last one of them, seize all their assets and ship them back to NZ.
      The government can sell off the assetts, especially any real estate seized,  eliminating the huge Labor debt and at the same time relieving real estate prices, especially in Sydney.

    • Geronimo says:

      03:39pm | 05/02/13

      Bona Fide OZ Wals can commiserate with Johnny Keys to some extent, those bloody South Sea Kippers over the ditch have been scalping our squirrel for more than a century.

    • TheRealDave says:

      03:41pm | 05/02/13

      The best thing about all the kiwi’s moving here?

      Knowing their kids will grow up to be Wallaby’s supporters smile

      I have nothing against Kiwi’s coming here, I think everyone should own a couple. If Mexicans can keep America’s lawns nice and tidy we should harness our 3rd world neighbours to keep our lawns tidy as well.

      I’m here all week people, you’re a great crowd. Try the veal!

      *exit, stage left*

    • St. Michael says:

      04:20pm | 05/02/13

      ...where’s the stripper? I could’ve sworn there was a really, really bad stand-up comedian in here a minute ago, they always come on before the stripper does.  It’s a law of nature. wink

    • Mike says:

      03:49pm | 05/02/13

      I’m a Kiwi businessman, moved to Australia 11 years ago.  Love Australia want to become an Australian, bought a house and moved my IT business here, I employed 20 Australian staff in 2007.  I went to apply for Permanent residency as the business visa (employ 3 Australians and turn over $500k a year) deal in 2011.  But then found that Labor had taken away that Visa option and there are no longer any ways for a self taught businessman like me with no official qualifications to get permanent residency.  I have paid literally millions in Federal taxes and still no way for us legit hard working Kiwi’s to get PR and become citizens for life if we arrived after 2001.  My wife has to apply every 5 years to stay in Australia under a ever increasing visa program as my partner (She’s from Europe).  She hate the uncertainty of the situation of course.

      I hope they put in something where a long term 6-8 year resident can apply for PR.  Would be nice to have the status of Citizen so the local border patrol at Customs can’t stay “hey bud we don’t want you here no more go back to New Zealand”.  Right now they can do that any time they choose.

    • Esteban says:

      05:10pm | 05/02/13

      What about applying for citizenship rather than PR?

      Australian customs officers can’t say “bugger off” without reason.

    • marley says:

      05:34pm | 05/02/13

      @Esteban - you have to be a PR before you can apply for citizenship.

    • Mike says:

      05:56pm | 05/02/13

      Well you have to get permanent residency first before applying for citizenship.  I might as well be applying from Russia there are no easy ways currently to get PR for many Kiwi’s.  Hopefully in the future they’ll put some common sense into the immigration laws.  Our countries are only going to become more open and closer overtime.

    • Waitangi Day says:

      03:54pm | 05/02/13

      Waitangi Day is New Zealand’s National Day! Its Feb 6 !!

    • kiwi fruit says:

      04:04pm | 05/02/13

      75% of all New Zealand emigrants immigrate to Australia . Why ??

    • St. Michael says:

      04:06pm | 05/02/13

      Of course we keep an eye on our Kiwis.  Our sheep are nervous.

    • David V. says:

      04:09pm | 05/02/13

      Well we can feel sorry for people in some places, like Wales, NZ, Derby, Carlisle, etc that they don’t have much space so they must share the land with some animals.

    • The Free says:

      04:19pm | 05/02/13

      Kiwi workers bring paid for skills and usually an infusion of cash to the economy, plus they are automatically quite synced with Aussie culture.  If you seriously took kiwis and their assets out of the country we would seriously notice it.

      Unfortunately they have some members that have a toxic and violent culture laden with laziness and hand out mentalities.

      Eliminating this element is like a restaurant getting rid of the riff raff.  You just put the prices up, or charge more for entry right?

    • Palzy says:

      04:33pm | 05/02/13

      Looking forward to cruising to NZ again later this month, if only to return to Akoroa to grab a feed from the town’s magnificent ‘fush & chup’ shop.
      Best fush & chups in the world!!!

    • neil says:

      04:38pm | 05/02/13

      I can’t understand why NZ is even a seperate country, it makes as much sense a TAS being a seperate country. We should at least have a EU style economic community “Australasian Union” with a common currency and passports, and aligned economies.

      I was over there 18 months ago and I noticed that while we pick their accents instantly, nobody noticed that I was an Aussie?

    • MK says:

      01:08pm | 06/02/13

      Exactly!
      about time we kicked the two-head out!

    • Paramedic that won't treat Aussies says:

      05:04pm | 05/02/13

      I’m a Kiwi, living here in Aussie for 6 years and work as an emergency services worker. We own 2 businesses, a house but yet, we are not allowed to vote. Our tax paid is more than the average Aussie income by a fair mile.
      A German friend has just got citizenship after a few years here, and just lost her job and is on the benefit.
      See anything wrong here? It’s pure racism .. Something Australia seems to excel at :((

    • marley says:

      05:35pm | 05/02/13

      Well, why aren’t you a citizen?  That’s the only criterion for voting rights.

    • Bitten says:

      05:40pm | 05/02/13

      Are you serious? You, a citizen of one country, emigrated to another country. You apply for citizenship according to the laws and processes of that country and wait.

      It’s like the air is really thin or something…

    • Alfie says:

      06:55pm | 05/02/13

      Yes, I agree. You, and the German dole bludger should be treated equally.

      BTW who are you calling ‘racist’? You won’t get any extra points here for that BS.

    • Cry in my Gin says:

      05:07pm | 05/02/13

      Its only the white ones you can’t trust.

    • Always a kiwi says:

      05:54pm | 05/02/13

      We are not the same country. The “average Aussie” could take a trip across the Tasman and learn a little about RESPECT, your own Indigenous people don’t even have access to the most fundamental health resources, take a look in your own backyard before you start pointing your finger at someone else.

    • effin-white-c says:

      11:54am | 06/02/13

      You’re kidding right? Australian indigenous people have free access to whatever free health care they want, and most of their health issues are self imposed! Respect is difficult, when in AUSTRALIA, you see dozens of Indigenous KIWIS working every day, even on remote mine sites in WA. I couldn’t tell you the last time I saw and a true indigenous Australian working anywhere…......
      Time to actually visit the real world, somewhere away from inner city lefty enclaves, and maybe some outer suburbs or rural towns with actual indigenous populations.

    • That's Stink Bro says:

      12:55pm | 06/02/13

      Love it. Every Kiwi gloats about how they treat their indiginous brothers better than we do. Its just part of every conversation you have with a kiwi when their not crapping on about bloody rugby.

      Memo to NZ: Very few people in Australia want to talk about rugby for hours on end.

      Kiwis: Most boring conversationalists in earth.

    • go away says:

      11:17am | 06/02/13

      Every single New Zealander who I have ever met was a wanker. These 50,000 parasites a year are making life a lot more expensive for Australians.

    • Nigel says:

      12:47pm | 06/02/13

      John Key??? You are welcome to come over and take them all back. They are all welcome to return to the Land of the Long White Cloud. You love ‘em you can have them. Same goes for anyone not happy here, FO back to where you came from, I bet you change your mind when you get back there and no one helps you!!

 

Facebook Recommendations

Read all about it

Punch live

Up to the minute Twitter chatter

Recent posts

The latest and greatest

The Punch is moving house

The Punch is moving house

Good morning Punchers. After four years of excellent fun and great conversation, this is the final post…

Will Pope Francis have the vision to tackle this?

Will Pope Francis have the vision to tackle this?

I have had some close calls, one that involved what looked to me like an AK47 pointed my way, followed…

Advocating risk management is not “victim blaming”

Advocating risk management is not “victim blaming”

In a world in which there are still people who subscribe to the vile notion that certain victims of sexual…

Nosebleed Section

choice ringside rantings

From: Hasbro, go straight to gaol, do not pass go

Tim says:

They should update other things in the game too. Instead of a get out of jail free card, they should have a Dodgy Lawyer card that not only gets you out of jail straight away but also gives you a fat payout in compensation for daring to arrest you in the first place. Instead of getting a hotel when you… [read more]

From: A guide to summer festivals especially if you wouldn’t go

Kel says:

If you want a festival for older people or for families alike, get amongst the respectable punters at Bluesfest. A truly amazing festival experience to be had of ALL AGES. And all the young "festivalgoers" usually write themselves off on the first night, only to never hear from them again the rest of… [read more]

Gentle jabs to the ribs

Superman needs saving

Superman needs saving

Can somebody please save Superman? He seems to be going through a bit of a crisis. Eighteen months ago,… Read more

28 comments

Newsletter

Read all about it

Sign up to the free News.com.au newsletter