Punch list: what we won’t miss about 2010

hot tub political machine says:

09:26am | 17/12/10

Agreed Jerry.

A couple of the items on the list get the “What is that?” response from yours truly.

Here is my contribution:

1. Pseudo-pornographic free to air tv shows generally. Why don’t you just admit what your doing - turn off underbelly and go hire a porno? They don’t have ads

Ange says:

11:25am | 17/12/10

also don’t suit most males…

Bec says:

08:11pm | 17/12/10

Skinny jeans are okay, but I hate the Jeggings…. you’ve probably seen them around, those pants that are leggings but printed to look like denim. They don’t even look good on skinny girls let alone chubby ones. Kudos to Supre for that one.

BK says:

07:52am | 17/12/10

Ten reasons why I dislike top ten lists.

1) That 20 to 1 show with Bert Newton.

2) They are lazy journalism. They must be so easy to write.

3)  There is never any logic to the order.

4) err…coming up with ten entries is harder than it looks.

Listmania says:

08:16am | 17/12/10

What are the top ten things you don’t like about top ten lists?

iansand says:

08:20am | 17/12/10

It’s easy to avoid this problem.  Blindside the grumps and do Top 9s, or Top 11s.

Mr Pod says:

09:18am | 17/12/10

A shaft straight into the beating heart - good shot BK

Trevor says:

02:17pm | 17/12/10

Except top ten lists aren’t a distinctly 2010 phenomenon…

Adrian says:

03:28pm | 17/12/10

I love top 10 list coz they are much easier for my tiny brain to read. Paragraphs are so annoying.

acotrel says:

08:26am | 17/12/10

The boat people knew the risks.  Why is their activity any different to that of the fools that sail single handed around the world, and expect to be saved by the navy when they get into trouble? You cannot wrap people up in cotton wool or blame others for their plight when they take a risk.

MarK says:

09:57am | 17/12/10

I humbly apologise on behalf of Port Macquarie for the idiocy of our local member.

No I did not vote for him this time - yes I did previously.

I will give him away free to a good home. Actually I will just give him away.

Any takers?

Markus says:

10:15am | 17/12/10

MarK I’d gladly take him off your hands over the faceless party candidates my electorate had last time around. Seriously.
Our electorate had the choice out of one Labor or one Liberal candidate, neither of whom I had ever heard of before (previously long running Labor MP had just retired) and struggled to find any information on before voting day.

David says:

11:46am | 17/12/10

acotrel, I completely agree: boat ppl are exactly like solo, around-the-world sailors: escaping persecution for recreational reasons.

Cate P says:

12:57pm | 18/12/10

deja vu acotrel, had the strangest feeling I had read your comment before ...

Ben says:

08:03am | 20/12/10

@ David, pull the other leg (“escaping persecution” LOL.).  ... except for the ones that by-passed safe countries so that they could set sail from Indonesia.

Why do you lot keep running that “escaping persecution” lie? What’s in it for you to constantly perjure yourself?

Davida says:

08:47am | 17/12/10

Hey Hey It’s Saturday ( on a Wednesday ).  Sooooooo 2010.

Davida says:

09:57am | 17/12/10

There is no apparent connection between Sepp Blatter and Hey Hey It’s Saturday.  My fingers betrayed me. Apologies.

James Mc says:

10:42am | 17/12/10

Are you so sure?

iansand says:

10:44am | 17/12/10

Unless That Video was produced by Daryl Summers working as an undercover agent for the Qataris….

You heard it here first.

Shifter says:

12:10pm | 17/12/10

*Looks around for Eric*

Elphaba says:

01:55pm | 17/12/10

@AliceC, agreed, that’s my biggest bugbear of the year.  *shakes head*

fairsfair says:

09:54am | 17/12/10

The transformer ladder man (not to producers, get someone with required aerobic capacity to conduct infomercial).

David Koch

Insurance Companies - my premiums have doubled this past 12 monhts because I live in a “cyclone area”. Apprently weather doesn’t hurt other parts of this country (floods and bushfires anyone?)

Not just Zumba ads - but its permiation of mothers groups and society in general (even my loval Bunnings). You look like idiots.

New mothers en masse - your decision to purchase those shaped cloth nappies and then iron some sort of poor qual applique to the ass and then trying to sell them on Facebook is an epic fail in both concept and execution by my book.

Joel Monaghan. Poor boy. Poor pooch.

Lady Gaga - kindly leave.

Twitter. I don’t get it, not do I want to.

The seasons - where did my winter go this year?

The local council - FFS how many times to you want to up the rates and give yourselves pay rises?

My god, I could go on and on. Agree with you entirely Mr Jim, especially Anaphylaxis Phil.

fairsfair says:

12:01pm | 17/12/10

I am also going to add:

bad spelling on internet posts.

My god, do I owe the world an apology! Terrible!

Barney says:

12:39pm | 17/12/10

@fairsfair, are you from Townsville by any chance?? Your issues sound just like mine!

fairsfair says:

03:03pm | 17/12/10

Cairns Barney. Though I would classify anything north of Brisbane as hell

Looks like we are on the same sinking boat!

TimB says:

04:56pm | 17/12/10

@ Fairsfair

Move south

Stop before you get to the Victorian border though. You don’t want to make that mistake.

Davida says:

09:47am | 17/12/10

@Zeta,
Are these off the top of your head or did you begin compiling mid-November?  Will they get an airing at your Boxing Day Massacre?

Gladys says:

10:11am | 17/12/10

Good list, Zeta. In particular 1, 2 and 7.

Zeta says:

10:15am | 17/12/10

@ Davida - No I came up with them off the top of my head.

Tombowler says:

10:50am | 17/12/10

@Zeta:

Particularly enjoyed (5) Cocaine

I have taken it upon myself to unleash upon various hipsters who enjoy incoherently rambling about various social ills all the while happily pissing up their pay on the systematic arsef#cking of the mexican people and nation….

There is no eviler and ‘evil corporate empire’ than the drug cartels that kill women, children and men indiscriminately so a pack of cheesedicks can chemically enhance their delusional sense of self-righteousness.

A great trick is to, when drinking at hipsterish watering holes, to poor a little bit of beer on the ledge above the trough that is so favoured by these tools to cut up their oh-so-hip drug in full view where they can be appropriately judged for the cool-cats they are so confident they in fact are.

If you pour a little bit of beer up there then their $300 gram of cocaine becomes worthless on contact and hilarity ensues as these big-spenders frantically try and lick it off and the displays of outward affluence disintegrate into an undignified and pathetic attempt to salvage what remains of the manifestation of half a weeks wages. F#ckheads.

I’m not sure you have judged the music appropriately though, there has been a veritable clusterf#ck of shite music this year and I don’t know that you have successfully covered it all:

Notable entries must include:

1)Ke$(?)ha: I don’t know whether it’s the grating, low-quality dance-pop, the god-awful awkward lyrics, the ridiculous dollar-sign in the name, the smell that surely must emanate from the slimy tool or the fact that the combination of the above factors makes her just about the perfect artist for the terminal bogan. The net result is that Ke$ha is the worst thing to happen to music since David Guetta’s mum bought him ‘DJ Hero’...

2) ‘Fly like G6’ - Apart from the repetitive, truly shit lyrics I always wonder why songs celebrating excess are most usually loved by poverty-stricken westies who’s own idea of excess is a carton of woodstocks and a bit of a splash at the local pubclub shithole…. (Remember TI and “Whatever you like”- a song ostensibly about prostitution..)

The lyrics here really should be
“I’m feeling ‘fly’ like a poorly-educated welfare case in a commodore”

Otherwise fantastic list…

Jane says:

10:53am | 17/12/10

Zeta - you have just made my week. I can’t stop laughing! Thank you

Jenny says:

11:08am | 17/12/10

Can you add Vampire weekend to the list too. Perhaps the would have been OK if I was not subjected to them everytime that I turned my radio on!
Facebook - I have real friends that I speak to regularly

Zeta says:

11:55am | 17/12/10

I guess what I hated most about 2010, and what a lot of people have touched on particularly with their critiques of 2010 art and fashion - is that there was no hope this year.

Even in the darkest days of ‘05, ‘06, ‘07 - when it seemed like the Bush years would never end, when Western Governments like ours, like the UK’s, like the US just seemed determine to usher in whatever end game would see us peons either shunted off to fight stupid wars, or imprisoned in our own homes by fear and oppression - there was hope because there was balance. People were willing to stand up against the stupidity - they might not have marched through the streets, but we held in our hearts at least the notion that what people in power were doing was wrong.

One of the strangest things I remember liking about the last decade was that stupid Green Day album that managed to stay on top of the charts for months - back when charts meant something (f*** you iTunes). An entire album that was just a pop middle finger stuck up at the Iraq War, at the Patriot Act, at all the neo-conservative bullshit that we got carried away with - and people just went out and bought it. People I knew who didn’t even believe in half that stuff still bought it and listened to it in their cars.

And you think back to that time, and there was hope. Longest 8 years Generation Boom, X and Y will ever remember - and we still had hope that it could get better. The UK, the US and Australia all changed leaders. There were these beacons of hope that shone out not just to true believers on the Left, but to everyone else, that we could change and that we could hope again for something different.

But they lied. They didn’t even fail, because fail implies trying. They just outright lied and nothing changed, and it didn’t just f*** us politically, it f***ed the world artistically, ethically - right down to the clothes we wore for the last 12 months. That hope got yanked away and with it, we just spent the last year wandering around, tweeting dispassionately, listening to droning shoegaze or mindless ‘80s inspired pop. We wore black and complained. A generation of young people traded in the chemically enhanced emotional openess of marijuana and MDMA for the numb arrogance of cocaine.

In 2009 we thought maybe the wars would be over next year, we thought the economy would recover, we were thinking about buying houses and starting families because we could afford to, next year, which seemed like a whole other alternative universe of opportunity.

But now we’ve got power bills up to our eye balls and interest rates keep sky rocketing and your bank doesn’t even care and the Government doesn’t care and they’re not even bothering to lie any more to make us feel better - because they’ve got 3 years to do nothing.

And as much as people try to say otherwise there’s no hope in Julian Assange or Wikileaks - he’ll just get end up being stabbed to death in prison by a guy on a life sentence who’ll mysteriously commit suicide and whatever else they have up their sleeve will turn out to be as inconsequential as their diplomatic gossip.

Great art, great politics, great moments in history are forged on the anvil of hope by the hammers of great men and without that hope and without those great men to see the infinite possibilities life presents us 2011 will be just like this one. The brand of sneakers will change, the pop singers will shave their heads and die of overdoses, the politicians will go to gaol and be replaced by others - but without hope we’ll be looking back at the same year as this one.

Shane From Melbourne says:

12:24pm | 17/12/10

@Zeta 11.55am- Can I nominate that as Post of the Year?

hot tub political machine says:

12:53pm | 17/12/10

Zeta @ 11:55,

I know what you mean. When the winds of change and hope pushed the neo-cons out (I can disitnctly remember when contempt of the ultra right went from being an alternative thing to mainstream) - I thought to myself “Well they aren’t going to go quietly into the night are they…..”

But the way hope got replaced with the realisation that there were no left and right leaders anymore - just policy bought by political donation - that was still a kick in the guts.

But I take small hope-when I speak to people mostly they seem reasonable. I honestly wonder how long it will be before the first nation, somewhere, takes matters into their own hands and just violently overthrows their parliament. For every action there is a reaction, push a reasonable man too far and all that…....

timelady says:

01:03pm | 17/12/10

Wow. That has made my top ten comments list* for 2010
I cannot agree more, especially with your follow up responses to the way we have lost hope, and the bread and circuses we surround ourselves with - or are surrounded by (want to start me on the Murdoch empire, and the damage Fox news does?).
Decline and fall..it all feels pretty bleak.

*existence of said list may vary.

Tombowler says:

02:30pm | 17/12/10

Zeta,

Think you best lay off that “emotionally open” MDMA/MDA/Methylamphetamine….

Top marks for creating the air of a bleak Dickensian present but I think your missing something.

It appears to me that all the “hope” was merely the manifestation of traditional political cycles manifested in an era in which this traditional feel of change was, for the first time, subject to the monumental magnification and hype of social media and the blogosphere.

You talk about ending the war, lowering power bills and better music and social artistry as if they are all one and the same; spawning out of some sort of intangible growth in everyone across a culture..

This is indicative of some sort of blind assumption that new leadership across our cultural cousins would deeply change our cultural make-up and identity and impact on the more sublime impulses that drive true cultural change.

Like many, your optimism was subject to the stark realities. Changing leaders and rhetoric are never going to be a defining generational moment no matter how much how many invest in this change.

This sort of clouded, non-specific hope is almost always rewarded with disappointment as adults can ill-afford the child-like hope that all will change with a move of house, a new toy or a change of schools.

The most interesting development, I think, is the revelation to many that Howard et al weren’t particularly evil people. Bush was worse than Howard or Blair but likely more forgivable than Blair because he was an inept puppet.

The problems they dealt with were real problems. Money, as hard as it was to see in those heady days, is a finite resource and as much as the population might pretend to care about the 3rd world as much as about owning their own house and designer clothes; they simply don’t. Wars weren’t being fought on behalf of shadowy 3rd parties, The U.S didn’t lack universal healthcare because the government was in the pocket of corporations; it lacked it because the public were uncommitted to their own detriment.

We were never at a crossroads for humanity. Even as Kevin was giving his speech on election night back in 07; there was a child being beaten, a woman being raped, an aboriginal dying of preventable disease, a shady terrorist wiring a vest and a dolphin choking on some floating rubbish.

The world is more complex and a vague feeling of hope will never project itself into reality without hard action. The Berlin Wall wasn’t brought down through a ripple of positivity in the blogosphere, the Roman Empire wasn’t built on tweets and Paris wasn’t liberated through a smug feeling.

We are, if anything, entering a darker time in the world. Brinksmanship on the Korean Peninsula, the spectre of yet another war in the Middle East and yet another assault on democracy in Africa all in the last month.

Greatness is rarely forged through hope. Hope engenders disappointment unless it is coupled with action. It is the water of the wise man and the liquor of the fool. If you believe that “great men” will just emerge and fix sh#t you are sadly mistaken. Greatness is a relative quality; Hitler, Stalin, Napolean, Ghengis Kahn, Bush, all “great” to some. It is the responsibility of the individual to throw the f#cking dice and put in the yards to do what the feel nessecary for the betterment of society.

The judging of “greatness” is the domain of the history books. “Hope” is for those with nothing else. It is a sense of purpose and dynamism beyond the insular circle-jerk of the twit and blogosphere that will change things Zeta. You want a better 2011? Well it’s yours for the f#$cking taking mate…

Sven Gali says:

10:03pm | 17/12/10

It’s a fine effort, Shane, but barring an, ahem, miracle, Rosie’s “God made Julia Gillard Prime Minister in order to spare Tony Abbott the difficulty” has the 2010 Punch Comment of the Year sewn up.

stephen says:

12:09am | 18/12/10

Zeta 11.55 am.
Spot on.
You’re a good man.

Cate P says:

01:09pm | 18/12/10

OMG Zeta is a MAN???  I’ve gone six months thinking he was a really out there lesbian.  I’d love to see you in a pub Zeet, it’d shoulder rides,shouting and shirt waving, it would be hilarious and there’d always be a brawl at the end.

Amy Sturt says:

06:54pm | 18/12/10

You know, Zeta, American Idiot is now a rather successful broadway musical…  Wanna come to NY and see it with me?

Tom says:

06:19pm | 20/12/10

@Zeta, congratulations on a great read. @TomBowler, great call on your cocaine embellishment piece.

It has always had me baffled how people use cocaine to show off their affluence while remaining oblivious to the evil to innocents done by cartels as a consequence of their affectation.

I don’t think it is drawing a long bow to parallel this disgusting industry and its disgusting consumers with the equally disgusting fur trade. Its just that bimbos, like Pink, are too stupid to see it and too gutless to make a call on their cool dude pop-star mates.

Shane From Melbourne says:

10:05am | 17/12/10

I refudiate that…...

Missy says:

10:18am | 17/12/10

Yes, you can see a part of Russia from a part of Alaska, but what exactly does that have to do with the relationship America has with Russia.  That comment was her response when asked this question… Clearly she is a moron.

iansand says:

10:46am | 17/12/10

I reckon “refudiate” is a great word.  I hope it enters the language.

Grammar Nazi says:

10:52am | 17/12/10

Refudiate isn’t even a word

hot tub political machine says:

11:07am | 17/12/10

“irregardless” of that…...we probably will find refudiate uneccesary as we already have words for Palin means

papachango says:

04:07pm | 17/12/10

Politicians of all stripes make gaffes. But the media’s hypocrisy in only making fun of the right wing ones stands out loud and clear.

Shane From Melbourne says:

05:54pm | 17/12/10

@papachango- that’s because we keep misunderestimating them….

Missy says:

10:23am | 17/12/10

See my comment above regarding this, whether or not you can see Russia from Alaska is completley irrelevant.

James1 says:

10:40am | 17/12/10

This is true, but it is by no means an indications of one’s foreign policy nous.

dtcMCMLXXII says:

11:35am | 17/12/10

Julia Gillard would rather be in a class room reading to children than doing foreign relations stuff.
Presumably Missy and James1 are of the belief that she shouldn’t be the PM of Australia.

James1 says:

11:56am | 17/12/10

I am indeed of that opinion.  Even Kevin Rudd could do a better job.

ibast says:

10:17am | 17/12/10

The north Korea line was definitely a slip of the tongue.

Still a scary women.

Ask a stupid question says:

09:46pm | 17/12/10

They’ve cloned her now, ibast ?

Steve Putnam says:

07:48am | 18/12/10

She’s nasty, a liar, and above all stupid. When fellow wacko Glen Beck asked her which of the US founding fathers she most admired she was unable to name one. She had no idea what the US Vice-President’s job is and believes dinosaurs were on earth at the same time as humans. I could go on but don’t have the time. The US and indeed the whole world dodged a bullet when Mc Cain lost in 2008.

Richard says:

10:28am | 17/12/10

Tony is conservative, but he’s not extremist, that’s just hyperbole. If this country truly does believe in a fair go, why not give Tony a fair go? Gillard and Labor have demonstrated how inept and incompetent they are, so why aren’t you willing to give Abbott a fair go?

Mark says:

10:30am | 17/12/10

The tragedy is we got a left wing incompetent idealist and self important independants.

Nicole says:

10:14am | 17/12/10

Me too! Disgusting behaviour!

Macca says:

11:09am | 17/12/10

@Mark, isn’t DER (7) now DEEWR?

hermes says:

11:23am | 17/12/10

love my freudian typo slip there on no 5…anyone pick it up?

hot tub political machine says:

12:22pm | 17/12/10

hermes, your description of the federal election was apt

HeatherG says:

10:59pm | 17/12/10

The use of “could care less” when it’s actually couldn’t care less, akin to the US English use of “ass” for “arse.”

Have to agree about the Qld State Govt. I rent my house from them. Very much over their idea of a “fair go.”

Love #1. Definitely.

stephen says:

04:35pm | 19/12/10

Nah, herpes…er, sorry Hermes, I missed that typo, and I do wish everybody (NO 3), would stop crying so.
I’d much rather see people laugh.

hot tub political machine says:

12:27pm | 17/12/10

As to number 6 - I own mining stock and was very very angry the company was contributing profits to a political add campaign rather than reinvesting or providing dividends.

I got screwed whatever the outcome was

detcMCMLXXII says:

01:48pm | 17/12/10

HTPMS you are a weird fish.
The original mining tax was going to cost the big mining companies in the order of 20 billion dollars.
The new one will cost them less than 10 billion dollars
The advertising campaign that got it changed cost about 100 million dollars. So the companies that you are angry with spent 100 million dollars to save 10 billion dollars.
You should join the public service or work for a union ‘cause enterprise, business and economics are clearly not your game!

hot tub political machine says:

02:30pm | 17/12/10

dectmcmlxxII,

my thinking is I was either going to miss out on the benefits of the tax (no more 4 hour waits in emergencyy departments ect) or have reduced investment.

I also figured that regardless of advertising campaigns the minning tax was going to go the way almost every policy goes - announced, consulted, watered down. I reckon this would have happened anyway without the add campaign

Joel B1 says:

05:26pm | 17/12/10

“Also if you need your kids names inked on, what type of parent are you?”

Umm, does getting their birthdates tattooed on count? Not to mention wedding anniversary, spouse’s b’day etc.

Thank god for a nuclear family ‘cause the list “of really very important dates, that you had better not bloody forget or you’re in the shit” stops above my elbow, so I can were short sleeve shirts without looking like a wana-be concentration camp survivor.

stephen says:

04:49pm | 19/12/10

Hey N, you, Frank and Zeet (everyone’s gotta have a nick-name), can keep these lists going for-ever.
Very entertaining.
And no 9 is spot on.

James1 says:

12:02pm | 17/12/10

I don’t use those examples to show that at all.  I have read her book, which actually has a grammatical error in the title.  That (the entire book not the grammatical error), to me, proves that she is even less fit to hold the office of the President of the United States than is Mr Obama.  That and the barely coherent Glenn Beck think she is wonderful.

hot tub political machine says:

12:19pm | 17/12/10

Two examples? Try youtube for the infamous series of Couric interviews

Tombowler says:

02:49pm | 17/12/10

Hahahaha good stuff Rach!

“Hugh Jackman? But he’s wolverine…” Turk: “I know he is JD.. I know..”
hahaha

Not sure about the Barlow Review thing… fell kinda flat with me.

Really feel for you teaching at a school where the kids have contracted “beeber fever”. My hope is that the rename syphilis or some other sort of infectious disease “beeber fever” so as to reduce the amount of media commentators making generalisations about various cities/countries/generations having “beeber fever”....

Nice work anyway! Laughed long n’ hard!

tcm says:

03:17pm | 17/12/10

Love your list Rachel - very apt !
but you did forget in No 5 - Kochies simpering sidekick - whatsherbane….makes me want to slap her !!

fish says:

01:39pm | 17/12/10

More feminine too