Punch list: how you know you’ve really arrived!
As we approach summer, its natural to do some kind of stocktake, a bit of a personal inventory of where you stand at the end of another year. And in a socially mobile society such as ours, the question on many lips will be whether this year was the year in which they could finally say, “I have arrived.”
You will have heard of a departure checklist. Well, in a similar vein, and with a view to helping those everywhere labouring under uncertainty, this article undertakes to provide a ready-made, simple to use arrival checklist. Simply work through the items below and record whether you have performed or demonstrated all of the relevant requirements.
1. Acquired incompetence – This is an umbrella term used to describe the phenomenon experienced by successful people whereby, although they have got where they are through their general competence, and usually an acute self-awareness of such competence, they are now unable to do anything for themselves.
To determine whether you have Acquired Incompetence try opening the Contacts screen on your iPhone and counting whether you have 4 or more of the following (listed alphabetically for your convenience) – caterer, colourist, dog walker, life coach, party planner, personal trainer, stylist, therapist.
2. Advanced Technology Uptake - This is a simple element to assess. Consider your home – give yourself 1 point for each computer screen, 2 points for a plasma screen exceeding 50 inches and 3 points for an iPad.
Divide this total by your number of partners and dependents, plus 1 – for yourself. If the result is greater than 2 you have satisfied this requirement.
3. Milieu – Knowing what this word means is a strong indicator in itself. If there was any degree of confusion in your mind as to whether a milieu was something sold in a bakery, next year may still be your year.
Evaluating your milieu is complex – especially as you may find that, whereas you once socialized with your friends, you are now regularly socializing at marquees and in boxes with people that you do not know or necessarily want to know. Do not be put off by this, as it is also a positive indicator.
For further reassurance, where applicable, look through your children’s class lists – make a note of any children with names that have been taken from an atlas – the more the better. If your children are yet to start school try counting the number of schools you have enrolled them at.
The average per child ought to exceed 2.5 unless your family are multi-generational old grammarians or collegians of an APS or GPS school, in which case you need to count the number of days post-birth before your child was offered a confirmed place. If this number exceeds 7 your arrival may be delayed.
4. Hospitality – having examined your milieu you’ve probably realised that a substantial portion of the hospitality you enjoy is corporate hospitality. This is good.
Are you being offered free entertainment by banks and credit cards? If you are not it is a strong indicator that you have not achieved required levels of debt. Explosive consumption will be the fireworks that light the night as you arrive out of the darkness of mediocrity.
5. Engaged therapist – Taking self-absorption to an elite level is a cornerstone of the arrival process. You can do a lot on your own, but only a trained professional can take you the extra mile.
If you have not satisfied the requirements of the arrival checklist don’t despair – things move fast and so can you. The fact that you have taken the time to read this list augurs well.
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