Punch list: Fashion items that shouldn’t come back

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Filed under: Fashion, Shoes, Society, Trends

30 comments

The Punch’s fashion queen and all-round style guru Nedahl Stelio made a shocking announcement this morning.

Clogs. Be part of the solution. File/.

The clog she tweeted is making a comeback.

That’s right ‘clog’. That funny looking shoe made with open backs and closed toes.

Mainly associated with the rather niche activity of Dutch folk-dancing and worn by 1970’s fashion tragics and people in operating theatres across the globe where its wearers move in glorious comfort but -crucially- cannot be seen.

And they’re about to hit Australian shoe stores - as fashionable footwear.

The reasons for the revival are unclear. At least to the less fashion savy such as myself who struggles to see how their awkward shape could go with anything you’d actually want to wear. Not to mention the lack of practicality. How would you race to get the train in those things?

But according to Nedahl whose own blog post on the topic provides some genuine insight (and great pictures) of the drama at hand - there’s no getting around it. Uber European fashion labels such as Louis Vuitton and Chanel are already churning out their own designs.

So in an effort to stem the tide of any similar disaster being repeated I say we pool our resources and come up with a list of other, “once-were fashionable items” that should never be dragged “back to the future”.

Here’s a few more of my own suggestions. What would you add?

Ski pants
Chambray shirts
Head scarves
Hypercoloured t-shirts
Shoulder pads (any shape and size)
Green or purple jeans
Elasticised bracers
Jumpers with built-in collars
Happy pants
Flared denim

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30 comments

Show oldest | newest first

- Wayne Hutchins says:
  
  01:18pm | 29/01/10
  
  Maybe Crocs? They could be just a redneck Queensland thing, I don’t know but I will admit I own a pair. Most comfortable shoe I have ever worn. Great for fishing. Keep the strap forward for normal everyday wear (2WD) and if the track gets a bit rough you slip them into (4WD) by wearing the strap to the back. I may look a bit feral but at my age comfort is the most important thing.
  Maybe corduroy trousers as well. I remember mine used to make a swishing sound with every step I took. Hard to sneak up on anyone….
  
  Reply
stephen says:

05:39pm | 29/01/10

That swishin’ sounds yer mate beside yer pissin’ himself laughing.
club matt says:

08:49am | 31/01/10

Cords are awesome. They could be worn. But on a certain roster (e.g. Monday, Wednesday and Saturday). Or perhaps every day when the girlfriend is out of town.

My girlfriend made me throw out my last pair. I was devastated.
One day I will buy another pair and hide them somewhere. My own secret stash of cords. Probably in a card board box. Under the bed.
Is that wrong? Hiding a secret item of clothing from your partner? I honestly think it would be best for both of us if she didn’t know.
Darryl Price says:

11:34am | 31/01/10

Have you heard about the new corduroy pillow slips? Apparently they’re making headlines.
- Zeta says:
  
  01:26pm | 29/01/10
  
  Happy Pants are cool, like a Dinosaur being ridden by a Viking that shoots lasers at F16 Fighter jets is cool. They’re so awesome they make your eyes actually hurt and bleed from that same awesome and win.
  
  What anti-happy pant commentators forget is that ‘Happy Pants’ and ‘Hammer Pants’ are not mutually exclusive. The Happy Pant, or it’s modern day incarnation, the Jersey Pant (thanks to Nedahl for clearing that one up for me) is no more bloused than a track pant, but elasticised at a higher point on the ankle. It should ride no higher on the waist than the average track pant.
  
  Hammer Pants are the bastard child of jodphurs (which are also cool) and happy pants. They were made famous by MC Hammer, and unlike Happy Pants, aren’t patterned, but usually done in some garish, metalic fabric. They ride high on the waist, are tight at the ankle, and in many cases pleated.
  
  Hating Happy Pants because of the crimes committed by Hammer Pants is like invading Iraq because of the crimes committed by Osama Bin Laden and the Taliban.
  
  Happy Pants are Happy. You can’t argue with that. When the crushing depression of living in a slowly dieing world orbiting an ever expanding alien sun starts to pound on my skull, and my inner demons start crawling at my spine, when even just thinking sounds like clogged arteries slowly choking, and dieing - I just put on my Happy Pants, listen to some Tegan & Sara, and all my worries just slip away.
  
  Trust me Punch, this winter season is all about tube scarfs. They are also hoods. According to Carles at hipsterrunoff.com, they’re spelling the death knell for the entry-level hipster accessory, the kefayeh.
  
  Reply
Wayne Hutchins says:

04:29pm | 29/01/10

Zeta, I have just got to have some of what ever you are on. You never cease to bring a smile to my lips.
- Brad Coward says:
  
  01:30pm | 29/01/10
  
  Fortunately we’ll never see the return of the “Kevin ‘07” T-Shirt. If a “Kevin ‘10” model is in the planning….the jokes already been lost on a lot of us thanks to ” ‘07 ” !
  
  By the way, I love my Croc’s too, Wayne ! You can walk in them for miles !
  
  Reply
Gavin says:

05:22pm | 29/01/10

Yes, but they make the wearer look like a douche!
- Brendon says:
  
  01:39pm | 29/01/10
  
  Ha! I love it. Mix and match any of these items for the perfect dress up party outfit:
  Ski pants
  Chambray shirts
  Head scarves
  Hypercoloured t-shirts
  Shoulder pads (any shape and size)
  Green or purple jeans
  Elasticised bracers
  Jumpers with built-in collars
  Happy pants
  Flared denim
  (you forgot: those plastic sunglasses with fluoro arms!)
  
  Reply
- GD says:
  
  01:59pm | 29/01/10
  
  I have a rip-off copy-cat pair of crocs.
  
  Sad hey.
  
  Reply
Wayne Hutchins says:

05:59am | 30/01/10

Its ok GD, that’s how I started. You have to crawl before you walk.
- iansand says:
  
  02:00pm | 29/01/10
  
  Jumpers with parrots knitted into them.
  
  Reply
- Elizabeth says:
  
  02:09pm | 29/01/10
  
  Tights as pants. ‘Nuff said.
  
  Reply
- AFR says:
  
  02:56pm | 29/01/10
  
  Not sure about past fashion, but I think the world would be better off without:
  
  Crocs
  Chicks wearing shorts in office jobs
  Ed Hardy
  Beer singlets (eg: Chang, Bintang).
  Wearing a suit without a tie (I’m talking about you, ABC weatherman)
  
  Reply
chris says:

08:55am | 30/01/10

People coming back from Bali should be made do declare Bintang t shirts at customs, where they would be confiscated and burnt.
- halberstram says:
  
  03:55pm | 29/01/10
  
  matching ties and pockets squares : : generally favoured by middled-aged , Howard-loving queens who think it is stylish should never be worn !
  
  Reply
- nic says:
  
  04:08pm | 29/01/10
  
  Brian May (Queen’s guitarist) is a long time clog wearer. Good enough for Dr. Bri, good enough for me.
  
  Reply
- Fortune Dagger says:
  
  04:23pm | 29/01/10
  
  Any of those stupid clothing items for women that require you to get undressed just to go to the toilet:
  bodysuits
  overalls
  jumpsuits. Yuck.
  
  Also,
  single lace gloves
  pom pom socks
  boob tubes
  leg warmers
  taffeta ANYTHING
  
  Reply
- Abi says:
  
  04:53pm | 29/01/10
  
  Omg I agree, AUSTRALIAN’S SAY NO CROCKS! And Ed Hardy just disgusts me.
  
  Reply
- Gavin says:
  
  05:44pm | 29/01/10
  
  Funny slogan shirts (“So everybody knows I’m funny)
  Hawaian shirts (when did these become the fashion icon of the obese?)
  Floral menswear (“I’m not gay - I’m metero!”).
  
  Reply
- kate says:
  
  06:46pm | 29/01/10
  
  Clogs have already made one come back since the 1970s - in the 90s. As for your suggestions Lucy, I also hate to be the bearer of very, very bad news but I am sure I have seen some shoulder pads Today personalities - even the lovely Lisa. Could they have already crept back without Nedahl knowing? As for the rest:
  
  Ski pants - like those low slung jeans, very few people can wear these
  Chambray shirts - yes, I like these
  Head scarves - yes
  Hypercoloured t-shirts - nooooooooo
  Shoulder pads (any shape and size) please, please no
  Green or purple jeans - nooooooooooooo
  Elasticised bracers - actually, I kinda like these. Am I sad?
  Jumpers with built-in collars - not sure
  Happy pants - don’t really know what these are
  Flared denim - now there is no need for such visual torment
  
  Reply
- chris says:
  
  11:27pm | 29/01/10
  
  Add the big ole Starsky and Hutch knitted jumpers to the list. Yes, I once owned one of these monstrosities.
  That list gives me an idea: Bogan Bingo. Players take the list of clothing items to a suburban Westfield and spot punters wearing said items. First one to finish wins. My nearest shopping centre is Colonnades - reckon I’ll be done in about 10 minutes.
  
  Reply
- Chilly Cam says:
  
  05:13am | 30/01/10
  
  It’s easy for any Aussie at home to say NO to ski pants….but as an Aussie, living in Canada (ie: currently winter, therefore frozen) I would be extremely grateful for fashionable ski pants!
  
  Otherwise, I think there is no definite no-nos for fashion. I’ve seen some ugly/odd/unique stuff look amazing on the right person with the right attitude. And isn’t that they way it should be? Is there not another article on this site poo-pooing how boring all the frocks were at the Golden Globes, and wishing for more Bjork (who I love) and Lady Gaga (whom I still believe is partially tranny)?
  
  That saud: I still wish skinny jeans never came back. I’m sorry, unless you’re Joey Ramone or Kate Moss they still equal a big fat no in my book.
  
  Reply
- jeff says:
  
  02:00pm | 30/01/10
  
  do you mean elasticised braces? I thought a bracer was the protective armguard worn by archers, or a nip of alcohol on a cold winter’s day?
  
  Reply
- KitttyKatttz says:
  
  02:28pm | 30/01/10
  
  Alas, I think this question has been asked a little too late. I definitely do not want to see the return of the balloon skirt, but I swear I have seen the puffy obscenity in “fast fashion” stores, preying on the young who are too innocent and naive to know any better. Oh the humanity!
  
  Reply
- Bitten says:
  
  05:05pm | 30/01/10
  
  What I want to know is what happened to the Bedazzler??!! That thing you bought on the home shopping channel to jazz up that jumper from nanna with nasty rhinestones! We need more of our lives bedazzled!
  
  Reply
- Vicki PS says:
  
  05:26pm | 30/01/10
  
  What’s wrong with shoulder pads? If you mean the ski ramps and gridiron armour of the 80s, fair enough, but no-one but an Olympic swimmer can wear some garments well without a bit of structure in the shoulder e.g. any tailored dress or jacket. Lots of dresses just don’t hang well without a bit of help in the shoulder line.
  Clogs as a fashion item we can do without, but they were originally work wear after all, and not just in the Netherlands. My husband wore clogs at work as a tanner in the north of England.
  
  Reply
- JJJ says:
  
  06:24pm | 31/01/10
  
  I think it’s cool to be uncool & even better to dress for comfort. Then again, I was the ONLY person I saw wearing crocs to the BDO… so that may be saying something.
  
  Reply
- Jonathan says:
  
  01:09pm | 01/02/10
  
  I haven’t seen a single mention of the Safari Suit
  
  Now there’s a fashion item that should never be allowed back!
  
  Reply
- Rob says:
  
  02:58pm | 01/02/10
  
  The leggings as pants craze. Bye bye.
  
  Reply