Winston Churchill once said that there are two things in life that are guaranteed, death and taxes.

A strong, healthy marriage unfortunately didn’t make the cut. 

And this is why I believe wholeheartedly in pre-nups.

Bad divorces can happen to good people and pre-nups act as a financial safety net.

Kanye West may have forgotten his table manners at the MTV Video Music Awards but he’s right about one thing.

People who refuse to sign pre-nups are gold diggers, pure and simple.

Pre-nups are a colloquial term for what is now legally known as a binding/financial agreement in Australia and contrary to popular belief; the agreement can be made before, during and after marriage.

There are similar contracts for de-facto couples and same sex couples. For argument’s sake, let’s just call them pre-nups.

While normally reserved for the rich and famous, pre-nups are on the rise in Australia and being drawn up for baby boomers, young professionals and people heading into their second marriage who have acquired a lot of assets and may need to support children from a previous marriage.

When it comes to protecting our emotional and physical well-being, we seemingly have no problem doing Google searches, stalking Facebook accounts and asking for STD tests but discussing pre-nups is a stigma and financial hurdle we can’t seem to get over.

Money is the number one reason why marriages end in divorce and yet more couples are likely to discuss their sexual history than their financial one.

Asking someone to sign a pre-nup is a good way to find out about their attitudes to money and to stop ignoring the elephant in the room.

Marriage is a spiritual union but it’s also a financial one. 

A pre-nup is simply insurance in case your marriage breaks down.

You don’t take out home insurance thinking your house will ever burn down or wanting it to burn down but in the likelihood it happens, you will be covered.

It’s also about protecting your partner’s assets and reassuring them you’re not just after them for their money and if you’re the more asset rich of the partnership, it’s about preparing for your partner’s future in a way that’s fair and equitable in the case of a break-up.

If you’re a starter wife or husband who supported your partner through business school or a stay at home parent who gave up their chance to earn money and acquire assets to look after a spouse and family, then you shouldn’t be left high and dry if your spouse wants to trade up (or trade down in my opinion).

You can’t put a price on love but you can certainly put a price on the cost of a mortgage, bringing up children and general living expenses.

It’s much better to hammer out the financials when everything is amicable than deciding who is going to have the family pet and wrestling over the heirlooms when bitterness and resentment has set in.

And call me new fashioned but I don’t believe all your financial security should ever lie in the hands of your partner.

They say you should never put all your eggs in one basket and I certainly don’t want to be left penniless or paying off someone’s debt if the chicken flies the coop. And on that financial note, I believe a husband and wife should have separate bank accounts.

However, this is the only time in a marriage where something on the side is encouraged unless you’re dining out.

Now I know what you’re going to say, that there is no ‘I’ in team but there is an ‘I’ in marriage, matrimony, alimony and divorce. I can rely on myself to be faithful, to act with integrity and honour my marriage vows but I can’t control what someone else will do.

Everyone starts out wanting the fairytale marriage but when one in three marriages end in divorce in Australia, statistics tell a different story.

And just remember too that the financial tables may turn and you might find yourself in the 4-inch shoes of Jessica Simpson who didn’t have a pre-nuptial agreement in place when she married Nick Lachey. At the time of their marriage, he was part of a successful boy band and the richer of the two.

However, Lachey’s solo career wasn’t as lucrative and at the time of their divorce, Simpson was the breadwinner and under California law, he was entitled to half of her assets.

With a good lawyer, she managed to get him down to less than half of her earnings, putting the dumb blonde theory to rest.

Jessica Simpson suffered the same fate as famous couples: Paul McCartney and Heather Mills, Madonna and Guy Ritchie and Greg Norman and Laura Andrassy who did not have a pre-nup agreement in place.

Let’s just hope the Great White Shark now separated from his second wife Chris Evert was bitten and twice shy from his first marriage and learnt from his mistake. And as for Kate Gosselin ... shudder!

A marriage is for better and for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health but in the worst case scenario and it’s ‘till debt do us apart and I’m left holding the baby, then I want all my paperwork in place.

And if your spouse is screwing you over, then at least let it only happen in the bedroom and not the boardroom. 

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28 comments

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    • Eric says:

      04:55am | 16/10/09

      Pre-nups are a myth.

      The sexist Family Court has the power to overturn any pre-nuptial agreement that it considers “unfair”. Of course, that negates the whole point of having such an agreement in the first place.

      As usual, men get the short end of the stick, with the overwhelming majority of rulings favouring women.

    • dude says:

      07:32am | 16/10/09

      It’s not the pre-nups must have I’m worried about, it’s the pre-hump must have!

    • Julia says:

      07:38am | 16/10/09

      I met my partner over the internet so I was determined to get a pre-nup just in case he was a Nigerian scandal.

      He refused. After four years together, I’m just waiting for him to run off and take my money ($37) and leave me with nothing.

      Meanwhile, he’s supporting me, my child and the two cats he gave me. And he moved me closer to my family.

      It’s an elaborate con, I just know it.

    • BW says:

      07:52am | 16/10/09

      If you really think you need a pre-nup, you really shouldn’t be getting married.

    • Sadhbh says:

      08:20am | 16/10/09

      BW, If you can’t talk about money, then you really shouldn’t be getting married.
      My partner and I have an arrangement in place, hopefully we will never need it,  but at least we won’t be broken-hearted and completely broke at the same time if we do ever split. And we both know, from sitting down and really talking things through, that we want a lot of the same things and what we are willing to do to get them.

      Good point here, I’ve seen too many people who blindly trusted or didn’t want to deal with financial reality encroaching romance left with not even the cash to afford a deposit on a rental when everything fell apart.

    • Heidi says:

      08:45am | 16/10/09

      Very well put, Gillian! There’s no shame in keeping your head when your heart wants to take over. Indeed, it may make for a healthier long term relationship!

    • Simmo says:

      08:47am | 16/10/09

      I agree with BW on the fact that if you think a pre-nup is needed, don’t bother getting married…

      If you go into a marriage and assume the money is “Our Money” rather than “Your Money and My Money” then there should not be any problems…

      My wife and I have been married for 10 years and have always looked at our finances in the “our money” way and have no problems. my brother on the other hand uses the other method with his wife and they are constantly fighting over whose money this bill or that bill os going to be paid from….

      Bottom line, if you don’t trust the person and think you need a pre-nup in case they screw you (or someone else) over, DON’T GET MARRIED

    • Hack, Sack and Crack says:

      09:04am | 16/10/09

      Gillian, there is either an “elephant in the room” or a “white elephant”.

      And: “They say you should never put all your eggs in one basket and I certainly don’t want to be left penniless or paying off someone’s debt if the chicken flies the coup.”

      Or coop ... if you must rely on metaphors to make your point, one per sentence is sufficient.

    • Lily says:

      09:24am | 16/10/09

      I’m with Simmo. For me, whatever I earn is as much my husband’s as it is mine and vice versa. Everything we have is “ours” and to me, that’s the way it should be.

    • Steve S says:

      09:52am | 16/10/09

      IMHO the only people who need worry about pre-nuptial agreements are those who are better than well-heeled and even more importantly, those who are getting married to a partner who’s financial position when juxtaposed to their’s is akin to the proverbial chalk and cheese;o)).

    • Gillian says:

      09:58am | 16/10/09

      @Hack, Sack and Crack: One metaphor is sufficent but two is a lot more fun. I knew I should have left in ‘Love is blind but you don’t have to wear rose-coloured glasses down the aisle’ grin Your comments have been noted.

      http://www.30isthenewblack.com

    • mm says:

      10:51am | 16/10/09

      Lol -
      I knew Eric would come out from under his rock for this one.
      Once again over looking the point of the story to push his anti women thoughts.

    • Simon Ingram says:

      11:15am | 16/10/09

      Why is it that I can’t go two days reading “The Punch” without reading yet another assault on marriage?

      Do The Punch journalists have something against marriage?

      Again, as per my comment two days ago, marriage is built on trust. Relationships are built on trust. You cannot possibly have a healthy marriage that has any hope of lasting a lifetime if you don’t even trust the other person enough to not be worried that he/she is a gold digger who plans to rob you!

      Our pre-marital counsellor said some very wise words to us: “You must see this as being for life. You must have no “plan b”.” Marriage can only work if you see it as being for life with no “plan b”. If you see it any other way then your marriage is doomed right from the start.

      I look forward to us going a few days at least without an article assaulting marriage…?...

    • Bob H says:

      11:17am | 16/10/09

      All the work of genetic office plods.  ” I cannot love you, for I do not have a relevant form”.  Once the love form has been submitted, then the “intent to marry” certification can be issued, but remember to lodge the “pre nup” documentation at the same time, complete with your marriage KPIs.  You may then move forward to the marriage forms before proceeding to your ceremony that will deliver the happiness outcomes, as long as those marriage KPIs are within the tolerance ranges .

    • Eric says:

      11:24am | 16/10/09

      Lol -

      I knew some fool would come out and spew personal insults without addressing any of the issues raised in this thread.

    • RGG says:

      11:35am | 16/10/09

      Eric, speaking as a lawyer who practises primarily in family law litigation, you are an idiit. Properly executed BFAs are ridiculously hard to overturn (believe me, I’ve tried several times) and this is generally only done in cases of fraud or as the result of other misconduct taking place at the time of entering the agreement. You want sources, you say? See section 90K of the Family Law Act.

      I wish there was a law that prevented people who aren’t lawyers from giving a legal opinion.

    • Nik says:

      11:43am | 16/10/09

      Well why don’t say: if you are scared to cope with pre-nup, DON’T GET MARRIED !

      Why think the marriage as blessed and assets as evil… isn’t it a medioeval way of thinking. Come on!

    • Emma says:

      11:44am | 16/10/09

      With people getting married later, it only seems sensible for both parties involved.

    • Stuart says:

      12:41pm | 16/10/09

      This article had an air of common sense and was opening up my mind towards this concept, then you started referencing celebrities instead of “real people” case studies. YAWN. I’m with Simmo: it’s all “Our Money” and has been since we were engaged 3 years ago. My wife and I have discussed money many times and had pragmatic chats about the “what if scenario” if our relationship should end.  The only problem we have identified in that horrible, heartbreaking circumstance is that I would have trouble getting her to accept half of the assets, as she assumes she would be entitled to less. Money is only one facet of the relationship, intertwined with every other facet. Yes I earn significantly more, but the support and love I have from her to be a better person and hence a better employee (and husband, son, brother, friend, etc) is invaluable. At the end of the day it is a personal choice, and I can understand why second or older marriages might have more need for it with children and substantial assets in the picture. But not for us.

    • Hitchy says:

      01:04pm | 16/10/09

      I ‘d be concerned if the missus thought I had enough money to worry about a pre-nup!....anyway, what bloke doesn’t have the ‘secret, discretionary spending funds account’ , that the missus knows nothing about….I suspect she has one as well, as a new Dyson vaccum arrived to live at our place last week….& I know I can’t afford a $700 vaccum!

    • Richard says:

      01:33pm | 16/10/09

      Gillian - Based on your bio, I see you are currently single.  I would love to hear an updated blog entry when you go through with this yourself!  Keep us updated.

    • Stuart says:

      01:37pm | 16/10/09

      Gillian - if this is an opinion piece, please give us your take - are you married? Do yuo have a pre-nup? Do you actually agree with the “indisputable” wisom of Mr K. West?
      If this is an article then please provide some evidence of research, stats, quotes from people who actually write “pre-nups” or who have executed one recently, and any other backup to qualify your comments.
      If this is a celebrity quoting, off the cuff piece of junk (which it is) then write it somewhere else.

    • Gillian says:

      02:22pm | 16/10/09

      @Stuart: This is not a feature article. It’s an opinion piece and I stated my opinion very clearly in the third sentence: “And this is why I believe wholeheartedly in pre-nups” and that I agreed with Kanye West. I reinforced my opinion throughout the piece.

      @Richard: My opinion is not going to change when I get married. Give me a bit more credit :-p I lead with my head and follow with my heart which is maybe why I’m still single :-p

      http://www.30isthenewblack.com

    • Adam Dennis says:

      02:23pm | 16/10/09

      If money is that important to you, sure, get an agreement in place. But should my marriage ever fail, the last thing I’ll be worrying about is money. Every part of my life is tied up in my relationship with my wife, so losing that would be effectively losing everything; the financial considerations would be trivial by contrast.

      And while I acknowledge that Paul McCartney and others have paid handsomely at the dark end of their marriages ... they’re people who can afford to pay, right? It’s not as if Sir Paul is driving an old Vauxhall and living in a squalid flat in Liverpool. The ugliness of that particular divorce said as much about McCartney’s greed as it did about Mills’.

      Sometimes I think I’m very much out of step with our society’s obsession with pursuing vast amounts of money.

    • Sally says:

      02:47pm | 16/10/09

      One vital predictor of a successful marriage is commitment. For a relationship to last one could argue that commitment, companionship and mutual respect is more important than passion & love. Getting a pre-nup foreshadows a split. Symbollically it undermines the deep psychological commitment two individuals have for one another so I suspect that is why most people don’t go for them.

    • Teri LaFlesh says:

      03:32pm | 16/10/09

      You make excellent points, Gillian! I do think it’s important to be able to talk it through, even if you might not get one officially drawn up. It’s a good way to learn more about your potential partner’s beliefs about money and your partnership.

    • nat says:

      11:36pm | 16/10/09

      I was quite happy with the “our money” account my ex-fiance and I had in addition to the “my money” account…equal contribution to shared expenses, and no guilt over using “our money” to buy something that I wanted…and when it all fell apart, very easy to recuperate and divide deposits on things. You can have trust in a relationship, without having to sacrifice yourself financially to prove it.

    • Onadrought says:

      06:52pm | 17/10/09

      Agree Gillian, a pre-nup or keeping a huge chunk of your money separate.
      I’ve got a few friends going through divorces at the moment, and the settlement issues seem like hell. And these couples don’t even have kids.
      Even though people here seem to be saying, pre-nups are ineffective, if they worked, it could simply state things like, ‘if we split, we sell the house and split the proceeds 50-50” or whatever. I know of couples that have put off separating for years after the initially wanted to simply because of the complexities of dividing up the goods.

      What’s with these people that say, if you are going to get married, don’t get a pre-nup? Why is that with our 45% divorce rate, some people believe they will be immune from this. As Gillian says, you can’t control the other person.

 

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