Phones on the throne really piss me off

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Filed under: Etiquette, Health, Mobile Phones, Society, Toilet

35 comments

Okay, I realise as far as pressing, first world problems go, this isn’t nudging the top of the charts, but it’s Friday — so bugger it.

And then I said to her….

I am puzzled by many things, but fairly high on the list is why people make/take phone calls while in/on the toilet. Granted it’s probably not the worst sound you could hear emanating from a toilet cubicle, but seriously, why?

Do you feel so important sitting on “the throne” that you need to take that call right then and there? Can’t you call them back?

If you are that “busy” that you need to be on a toilet teleconference, you have major time management issues. I understand the mobile phone has now become essential for society to function, but surely bodily functions would have slightly more importance.

Really, how vital is that phone call? Unless you’re on speakerphone to an operating theatre directing how to perform emergency neurosurgery or the control tower has patched you in to talk a heroic passenger through landing an A380, it can wait.

I’ve always found it odd how there is a phone in hotel room toilets. You just don’t want to be visualising (or hearing) what is occurring when the other half of your call is on the line in a lavatory. What is even worse is the fact that I’ve heard people explaining — while expelling — that they are in the toilet. As you would.

Apart from the general weirdness, it just seems unhygienic. I don’t want to be having a conversation with someone who continually has to interrupt the call with bursts of verbal (or otherwise) diarrhea.

A hang-up? Absolutely.

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35 comments

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- Daemon says:
  
  11:11am | 23/06/12
  
  Phuque the humour today is outstanding.
  
  Reply
- baddog says:
  
  12:17pm | 22/06/12
  
  I lost a phone down a squat toilet once. It drpped out my backpocket as I was standing up. Had to put my hand in to retrieve it. Moral of the story - a phone in the hand is worth more than a phone down the crapper.
  
  Reply
Scotchfinger says:

12:49pm | 22/06/12

I hope you wash your mouth after a phone call. ‘Hi darlin’, give us a kiss.’ ‘Whoa baddog, what have you been eating, a chiko roll?’
- prosperity says:
  
  12:16pm | 22/06/12
  
  Earthlings have lost the plot. So obsessed are they with their cheap and nasty possessions, their misguided obsessions and a lack of meaningful values, that most things they do are beyond the reason and certainly the desire of any intelligent being. Earthlings surrender their lives to the pursuit of immediate gratification at the expense of everything and everyone else.
  
  They will pay the price. They are sowing the seeds of their own self-destruction. Many of us superior life forms may well say the sooner the better, if it were not for the fact that all other life forms on the Planet will be innocent victims.
  
  As for me, having had a good laugh watching the ship go down, I plan to return to Uranus.
  
  Reply
Daemon says:

11:09am | 23/06/12

Amazing what can be done with an inter-planetary telescope….
- PG says:
  
  11:42am | 22/06/12
  
  When I hear someone in a cubicle on the their phone I make as many loud disgusting noises as I can
  
  Reply
- embracedmadness says:
  
  11:07am | 22/06/12
  
  Has anyone else noticed the declining amount of cubicle graffiti since the use of smart phones has increased?
  
  Reply
Angry Fat Bitch says:

11:13pm | 22/06/12

I have now!
- Scotchfinger says:
  
  10:40am | 22/06/12
  
  What a great article to be posting on a Friday morning before lunch. Well done, Marlborough Man.
  
  Reply
- Stacey says:
  
  09:43am | 22/06/12
  
  I agtee, its weird! I don’t want to figure out you’re on the loo when we’re calling.
  Re the germs, though, your phone wouldn’t get any ranker in the loo than on a usual phonecall. Unless you’re doing it wrong. I mean, mostly its only very young children that poo and then require a shower and change your clothes.
  
  Reply
Smithy says:

11:07am | 23/06/12

Hmmm, over-generalisation again. I need both hands and Bluetooth to manage the loo… Bluetooth takes care of the phone.. and well you can work out the rest.

Please beware, a large snake was just seen near cubicle 2 in the gents on level 3.
common sense says:

10:39am | 22/06/12

It’s quite easy to use the toilet with 1 hand and use the phone with the other hand so there is no reason any more germs than normal will make it to your phone
Kersten says:

10:05am | 22/06/12

There’s a reason you need to wash your hands after going to the loo. Unless you’ve got Bluetooth on I can’t see how you can get out of it without some transference of germs from hand to phone….unless you don’t bother to wipe yourself if course….which to my kind would be doing it wrong
- Sam says:
  
  09:33am | 22/06/12
  
  This comment is coming to you from stall number 3.
  
  Reply
- Scotchfinger says:
  
  09:22am | 22/06/12
  
  Personally, from what I have heard from young people in ‘conversation’ on their dumbphones, the sounds of a bowel movement would be preferable. No offence to any young people out there.
  
  Reply
Daemon says:

11:03am | 23/06/12

Someone had to do it and Match, you just made it OK. Thanks.

Age is not a spontaneous cure for stupidity, as evidenced by how many seniors/pensioners, voted LNP in the recent poll.
Jason says:

09:52pm | 22/06/12

Accuracy also counts as an exception. “oh, like she was like, watching twilight and it was like sooo cool bieber bieber” I’ll take the plop-plop as well.
Scotchfinger says:

10:38am | 22/06/12

@Matchofbris, I’m sure you’re an exception *conciliatory smile*
Matchofbris says:

10:28am | 22/06/12

You can’t say something generalising and offensive, and then make it magically acceptable by tacking “no offence” on the end, you know that right?

So, what… is age a spontaneous cure for stupidity?
- Arnold Layne says:
  
  08:39am | 22/06/12
  
  What about Twitter on the Shitter?
  
  Reply
Matchofbris says:

09:59am | 22/06/12

Twitter should trademark and market that phrase!

“... in 140 bowel movements or less.”
Mahhrat says:

09:58am | 22/06/12

Sounds like a PPV.
- thatmosis says:
  
  08:34am | 22/06/12
  
  Pretty gross but my pet peeve about mobile phones is when you are actually talking to someone face to face and they get a call and don’t even think about you and answer it as if their whole lives depended on it.
  When this happens I just walk away and leave them to it and when they finally catch up to me and ask why I walked away I tell them that I don’t like ignorant people and by ignoring me to answer the phone they have joined those ranks.
  There are message banks for such occasions and I think its the height of ignorance to expect someone to hold on while you take a call that isn’t life threatening. It seems that electronic communication must take precedence over personal communication at all costs and if so I don’t want to know.
  
  Reply
Inky says:

10:54am | 22/06/12

@Steve-Albury

“Should”, but people in line are less likely to leave than someone is to try calling again when they can’t get through. It’s not rocket surgery.

And nice one, Brando
Brando says:

10:01am | 22/06/12

I once left a restaurant when the girl I was with answered her third call during lunch. While she was talking I simply put some money on the table and walked out without explanation.

When running in to her later I answered her “what happened to you the other day” by telling her that it was obvious that she found my company so uninteresting I thought it was rude to continue to inflict it on her.
Steve-Albury says:

09:53am | 22/06/12

Too true thatmosis.

When stuck in a long queue at a shop, i have called the shop on my phone. They regularly stop serving customers to take a call, and deal with the call first. Then i ask them to put the stuff on the counter for me, and go and get it.

“In person” should trump “on the phone” everytime!
Macca says:

09:13am | 22/06/12

I answer the call and tell the person I am with someone and that I will call them back when I’m next free. I also apologise to the person I was speaking to before and after for the 10 second interruption. It might be a little rude, but I feel it creates a perception of being ‘accessible’, which is a well-valued trait.
- Pilliga Princess says:
  
  08:08am | 22/06/12
  
  I’ve seen young women go into the loo, whilst still talking on their mobile phones, continue the call whist there, and they’re still talking when they emerge. Nor do they stop to wash their hands. It’s really gross.
  
  Reply
LJ Dots says:

12:26pm | 22/06/12

Pilliga, guys are also known to offend.

I hope you are reading this Stephen, ^^This is real reason why the chaps at work do not shake your hand at meetings.
Scotchfinger says:

08:58am | 22/06/12

I thought girls were sugar and spice and perfume. In fact, I didn’t know they went to the toilet at all, I thought they went in to adjust their undergarments. Thanks for bursting my bubble, Pilliga. Drat.
- Mahhrat says:
  
  07:47am | 22/06/12
  
  You touch on the answer yourself. Considering what noises COULD be coming out of the cubicle, I’ll take a conversation.
  
  Seriously, what’s the issue? You want to crap in silence? It’s not a church just because there’s plenty of pew.
  
  Reply
- Kersten says:
  
  07:45am | 22/06/12
  
  Oh my god, people seriously do this? Even IF you wash your hands, how the hell do you handle the germs on your phone?! The sound effects mid call must be just lovely. How grotty can you get?
  
  Reply
Inky says:

10:52am | 22/06/12

Does your phone live in your pocket?

If yes, it’s probably no more germy by it. Unless you’re a majhor neat freak/germophobe, the keyboard you used to type this is probably more germ ridden than your toilet.

Happy typing
- Macca says:
  
  07:29am | 22/06/12
  
  I take my phone with me. I don’t make phone calls or communicate with people, but I will read the news or opinion pieces, maybe play the odd level of Angry Birds.
  
  I don’t see these activities any different to the reading of a newspaper.
  
  Reply
- Louie the (hygienic) Fly says:
  
  06:08am | 22/06/12
  
  Yes! And I just know they don’t wash the phone along with the hands after they finished business. Germy.
  
  Reply