As tumbleweeds roll through the corridors of power, federal pollies are working feverishly on their New Year’s resolutions.
If you think they’re all about weight loss or giving up the grog – think again.
Last night, The Punch received a confidential email from a G. Grech containing tantalising details about our dear leaders’ resolutions for 2010. Here’s a small sample.
Anthony Albanese plans to include a covenant in future press releases, after he announced cutbacks to airport security a week before the Christmas Day terror attack.
Nick Minchin will do some research on climate change that doesn’t involve either Ian Plimer or Christopher Monckton.
Malcolm Turnbull finally intends to read “How to Win Friends and Influence People”.
Joe Hockey will enroll in the Maths Online course so he can get the numbers right for the next leadership challenge.
Kevin Rudd will try to keep his promises. No, hang on. he just changed that. Will try to keep some of his promises. Nope, let me clarify his position on that: he won’t be making any promises.
Tony Abbott wants to buy some funky new boardies and get rid of his budgie smugglers. And his policy weather vane.
Penny Wong resolves to heed by the Serenity Prayer: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”
Christopher Pyne hopes to complete his collection of Arnold Schwarzenegger movies.
Barnaby Joyce finally agrees to repeated requests by his colleagues to have his tongue cut out.
As for me, I hope to improve on my contribution to the sum of human knowledge.
My most popular column for The Punch this year centred on the egregious practice of inserting the possessive apostrophe in the wrong place.
Talk about tackling the big issues.
Happy New Year!
Tracey Spicer is hosting the 2UE Breakfast program with Stuart Bocking over the summer break.
Facebook Recommendations
Read all about it
Punch live
Up to the minute Twitter chatter
Recent posts
The latest and greatest
The Punch is moving house
Good morning Punchers. After four years of excellent fun and great conversation, this is the final post…
Will Pope Francis have the vision to tackle this?
I have had some close calls, one that involved what looked to me like an AK47 pointed my way, followed…
Advocating risk management is not “victim blaming”
In a world in which there are still people who subscribe to the vile notion that certain victims of sexual…
Nosebleed Section
choice ringside rantings
From: Hasbro, go straight to gaol, do not pass go
Tim says:
They should update other things in the game too. Instead of a get out of jail free card, they should have a Dodgy Lawyer card that not only gets you out of jail straight away but also gives you a fat payout in compensation for daring to arrest you in the first place. Instead of getting a hotel when you… [read more]From: A guide to summer festivals especially if you wouldn’t go
Kel says:
If you want a festival for older people or for families alike, get amongst the respectable punters at Bluesfest. A truly amazing festival experience to be had of ALL AGES. And all the young "festivalgoers" usually write themselves off on the first night, only to never hear from them again the rest of… [read more]Gentle jabs to the ribs
Superman needs saving
Can somebody please save Superman? He seems to be going through a bit of a crisis. Eighteen months ago,… Read more
Most commented