Our politicians’ New Year’s resolutions
As tumbleweeds roll through the corridors of power, federal pollies are working feverishly on their New Year’s resolutions.
If you think they’re all about weight loss or giving up the grog – think again.
Last night, The Punch received a confidential email from a G. Grech containing tantalising details about our dear leaders’ resolutions for 2010. Here’s a small sample.
Anthony Albanese plans to include a covenant in future press releases, after he announced cutbacks to airport security a week before the Christmas Day terror attack.
Nick Minchin will do some research on climate change that doesn’t involve either Ian Plimer or Christopher Monckton.
Malcolm Turnbull finally intends to read “How to Win Friends and Influence People”.
Joe Hockey will enroll in the Maths Online course so he can get the numbers right for the next leadership challenge.
Kevin Rudd will try to keep his promises. No, hang on. he just changed that. Will try to keep some of his promises. Nope, let me clarify his position on that: he won’t be making any promises.
Tony Abbott wants to buy some funky new boardies and get rid of his budgie smugglers. And his policy weather vane.
Penny Wong resolves to heed by the Serenity Prayer: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”
Christopher Pyne hopes to complete his collection of Arnold Schwarzenegger movies.
Barnaby Joyce finally agrees to repeated requests by his colleagues to have his tongue cut out.
As for me, I hope to improve on my contribution to the sum of human knowledge.
My most popular column for The Punch this year centred on the egregious practice of inserting the possessive apostrophe in the wrong place.
Talk about tackling the big issues.
Happy New Year!
Tracey Spicer is hosting the 2UE Breakfast program with Stuart Bocking over the summer break.
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