Once at an NRL match, Wests Tigers fullback Tim Brasher hurled a small novelty footy my way. Pretty sure the thing was intended for his nephew or cousin, but I snatched it, I took it home and that was that.

Leaving aside the fact that a Sydney rugby league fan actually got off his backside and went to a game, there is nothing remarkable about this anecdote. Finders, keepers. Especially at sporting venues.

Yet public sympathy today appears to be leaning heavily towards 14 year old obsessive Novak Djokovic fan Melissa Cook, who missed out on a shirt thrown her way. And public fury is being unleashed on the fan who snatched the shirt.

Help me out, Punchers. Help us all out. Is the shirt snatcher really the bad guy in this? Admittedly, she seemed to act with a certain disdain for those around her, much like the emu who stole a lamb chop straight off my BBQ hotplate at Tidbinbilla Nature Reserve near Canberra over summer.

But, come on. The shirt was thrown into the crowd. The minute it left Djokovic’s hand it was public property. You want to send something direct to someone, wrap it up in a package and buy a stamp. No?

Anyway, worse things happen at sea. Especially in the seas of Tasmania. Much worse things.

Don’t press play on the video below yet. First, ask yourself, do I like dolphins? Of course you do.

Now ask, do you despise jet skiers? Of course you do. You agree, as any sane citizen does, that they are the hoons of the seas. That to own a jet ski your head has more hair product than brains. These things are givens, right?

OK, so now watch the video.

Unbelievable. The sick f-cking bastards.

Tasmanian wildlife biologist Kris Carlyon said the harassed dolphins would likely leave the waters of Lauderdale, just east of Hobart, and not return for a while.

“This is a sad example of people getting over-excited and ruining it for everyone else,” Mr Carlyon added.

Another way of putting that would be: these knob monkeys deserve to have motorised dolphins swim through their living rooms with chainsaws that play Justin Bieber music.

As Elaine and Jerry once noted in Seinfeld:

Elaine: Ugh. I hate people.
Jerry: Yeah, they’re the worst.

Most commented


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    • chopper knows says:

      11:08am | 31/01/12

      Nothing new here. It’s a Western democracy.  Western capitilistic propaganda encourages greed and selfishness. Looks like a normal society to me.
      IF that person did’nt try and grab the shirt then I would more be fascinated…

    • john says:

      12:20pm | 31/01/12

      “Looks like a normal society to me.”

      Agree, I’ve been taught of late in cases of unfairness or injustice to just “suck it up’.

      Your right chopper its normal society in this day and age, everyone should just “suck it up” .

    • josh says:

      01:55pm | 31/01/12

      That’s the problem with people today, every one is cnut. Exemplified by chopper’s and john’s attitude.

      If you had an once of decency between you it’d be lonely.

    • Bruno says:

      02:58pm | 31/01/12

      it wasn’t the snatch catch that bothers me, it was the way she was sizing the shirt up once she caught it, I thought she was going to eat it

    • Tom says:

      03:18pm | 31/01/12

      Gold, Bruno.

    • Jeremy says:

      11:20am | 31/01/12

      @Chopper - you sound like you suspect that everyone you meet is about to jump you for your shirt? It must be tiring being so cynical.
      You can tell the shirt was clearly meant for her, and the other woman stretched across. You’d have to be a real dk not to realise what a dk move you just made (hopefully out of excitement, not cruelty).

    • john says:

      12:28pm | 31/01/12

      @Jeremy “You can tell the shirt was clearly meant for her,”

      We all know & can see that, however she and everyone should ‘suck it up’.

      Just like gillard losing her shoe - she should just “suck it up” - its gone to a new owner and they can sell it on ebay.

      Lose your job, death in family etc etc…Ive been told to ” suck it uo”.

      I don’t like it, but hey that’s the norm now. I hear “suck it up ” on radio, TV, in fact everywhere 7 all the time.

      Don’t like my reply Jeremy? then “suck it up”.

    • Erick says:

      11:37am | 31/01/12

      “these knob monkeys deserve to have motorised dolphins swim through their living rooms with chainsaws that play Justin Bieber music.”

      Truth Of The Year!

      (so far)

    • Mahhrat says:

      12:25pm | 31/01/12

      Hell yes.

      These sorts of things are why I want a law about “General Fuckwittery”, the punishment for which is 100 hours community service doing the exact opposite thing.  That would mean in this case 100 hours cleaning up a desert.

    • Wynston Cruso says:

      04:02pm | 31/01/12

      Yes. 100 hours of ‘combing’ the desert with giant novelty combs.

    • Tator says:

      05:43pm | 31/01/12

      the greenies will force them to use mutated sea bass with frickin lasers attached to their heads instead of dolphins

    • Michael C. Donovan says:

      12:21pm | 03/02/12

      @Winston: “They ain’t found s**t!”

    • Tim says:

      11:41am | 31/01/12

      That shirt was fair game once it left his hand.
      If he handed it to the girl and the other woman tried to take it, fair enough that wouldn’t be right but this is completely different.
      If you snooze, you lose.

    • Leopold says:

      11:41am | 31/01/12

      The shirt thing is nonsense. She’s 14. She’s a fanatic. Both classes are inherently shallow idiots. She’ll get another chance to soak herself in the sweat of another universally useless male in due course.

    • Levi says:

      01:20pm | 31/01/12

      so true haha

    • RJB says:

      11:48am | 31/01/12

      Don’t know what game you were attending but Tim Brasher never played for Wests Tigers, he did however, play for the Balmain Tigers.

    • Anthony Sharwood

      Anthony Sharwood says:

      12:06pm | 31/01/12

      Hmmm. Memory plays funny tricks. Well I was a Balmain Tigers fan first so that explains that

    • Fred says:

      02:17pm | 31/01/12

      Yes, he did, even I know that and I don’t care much about NRL.

      As for the shirt well the tennis player subconsciously threw it in the direction of the 14 year old because she’s a lot more attractive. However there was no clear intent to give it to her. So the fat lady wins.

    • CJ says:

      11:59am | 31/01/12

      You’ve done it again. This really is Australia’s Best Conversation.

    • Sickened says:

      12:03pm | 31/01/12

      Can someone explain the appeal of getting some guys disgsusting sweat soaked shirt is? To me, its f****** sick. If some tosser threw his disgusting shirt at me, I’d jump down and punch him in the face.

    • Mahhrat says:

      12:21pm | 31/01/12

      eBay *shrugs*

    • Wynston Cruso says:

      04:04pm | 31/01/12

      What Mahhrat said, in the hopes that one day you’ll own a big sports bar.

    • Sandle says:

      06:28pm | 31/01/12

      Human cloning (BBT)

    • Vicki PS says:

      10:55pm | 31/01/12

      It was when he mixed clay and spittle and smeared it all over their eyelids that I got the dry heaves.

    • Seth Brundle says:

      12:02pm | 01/02/12

      Chicks are always trying to grab my sweat-soaked clothing, especially my underwear.  Perhaps you are just a shrivelled up prude with no sex drive?

    • No thanks says:

      02:15pm | 03/02/12

      Gee mate calm down! No need to go smacking anyone in the head. Don’t be a loser!

    • Disco Stu says:

      12:08pm | 31/01/12

      Be a sport and give it back I say. When all decency is dead you’ll wish someone had some!

    • Benny says:

      10:06am | 03/02/12

      I wouldn’t give it back to some kid if I caught it, just imagine if it was the other way around… but at least charity ended up being the winner in this one, the kids mum paid 5k for the shirt when it went up for a charity auction

    • Capsicum says:

      12:11pm | 31/01/12

      Is it wrong to wish one of those leaping great white sharks from South Africa would leap out of the water and take both jet skiers in one karmic leap of awesomeness?  Two less bogans to pollute the gene pool.


    • Arthur says:

      12:31pm | 31/01/12

      The rest of us are such pure beings. We don’t have any impact on native flora and fauna. All 7 billion of us. Get some perspective people. We’re all destroying this beautiful world.

      Where are the days when we used to care about the fuzzy nosed wombat habitat about to be destroyed by a highway? GONE.

      We’ve ramped it up a gear without even realising it. Now the subject is global warming. We’ve wrecked THE WHOLE THING and are dithering while the planet takes it’s last gasps. The transition from 7 billion to a sustainable 2 billion will be the most devastating chapter in human history. It’s coming sooner than later too with peek oil looming.

    • Trevor says:

      02:50pm | 31/01/12

      I hear you Arthur. Everyone thinks I’m mad too, even though the evidence is a plain as day! 2005 was the year I would say, although all will become apparent in the rearview mirror.

      All the best mate, hope the doomstead is coming along!

    • Simon says:

      12:32pm | 31/01/12

      The guy’s a dog in my opinion.  Djoker didn’t lob it up into the air for a mad scramble.  He very directly and purposely tossed it to the girl.  I mean c’mon, it’s a 14 year old girl.  Give it back to the kid you muppet.

    • SM says:

      01:00pm | 31/01/12

      What guy?

    • Dan Webster says:

      12:37pm | 31/01/12

      Top comment on youtube sums it up >

      “I didn’t think? that fat bitch can fit in that shirt.”  - lol

      He was aiming at the young girl who just learnt that there are people out there who think only of themselves.
      (I hate thieves)

      As for the Dolphins, that guy should be shamed. People who attack animals for no reason are low life scum.

    • Tchom says:

      01:24pm | 31/01/12

      Dolphins are the worst animals ever. They are universally accepted by marine biologists as the ‘dickheads of the sea.’ Recent evidence suggests that it was a faeces of dolphins (‘faeces ’ being the collective noun for dolphins) that was responsible for pushing the iceberg that sank the RMS Titanic into its path, as well as drowning and eating many of the survivors as they waited in the water. There are also many accounts of dolphins beaching themselves at popular holiday destinations,  grabbing children in their razor-teeth and dragging them back into the ocean. Dolphins are the only animal capable of racism and slavery. They also urinate poison.

    • Wynston Cruso says:

      03:57pm | 31/01/12

      Correct Tchom. Dolphins are the rapists of the ocean, and the only other animal in the world aside from humans that is known to kill exclusively for fun. Dr Evil was wrong in going for sharks with lasers, he should’ve just got regular, rapist, baby killing dolphins (they kill babies - targetting the cutest ones first). I’m going to start a campaign to eradicate this menace. Planet of the Apes would have been far scarier, and more realistic if it had have been dolphins. Sure, intelligent, canabalistic chimps are scary. Until you’re living in a world run by rapey sea monsters with lasers attached to their heads.

    • Borderer says:

      04:07pm | 31/01/12

      I also heard that dolphins started the Spanish American war by sinking the USS Maine. It seems a certain group of shadowy figures have been manipulating history for centuries, AND THEY WANT OUR FISH!!!!

    • Vicki PS says:

      11:01pm | 31/01/12

      It is little-know fact that dolphins despise seafood and much prefer TimTams and egg-n-lettuce sandwiches.  Their habit of approaching humans at sea and grinning appealingly is nothing more that egregious begging.  Dolphins have no fear and even less shame.

    • LostinPerth says:

      12:55pm | 31/01/12

      Hope they catch the jet skiers and expose them for the prats they are. What a pair of dickheads

    • M says:

      01:09pm | 31/01/12

      Not every jet skiier runs over dolphins. I’ve ridden jet skis a bunch of times, but i’d never harm an innocent animal.

      Very narrow minded piece there.

    • TC says:

      01:52pm | 31/01/12

      He never said “every jet skier runs over dolphins” but he does imply that you’re all a bunch of muppets, which I whole heartedly agree. Jet skiers are like Kyle Sandilands, loud, obnoxious, classless and totally inconsiderate to others in the area.

    • M says:

      02:11pm | 31/01/12

      Does a little bit of noise annoy you TC? Or is it that the Jet Skiiers are possibly having more fun than you that annoys you?

    • Trevor says:

      02:56pm | 31/01/12

      IMHO riding a jet ski is akin to riding a motorbike around on a airport tarmac. I think my bogan interest in that would last about 5 minutes.

      The only real uses I can think of are big wave surfing and posing.

    • M says:

      04:45pm | 31/01/12

      @ Trevor, you know you can tow tubes and skiiers behind a jetski right?

      And I’m guessing you guys have never ridden either a jetski or a motorbike?

    • willie says:

      05:51pm | 31/01/12

      ive been riding a jetski and had dolfins come to me. dont know if they were telling me to piss off or were enjoying chasing me. so dont judge too quickly.

      i ddint watch the video though so if im obviously wrong sorry.

    • DOB says:

      01:42pm | 31/01/12

      For the last 2 summers my local beach - which is a kid’s beach really (but it has a nice cafe - thats my excuse) - has been overrun by jetskis. So when I go off for an idyllic morning of sun and sand I might as well just go down to an industrial plant and soak up the noise and fumes. My area is a bit famous for dolphins too and I have seen packs of jetskiiers closely circling pods of dolphins for extended periods. I am an enthisiastic motorcyclist but I cannot see the interest in these noisy stinky pointless machines - basically you can go up and down and around and around. And then you can do that a bit more. And thats pretty much it. Being subjected to these things up close, and watching them harass the wildlife, is infuriating. As far as I am concerned the only place these things and their passengers should be allowed to travel is 10 miles out to sea.

    • Fred says:

      02:21pm | 31/01/12

      I think the jet skiers were just trying to get close to the dolphins? I don’t condone what they did but I don’t think they were being malicious and were just stupid people.

    • Bruno says:

      02:55pm | 31/01/12

      ha an emu! try going to nightcap national park, 3 kookburras and a goana

    • AliG says:

      03:23pm | 31/01/12

      Ban ban ban ban ! finally got the ammo! O how they annoy us while we relax on our waterfront mansions!?BAN
      And the dogs on the beach, lets set up some tripe in the newspapers comparing them to firearms!BAN(pitbulls first totalitarian tiptoe) What else annoys us upper crust folk? OH the internet!....

    • AliG says:

      03:26pm | 31/01/12

      Take yourself and a craypot DOB

    • slow dread says:

      12:00am | 01/02/12

      Look, this was a perfectly good rant until AliG ran over the dolphin in the room…(that’s LIKE the elephant in the room, but more new age. So like the elephant in the room with Kris Pyne is gayness, but the dolphin would be a whale sized feminine side).
      SO. We should email the names of these eggfertilisers to the sea shepherd’s younger cousin.

    • Luke says:

      08:25am | 01/02/12

      Shirt should be donated to the National Sports Museum to put in its tennis archives.  Neither deserve it after their carrying on like pork chops.

    • Les S says:

      01:15pm | 01/02/12

      It was a low act, plain and simple.

    • Been there, done that. says:

      03:39pm | 01/02/12

      Melissa reacted in a way that a girl her age would ( in most cases), so give her a break. Mrs Rothschild behaved the same way, with the exception that she behaved like a schoolyard bully with a seagull mentality. She may as well have said “Na-na-na-na-na, it’s all mine and you can’t have it!”  Ever seen a flock of seagulls fight for a chip? No manners whatsoever. Mrs Rothschild is a grown-up however and act her age. Sadly for Melissa, it’s a tough life lesson you have just received, kiddo. People only look out for themselves at the end of the day and sometimes at the expense of upsetting others.

    • Charli says:

      12:14pm | 03/02/12

      Melissa do doubt cries when she loses at musical chairs too.

    • John Cartwright says:

      02:22pm | 03/02/12

      They should ban this sort of activity in any area that has dolphins. They are more intelligent than humans anyway, especially these braindead morons.

    • janet says:

      04:02pm | 03/02/12

      First In Best Dressed, once it left his hands it was fair game.


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