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Filed under: Crime, Stockholm G4s Heist, World News

29 comments

Steal a helicopter. Dress like ninjas.

The G4S facility outside Stockholm that was spectacularly robbed

Show you have a sense of humour by placing a bag outside the cops’ helicopter hanger with the word BOMB written on it. This will stop the police chasing you in the sky.

Scatter small sharp objects on the roads around the bank you’re targeting to slow down approaching police cars.

Rather than targeting a regular bank, choose a facility that stores banknotes for them.

Get schematics of the building.

Plan the raid for the day before people get paid, so there’ll be lots of cash kicking around.

Hover the chopper over the bank while your men abseil in.

Have a pilot so good that authorities suspect military experience.

Set off some minor explosions to get to the cash.

Chuckle at the cops as they try to get into the fortified building using a battering ram.

Leave all the staff unharmed.

The getaway

Return to the helicopter and fly into the pre-dawn sky.

Land the chopper in a field.

Disappear into the woods with the loot.

Roll around in your money.

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Most commented

431Australia, you have nothing to fear but fear itself

390There's no one Thomson won't burn to save his skin

336Animal experiments won't cure me from cancer

313Thomson didn't answer the question everyone is asking

266Who murdered the Arts degree?

246A big day for Thomson, who thus far is guilty of nothing...

231South Australia. It's the middle bottom bit.

231Craig Thomson speaks. Meanwhile, in Australia...

29 comments

Show oldest | newest first

- Dave says:
  
  01:52pm | 24/09/09
  
  Too easy. I’m going to the Bahamas with my monies. You?
  
  Reply
- Leslie Nassar says:
  
  01:54pm | 24/09/09
  
  Finally, the solution to South Park’s elusive Phase 2: ???
  
  Reply
- Tim says:
  
  01:59pm | 24/09/09
  
  Oh teh LOLz.
  Silly Cops, would have loved to see their faces
  
  Reply
- Colin Campbell says:
  
  02:04pm | 24/09/09
  
  Very nice. Oceans 11 eat your heart out.
  
  Reply
- Julian says:
  
  03:37pm | 24/09/09
  
  Yes, it was the craziest speech of all time.
  
  Reply
- Keith says:
  
  03:39pm | 24/09/09
  
  That would have been an ACME bomb, likely supplied by KAOS. It’s a cinch for 86 and 99, leave out the Chief and the Cone of Silence at this stage.
  
  Reply
- Phil says:
  
  05:05pm | 24/09/09
  
  You forgot the last step: Sell your story to a Hollywood scriptwriter.
  
  I smell an Ocean’s 14 in the pipeline ...
  
  Reply
- Foss says:
  
  05:30pm | 25/09/09
  
  An excellent plan. Why didn’t I think of it before? Seems an easy way to make money.
  
  Reply
- Gordon says:
  
  06:28pm | 29/09/09
  
  Problem is, I’d have to rob some other place first, to get the money to rent the helicopter ... and I’d probably get caught in that first robbery, which would really louse up the plan.
  
  Reply
- obvious says:
  
  12:47pm | 02/10/09
  
  The chopper is stolen.
  
  Reply
- okay Mr. Obvious... says:
  
  06:08am | 03/10/09
  
  well alright then, where the hell is the helicopter stealing guide?
  
  Reply
- another obvious says:
  
  10:28am | 03/10/09
  
  Chopper Stealing Guide.
  
  1: Go to Airport
  2: Steal helicopter
  
  Reply
- Slappywag says:
  
  10:36am | 03/10/09
  
  only problem is the F15’s scrambled to take out the helicopter.
  
  Reply
- Daniel says:
  
  10:56am | 03/10/09
  
  alot of people here probably don’t know this thing ACTUALLY happened only a few weeks ago in sweeden. It happened EXACTLY like this.
  
  Reply
- Wow... says:
  
  11:07am | 03/10/09
  
  they dont scramble F15s for a robbery….?
  
  Reply
- DAAZA says:
  
  10:06pm | 03/10/09
  
  They stole their father’s pistol to rob the helicopter….
  
  Reply
- Ose says:
  
  03:14am | 04/10/09
  
  Daniel: All the links sure don’t give that away, do they?
  
  Reply
- david says:
  
  03:18am | 04/10/09
  
  yes daniel, I’m sure we don’t know this ACTUALLY happened. Christ
  
  Reply
- Andrew Fowler says:
  
  06:20am | 04/10/09
  
  I heard about this on NPR or CNN radio a couple of weeks ago. I could hardly believe it. It was so brilliantly planned. Wherever these people are they are probably laughing their asses off.
  
  Reply
- chris says:
  
  12:12am | 05/10/09
  
  Sad to say, most of them got caught.
  
  Reply
- SKELETOR says:
  
  06:48am | 06/10/09
  
  @FOSS
  you would.
  
  Reply
- steve says:
  
  07:31am | 06/10/09
  
  but then those who got caught just as cleverly escaped the day after…amazing really
  
  Reply
- Krankes says:
  
  11:28am | 06/10/09
  
  There was a better one that actually took place. They allowed hostages to call their families so that they’d go there and slow down cops. They started a fake negotation and left a bomb dummy, so that they had to call in the bomb squad. which gave them plenty of time to escape.
  
  Reply
- Banzai says:
  
  01:37am | 07/11/09
  
  This happened in Sweden about two months ago. No kidding.
  
  Reply
- ZFDK says:
  
  02:43am | 13/11/09
  
  We had a robbery similar to this one, in Denmark (neighbour country), for about ½ year ago. They also robbed a “money warehouse” - but they did it in several cars. To slow down the police, they had put giant trucks across the main roads - and they got away.
  Sadly, they were arrested a couple of days later - or most of them, and some of them actually came from Sweden… Do I smell a connection here?
  
  Reply
- lundensare says:
  
  06:28am | 29/12/09
  
  haha, this DID happen in sweden and everyone on the news were totally perplex and had no idea of how bad they just got swung by the nose… but the robbers got caught a few days later i some rusty shack, looking like saddam when they found him. you’d guess they’d be partying in costa rica by that time…
  
  Reply
- Danny Ocean says:
  
  04:57am | 05/03/10
  
  You are missing the obvious progression of this plan… If you steal the helicopter instead of planting a fake bomb you kill 2 birds with one stone… See what you do is send the money and your all black clothes with mask up on a rope to the helicopter. You then switch into civilian clothes out of view from everyone, and then restrain yourself and put yourself in a location that would make sense for somebody to be isolated… Such as the bathroom… You have the chopper drop the bag and the pilot by parachute at a predetermined meeting place… This gives you a destraction as well, because the police helicopter explodes and immediate speculation would be that some jack ass stole a copter and killed himself trying to get away…
  
  Yeah that’s right i spent a little time polishing your plan a bit, but i’d say you’re on the right track… haha
  
  Reply
- bubba says:
  
  10:47am | 19/09/10
  
  I hear the way they catch you is from the serial numbers of the money stolen that you will spend on things like lets say a car, a home some idiots even put that money in another bank for safe keeping and that is when they get caught, even if it is a 3-5 years from now they will catch you, end of story,
  
  Reply